Crossing Figures

I had already fitted twenty dresses, but nothing seemed appropriate for the party. Everything was so stiff and businesslike, there was nothing casual that shouted "party". I had a huge problem and my mother had no time to help me to choose clothes to wear, she was too busy with Walter's demands.

Just as I started to get desperate I decided to try it. I had to ask my mother for help or I'd never get to the party on time. Thierry picked me up at half past nine and together we would drive to the designated address. So I trotted into the living room to look at mom with pleading puppy eyes in the hope that she would melt.

"Will you please help me? I don’t know what clothes I should wear! "

I held a pile of clothes in my hands and mom seemed relieved that I tried to break the strange atmosphere that hung between us for quite some time. With a sweet, motherly look in her eyes, she nodded and got up to follow me to my bedroom, where there were a lot of clothes spread on the bed.

"A party at Ben and James, huh?" Mama smiled mysteriously.

"Yes. But don’t think of something else than friendship, mom, we know each other only recently," I said quickly.

"I wasn’t thinking like that, darling, I just wanted to be sure."

"Okay," I said and switched to another topic. "What do you think I should wear? Something casual or should I just try the glitz and glamor?"

I showed my new dress and mom shook her head. Disappointed, I threw the green glittering cocktail dress aside and continued to rummage through my closet, but found nothing.

"All you have is formal or gala dresses. You really don’t have anything ... casual? "

"No, I have nothing! I'm desperate! "

I threw the floral skirt away and fell on the bed, buried under a pile of clothes that I had never worn. Nothing was good enough, or I was not good enough for the clothes that I saw lying around me.

"Honey, I'll help. We need to combine, then it’ll work, "mom smiled.

Combine. The word did not sink in really well. Maybe I could start to combine my career with a social life? Maybe I would not feel so lonely and I would not get nervous when someone talked to me. But my mother meant, of course, the combination of clothing, and so I got a dress with a brown belt thrown at my head.

"Try this, I think it’ll look adorable on you."

Without protest, I put the black cocktail on and put the belt around my waist. Casual, exuberant, but still chic. Just what I needed.
"This is perfect! '

"And just in time," Mom laughed when the bell rang.

Without saying anything, I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her tightly against me. I was glad she was here, that I had someone to talk to. Casanova never answered my questions, all he did was look tilted at me with fish eyes.

"Thanks, you saved me!"

I pressed a loving kiss on her cheek, grabbed my bag and coat from the bed and rushed to the door. Walter had already opened the door and was talking with Thierry. Thierry was blushing the entire time and couldn’t take his eyes off of Walter's perfect face, he did not even know that I slipped past the young man.

"Are you ready to go? I don’t want to be late!"

"Hey, Luxy!" Thierry said with a nervous look in his eyes. "Well Walter, it was nice to meet you."

"Likewise, see you next time, Thierry."

Walter gave my best friend a firm handshake. I could almost hear Thierry's knuckles crack. But Thierry had the same crazy look in his eyes as before, and when Walter closed the door, he remained on the threshold, his hand still in the air.

"Come on, Thierry! The party awaits! "

I dragged Thierry by his arm out of the apartment building to his car. He was really upset by Walter, the man who was together with my mother. And to be honest I would find it less strange if he was dating Walter, since he was nearly thirty.

"Who was that God?" Thierry said dreamily.

We sat in silence for a while, I had watched the cars pass me come to a stop in front of the red light. Thierry also pushed with his foot on the brake to stop the car.

"That God is my stepfather," I said. "He is no longer available, my mother is in a relationship with him."

"My God! Your mother?!"

Thierry was so shocked that he did not even started to drive when the light changed to green. Behind him there was loud honking and only at that moment he stepped on the accelerator and drove further, the confusion was still written on his face.

"Yeah weird don’t you think?" I sighed. "I can’t believe it yet, or accept it. More than ten years older ... "

"He's so incredibly handsome ..."

I knew he wouldn’t say anything else the entire way, so I rolled my eyes and turned sighing my entire body sighing toward the window to overlook the bedazzling city. The neon lights and billboards, the thousands of people late at night that were still on the streets ... It fascinated me, gave me inspiration, but I couldn’t express how I felt when I looked at everything.

I've never been good with my own feelings. I never knew how I had to tell someone that I was in love, how great I found someone. When I was sad I hid myself in my room, crying five minutes and then I hid everything for the rest of the world. When I was euphoric, my muscles tried to show a little smile, and that was it. I had the emotions of a bathtub.

"Here it is!"

Thierry parked his car for a fairly old house, on the driveway there were already a lot of cars parked and I couldn’t believe that there were already drunk people on the street at ten o'clock.

"I don’t know if I still want to go," I said anxiously as we stood on the driveway.

Around me there was a sound like a horde of buzzing bees, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Socially, I wasn’t fine, I couldn’t do this. What were friends for? I had my job, my parents and Thierry. That was enough, right?

"Come, don’t be silly now, Lux, you want it, I can see it in your eyes," said Thierry.

Before I could protest he opened the door. Music was blaring at its loudest, and I was terrified, the sound was deafening.

"Let’s find Ben and James!" Thierry yelled in my ear.

He grabbed me by the elbow and dragged down the hall, zigzagging between the people up to what looked like the living room. In the sofas there were a few couples showing the best of their abilities and with a sour feeling in my stomach I turned my head away. I found it disgusting to see people kissing like that.

Fortunately, Thierry soon found the only two people I knew at the party. They were talking with a few other guys, casually a beer in hand, and Ben with a cigarette between the index and middle fingers. I almost broke down when Thierry dragged me to the four boys, my heart was about to explode, especially when four pairs of eyes were focused on me.

"Lux, you’re here! Great! "

James pulled me into the middle of the circle formed around me and I showed a shy smile, flushed red from the heat appearing on my cheeks.

"I thought ... I can still come and take a look, right?" I shrugged my shoulders innocently.

"I'm glad you're here," smiled James. "But I need to go, get some drinks. I come within half an hour back to you, okay? "

"Oh ... Okay."

James gave me a wink and disappeared with two unknown friends out of the living room, and Thierry was gone, I scanned the room with my eyes, but he was nowhere in sight. And so I stood here all alone with Ben, who looked at me with his piercing eyes.

"Want a beer?" He said.

"Well, why not?"

"Come with me."

He beckoned me to follow him into the kitchen, at a table where five boys
playing cards, they were immersed in the game. One of them roared when he lost and threw his cards on the table. Ben smiled at him and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"Don’t worry Danny," he grinned.

"This game sucks! I quit!"

The boy named Danny stood frustrated from his chair and left the kitchen, on the way he grabbed a girl by the arm and they walked into the cold night air.

"Here, Lux."

Ben pushed me a beer in hand and I showed him a friendly smile. I looked at the cold, golden-brown stuff in the red plastic cup. Actually I didn’t like beer, it had a strange taste and the aftertaste was just awful. Still, I took a sip.

Ben left without saying anything to the living room, and because I knew no one in the room I quickly followed him like an idiot. I felt ashamed because I was with someone I barely knew.

"Why are you giving a party?" I asked trying to start a conversation.

"No reason. Why did you come here? "

I felt attacked by him. I looked at him with wide eyes, my fingers cramp around the cup. Did he say he didn’t want me here?

"Because you have invited me, haven’t you?" I said annoyed.

"Indeed we have," Ben nodded. "I just didn’t expect you to come."

"Oh, so basically you have written down the address because you found me pathetic? You had the feeling that I wasn’t coming so you didn’t have to worry about it anyway? "

I was angry and made the cup of beer fall on the floor. A huge puddle spread over my black shoes and I swore under my breath. The carpet was stained, but I didn’t care. Ben had to clean it.

"That's not what I meant! Calm down, Lux," he said in a stern tone.

I didn’t listen to what he said and immediately wanted to find Thierry, I already had enough of the party. But Ben didn’t allow it, he grabbed me by the arm and turned me around like that. I stood there facing him, and I felt terribly uncomfortable because his face was so close to mine.

"I didn’t mean it like that," he repeated. "But you seem so shy and afraid of human contact."

"I ..." I didn’t know what to say. "I'm just afraid of being hurt. And why would I need to know more people than my parents and people at work? "

"Because you just feel different. I know you came because you want more social contacts. You’re someone you can look right through," Ben said as if it was that simple.

And it was that simple because he was right. I was standing in front of him, nervously playing with the ends of my hair and my eyes shy on the ground. How difficult was it to see that I was nervous to make contact with people? I wanted people to see that I dared to make social contacts, only I wasn’t ready yet. But I became irritated by Ben's arrogance.

"Thank you for informing me about myself," I said sarcastically.

"I just wanted to help ..." Ben began, but I interrupted him.

"You don’t have to help me. I save myself. "

I gave him one last evil look and walked away from him, looking for Thierry. I wanted to get out of here, away from Ben who knew everything about me, who was fucking right.

Running away from myself was the only thing I could do.