Not Quite Satan

My stomach flipped again as I began biting my nails, to say I was nervous was an understatement. I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready to face her again not after what I did. I screwed up my eyes as I had flash backs of that night, I whimpered as I thought of her waking up alone.

My hands raced through my hair as I tried to calm the cogs turning frantically in my brain, I couldn't think straight as my vision became clouded and my chest heaved. I gripped my hair as I tried to breathe, this couldn't be happening, not now. I tried to yell for Jack yet my voice was barely audible, I lay back and closed my eyes as I tried to steady my breathing.

What was about to happen wasn't good, I could feel it in my gut. My feelings were never truely gone and I knew when I seen her my feelings would become even more dominant over me. She hated me and I didn't know how I was going to survive with the upcoming months seeing her everyday and not being able to kiss her or hug her...Tears pricked my eyes as I thought of her completely rejecting me even more, I knew I wouldn't be able to cope.

That's when I decided that I was going to win her over, I knew I had to do something instead of running away from my problems like I always do, I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to accomplish this, but I knew I was. I was Alexander fucking Gaskarth for christs sake, if I can play a show infront of thousands of people every night, I can surely win a girl back.

I took another deep breath before composing myself, I began to feel a little more relaxed as I tried to think of a plan to follow in my head. My elbows rested on my thighs as my head was perched in my hands, I smiled a little as I thought of us finally being together, properly.

My optimistic thoughts were broken by Jack bounding into my living room with a glass of some form of brown liquid, I presumed was Jack Daniels and an asortment of Cola or Pepsi. Jack dropped himself down next to me, the black leather squeaked in protest. I scolded Jack as he spilt his drink on my new sofa, I laughed as he pulled the puppy face which I had sadly not get grown amune to in the eleven years I'd known him. I apologised as I gave him tissues to clean up his mess, which he rolled his eyes at and thrusted his drink into my hand.

I took a small sip before almost spitting it out, it was horrendously too strong. I almost gagged as I handed it back to Jack, he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at me before gulping it down. I eyed him up before laughing at his stupidity, he just shrugged it off as he placed the glass on the coffetable infront of us.

My stomach heaved as my front door opened, I couldn't hear who it was their voices were muffled. I began to breathe heavily as their mutterings and footsteps began to get closer. I gasped as my living room door opened to reveal Rian and Zack, I let out a sigh in relief as they assesed my odd behaviour. I shrugged as they sat on the two seater at across from Jack and I.

Rian informed me that Matt would be arriving with the 'other band' any minute now, my palms became sweaty as my heart beat started pounding in my ears. I thought I was going to be sick at any given moment, my adrenaline was pumping so wildly I couldn't comprehend what was going on, I couldn't understand what Jack was saying to me either. I stood up quickly, almost loosing my balance and toppling over.

As soon as I regained my balance I almost ran to the kitchen where I ran the cold faucet as I splashed cold water on my face to try and soothe my raging nerves, I grabbed a glass off my draining board and poured myself a glass of water. I staggered to the kitchen table where I sat down gently, placing my head in my hands. I cursed under my breath, I couldn't go through with this. I felt sick, my head was pounding and my vision was blurry, I took another sip of water just as Jack entered the kitchen with a sorry expression on his face, he sat down next to me and embraced me with a warm hug.

Jack knew everything, he knew what I had done, he knew what I had sacrafied for this life and he knew how much it pained me everyday. Although he was there with me through it all, he held me as I cried, as I had my emotional breakdowns, as I drank myself into oblivion to try and forget those memories, yet he still loved me, he was still there for me when I treated him badly. Jack was my rock and I knew I'd be nothing without him.

He rubbed my back as I clung to his neck, the tears buliding behind my eyes were threatening to fall. I tried to piece myself together, Jack whispered that everything was going to be okay. I somewhat believed him as I knew he wouldn't lie to me about anything, I sighed and pulled away wiping my eyes with my hoodie sleeve, Jack smiled as he patted my shoulder.

I heard Matt shouting for me to come into the living room to join them, I sighed as Jack looked me straight in the eye and told me it was now or never. I knew he was right so I stood up and began to walk to the living room, I took a deep breath as I went to open the door, I felt Jacks hand on my shoulders as I opened the door. As I entered I heard a familiar voice welcoming me with that oh so familiar New York twang that made my heart skip a beat, my stomach heaved as my throat ran dry as I met her piercing hate filled eyes.

"Hello, Alex."