Just Paint Your Face

"Me and my friend... we made a comic book. Only took three nights and some syringes... yeah, yeah..."

I shivered at dawn that morning as he mumbled on in his sleep. It was always so cold in this room. Always so cold. I needed to get out. I could feel the need burning within my feet, buzzing in my shaky hands. I needed to get away from the moment when he'd taken me so tenderly in his arms. I needed to get away from the possibility that he was proving me wrong. The possibility that a man might actually care about me. As twisted as that sense of care may be.

I needed to keep things in the shadows.

I needed to paint things black again.

Keep the feelings between us ambiguous.

I needed a cigarette.

"I can lead the planet to a HOLOCAUST."

I jumped at his nonsensical babble and his shift in volume. He rolled over and growled something. Sadly, I had begun to recognize certain people in his monologues, victims I never knew. I was familair with their stories. I knew their worries, I knew which ones begged and which ones fought. But I also knew, they all lost. He took a peice of them wherever he went, which was probably partly the reason he slouched and twitched. He carried the weight and fears of each one deep inside his mind.

I threw on some inconspicuous clothing and hid my red hair under another floppy cap. It was growing thick and unmangeable again, but at least it was down. I donned some sunglasses and didn't bother putting makeup on my face.

"There's a girl in the garden... she has thorns. And she's beautiful. That's okay. I think. Ah. I think... I love her."

My hands shook. My mouth tightened. My fists clenched.

I left.

Daisy

I woke up smiling. I was free.

I looked up at the web of daisies Ivy

(Mom? could I call her that?)

had willed around the room. She really was good at the plant thing. I looked over at my little pile of CDs and the meager mattress in the middle of the dirty floor. But in that moment, I was the richest girl in the whole world. I was a princess in a madhouse, a greenhouse. The queen made wreaths of flowers and the jester shed blood. And somewhere in the middle lie me.

I stretched and yawned, wondering what I should do today. Maybe me and Ivy could watch tv or I could get Joker to tell me more about Diogenes. No jobs today. Goofy had said something about a party tomorrow?

Who knew. The days down here ran together like watercolor paintings.

My door opened. Speak of the devil. He stood, his sharp eyes flitting around different points before they stopped on me. His makeup was off and his formal clothes contrasted his tired and irritated appearance ironically.

"Ivy come in here?"

"No."

His eyes focused on my forehead. He walked over quickly and I had a fleeting fear he was going to strike me for giving a negative response. His eyes were wild and desperate.

"Wha? Ow!"

The sound of tape being snapped quickly off my forehead. He held a note in his hands. His eyes scanned it quickly and I saw him twitch. He scowled and threw the note at my feet, turning and stomping to his office without another word.

A slammed door. A frustrated shout.

I picked up the note.

Don't you let anything happen to her.

Ivy.

Oh great.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

She left him. Left me alone with the moody jester.

I read. I stared. I watched tv. I ate a stale muffin.

But there's only so much you can do in Diogenes' abode.

I knocked on his "office" door tentatively. No response.

I creaked the door open slowly. He was in a corner, back turned to me, working on some kind of metal thingy.

"What's that?" My curiousity got the best of me again. I saw him shift slightly, then get back to work. I crept over to the corner and cautiously sat next to him.

"...And the red wire connects here. Hm. Yeah, yeah."

"Oh, I get it! It's a remote for a bomb."

"Oh, ah! Is that it? Then I know what I'm doing now. Thank you. Don't fry that wittle brain of yours now!" His hand patted my skull sarcastically.

I scowled.

"You don't have to treat me like a kid, you know. I'll be 18 in like two years."

"You're still a kid to me. 'Sides, by that time... you'll just be one of us."

"I am one of you."

"No, no, no. You've still got some innocence. We don't lose it until around 20 or so... even if we've experienced everything before becoming preteens."

I shrugged. Whatever. For a crazy weirdo clown, he had moments. We were silent for a long moments, until he randomly started telling me the keys to building a bomb.

"Sometimes the remotes don't work... I just hit them and it works. Sometimes you can't rely on them. We have to do things ourselves, don't we? Hm? That's okay."

"Hey." I snapped up suddenly, "I have an idea."

"Huh?"

"I don't know where she is, but I know how to get her back. Today."

The remote fell to the floor with a clatter. He scrambled up off of his feet like a nerd recovering from a trip during gym class. He rushed down the hall and I had to skip to keep up with his pace.

And she thought he didn't love her.

Ivy

"Pack of Marbolos, please."

"Sure thing, lady."

My eyes shifted nervously about me and I'd shoved my hands in my coat pocket to keep from visibly shaking. No one had noticed me, thank god. My eyes spied a tabloid on the rack and I smirked.

"IVY CARRYING JOKER SPAWN"

I grabbed the carton and threw my money onto the counter, trying hard to seem calm as I exited.

I held the lit cigarette between two elegant fingers, but no matter how hard I willed myself into inhaling, I could not. Physically could not. Frustrated, I threw the stinky stick to the ground and stomped. I threw the rest to a thankful hobo I passed.

I thought I had fully gone mad when I saw the black van pull up halfway onto the curb a few moments later. The window cracked open and I heard him say,

"Get in."

"No."

I heard Daisy's voice, frantic in the back, "H-he's got the gun on my head, Ivy."

I was in before anyone could see, my blood hot. But when I shut the door, they were laughing.

"Told you! Told you she'd do it!"

He cackled.

I scowled, crossing my arms and sitting back.

He looked back and laughed some more.

When we got back and Daisy shut herself up in the tv room however, his mood changed gears.

He grabbed me suddenly within his office, squeezing the vine in my vine to prevent it from defending me.

"Why'd you leave, hm? Think I'd just let you go? DID YOU?"

I shook my head. His eyes showed something like worry, but more madness than anything else. He shook me violently.

"I-I was coming back! You know I wouldn't go without the..."

"The girl! Oh, the girl! Oh you and that fucking girl." He let go of me suddenly in the bedroom, causing me to lose my balance and fall onto the mattress. He paced around the room.

"The girl, the girl, the girl! You're both ruining me! I look soft. I look weak. You know what it's like to look weak, Ivy? Hm? No, you're too beautiful to look weak."

"But..."

"SHUT UP. And then. And then! That's all you care about. Hey, hey. Listen to me. Have.. h-have you ever thought, for one measely little second about..."

"About what, Jack? Or is it a who?" I frowned. His knife came out in a flash.

He held my jaw in his fidgety yet powerful hands and squeezed.

"Could do it you know. Could do it right now."

"You said you wouldn't..."

"But sometimes my friend doesn't listen to me, you see, and things... happen..."

I felt the blade brush my skin. But he'd made the mistake of letting my friend free.

The knife spun out of his hand.

"Stupid boy." I frowned. He backed away from my trendils swiftly.

"Wrongo!" He laughed and I screamed.

I looked at my vine, now withering like a tortured snake. in the middle, blocking off my communication with it and pinning it to the wall, was a yellow number two pencil.

"Never fails." He waited till my rage wore off, and plucked it out. The damage slowly fixed itself as it slinked back into my arm.

Part of me wanted to kill him. Part of me wanted to kiss him.

I could see his eyes thought the same.

Instead, our heads flew back and laughed. Mad man and Mad woman. Things were skewed again. And I was happy.

But everything has a season. I knew that very well.