A Handful of Moments, I Wished I Could Change
Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright
I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting to the light shinning through the window. I was laying on Alex's chest. His arms wrapped around my waist, my arms resting on his chest. I looked up at his face. His long-ish length hair was sticking up in certain areas, but a certain section falling over his eyes. His mouth was hanging slightly open, that gave him a semi innocent look. I grabbed my phone off the side table carefully, so that I didn't wake Alex. I unlocked the screen and saw that I had one voice mail.
It was from the hospital telling me I could come in anytime from 12-1.
I looked to the corner of the phone, where it told me that it was currently 11:00. I sighed and decided I should probably wake Alex, in order for us to be on time.
I moved his hair from out of his face. "Alex" I said. He groaned and his grip on me tightened. I sighed and wiggled out of his grasp. Me not being in his arms sure did make him sit up. He rubbed his eyes, and ran his hand through his hair. "Why don't you go home, and shower then come back over. But hurry please. The office called and said we could come in from twelve- one" I informed him. He nodded and stood up. He needed coffee, and a shower before he would actually hold a conversation with me. He grabbed his stuff, kissed my check and headed outside.
I began to undress, leaving a trail as I walked into my bathroom. I shut the door, and stared at myself in the mirror. I was skinny as usual, but you could see a small, tiny bulge, almost as if I was bloated, or ate too much. I sighed, and turned the shower on, before stepping under its warm water. Letting it roll down my back, and calm some of my fears. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my body, and rummaged through my closet. I pulled up my wet, curly hair, and went down the stairs. Alex walked through the door, a smile upon his face. All he needed was coffee and he would be okay. "So, we need to go, don't we?" He asked jingling his keys in his hands. "Yeah, the appointment is in forty minutes, and I have to fill out paper work" I said grabbing my purse.
"Babe, can we stop at Starbucks?" Alex whined as I closed, and locked my door. "I can't have coffee. But yes we can stop" I told him.
I slid into the passenger seat, as he started the car.
~~~~~
As we walked into the doctors office, Alex happily sipping his coffee, I began to feel more nervous. This was it. This was when it all became real. I took a deep breathe, and walked past Alex as he held the door open for me. I walked up to the front counter and asked what floor I should go to for Dr.Adams. "Four, sweetie" the woman told me. Alex led me to the elevator. He kept looking over at me as we went up. I watched as the little lights as they went up, as we raised higher. The doors opened and I saw a few pregnant women sitting in chairs, and one with a new born who was probably there for the four week check up. I walked up the desk, signed in and grabbed the paper work to fill out. I sat next to Alex as we began to answer the many personal questions we were now faced with. I couldn't help but to focus on the other women in the room. The crying babies, the sleeping ones. The happy looks on some of the women who seemed around a few years older than Alex and I. After a few women got called in from a few different doctors, finally my name was called. "Ariana Rivers" I looked over at Alex. "Do you want me to come in?" he asked, and worried look on his face. "Of course I do. This is your baby too" I said happily. A small smile appeared on his face, and we walked into the doctors office. "The doctor will be in, in a minute. Just take a seat" A women told me smiling. I sat on the exam seat, and Alex in an extra seat next to me. I bite my lip. It was a nervous habit I had always had. Alex reached over, and placed his hand in mine. I looked over at him, and saw the nervous look in his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind, I was for sure pregnant, and I think Alex knew too. The home tests were usually correct. I was playing with Alex's fingers when a women walked in. "Hello. I'm Dr.Collins. You can call me Jenn." She said sitting down. I was glad she was a girl to say the least. "I'm Ariana, and this is Alex"I said shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you two. So you took a home test correct?" She asked me. I nodded. "And it was positive?" She questioned. "Yes" Alex answered. She smiled and nodded. "Well those are usually correct so instead of doing a urine or blood test how about we just see through a sonogram?" She asked looking me in the eyes. I simply nodded.
She had me lean back and lift my shirt up a bit as she set up. Alex stood up, and held my hand. He looked intently at the screen waiting. She squirted the cold gel on my stomach, and began to play around looking for the baby that was probably the size of a kidney bean. "Well there is a baby" She said pointing to a very small baby. She pulled out her laptop, and showed us a picture of what he or she looks like in depth right now. I smiled. I may only be 19, but at least I have a job, and someone who will help out. We left the office, and headed back to Alex's house.
~~~~
We were lounging on Alex's couch, curled up together. I had no idea where this left us, but I wasn't so sure that bothered me. It would all work out somehow. "You know I leave for tour next week" Alex said sighing and playing with my fingers. "I know, I'll miss you.." I trailed off. He sat back from me a bit, "What do you mean you'll miss me? Aren't you coming with? I mean, I just assumed." He babbled on. "Alex" I started leaning away from him as well."I have a job here, a life. I can't just up and go, and not while pregnant. What about doctors appointments?" I asked him. "You are a photographer, you can do different things and still get paid. Work while on tour. And they are one a month, its only a month long tour" he said standing up now. I stood too. "Alex, We aren't together, there is no reason for me to go on tour with you" I told him. "Yes, there is" he insisted. I rolled my eyes. We aren't ever together and we are fighting. Typical, hard headed Alex. He was impossible to deal with sometimes.
"And that reason is...?" I asked him in a harsh, demanding tone. "To be a part of this pregnancy!" He yelled. "You won't even be around me on tour anyways! You'll be playing, doing interviews, partying, sleeping, and fucking stupid sluts.!" I retorted. He threw the remote that had been his hand across the room, smashing into the wall. It left a small dent that I knew I would have to explain to my mom. "Fuck you Ariana! I have some self control." He seethed. "Yeah some self control, you fucked me didn't you? Way to wear a condom asshole!"I screamed at him. He got a cocky, horrible smirk on his face and a dark chuckle escaped his lips. "You opened your legs Ari. And you sure weren't complaining while screaming my name" He told me in an arrogant tone. My jaw dropped. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I yelled. He grabbed his hoodie. "Have fun while I'm gone." he said as he headed for the door. "Fuck yourself Gaskank!" I called as he walked out. The door slammed and I fell back onto the couch. The tears began to stream down my face. I put my hands over my stomach. I rocked back and forth. This was definitely not how I imagined things.
It was from the hospital telling me I could come in anytime from 12-1.
I looked to the corner of the phone, where it told me that it was currently 11:00. I sighed and decided I should probably wake Alex, in order for us to be on time.
I moved his hair from out of his face. "Alex" I said. He groaned and his grip on me tightened. I sighed and wiggled out of his grasp. Me not being in his arms sure did make him sit up. He rubbed his eyes, and ran his hand through his hair. "Why don't you go home, and shower then come back over. But hurry please. The office called and said we could come in from twelve- one" I informed him. He nodded and stood up. He needed coffee, and a shower before he would actually hold a conversation with me. He grabbed his stuff, kissed my check and headed outside.
I began to undress, leaving a trail as I walked into my bathroom. I shut the door, and stared at myself in the mirror. I was skinny as usual, but you could see a small, tiny bulge, almost as if I was bloated, or ate too much. I sighed, and turned the shower on, before stepping under its warm water. Letting it roll down my back, and calm some of my fears. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my body, and rummaged through my closet. I pulled up my wet, curly hair, and went down the stairs. Alex walked through the door, a smile upon his face. All he needed was coffee and he would be okay. "So, we need to go, don't we?" He asked jingling his keys in his hands. "Yeah, the appointment is in forty minutes, and I have to fill out paper work" I said grabbing my purse.
"Babe, can we stop at Starbucks?" Alex whined as I closed, and locked my door. "I can't have coffee. But yes we can stop" I told him.
I slid into the passenger seat, as he started the car.
~~~~~
As we walked into the doctors office, Alex happily sipping his coffee, I began to feel more nervous. This was it. This was when it all became real. I took a deep breathe, and walked past Alex as he held the door open for me. I walked up to the front counter and asked what floor I should go to for Dr.Adams. "Four, sweetie" the woman told me. Alex led me to the elevator. He kept looking over at me as we went up. I watched as the little lights as they went up, as we raised higher. The doors opened and I saw a few pregnant women sitting in chairs, and one with a new born who was probably there for the four week check up. I walked up the desk, signed in and grabbed the paper work to fill out. I sat next to Alex as we began to answer the many personal questions we were now faced with. I couldn't help but to focus on the other women in the room. The crying babies, the sleeping ones. The happy looks on some of the women who seemed around a few years older than Alex and I. After a few women got called in from a few different doctors, finally my name was called. "Ariana Rivers" I looked over at Alex. "Do you want me to come in?" he asked, and worried look on his face. "Of course I do. This is your baby too" I said happily. A small smile appeared on his face, and we walked into the doctors office. "The doctor will be in, in a minute. Just take a seat" A women told me smiling. I sat on the exam seat, and Alex in an extra seat next to me. I bite my lip. It was a nervous habit I had always had. Alex reached over, and placed his hand in mine. I looked over at him, and saw the nervous look in his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind, I was for sure pregnant, and I think Alex knew too. The home tests were usually correct. I was playing with Alex's fingers when a women walked in. "Hello. I'm Dr.Collins. You can call me Jenn." She said sitting down. I was glad she was a girl to say the least. "I'm Ariana, and this is Alex"I said shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you two. So you took a home test correct?" She asked me. I nodded. "And it was positive?" She questioned. "Yes" Alex answered. She smiled and nodded. "Well those are usually correct so instead of doing a urine or blood test how about we just see through a sonogram?" She asked looking me in the eyes. I simply nodded.
She had me lean back and lift my shirt up a bit as she set up. Alex stood up, and held my hand. He looked intently at the screen waiting. She squirted the cold gel on my stomach, and began to play around looking for the baby that was probably the size of a kidney bean. "Well there is a baby" She said pointing to a very small baby. She pulled out her laptop, and showed us a picture of what he or she looks like in depth right now. I smiled. I may only be 19, but at least I have a job, and someone who will help out. We left the office, and headed back to Alex's house.
~~~~
We were lounging on Alex's couch, curled up together. I had no idea where this left us, but I wasn't so sure that bothered me. It would all work out somehow. "You know I leave for tour next week" Alex said sighing and playing with my fingers. "I know, I'll miss you.." I trailed off. He sat back from me a bit, "What do you mean you'll miss me? Aren't you coming with? I mean, I just assumed." He babbled on. "Alex" I started leaning away from him as well."I have a job here, a life. I can't just up and go, and not while pregnant. What about doctors appointments?" I asked him. "You are a photographer, you can do different things and still get paid. Work while on tour. And they are one a month, its only a month long tour" he said standing up now. I stood too. "Alex, We aren't together, there is no reason for me to go on tour with you" I told him. "Yes, there is" he insisted. I rolled my eyes. We aren't ever together and we are fighting. Typical, hard headed Alex. He was impossible to deal with sometimes.
"And that reason is...?" I asked him in a harsh, demanding tone. "To be a part of this pregnancy!" He yelled. "You won't even be around me on tour anyways! You'll be playing, doing interviews, partying, sleeping, and fucking stupid sluts.!" I retorted. He threw the remote that had been his hand across the room, smashing into the wall. It left a small dent that I knew I would have to explain to my mom. "Fuck you Ariana! I have some self control." He seethed. "Yeah some self control, you fucked me didn't you? Way to wear a condom asshole!"I screamed at him. He got a cocky, horrible smirk on his face and a dark chuckle escaped his lips. "You opened your legs Ari. And you sure weren't complaining while screaming my name" He told me in an arrogant tone. My jaw dropped. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I yelled. He grabbed his hoodie. "Have fun while I'm gone." he said as he headed for the door. "Fuck yourself Gaskank!" I called as he walked out. The door slammed and I fell back onto the couch. The tears began to stream down my face. I put my hands over my stomach. I rocked back and forth. This was definitely not how I imagined things.