A Handful of Moments, I Wished I Could Change

I looked down at my growing stomach, and rubbed it. I sat alone in my living room, my parents at work. When they got home from their trip last week and asked about the wall I simply broke down and told them the truth. They were mad, but trying to support me. I am nineteen not fifteen. I have a job, and I plan on moving out sometime in the near future. I haven't spoken to Alex since that night. I know it was a stupid thing to fight over, but we both took things too far, and I admit we were both wrong. I sighed and clicked the remote to play music. New Found Glory filled the room.. The door swung open and Jack walked in. "Hey preggo" He said flopping down next to me. "Hey Jackie" I said laying my head in his lap. He began to play with my hair. "How's the baby?" He asked glancing at my small baby bump. "Good, the morning sickness blows" I told him with a small giggle. He made a grossed out face and smiled at me. "We leave tomorrow Ari" he reminded me. I sighed and sat up again to face him. "I'm aware Jack" I shut the music off. He had been pressuring me to talk to Alex before they leave, but I just don't want to, not yet. "He is sorry you know, for everything" he told me, an understanding look on his face. I nodded. "I know, and I'll talk to him after you get back from tour, promise" I told him."He and Rian finally moved into that new house." he simply told me. "That's fine...." I said not knowing what else to say, and desperately wanting to get off the topic of Alex. He nodded and checked the clock. "Fuck I didn't realize it was two already. I still gotta pack, and then we are going out tonight to say goodbye to everyone. You should come Ar" he told me. I shook my head. "Drinking, and pregnant lady don't mix but thanks anyways love" I told him. We both stood up. "I'm gonna miss you Jack" I hugged him tightly. He kissed my forehead. "I'll miss you too Ariana" he said seriously. As we pulled away I kissed his check and gave him a smile. He waved and walked out the door. Jack was one of my best friends, and I couldn't thank him enough for being here for me.

I sighed as glanced at my phone. Alex hadn't even attempted to contact me. I wasn't mad about him wanting me to go on tour, I'm mad about what was said. A tear escaped my eye, and dialed my friend Liz's number.
"helloooo" her voice rang out.
"Wanna go shopping, I need to get Alex off my mind"
"You know you're going to have to face it and talk to him eventually"
"Yeah I know, but for now I want to go shopping. So come get me?.: I asked hopefully
"I'll be there in a few" she told me.

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I sighed as I flipped through baby clothes. "Why are we looking at baby clothes, you don't even know what the baby is yet" Liz reminded me. I rolled my eyes. "I know, but I can't help it. Plus some gender neutral stuff is fine right?" I said giggling. Liz smiled and began looking around for some yellow or holiday themed things for the baby. "So Jack came to see you today?" She asked as she held up a cute zip up dark green sweater. I smiled and put it in my shopping basket. "Yeah, he tried to convince me to come say goodbye to everyone tonight, and just talk about Alex I guess..." She simply nodded understanding. "Let's go look at clothes for you." she said pulling me across the store. "What's the point if in a few months I'll be a blimp" I said sighing.
She rolled her eyes and pushed me towards the jean section. I unconsciously rested my hands on my stomach. This was going to be a long day.

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I was laying in bed, trying to get some sleep when my phone rang out. I sighed and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Arie, babbyyyy" I heard Alex's voice call out. I could obviously hear people, and music in the background.
"What do you need Alex?" I asked clearly annoyed with his drunken antics.
He hicupped "I am out at a club. I need someone to come get meeeee" He sang out the last sentence.
"Why can't someone else do it?" I asked
"Because I only want you to come get me! Besides Rian and Cass got in a fight and left, and Zack took Jacky home." He said giggling.
I sighed
"Alright, I'll be there soon. Be outside"
I got up out of bed, slid on my flip flops, and slowly went down the stairs. Both of my parents were asleep, and would probably kill me if they knew I was going to pick up Alex after our fight. I grabbed my purse and car keys, taking the short 15 minute drive to the only club in town.

I pulled up and saw a very drunk looking Alex sitting against the wall outside of the club. I put the car in park and ran up to him. I leaned down to where he was. "Alex come on, we need to get you home" I said helping him up the best way I could. "Ari, I've missed you." He slurred out. "I missed you too Alex. But seriously let's get to the car." I helped him walk to the car, and buckled him in.
As I started driving, Alex began to drunkingly sing along to Aerosmith 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' on the radio. I began to debate where I could take him. My parents would wake up if I tried to bring him there. "Alex do you have your house keys on you?" I asked. He patted his pocket. "Yes ma'am I sure do" He smirked. I rolled my eyes and drove to his and Rians house. No lights were on, and Rian's car was no where to be seen. I shut off my car, and began to help Alex up the steps to his house. "Alex, keys" I demanded. He tried to reach into the pocket of his skinny jeans. He was having no such luck. "Babbeeee, I can't do it" He whined. I reached into his pocket and grabbed the keys. "Woah, you should buy me dinner first Ari..!" he yelled. "Shut up Alex, you'll wake the neighbors." I managed to support him and open the door. We made it inside. I closed the door, locked it, and set his keys down on the side table. "Where is your room Alex?" I asked. He pointed to the stairs. I sighed and began to help him up there. He pointed to the last door at the end of the hall, and we made our way there.

I opened the door, and saw a pretty simple room. It was grey, with a big bed in the middle. He plopped down onto his bed, and began to struggle to take his jeans off. I looked around, and noticed a few pictures on his night stand. One of him and I from christmas, before all of this. It was a picture that jack took. Alex and I had fallen asleep Christmas eve at his parents house, watching movies. Another was the sonogram a week ago, one of all of us on warped last summer, and another of him and I from graduation. "Ariana, help me?" He asked. I sighed and slid the jeans off of his ankles and helped get his shirt off. He slid under his covers. "You need some sleep, you guys leave tomorrow" I told him, grabbing my keys off the dresser. "Ari wait" He pleaded. "What do you need?" I asked trying to sound sincere. "Stay? Please. I need you" He told me. "Alex I can't, I have beer, and your sweat all over my pajamas, and I just can't" I told him. "You can sleep in one of my shirts, please" He asked. I stood there, and shook my head. His eyes filled with tears and he began to cry in his drunken state. "I need you Ari, and just not for tonight. Please just stay" I sighed and went to his drawers. I shimmied out of my pajamas and got one of his glamor kills shirts on. I layed down next to him, under the covers. "I'm sorry i'm such a fuck up" He whispered, sadness filling his voice. I looked over at him, tears still slowly spilling down his face. "Alex.." I began but he cut me off. "Don't lie. We both know this isn't what you want, i'm not what you want. But now you are stuck with me, and you'll never understand how sorry I am that I am ruining your life. You are the one thing i've ever gotten right Ariana, and i've gone and fucked that up to. This baby deserves to have not only an amazing mom, and dad to, and I can't be that. I'm just a huge screw up. I will never be enough, I don't deserve any of this fame, or you being here right now. I love you, and you must hate me" He whimpered. I was now crying to. "Alexander, I could never hate you. This baby will have two parents who love it. He or she will love you, because you love them and give it your all. You aren't ruining my life, and i'm glad that im in this with you, because I have no idea who else I would rather be in this situation with" I kissed his check. He went to talk again, but I cut him off this time. "We can talk another time when you are sober. For now let's just sleep" He nodded. I rolled over, my back snuggled against his chest. His arm wrapped around me and rested on my growing stomach, on our baby.