Trashed & Scattered

The pain in my head was almost unbearable as I slowly awoke. I had to close my eyes tightly to block out the blinding light, which only intensified the pounding in my head. Bringing my hand up, I shielded my eyes as I used what strength I had to sit up. I must admit, it was quite the struggle.

When I was finally able to fully open my eyes I couldn't help but inwardly groan. Of course, only I could end up in the fucking hospital at the worst possible time. I let my eyes slowly travel around the room, taking in the sight of five sleeping men. Could this day get any worse?

Glancing to the table beside me I saw my cell phone and iPod, thankfully someone had thought to bring me my most prized possession. I bit my bottom lip, considering my options at this point.

I could stay and face everyone questioning the secret I had kept hidden for so long, or I could leave and face them later. Obviously I preferred the latter. So as quietly as I could, I held pressure to my right arm above the iv and used my right hand to pull the tube. Thus ridding my arm of said iv. It stung a little but nothing too bad.
  
After quickly silencing the iv machine I rid my body of the heart monitor sticky things and stood from the bed. It squeaked from my weight being lifted causing me to freeze in fear that someone would wake up.

After a moment of holding my breath in anxiousness I noticed none of them had even stirred. Thank god for them being heavy sleepers.

Glancing down I silently cursed myself, I wouldn't be getting anywhere wearing the damn hospital gown, luckily I was wearing a pair of shorts under the gown so my ass wasn't showing. My eyes frantically searched the room hoping to find spare clothes laying around somewhere. 

No such luck.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers before shuffling quietly into the bathroom. Tears of frustration began to fill my eyes. I really got myself into quite the mess this time.

When the door was locked behind me I made my way to the wall across from it before slowly sliding down the wall, resting my head against my knees. 

Just when I thought things were going well, they did a complete 180. Not that I would have expected anything less. That's just how my life goes. 

My hand fisted in my hair, tugging at it slightly when the tears began falling. I hated being weak, but this was what I would consider my breaking point. They all knew now. It's only a matter of time before I start getting the looks of pity, the looks that I had known most of my life. 

I jumped slightly when I heard the voices of people entering my room. Holding my breath, I listened carefully to see who it was. 

"Where the hell did she go?" That voice belonged to Val.

"I have a pretty good idea." Since I had never heard that voice before, I would guess it's the doctor's.

Moments later I heard a knock on the bathroom door followed by mumbling. My guess is the guys were beginning to awaken.

"Skylar, would you mind opening the door please?" The doctor was the one who knocked on the door.

My mouth was dry and I didn't really know what I wanted to do. If I continued to sit in here I knew he'd just send after security to unlock the door. 

I slowly stood, allowing a string of profanities to slip out between my chapped lips. But instead of opening the door right away I shuffled my way to the sink and turned on the water. My hands cupped themselves together to momentarily stop the flow of water, then proceeded to splash the water across my face. 

I could hear the voices of everyone through the door but the wood muffled their words to where I couldn't understand what they were saying. I knew I was only stalling and had to go back out.

My eyes shifted to the mirror above the sink, taking in every detail of my pale and worried face. I had a nice dark blue bruise on my forehead where I must have smacked my head off the door handle when I passed out.

I took a deep breath before turning for the door. I would never be ready to face them, but the sooner I went back out the sooner I could go to sleep. My body currently felt like dead weight due to the fact that I was so tired. A symptom of low blood levels I'm sure.

My hands were slightly shaking as I gripped the cool metal of the door handle. After allowing my lungs to intake another deep breath, I pushed down on the handle and pulled the door open. I could feel everyones eyes on me which only intensified my shaking. 

My knees were practically knocking together. I took two steps before my legs began to give out. I thought I was going to fall to the floor but two tattooed arms had managed to snake their way around my stomach, thus stopping my fall.

"Are you ok?" I'm sure my blush stood out like a sore thumb against my pale face when Brian's breath tickled the back of my neck.

Instead of answering I just nodded my head and attempted to continue walking. Unfortunately for me I was unable to move due to the fact that he just picked me up and carried my back to the bed.

"I can walk you know." My voice cracked and I wasn't sure if he was even able to hear it due to the fact that it basically came out as a whisper. My throat was dry and sore making it hurt to talk.

I grimaced at the sound I made as I tried to clear my throat. It was a lost cause. 

I allowed my eyes to wander around the room, all 5 of the guys were staring intensely at me while Val sat directly beside my bed playing with a string on her jeans. Brian settled himself in the open chair closest to the bed.

It was silent as I caught site of the doctor who was taking in my appearance and writing stuff down on his clipboard. Talk about an awkward silence.

Finally the doctor finished writing and walked over to me.

"Hello Skylar, how are you feeling today?" he seemed nice enough but very business like.

"Fine." It hurt to talk but I knew I could work through it. What I wouldn't give for some ice water.

"According to Valary you're anemic, is this correct?" I avoided the eyes I could feel boing into me. Instead of speaking I just nodded my head.

"Well it seems you're levels have dropped quite a bit. Your platelets are at 54 and you need a blood transfusion due to the drop in your red blood cell count." We'll get that started right away and depending on how you take, you will probably be released tomorrow morning." I bit my lip and nodded my head knowing I would have to stay overnight. Not my preferred choice.

He placed his clipboard on on the table beside my bed and began testing my vitals. When that was finally over with he picked up his board and headed for the door. I was considering asking him to stay so I wouldn't be left alone with the group of people in my room.

He mentioned a nurse would be coming in to hook me back up to the machines before quickly leaving the room. 

It remained silent for a total of maybe 2 minutes before someone spoke up. 

"So you're like a vampire?" Of course the bright one was Jimmy. He seemed so excited about the possibility of me being a blood sucking beast. I chuckled softly and shook my head. 

I looked up at Val when she placed her arm in my peripheral vision, she was trying to hand me a cup of water. I sent her a small smile before taking it from her hands and bringing it to my lips. 

The water helped ease the soreness in my throat and the dry feeling in my mouth. 

"So how long have you been anemic?" My eyes shifted before looking at Matt, I looked away almost immediately though due to his intense gaze.

"Uh, since I was in seventh grade. It comes and goes." My hands were occupied by playing with the blanket. I continued to trace patterns in it while avoiding the gazes I could feel on me.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ah now there's the question I knew they had been wanting to ask. I shrugged my shoulders before clearing my throat.

"It's not really something I want people to know. I can take care of myself." 

"Oh yea, you've done real well with that haven't you? Considering you're in the hospital right now." My glare immediately fixed on Brian as he glared at the bed. What gives him the right to judge how I deal with it?

"Brian!" I shook my head at Val when she attempted to scold him. It didn't matter, he could voice his opinion and be an ass all he wanted. It wouldn't change a thing. 

"Don't you guys have a concert you should be getting ready for?" I fixed my gaze on the wall across from the end of my bed. 

"We're just gonna postpone it." My eyes widened and I whipped my head towards Matt.

"Like hell you are! Get your asses moving. Me being here is no reason for you to postpone. Besides it's not like I'm going anywhere anyways. And I'm not fucking arguing either, you are performing tonight."

There was no way in hell I was going to allow them to disappoint their fans because of me. I wasn't worth it.

"Skylar.." Zacky let out a sigh as I glared at him.

The chair Brian had been sitting in scraped violently against the floor as he stood and headed for the door. He glanced back at me silently before shaking his head and proceeding to leave the room. 

I could feel my heart breaking little by little, knowing any progress I had made was being ripped out from under me. It had to be done though. 

The rest of the guys slowly stood and left the room, waving and saying they would be back as soon as the concert was over.

I glanced at Val, raising an eyebrow as I waited for her to leave. She didn't budge.

"You're supposed to go too Val. I know you want to watch the show. I'll be here when you get back."

She shook her head silently and from the look on her face I knew she wanted to cry.

"Somehow I don't believe that. But no matter, because I'm staying here with you." She shifted in her seat while crossing her legs. I let out a sigh knowing I wouldn't win this one.

"So what happened? I mean everything was going so well then you just, stopped functioning. I was so worried." Silent tears began cascading down her cheeks, causing some to slip from my own eyes.

"I don't know Val." Lie "I guess I just didn't know what to think. Everything had just changed. I wasn't used to it." Lie. I had been perfectly content with everything up until that one night. 

"You're gonna be ok right? I mean now that everyone knows you're going to let us help you?" My first instinct was to shake my head no. But this only worried her more.

"I'll be fine Val, but I'm not just going to accept help from everyone. I've taken care of myself for as long as I can remember. It's not something I can change. I just don't do well when others try to take care of me. I don't like feeling like I'm burdening others with my issues. Hell I don't even let Thor help. And we all know how he is." Thankfully that got a chuckle out of her. 

"Yea, he's quote persistent. But Skylar, you aren't a burden. You're our friend. We help our friends. We care about you Skylar, and you can't get rid of us that easily." She smiled at me, even with the tears running down her face she was beautiful. I could easily see why Matt was so in love with her.

I scooted to the far right of my bed and patted the left, allowing her to climb in the bed with me. I made sure I was on the side closest to the door though so the nurse had easy access to my arm. 

She crawled in the bed with me and slipped under the covers. I did this with Joelle all the time so it wasn't an awkward thing. I gave her a quick hug before turning on the tv and handing her the remote. I would more than likely be going to sleep anyways.

"Oh and by the way I had to call Joelle. She nearly had a conniption, but I was able to convince her to stay home. You're supposed to call her sometime tomorrow though. Thor too, he nearly jumped through the phone to get here. They really care about you ya know." I nodded my head at her words. I know they care, it's why I love them so much.

A yawn escaped my lips as the door to my room opened. The nurse looked to be in her late twenties, she was pretty. I sent her a small smile as she proceeded to hook me up to the machines and reattach my iv. As soon as the transfusion began she left the room. I was thankful she didn't try to start a conversation. I wasn't in the mood.

Not even ten minutes later I felt my eyes start to droop. I did my best to remain awake but it was a lost cause, for next thing I knew I was out.

------

When I awoke later that evening my room was completely empty. I was thankful for the fact that I has missed the guys visiting my room. Visiting hours had ended nearly two hours before and I had slept right through it.

There was a note on the table beside my bed saying they would be returning bright and early I'm the morning, I couldn't help but laugh at the drawing of a vampire that was left on the table with the note. Jimmy definitely knew how to cheer me up.

I sighed knowing what I was about to ask could forever change my life. My hand found the call button and I sat myself up in bed as I waited for the nurse to come into my room. 

For the past week and a half I had been noticing some changes. My boobs began hurting, I became nauseous easily and quite frequently. I knew what these signs could possibly mean, and it scared me to death. 

Moments later a nurse entered my room pushing the blood pressure monitor. Killing two birds with one stone I see.

"Well good evening Skylar, how are you feeling hun?" I smiled at the kind nurse.

"Alright I guess. Still a little tired but thats nothing new." She nodded understandably before wrapping the blood pressure cuff around my arm.

"So what can I do for ya?" She was staring at the monitor as she spoke, waiting for the final reading.

My unoccupied hand made it's way through my hair as I thought of how I wanted to word my question.

"Well, I Uh..I think I need to take a pregnancy test." Her eyes widened at my statement as she looked up at me.

"Oh! Well we sent out your blood samples earlier today. I'll go glance over them and speak with you doctor. No one thought to check for that. But if you are it will be in the results. Are you sure though?"

I nodded my head as tears began running down my cheeks. She patted my hand and nodded before quietly leaving the room. I sighed and wiped tears from my face.

Ten minutes had passed before she entered the room holding some papers in her hands. Her face told me all I needed to know though.

"Well, it seems you're about two and a half weeks along. Who's the lucky guy?" I know she didn't mean anything by it but her question only brought more tears to my eyes. 

"I...I don't know. I was raped a little over two weeks ago."

Her eyes widened in shock as she stared at me.

"Did you file a report with the police? Do any of your friends know?" Her eyes told me she knew the answer before she even asked.

I shook my head, answering no to both questions.

"I don't plan on telling them either. I think one surprise is enough for awhile."

She nodded solemnly before speaking again.
 
"Ok well I'm going to set up an appointment for you with a doctor on the maternal ward for early in the morning, before visiting hours start." I nodded thankfully as she turned to leave, exiting the room and leaving me to my thoughts.

There are about five months left of tour, meaning I could probably hide the pregnancy for that amount of time. I couldn't let them find out, it would only add another worry they didn't need. I could take care of this myself. There was no way I could get rid of the child. I will raise this child.

At the thought of there being another human inside of me I  instinctively placed my hands over my stomach. My whole life was about to change, and I was literally terrified of what was going to happen. I had never been so scared of anything before. 

I, Skylar Stephens, am going to be a mother.