Insane Asylum

This is a nightmare! Right now I'm just living an never ending nightmare of pain, misery, depression and loss even though it's only been two days since his funeral. That day I lost someone I'd never thought I'd lose. That day I no longer felt the air go into my lungs, I no longer saw the once beautiful world he saw... I only saw a baron wasteland of emptiness and rain. My world was slowly falling apart and I can't stand the thought of not seeing his lovely face again, feel his touch on my skin, smell his scent and get lost in my thoughts as he held me tightly. I feel completely numb without him and I don't want to live my life without him. When he left my side I could no longer eat food normally, it just tasted stale and felt like it turned to dust in my mouth. When I got roses the day of his funeral I couldn't smell their calming scent, in fact I couldn't smell a thing and that depressed me that much more since I know full well that roses were his favorite flower. My body slowly became numb within the month he's been gone, I can no longer feel the soft covers I constantly am buried in day after day. He was the only one I lived for and now that he's gone all my senses are numb and I'm just a shell with no soul. My heart's now dead and gone away with him.

I curled in a ball on my bed where I cried again today for what seems like the hundredth time. It seems that's all I've been doing and it tears me apart each day I can't feel his touch on my shoulders, telling me everything was going to be okay that he'd never leave me. But in the end he did and it wasn't his fault. Everyone knew he was murdered in his own house, but no one except me and my father knew who did it. My father was the one who murdered my beloved in front of me when I came to visit him. My parents never really accepted me as being a homosexual and they did everything they possibly can to convince me that I shouldn't love someone of the same sex. It's so sick that they stooped so low as to kill the person I thought I was going to live my life with for the rest of my life. My father always blamed him for changing me into a monster, and till this very day I haven't forgiven them. I can't forgive them, they don't deserve it. They ripped my heart out and stomped on it the day my father killed him. The last thing I saw before I ran out of his house was his lovely blue eyes glossing over as he said that he loved me before telling me to run far away. And that's what I did, but I had no idea where I would go from that day on.

Eventually come back to my parents house to only lock myself away in my room and cry over my loss. They didn't understand the love we shared, they didn't understand that we could've worked things out, but they just didn't want to understand us. I pity my parents but at the same time I didn't care about them anymore and I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy seeing my father behind bars and being labeled a murderer. I had to hold back a giggle seeing he finally got what was coming to him.

Tears continued to burn my cheeks as they fell relentlessly. I sat up from my bed and shook my head to ride my mind of the day he died, I only wanted to remember the good times we had. I remember the first time I met him we ran into each other in school one day and as cliché as this sounds, it was love at first sight.

I fell to the floor and landed hard on my bum. I blushed hard as I looked up into the most beautiful set of eyes I have ever seen.

“Hey, are you alright?” his velvet voice asked me, and I just nodded at him. “Sorry for running into you like that dude, uhh what's your name?” he held out his hand and helped me to my feet. I couldn't sworn I felt electricity course through my veins as I felt his skin against mine.

“I-I'm Mason Turner, what's yours?” I asked him shyly and played with the hem of my shirt.

He smiled a gorgeous set of pearly whites before he answered with a “I'm Kyler Smith, it's nice to run into you Mason,” he laughed and I have to say it was music to my ears. So I sound a bit love struck when I know nothing about Kyler, but I will soon enough and I can't wait till it happens.

Kyler and I had most of our classes together and we would sit next to each other. He always got me to laugh to the point where I was asked to leave the room for laughing to hard. It wasn't my fault Kyler just said some pretty funny jokes that just made my day so much better. Kyler would eventually come outside the class room and sit down next to me on the floor.

“I love how the teacher treats us like elementary students, like bro we're in high-school!” Kyler laughs and slaps his knee.

“Oh, I know right?” I giggled with him and sighed contently.

Kyler wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled my close to his side. It was so sudden that I jumped when I felt his warm body against mine. The blush that I was trying to hide was forming on my face and Kyler of course would notice it.

He poked my blush and chuckled, “You're adorable Mason.”

That one line he said lead to so many new experiences. We hung out all the time and were inseparable, I loved it so much. I never wanted to separated from him, his company filled that hole in my heart. Everyday I spent with him was filled with laughs and just plain happiness. I grumbled as I rolled off my bed as I remembered my first date with him as I grabbed the hoodie he left behind as I climbed out of my window. I went on a walk down the street to where the date was held as the memory continue to flood my mind.

”Kyler!,” I whined as his hands covered my eyes, “Where are we going?”

He laughed softly, “Somewhere, just trust me alright Mason, you'll love it when you see it.”

I pouted as he continue to push me gently to where ever we were going. It's funny how only two months ago we ran into each other and within those months we learned so much about each other to the point where he asked me to be his and I happily said yes. We've been dating for about half a month know and he suddenly had a plan to take me out tonight. I smiled to myself as I remembered that this is my first date with him and I couldn't express how happy tonight made me feel.

I felt one of Kyler's hands on my waist as he pulled me down on his lap. He removed his hand from my eyes and I nearly cried at the sight I saw before them. The night sky was filled with stars that held enough light to see what we were doing. Kyler had made us a picnic and even had two long red candles lit up and red wine that sat in between them. Tears pricked my eyes as they so desperately wanted to fall from the joy I was experiencing at the moment.

“K-Kyler I don't know what to say,” I stuttered out as the tears fell from my eyes.

He smiled at me and kissed away my tears, “There's no need for words, I'm just happy that I was able to meet you Mason. You've made such a difference in my life and for that I can't even begin to explain how much I love you. I don't even want to lose you and I promise that I'll never leave you,” he kissed my forehead and I blushed.

We sat in a comfortable silence as we consumed all the food he had made for the two of us under the stars. I was snuggled up to his side and couldn't be any happier. I didn't want this night to end, I just wanted it to last forever and ever. When I finished my food I looked up a Kyler and he smiled down at me as he put down his sandwich.

“Mason,” he said to me softly. I cooed at him so he'd know I was listening, “I just want you to know that I love you so much.”

I giggled softly and sat up to face him, “I love you too Kyler..always and forever.”

“Always and forever,” he repeated and leaned down to close the gap between us with his lips crashing against mine. I could feel the love and passion this kiss held as both our lips moved together perfectly. Kyler rested one of his hands on my hips and I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me as the fireworks continued to go off. My heart race was speeding up as Kyler ran his tongue along my bottom lip, making me shiver in response. I parted my lips a little bit and he shoved his moist muscle into my mouth, making me moan into the kiss. His tongue licked all around my mouth as he mesmerized it fully. This feeling he gave me made me feel so alive and I didn't want it to end, but it sadly came to end since we both needed a breath of air.

We pulled away from each other slowly and smiled at one another as our ragged breathing slowly went back to normal. I just had my first kiss from the boy I was dying to be with for so long. My heart swelled up and I felt like I was flying. I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him tightly to my body, I never wanted to let Kyler go.

Tears stained my face as I walked by the park, imagining my memory. I swear I could see the to of us sitting under the stars again as we laughed and smiled. I felt slightly insane because this is all I do now-a-days. Cry in my bedroom and force myself to walk down memory lane literally and envision all of the good times I had with him until I showed up at his final place where we walked different paths. He walked the path of death while I still walk the path of life, alone with no one who really cares about me. Sure I had friends I could go to when I was down, but stooped so low that they stopped seeing me since I was such a mess. I'm sickly skinny and I started drugs since I felt like they were the only other escape from the world, though I haven't had a hit for awhile and I could feel myself feel the daggers in my heart. I clutched my chest and heaved over in pain that I haven't felt in awhile since the drugs always numbed it. I fell to my knees and cried out loudly and propped myself up with one hand on the street.

The pain was so unbearable and I wanted so badly to rip my heart out of my chest and throw it away. I didn't want to go on living this way, I missed him too much and won't let him go. He was my everything. As I forced myself to fall on my side and look up at the sky, I could've sworn I heard someone call my name.

“Mason,” the voice called out and it sounded all too familiar.

I sat up and looked around but saw no one in sight. Maybe it was my imagination and I was just out of it from the lack of sleep I was getting.

“Mason, it's me,” I heard the voice call out again and I turned around quickly, to only stare into the eyes of my lost beloved, “I missed you so much my love.”

“K-Kyler...I thought you were dead..?” I cried out to him and he laughed and shook his head. Oh, how I missed the sound of his voice ringing in my ears.

“Clearly I'm not if I'm standing right in front of you, right Mason?” he chuckled, “I want you to follow me now.”

I nodded and walked after him as he walked down the path we both used to when we on our daily outings. The tears that were falling were slowly being replaced by my laughs as Kyler told me joke after joke to cheer me up. I knew he wouldn't die he was my superman and my everything. My father wouldn't be that cruel to me, to kill my only love in his own house. I knew this was just all a nightmare that I'm living in.

Kyler lead me down the street and to my shock, he lead me to the graveyard. I looked up at him with my eye brows knitted together, I didn't understand why he lead me here even though I'd eventually wind up here. It was my routine and I would always fall asleep at the burial.

“Kyler, why are we here?” I asked him and he sighed.

“Look over there Mason,” he pointed off into that familiar direction. His grave spot.

Tears welled up in my eyes again as I walked over to the spot and ran my hand down the cold stone. I bite my lip as I looked behind me to only see that my Kyler was gone.

“Kyler!” I called out but there was no answer, “Kyler! Where are you?!” I called out again, but alas there was no answer. His sweet, caring voice only rang in my ear for a few minutes as we journeyed down to this very spot, and now it's gone. I crumble to the dirt floor and cried so hard until I passed out again on top of his grave.

My insanity has only just begun.