Eyes Wide Shut

I’m not lucky. I can’t remember the last time I had a real friend besides Samuel, but he doesn’t count, he’s my brother.

Almost every girl friend I’ve ever made has only ever really had one interest. I couldn’t blame Samuel; he never acted on the attention from the faux-friends. He knew it would hurt me too much, besides I was a child then. I stopped making friends at fourteen. I stopped trying. It was exhausting to watch, and even worse to feel the ever constant abuse of my last name.

“He’s so handsome.” Arianna spoke through her thick Australian accent.

“Gorgeous isn’t he?” Mary smiled, as they both watched Samuel’s disheveled appearance move across our kitchen.

“I guess.” I shrugged.

“It wasn’t really a question, Blair. Just a fact, you know? Besides, why would we ask you? You’re related!” Mary looked at me as if I were an idiot. Truth-be told that wasn’t an uncommon question. We were almost always treated as if we should worship one another.

“He’s seventeen.” I chimed in.

“Age is only a number.” Arianna grinned.

“Or a warning label.” I teased.

“Well, you would know wouldn’t you?” Arianna snapped.

“What?” I felt my heart fall deep into my chest.

“Sure, with that Italian a few months back?” Mary chirped.

“Um…” I began with shaking words.

“You don’t think everyone knows?”Mary narrowed her Eyes. “Well they do.”

“And you want to know what everyone thinks?” Arianna continued.

“No.” I could feel myself near tears, they knew it too.

“Well I’ll tell you. Everyone thinks you’re a slut. My mother doesn’t even like me hanging around you.” Arianna finished, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Mine either.” Mary added. I knew Samuel could hear them now, from across our crowded kitchen. He was trying not to move.

“I’m tired of you, Blair.” Arianna shrugged and pushed her raven hair behind her shoulders.

“Yeah.” Mary added.

“But what did I do?” I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but I couldn’t wipe it away fast enough.

“Look! She’s crying like a little baby!” Mary teased.

“Nothing.” Samuel answered. “Get out.” He motioned towards the door. They didn’t flinch. “Now.”

I didn’t talk to Samuel about it, about them. I was mortified that I couldn’t come across one friend. I was so desperate I had become a terrible judge of character. Samuel didn’t say anything, but that was the last time anyone ever saw me cry.