Guilt - Or, Life as a Teenage Burden
the defense's opening statement.
At the point of my writing this, I can't remember if the person in question has one or two n's in his last name. I can't remember if his hair is short or long, or what color his eyes are. And strangely, I'm alright with that. Because now he's gone, and nothing will bring him back.
When I say gone, I mean gone from my life. I mean, he's not a part of my life anymore. But that part of my life is what I like to refer to as the past. Nothing in the past six months is relevant to anything or anyone in my life right now. And I am also alright with that.
Guilt is a big part of this story. Guilt is the main component in this story. Guilt is what has made me who I am. Regret, remorse, guilt. Whatever you would like to call it, it's why I am where I am right now.
If you notice, guilt isn't something you feel directly after you do something you know is wrong. When you feel as if you can't get caught, you really don't feel a ton of guilt. There's that initial pang of remorse, and there's that wavering, wafting guilt that starts as you light up a cigarette and is gone as soon as you ash it. You're never really guilty until you look in the person-who-got-screwed's face. The hurt in their eyes usually produces some significant amount of guilt in any normal human being.
If you read this, I want you to know that everything I write is true. Everything I write happened in my life, every person in this story exists, everything I say is truth. If you choose not to believe me, that's your choice.
This is a true account of lust, ambition, compulsion, depression, denial, isolation, loneliness, but most importantly, it is an account of guilt. Guilt is why I'm writing this right now.
Take these lessons and pass these secrets on.
When I say gone, I mean gone from my life. I mean, he's not a part of my life anymore. But that part of my life is what I like to refer to as the past. Nothing in the past six months is relevant to anything or anyone in my life right now. And I am also alright with that.
Guilt is a big part of this story. Guilt is the main component in this story. Guilt is what has made me who I am. Regret, remorse, guilt. Whatever you would like to call it, it's why I am where I am right now.
If you notice, guilt isn't something you feel directly after you do something you know is wrong. When you feel as if you can't get caught, you really don't feel a ton of guilt. There's that initial pang of remorse, and there's that wavering, wafting guilt that starts as you light up a cigarette and is gone as soon as you ash it. You're never really guilty until you look in the person-who-got-screwed's face. The hurt in their eyes usually produces some significant amount of guilt in any normal human being.
If you read this, I want you to know that everything I write is true. Everything I write happened in my life, every person in this story exists, everything I say is truth. If you choose not to believe me, that's your choice.
This is a true account of lust, ambition, compulsion, depression, denial, isolation, loneliness, but most importantly, it is an account of guilt. Guilt is why I'm writing this right now.
Take these lessons and pass these secrets on.