Zian Derrick

Chapter two. Prt two

I woke up at 3. Pm. With a pounding headache. It was well worth it. I couldn't bear to open my eyes, I knew what was going to happen. I'd squint and throw my head back under the couch pillows. So without hesitation I did just that. Threw my head underneath the pillows and went back to sleep. 

I'd woken up a few times after the fact of this afternoon. Bellzz and I hadn't talked since last night. It seemed so farther away than yesterday. Last night was a giant blur. Nothing seemed clear. I felt horrible, my wrists stung with a burn.  I closed my eyes and just went back to sleep. Making a mental note, to get my dealer to get me more alcohol. 

I finally could get up around eight o clock. I got up, went up to my room. I grabbed the pack of camels I had and lit one. Smoking always seemed to help my nerves when I didnt have any more booze. 

I inhaled a giant puff of smoke, 
"I honestly hope Rian never finds out about this. It would kill him to see me this broken. I don't even remember what made me drink in the first place. I must've been pretty pissed off or disappointed to drink that fucking much. I haven't drank that much since mom and James (That bastard doesn't deserve to be called my step dad.) disowned me and left me here. Alone. I remember that night so clear that it's like I hadn't drank at all. I think it was because I just replayed it in my mind the whole night. 

I was 14, I knew I was gay. And I was going to come out to my mom and her husband. 

We were all sitting Down watching an old episode of friends. 

The one where Rachel has the baby. Pt. One. 

I asked them when it was over if we could talk. 

"Sure Zachary. We'll always be able to talk. What's on your mind?"

James was just sitting there sort of listening. I could tell he wasn't all there, just sort of listening. So I just said it. 

"Mom, James, I'm... I'm gay." 

"Whaa... What?" my mom stuttered. 

"Don't try to put yourself in denial. I'm gay, I like boys that won't ever change no matter what you want to do to me."

James ran up to my mother grabbed her wrist. 

"Jayne, go up stairs. Pack all of your belongs. Do it now, or else." he said raising a fist to her. 

"I... Uhm... Alright Dear. I will."

"YOU FUCKING PATHETIC LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL. YOU DISGUST ME. Your mother and I are leaving an we're never coming back. Have a great life, You faggot."

I ran upstairs to my room. I heard James yelling and a few smacks across cold skin and my mother crying. He was screaming blaming her for what this thing did to me. He thought me being gay. It was a (thing). Like a growth growing on my face. He thought it was a (thing). 

My mom and her husband walked out the door about an hour and a half later. She was bruised and her lip was bleeding. She had red puffy eyes, she'd been crying again. He walked behind her making sure she didn't look back. 

"Faggot, you are a disgust to anyone you've ever met."
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Intense.