Go Your Own Way

"He's really worried," Cole sighed softly as she leaned against the front door, it'd been half an hour and she still hadn't moved, even though I was pretending to be gone and being very silent. "Just let me in, Bliss. I know you’re scared to death being here alone; you’re almost nine months pregnant. Who is taking care of you?"

I sighed softly to myself and glanced down at Remy, my six month old Great Dane that I had bought to keep myself company when Danielle and Jacoby was away from me. Remy looked at me with his big wide golden eyes and it seemed like he was telling me to just talk to her and get it over with.

Reluctantly, I stood up from the other side of the door with some difficulty thanks to my eight and a half month baby bump and opened the door slowly. "I'm taking care of myself; my neighbor has said that when I go into labor, she'll take me to the hospital."

"And if she's not home, Bliss? What are you going to do?" Cole stood with her hands on her hips, looking every bit of the pissed off woman she had been for the past seven months. "Now are you going to let me in or what, it’s hot as hell out here?"

“Come on in,” I moved out of the way and sighed again to myself, trying to convince myself that letting her in wasn’t a bad idea but the longer the silence drew out, the more I started to doubt myself, until finally I spoke to clear the uncomfortable tension. “I know you’re angry at me, I know everyone is angry at me. Why do you think that I’ve turned into a hermit, I’ve only went outside to pick up groceries and meet Zacky at the convenience store to pick up Dani and Jake.”

“I’m so much more than angry at you, Bliss. I’m hurt that you’ve abandoned us all, just because you made a mistake, you shouldn’t make us all suffer for it. Brian forgave you, he loves you so much!” Cole shouted, losing control of her temper. She paced a hole in my floor in front of the TV. “We’re all screwed up, we don’t know how to function without you there to create our group, we lost one of our main cogs that make our machine work properly. Do you understand that?”

“I’m not going back to Brian, this is my punishment for cheating on him,” I stood my ground, sitting down on the loveseat in my small apartment. “I’m going to take this punishment; I’m going to lose the best thing I ever had because I’m not good enough for him.”

“God you’re so frustrating,” Cole looked ready to break down and cry but I wasn’t about to throw away the mindset that took me six months to perfect just because Cole was showing the emotion I refused to show anymore.

“I’ve always been frustrating, you knew this way before now,” I answered her blandly, glancing over at my puppy as he padded across the fake hardwood tiling to his water bowl. “I’m okay Cole, I’m okay with this. I can start over, I can be happy with second best. Brian can start over and find the woman of his dreams-“

“You are the woman of his dreams, stupid!” she shouted and pulled at her blond hair. “I give up, I freaking give up. You’re worse than trying to persuade Matt.”

“That’s two similarities we both share and both are amused by,” I winked at her and then stood, slowly, to walk her to the door. “I’ll be picking up Danielle and Jacoby in two days for the weekend; I’m going on a date tomorrow.”

“A date?” she sighed softly, her heart breaking through her light brown eyes. “You don’t know what you’re doing; B. Brian would take you back in a heartbeat. He’ll never stop trying to get you back.”

“I’ll never stop trying to make his life easier and without me, it’d be so much easier for him,” I answered as I shut the door on her, I ignored her still talking and locked up the door before I retreated to my only bedroom with Remy padding softly behind me. I lay down with three pillows propping me up and used another as my tray as I grabbed my notebook and started doodling names for my child, it might not have been made by the man I love most in the world but it was my baby. I glanced up after a few doodles and caught Remy staring at me with his soulful eyes. “Stop looking at me like that, it’s for his own good. I don’t need to be happy, I just need to be. I can find someone else, just like he can find someone better.”

Remy looked at me for a silent moment and then huffed before he stood up and jumped off the bed. I’d even pissed off my puppy.

~*~*~*~*~

“I didn’t know if you’d meet me or not, I made sure that Kelly told you that I was almost nine months pregnant,” I laughed softly as I took a seat across from the handsome man, named Travis that had for some reason, agreed to go on a date with a pregnant woman.

“Kelly said if there was one girl I needed to go on a date with, it was you so I figured I’d give it a try,” he smiled and for some reason, I realized that men besides Brian could actually be attractive.

“Well thanks,” I laughed softly and brushed a stray hair behind my ear. “It’s been years since I’ve been on a date so, tell me if I do or say anything wrong.”

“How many years?” he asked, flipping through the menu that was laid out on the table.

“I’ll say about eleven or twelve years,” I answered truthfully and his eyes widened to an amusing extent.

“Wow, that’s devoted,” he chuckled and then cleared his throat. “You were married?”

“Yeah, for a long time,” I nodded my head and mimicked his clearing of the throat. “It just didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he smiled softly and reached across the table. “If it’s not to forward to say, it’s his loss.”

~*~*~*~*~

“I find it so cute, I’m one hell of a matchmaker,” Kelly, my cute blond neighbor stood at my door and did her happy dance, it was a mixture of jumping up and down like a ridged board mixed with a seizure, it didn’t look healthy when she did it. “Is he coming over tonight?”

“Three weeks, date number ten,” I smiled and swayed back and forth. “I am curious about what mental condition he has to date such a fat pregnant chick like me.”

“I kind of forced him to go on the first date, I told him if he didn’t meet you that I’d make sure he never got another client again,” Kelly was Travis’ secretary at his doctor’s office; Travis was a plastic surgeon and a good one at that. “The rest was your doings, you hit it off.”

“He’s really great,” I smiled sadly. “I feel like I’m cheating on Brian.”

“You’re separated, going through a divorce right now,” Kelly was speaking to me softly and calmly as she grabbed my arms and made me breathe in deep. “You’re not cheating; you’re dating someone, not in a serious committed relationship. You’re testing the waters.”