Always

From the moment he had met her, Severus Snape had loved Lily Evans. He hadn’t known what it was that stood out about the slim young girl with bright red hair and crisp green eyes, but there was something there; something different. She seemed to have a smile which could brighten his blackened days, and he felt almost entranced by her.

Today, however, all of that was going to end. Today, she had begun dating James Potter. Severus didn’t understand why she was seeing the boy he’d so desperately hated ever since their first passing. Potter wasn’t the boy who had loved her for so long; he wasn’t the boy who’d devoted so much time to her. Potter wasn’t the boy who deserved Lily. To the Quidditch player, she was just some sort of prize; arm candy, something he could show off to his friends. No, James didn’t love her like Severus did. He never could. No one could.

He heard her lightly giggling in the distance, and he looked up despairingly when he saw her hanging off of James’ shoulder. She looked so happy, and it killed him inside to know that it wasn’t him that was making her feel that way. He knew he had made a mistake by calling her that horrible name. He’d known it even as the word had slipped off his tongue, and it made him want to die because he’d made her feel so badly.

“Hey, Snivellus!” James’ voice called out towards him tauntingly, his group of friends walking behind him and Lily as they made their way towards him. He narrowed his eyes at them, moving to stand up so he could leave. He couldn’t bear to see Lily here with them; he couldn’t look into the girl’s eyes and see that she was happy with his enemy.

“Leaving already? The fun is just starting, Snivellus,” Sirius, one of James’ lackeys said before grabbing the book that was in Severus’ hands. He reached to take it back but couldn’t grab it, and he narrowed his eyes angrily as he tried to grab it back.

“Sirius, give it back,” Lily whispered harshly towards the wild-haired boy, her green eyes narrowing as she yanked the book out of his hands before giving it back to Severus. “Let’s just leave, alright?”

James and Sirius managed to get in a few more hurtful names before they made their way back across the small clearing towards the Quidditch field. As they were walking away, the redhead turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder, and the dark eyed boy felt a pang in his heart.

Beneath the happiness he saw in the green eyes he’d fallen in love with, he saw hurt. He saw that she missed him and the time they had spent together. He saw the pain that he’d caused her by calling her a mudblood, and he saw anger. But even more than all of that, he saw pity. And that was the one thing he found most unbearable. He didn’t want Lily’s pity. All he wanted was her love. If only she could give him her heart the way he had given her his, things could be right. Things could be the way they were supposed to be.

But things weren’t the way they were supposed to be. Things were wrong as wrong could be. He’d broken his own heart by hurting Lily, and now, she would never speak to him again. He knew that he had to find some way to make it up to her. He didn’t know if it was possible for her to forgive him after saying such an unforgiveable thing, but he needed to try. He knew that if he didn’t, he’d never find happiness. Lily was the only person who made him feel like life was alright, and without her, he feared he’d turn into someone that they would both loathe.



Just get over it, Lily. He’s never going to change. He’s going to grow up and become a Death Eater. He’s going to hurt people; kill them, even. It’s for the best that you cut off ties with him. It’s for the best that you won’t be around him. I know he was your best friend, but you’ve got me and my friends now.

Lily Evans sighed and pushed her hair back off of her face as she attempted to concentrate on finishing her potions homework, though James’ reminder kept floating through her mind, distracting her. She knew that her new boyfriend was right. She knew that Severus was no good for her anymore. They had been good childhood friends. She knew they had been as close as two people could be and yet, after all this time, it was finally ending. She couldn’t deny that it saddened her greatly.

Severus had always been there for her. In their first year, he had defended her and stopped her from being teased by some of the purebloods. She hadn’t understood the world of magic just yet, and Severus had grown up knowing what he was. He’d been there when she’d been sorted into Gryffindor. He’d been there when she’d performed her first real spell with her new wand, Aparecium.

And just as much as he had been there for her, she had been there for him. She’d been there to listen to him talk about his parents’ arguments in Spinner’s Alley. He’d been there to defend him from the torments of his enemies, James Potter and his friends. And she’d been there when everyone else called him names.

She couldn’t deny that it stung when he’d called her a mudblood. It wasn’t as though it was her fault she had been born to muggle parents, and she’d thought he’d understood that. She had thought that, perhaps, he saw her for who she was rather than just what her background was. She remembered when they’d been young children, not even ten when they had first met. It had been such an innocent time. There had been no talk of mudbloods and purebloods; no talk of muggles, or of painful things. It had been a simple relationship. It had been a good friendship, and it had gotten her through a lot. And now she had lost that.

“Lily?” James’ voice spoke, pulling her out of her thoughts. “There’s an owl for you in the owlery. Moony said it seemed rather agitated.”

Lily sighed and put down her quill before looking up at James, nodding as she stepped back from her homework. “I’ll go see who it’s from. Thank you for letting me know,” she murmured as she stepped past him to walk out of the Gryffindor Common Room. He reached to grab her hand, and she sighed as she stopped to face him.

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright. Snivellus isn’t going to bother you anymore,” he told her with a reassuring smile. Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes, not liking the little nickname that he and his friends had come up with for Severus.

“His name is Severus, James,” she whispered, looking up at him. “I know that you don’t like him, and I know that I’m not friends with him anymore, but please don’t call him that around me.”

James gave her a strange look before nodding as she turned to walk out of the room and towards the owlery. She saw no professors on her way, and it was only then that she realized that it was after hours and that she could get in trouble for wandering the corridors at this time of night.

Once she finally reached the owlery, she frowned when she saw Severus’ owl scurrying around. She only recognized it because it was the only black owl in the small, barnlike tower. Upon seeing her, it stopped flying in circles before making its way over to her, dropping a letter into her hands before flying to the top of the tower.

Lily frowned as she looked down at the parchment envelope, debating whether or not she should open it. She had thought she’d made it clear to Severus once she’d broken their friendship off that she didn’t want him contacting her anymore. As she had told him, he’d chosen the path he wanted to take. He would become someone she couldn’t bear to be around. She couldn’t watch someone she’d regarded with such personal feelings become the kind of monster people only had nightmares about.

Finally, she decided she might as well open the letter. It wasn’t as though whatever he had to say was going to change how she felt now. She wasn’t going to change her mind. She couldn’t go back on her word to him. She couldn’t put her heart through the emotional hurt she’d face if she watched him join the ranks of the Death Eaters.

I know you’re angry at me right now, and rightfully so. I did a horrible thing by calling you that name. I shouldn’t be allowed to even send this letter to you because of how I know you must be feeling. All I ask is that you allow me to send letters to you through Baldric. That’s all I ask right now, Lily.
Always your friend, Severus

She sighed, looking up at the owl in question before she pulled a piece of parchment out of her robes, using her wand to write out the words in invisible ink she knew that Severus would be able to find.

Alright.

It wasn’t much, but she knew he wouldn’t need much of an answer. She didn’t honestly know why she was going to allow him to write to her through his owl. Perhaps it was because she didn’t want to let go of her friendship with him just yet. Perhaps it was because she knew he had no other friends and she didn’t want him to be completely alone here at Hogwarts. Either way, she knew he needed the answer.

“Baldric, take this to Severus,” she called the owl’s name, holding up the small scrap of parchment she had written on. She watched as the black owl left the tower, and then sighed before pushing her hand back through her hair as she made her way back to the Gryffindor common room to finish her Potions homework. She couldn’t deny it, but she felt a small inkling of relief coursing through her veins at the thought that she wouldn’t have to completely let go of Severus Snape just yet.