Always

It was two weeks before the Christmas break was going to start, and Severus hadn’t heard so much as a word from Lily. He had a feeling that she wasn’t as angry with him as she had been a few weeks before, however, and he considered that a good thing. He knew that if she wasn’t angry with him, he had a chance of talking to her over the break.

He wanted to make sure that he spent some time with her over the Christmas break because he knew that if he could get her to care about him the way he cared about her, his life had a chance of being saved. Not in the literal sense, of course; he wasn’t planning on dying any time soon.

But she could save him from the dark interests he had always wanted to pursue. He knew that if he could get her to fall in love with him, he wouldn’t need to start dabbling in any of that stuff. She could keep him on a good path, even if it might not be the path that interested him. All he needed was for her to show the initiative to fall in love with him and everything would work out perfectly.

He smiled to himself when he saw her walking past him, and then decided that it was time to start trying to talk to her again. It had been far too long since he’d heard her voice; far too long since he’d been able to write her letters, and even if he wouldn’t write her unless she told him it was alright, he wasn’t going to stop himself from at least trying to talk to her.

“Lily?” He murmured softly, knowing that she had heard him. “Can we talk?”

She stopped and turned around, looking up at him, surprised about the fact that she had spoken. “Severus, what are you doing?” She muttered under her breath.

She was secretly thrilled that he’d spoken to her. She especially was happy that he had done so first; she had been quite close to giving in and talking to him first, but she knew that she couldn’t do that first.

“I was just wondering if you’d be alright with talking to me,” he muttered under his breath, putting his hand back through his hair. “I can’t stand not talking to you, Lily.”

She looked up at him, frowning. “I’m still mad at you,” she finally said before she crossed her arms through her chest.

Severus nodded. He understood that she was still angry with him. He wouldn’t expect anything else because of the fact that he had hurt her so badly. It really hurt knowing that she was still angry with him now, even after the fact that she’d spoken more than two words to him, but he wasn’t going to hold it against her because he knew exactly what he’d done to earn her being angry.

“And you still want to talk to me?”

He nodded, pushing some hair back off of his face before he smiled up at her. “Yeah, I do.”

Lily nodded, figuring that there was nothing wrong with talking to Severus now. There were still some questions she wanted answered—nothing huge, but questions nonetheless.

“We can talk underneath our tree, I guess,” she told him with a small smile on her face, turning to walk towards the tree in question. He followed her, though not walking too close to her because he knew that she was still upset with him.

Lily put a small smile on her face as she started walking closer to the tree before she sat down. She didn’t have any clue about what Severus wanted to talk to her about, but she was glad that he was here; especially because of the fact that she’d missed him so damn much.

Once she sat down, Severus sat down next to her. She pushed her hand back through her hair before she smiled up at him with a small smile on his face. She was nervous that James was going to see her and start a fight.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” she asked him with a small frown, reaching up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear before she looked up at him.

Severus shrugged, unsure of what to tell her. He hadn’t actually had a plan of what he wanted to say to her because he hadn’t been expecting her to agree to talk to him. Now that he was sitting her with her, underneath of this tree, he was speechless and had no idea what to say.

He put a small smile on his face and then looked up at her, wondering what in the hell he was supposed to say. Finally, he got an idea, and it put a small smile on his face.

“Are you going back to Mill Town for the holidays?” He asked her softly, his wide eyes looking up at her green ones with curiosity and hope. He was desperately hoping that this time, she was returning home just like she always did. He didn’t want this to be the first year she spent at Hogwarts during the holidays, especially because of the fact that he wanted to use the holiday break to get closer to her.

“I am,” she told him with a small smile before she reached over to lightly touch his hand, letting him know that even after all the anger she’d felt towards him in the last few months, she still saw him as a friend and that she still cared about him. “Are you going back to Spinner’s End?”

Severus nodded, a wide smile growing on his face when she answered his question. He’d been expecting her to push him away, but knowing that he answered, that was definitely something that excited him.

“I asked my parents and they told me if I really wanted to come back, I can,” he answered her quietly. “I figured it might be a good change of scenery for awhile. You know, after everything that’s happened this year.”

Lily nodded, although she had her own suspicions that he was returning home for the holidays because of the fact that she was going to be there.

“Maybe we can spend some time together then?” She asked him quietly.

She didn’t know how he was going to answer that question and quite frankly, she knew that his answer was either going to make her feel better about this or worse. She knew that if he told her he didn’t want to be around her during the break, she’d feel guilty for putting a rift between them. But she also knew that if they did spend time together, she’d feel less bad because of the fact that they’d be spending time around each other.

“That sounds like a good idea to me,” he replied quietly before he stood up, not wanting to test her patience or her willingness to put aside her anger for any longer. “I have to get to Potions.”

Lily nodded, standing up as well before she looked up at him. “I need to meet up with Bridgett at the Quidditch field.”

“So I guess this is bye for now…?” Severus asked her, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Lily nodded and then moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a tentative hug.

“Yeah,” she told him before she looked up at him. “Bye, Severus.”

“Bye, Lily.”

He didn’t say anything else as he walked away from her, but he knew that he’d said the right thing. He put a small smile on his face and then pushed his hand back through his hair as he started making his way towards the dungeon for potions class. He didn’t know what was going to happen at the holiday break, but he knew that he couldn’t wait for it to get there.