Always

Severus was sitting underneath the tree a few days later. He was happy that it was almost Christmas Break because he knew that it was just what he and Lily needed to set things straight between the two of them. He also knew it was just the time he needed to come clean to her about his feelings and attempt to make her realize how much he wanted her in his life as more than just his friend. Even if it was going to be hard for her to trust him and date him, he wanted her to understand that it was something important enough to him that he was willing to make some serious changes in his life for her.

He wanted Lily to see that she was the most important thing in his world. He was willing to give up everything for her—including his interest in the dark arts and his want for revenge on all those who had wronged him. He loved Lily Evans and if giving up his interests and letting go of his grudges would win her over, he’d do it.

The thing was, he wasn’t certain that it could happen. Even if he did give up his interests and his grudges, he wasn’t certain that Lily would be able to find it in her heart to love him. It was a thought that scared him because of how much he cared about her, but he knew that it was a possibility that he needed to face.

But if Lily couldn’t love him, what was he supposed to do? Severus had no idea. He knew that he wanted to love Lily and he wanted her to love him. He wanted that fairytale kind of relationship and he was willing to do anything to get it. But he also knew that even if he was willing to give all for her, she might not be willing to give all for him. She may not love him the way he loved her. She may see him as only a friend and though it was a hurtful thought he realized that he needed to face the possibility that it was true.

But just because it was a possibility didn’t mean he couldn’t try. No one had ever gotten anywhere in life without trying, and he knew that love was no exception. The best kinds of loves were those that were fought for. Severus knew at least that much and he was willing to fight for Lily. And even if he didn’t come through to the end victorious, so to speak, he knew that it would make him a better person than he currently was.

He hated the person he was right now, even though he often thought that he was in the right. He hated not having friends to spend time with and goof off with like James Potter did. He hated not having friends he could do his homework with or study with. But more than that, he hated knowing that there was something he could do to change all that and yet not do it.

He was going to change his life, Severus thought to himself. He was going to fight as hard as he could to win Lily over and by doing so, he was going to change himself in the process. No, he wouldn’t lie to himself about who he was. He wouldn’t forgive every single person who had ever hurt him, and he wasn’t going to become instant friends with everyone at Hogwarts. But he was going to become a more forgiving person and he was going to become a more loving person. He was going to make it easy for people to look at him and think him to be a decent human being. He was tired of being the school misfit; the boy who was hated and the person people laughed at. He may not be able to change everyone’s opinions right away, and hell, it may never work. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try. Everything worth fighting for in life was a hard battle, and Lily Evans was to be no exception. And Severus was willing to accept the battle.

But before he did that, there were still some things he needed to finish. He needed to confront James and stand up for himself for once, and by doing so, he wasn’t going to use magic. No, the next time Potter decided to fight him, Severus was going to use his fists. He wasn’t going to use an easy way out, he was going to fight and he was going to fight hard. It didn’t matter if he won or not; all that mattered to Severus was that he at least tried.

“Hey, Snivellus!”

Severus groaned and looked up. It seemed as though whatever God might exist had a cruel sense of humor because judging by the glint in James Potter’s green eyes as he called out the horrid nickname, the fight was about to take place right here and now.

“Don’t call me that, Potter,” Severus called back, clenching his fists tightly to his sides. He wasn’t going to sit here and take it any longer and he wasn’t going to hide behind his wand. James Potter might be good at using rude and mean ways to hurt Severus through magic, but he’d never once fought with his fists that Severus knew of. And that was something that he was hoping would be to his advantage.

“What did you just say to me?” James called after him, his green eyes narrowing in anger, an amused smirk on his face. It was the look of pure rudeness and meanness, and it made Severus wonder what Lily had ever seen as ‘likeable’ in the other boy.

“I told you not to call me that name,” Severus replied, quickly moving to his feet and sliding his wand into the messenger bag that was sitting beside the tree. This action didn’t go unnoticed by James, who just smirked.

“What, you’re not going to use your wand? You think that’ll stop me, Snivellus?”

“Why don’t you just go on your merry little way?” Severus shot back, letting his hands rest at his sides. His hair was hanging in his eyes, partly covering his view but not enough so that he couldn’t see what James was doing.

The other boy just rolled his eyes before turning to look at Black, who was standing next to him with that same smirk on his face.

“I don’t think I will,” James said before handing his wand to his friend before he pushed his robe sleeves up. “You don’t want to use wands this time? That’s fine with me. I’ll beat you either way.”

You’re wrong, Severus wanted to yell at him. But he knew it was no use. He wasn’t even sure he could win a physical fight with James. All he knew was that he wanted to do this the non-magical way. He wanted to fight James and at least have half a chance of being ale to beat him.

Before Severus could get out a word, James’ fist collided with the side of his face. His vision blurred black for several minutes before he ducked out of sheer instinct when James went to punch him again. He slid out his leg and tripped the other boy, causing him to drop to his knees before he let out a loud grunt of his own as James pulled on his robes to make him fall as well. once he was on the ground, James quickly moved over him so that he could punch Severus square in the face before Severus ducked his head to the side, raising his own fist to punch the other boy in the jaw.

“You’ll pay for that,” James growled at him angrily before he punched Severus. This time, he couldn’t duck out of the way and he felt a splitting pain in his nose before something wet started dribbling down his chin. He knew that he’d just gotten a broken nose and it hurt like hell, though he knew that he had to keep fighting.

Before he could get in another fight, however, he heard Lily’s screaming coming towards them. James heard as well and immediately climbed off of Severus, spitting at him before he started walking away from the scene.

Severus lay there, too sore to move and unsure of whether or not he’d even be able to see if he tried to walk. He heard someone move to their knees beside them before he opened one eye to see Lily kneeling beside him. A worried look was written all across her face and Severus wondered why she had that look directed at him.

“Let’s get you to the infirmary. This is something the nurse needs to see,” Lily told him softly before she moved her hand to the back of his head to help him sit up. Severus nodded, though he was still confused. He didn’t understand why Lily was helping him; all he knew was that it was something he was thankful for. He was glad to have someone like Lily and even if she didn’t love him yet, he knew that eventually, he could get her to that point with him.