Always

For the first time in awhile, things were completely peaceful for Severus. He hadn’t had any trouble from James in the last three days since he had confronted him in the field, and he and Lily had been spending a lot of time with one another again. It was something he was thankful for; he had missed her company and he was glad that he had her back in his life, hopefully for good this time.

They had spent a lot of time talking as well and Lily had forgiven him for calling her a mudblood. Of course, she had warned him that if he ever used that word towards her or around her again, he wouldn’t get a third chance. He had agreed with her and promised he’d never so much as utter that word again. It was a promise he intended on keeping.

Tonight, the two of them were lying down outside underneath their tree. Her head was rested next to his shoulder and his head was turned facing hers. She enjoyed being able to spend time around her.

“Hey, Sev?”

Her voice was soft and barely audible over the rustling trees above them, but Severus heard her clear as day. Any time Lily was talking, he heard. He paid so much attention to her that sometimes, it worried him. Was it obsessive? Perhaps to some people. And occasionally, he wondered if it bothered Lily. But she never told him to stop and she never said she was uncomfortable, so he continued.

“Yeah?”

Lily gave him a soft smile and then looked at his eyes before she turned away. If Severus didn’t know any better, he’d say that she was blushing, though the sky was too dark to tell and he wasn’t about to ask her or call her out on it.

“I was wondering if maybe you’d like to eat at my parents’ house sometime while we’re back home during the holiday break,” she murmured quietly.

Severus’ eyes widened significantly. He hadn’t expected her to ever ask something like that, especially because of the fact that her sister hated him perhaps more than anyone had hated someone before. Her parents were another story, but Lily generally tried to make sure she made her sister feel comfortable, even though Petunia didn’t like the fact that her sister was a witch.

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Lily quickly spoke up, as though she thought he was uncomfortable with her invitation. “I just figured that maybe…since your family isn’t…isn’t…”

“Normal?” Severus filled in her sentence with a bittersweet smile on his face. “Its okay, Lily. You can say it. It’s true, so it doesn’t bother me.”

The redhead gave him an apologetic smile before reaching to grab his larger hand in hers, a small smile on her face as she began speaking again. Severus hung on every word she said; everything she said was important to him.

“Well, I was just thinking…Maybe you’d like to eat over? My parents would like to see you again and even if Tuny doesn’t like you, I’d love for you to come over and spend some time at my house while we’re home.”

“I’d like that,” he told her with a small smile. “I just wasn’t sure if you’d actually want me to come over and eat with you and your family.”

She gave him a strange look, wondering what he was so self conscious about. She knew that he’d never had very many friends; she knew that for the most part, Severus had lived a lonely and painful life. But she was there to brighten his world now, and now that they’d put the past few months behind them and reinstated their friendship, she planned on making sure that Severus was happier.

“You think too lowly of yourself, Sev,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Of course I want you to spend time with us. I mean, you’re one of my best friends, aren’t you? You’re someone important to me.”

Severus couldn’t help but smile. His lips definitely made him feel a little bit better. Of course he did wonder whether or not she was a hundred percent sure that she wanted him there, but he wouldn’t say that now. He was just thankful that she was happy with him and that she was showing an interest in spending more time around them.

“And you know what else I think, Sev?”

He looked over at her and put a small smile on his face before he squeezed her hand softly. “What else do you think?”

She opened her mouth to say something, but the words didn’t leave her mouth. Severus watched as she turned away from him again, as though she was trying to hide her blush, and he smiled to himself.

“Nothing,” she murmured quietly. “It’s nothing.”

Severus nodded, though he had a feeling that what she’d been about to say was a hell of a lot more than nothing. If he were honest with himself, he’d been hoping that she’d confess to him that she liked him, too; that she wanted to be with him and that she wanted to see if they could make a relationship as more than just a friendship work.

“Alright,” he murmured softly before he leaned closer to her, giving her a small sideways hug. “Hey, it’s getting a bit dark out here, isn’t it?”

Lily nodded and then told him that she needed to get back to the Gryffindor common room so that she could finish up some homework for Slughorn. Severus himself had some things he needed to do as well, though what he needed to do wasn’t something he was going to tell her about.

They walked together hand in hand back to the castle, and though Severus wasn’t saying it, holding her hand in his made him feel like he was on Cloud Nine. It made him feel safe and secure; like everything was right in the world. It put a smile on his face—a real, genuine smile; the kind he rarely ever had on his face unless Lily Evans was around.

After they went their separate ways, Severus began making his way away from the Slytherin common room. Instead, he was going to the place he had his Polyjuice Potion. He had no use for it anymore and he knew that it was going to come back and bite him in the ass if Lily found out about it somehow. He pushed his hand back through his hair and then sighed as he pushed his hand back through his hair.

He didn’t want to risk her finding out about it because he didn’t want to hurt her. He had only decided to make the Polyjuice Potion in the first place because he’d wanted to help make sure that Lily understood what kind of man James was and why she shouldn’t get involved with someone like him. Granted, he had perhaps had more than a few selfish self-motives behind it, but he had meant well.

And that was why he needed to get rid of the potion. It was in Lily’s best interest that he got rid of it. It wouldn’t hurt her if she didn’t find out about it, and ultimately, that was what Severus wanted. He wanted to make sure that he didn’t hurt her and bring her any more pain than he already had. He knew she wouldn’t give him anymore chances if he screwed up again, and he was hell bent on making sure that she didn’t get hurt.