Always

"Why are your marks starting to slip in some of your classes?" Severus heard his father yell at him later that night as he stood in the kitchen of his parents' home. It was the same fight he heard every time he arrived home, and it was the same fight he tuned out every single time it was said. He didn't like listening to his father tell him what a failure he was, and he most certainly didn't need his father, a man who'd dropped out of Hogwarts in his sixth year because he hadn't wanted to continue education, to tell him that his grades were poor.

"It's nothing, Father," he told the older man, a loathing tone in his voice. He despised his parents; it was true. They had only ever brought him sadness and pain. When he'd been younger, the only thing they'd ever done was fight with one another, never seeming to care that it was in front of their young son. Then, when he'd gotten older, his mother had retreated into the shadows of the dank house, and his father had started taking his frustrations out on Severus verbally whenever he was there. It rather pissed him off, and this time, he wasn't going to sit here and take it.

His father raised his hand to slap the side of his face but before he could, Severus simply ducked and started making his way quickly towards the side door for a hasty exit. He knew that his father wouldn't follow him, and he most certainly didn't feel bad for leaving his mother to deal with his father's wrath. She'd never stepped a foot forward to defend him when it'd been him getting yelled at or slapped, so he wasn't going to help her. It was cold, he knew, and perhaps a little bit harsh, but to Severus, it was simply a means to an end. Perhaps one day the pair would fight so hard that they'd simply vanish. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the arguing and the screaming, or the hitting and the feelings of guilt.

He sighed, feeling a sharp intake of cold air hit his lungs as his feet plodded through the heavy snow. He was tired and his limbs ached, but he didn't care. He knew he couldn't go home right now or he'd be in even worse trouble. He needed to at least give his father a few hours to cool down, and he knew that until that happened, there was really nothing for him to do.

He wondered where Lily was right now. He smiled at the thought of her sitting in her parents' living room, the three of them having a happy conversation over warm mugs of cocoa or some other Muggle drink. He was truly happy that she didn't have the kind of family he did. If he were honest with himself, he was glad that it was he who suffered from a somewhat abusive household. He could handle it. He'd grown a thick skin over the years and now, he was mostly numb to the painful jabs and the misguided slaps. Lily on the other hand...She was too warm for such treatment. She was too beautiful and too soft, both on the inside and the outside.

Lily was the kind of girl who he could never raise his hand or his voice to. She was the kind of girl who made him want to be a better person in ways that no girl ever had before, and probably never would again. That was why it was so important to Severus that he use this Christmas break to tell her his feelings. He wanted her to understand that even if he'd made mistakes in the past, he did love her; that he loved her more than any other boy could.

He'd given her his heart a long time ago and he knew he could never get it back from her. It wasn't like he wanted it back anyway. He knew that Lily would take good care of it. She had all these years; he knew she was at least somewhat aware of the way he felt. She might be a little naive in her way of thinking, but she wasn't stupid. She had eyes and she could see things that no one else saw. So he was sure that she had somewhat picked up on the way he felt about her. And it thrilled Severus to know that she'd never told him that he couldn't feel like that for her. It gave him hope that perhaps, just maybe, she felt that way about him, too.

He stretched his arms above his head and then smiled when he saw the familiar field where so much of his childhood had been spent. It brought a genuine smile to his face. He was thankful that he was going to be able to spend time in this place again. Despite the fact that it was winter and the air was bone-chillingly cold, the field still brought a sense of warmth and love that only it could give him. He slowly started approaching the oak tree that he and Lily used to cloud-watch underneath and then his eyes widened when he saw her sitting there as well, a pair of red mittens on her hands, a matching beret cap on her head. She was wearing a Muggle jacket rather than her robes and cloak from school, and around her neck was a thick red and yellow scarf, presumably knitted by her proud mother.

She looked up when she felt his presence there and then grinned before she stood up, looking at him. "Hey, Sev!" She said happily before she started making her way over to him, deciding to meet in the middle ground with him. "I thought you weren't planning on coming out tonight since it's our first day back."

"I decided it was a nice evening for a walk after all," Severus smiled pleasantly at her.

Hesitation passed through her eyes, and Severus knew that he was lying. She was well aware of the fact that his parents fought like cats and dogs, and she was also aware that the abuse had started escalating to him as well. She shook her head and then grabbed his hand in hers before her eyes met his.

"Well, I was just about to head home since its getting dark out. You can come with and have supper with us. Mum is making some beef stew and it's amazing. You've never had it before, but I just know you'll love it."

Severus couldn't help but feel a small smile starting to form on his face. Even though she knew that he was a little upset because of the fight back at his house, she was still going out of her way to help make sure that he had somewhere to be. She was helping to take his mind off the fact that his parents constantly fought. He was grateful for that. He didn't know what he'd do without a girl like Lily in his life.

She pulled him close and wrapped one of her arms around his waist and then rested her head on his shoulder again, a motion that slightly surprised Severus. It was the second time she had done so, and he couldn't help but wonder why she was becoming so affectionate with him all of a sudden. Was it her allowing her feelings for him to start coming out, or was it simply because she was cold and wanted another body to keep her warm on the somewhat long walk back to her parents' home? Severus wasn't sure, but he knew that he was willing to let her hold him and use his body as a warming device if that was what she needed.

"I don't think I've ever actually been inside your house, even though we've been friends for so long," Severus noted softly.

It was true. He and Lily had known each other since they'd been children; ever since before they'd gotten their letters from Hogwarts, but neither of them had ever gone to each other's houses. Severus had insisted that she not come to his place because he didn't want her to see the kind of life his parents forced him to live. The house he lived in was dark and somewhat dingy and he knew that to Lily, it would be like stepping into someone else's nightmare. And likewise, he had never accepted her various offers over the years to go to her house. He hadn't thought himself worth of doing so, though today he knew he had no choice. There was a look in Lily's eyes that told him he was going whether or not he wanted to. And that was something that warmed him from the inside out. It made him realize that even if she was just his friend right now, she was capable of loving him. And that was what he wanted.