Status: Complete. :)
Always
The Owlery
When Severus saw James kissing Lily under the shadowed tree in the middle of one of the courtyards on the grounds, he felt more heartbroken than he had before. He was absolutely terrified that Lily had allowed it to happen, and he’d turned away before he’d been able to see her pull her lips away from Potter’s.
He had known that as James’ girlfriend, Lily would kiss him a few times. But he’d never anticipated actually having to see it. It devastated him to know that he couldn’t stop that kiss from happening. He loved Lily, not James. He should be the one kissing Lily, not James. He was the one who deserved Lily, not James.
After he’d seen the kiss, he had gone back to the Slytherin common area and furiously started scribbling out a letter on a scrap piece of parchment he had in his messenger bag. He didn’t care that he was writing it out of fury, or that his words would hurt Lily if she ever actually saw the letter.
Lily,
I cannot believe that you kissed James tonight. He’s a liar; he’s not the person you think he is and I can’t believe that you’re falling for his lies and his charm. What happened to how you used to think he was a toe-rag? What happened to when you disliked him? I can’t be angry with you, Lily; that’s not possible for me. But I’m disappointed. Can’t you see how I feel about you? Can’t you see that I’m the one that loves you, not James? He’s nobody, and you mean absolutely nothing to him. It’s—”
He sighed in frustration and looked down at the words he’d written before he shook his head, crumpling up the letter and then incinerating it before he tossed the ashes into a trash bin. He then took a deep breath and tried to re-write the letter in a way that wouldn’t hurt her feelings or expose how he felt just yet. He wasn’t nearly ready to admit to her that he was in love with her.
Lily,
Please don’t think that I was following you or stalking you, but earlier tonight I saw you out underneath the tree kissing James. I know he’s your boyfriend, but it hurt me to know that you were kissing someone to whom you mean nothing. He’s using you, Lily. He’s not the boyfriend you think he is. I say this as someone who’s always considered you my best friend. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and I know that’s what will happen if you stay with James Potter. Please realize that—”
“That’s not right,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he incinerated that letter as well before he pulled out another scroll of parchment. Taking one more breath, he attempted to put together the words that would tell Lily how he truly felt about her being with James. He wanted to warn her of what her boyfriend.
Lily,
I know you haven’t written a reply letter to my last letter yet, but I had nothing better to do except write to you. I was wondering if you might like some help with your Potions homework in the upcoming weeks. With the O.W.L.’s coming up and such, maybe we could both help each other and try to work together and study up on everything we’ve learned from Slughorn.
I miss talking to you and going over our Potions homework together. I don’t know if those times were as important to you as they were to me, but they made me smile and the memory still makes me smile. I saw you earlier tonight with Potter out by that tree that you like so much. I remember when we used to sit under that very same tree and spend time talking with one another.
I think I’ll end this letter for now since you probably won’t have time to reply to both letters tonight. I know that the professors issued a lot of homework today, and I know that you like staying caught up on all of that. I hope you had a great day, and I’m hoping that you’ll think that doing our studies for the O.W.L.’s will be a good thing.
Always your friend, Severus
He smiled when he realized that he had come to the end of the letter. Unlike the previous ones he’d just written and burned, he liked the outcome of this one. He didn’t think he’d been too overbearing with the fact that he wanted her to stay away from James, and he didn’t think he’d come off as pushy in trying to get her to spend more time with him.
Now all that was left to do was get the letter to her without James finding out. He knew that she was probably still with James right now, and he wasn’t willing to ruin everything he was working so hard to achieve by letting James find out that he was still corresponding with Lily through letters.
He decided that he was going to send her the letter later tonight, once everyone else was asleep and he could get to the owlery. He didn’t know if he’d get caught by any of the prefects or other professors, but he figured that if he did, he could come up with a reasonable enough excuse as to why he was out of the dorm room at night.
Severus smiled when he thought of Lily once again, looking down at the now-rolled scroll of parchment. He knew that he could win her over if he gave her enough time to get used to the idea. Of course, he knew there were some things that would have to change, but he could work on that after he’d gotten ‘stage one’ of his plan in order.
He knew that in order to truly win over Lily’s heart, she would need to think he had given up the Dark Arts and that he’d lost interest in the Dark Lord. Of course, he didn’t truly think he’d ever be able to give up either interest. He was fascinated by the dark arts and what they had to offer, and as for the Dark Lord…Well, it was hard for Severus to explain even to himself why he was so fascinated by the man.
But he also knew that if anyone was capable of getting him uninterested in that aspect of his life, Lily Evans could. She was an amazing person and she’d already brightened his bleak world so much, and he knew that if she loved him the way she loved him, he’d be able to potentially change his life around to suit her interests and beliefs.
He sighed when he realized that it was getting later and later at night. He didn’t know yet whether or not he’d be able to get the letter to Lily tonight after all. He knew that if he told Baldric to take the letter to her, he’d take it to her regardless of whether or not Potter was there with her. And that would foil up everything.
He sighed and then decided that he might as well try. He’d make sure he told his owl to stay away from Lily if anyone else was around, and he could only hope that the bird would listen to him. He carefully tucked the letter into a pocket in his robes before he put a small smile on his face, walking towards the exit door of the Slytherin common room.
He knew that it was going to take awhile to get to the owlery if he wanted to avoid anyone. He wanted to make sure that he skirted any professors that were out and about, the prefects, as well as any of the other students that were breaking rules by sneaking out. He knew that James and his friends had a habit of making their rounds throughout the castle after dark, so he knew that he needed to make sure that he stayed away from them.
As soon as he walked outside of the common room, he smiled when he saw that the coast was clear so far. It was still a long way off from where the owlery was located, but if things stayed this way, he knew it would be no problem getting there. It was only when he walked down into one of the other corridors that led to a door he knew would lead outside that he stopped in his tracks, hearing familiar voices talking from just behind the door.
It appeared as though he had run into James and his friends after all. He knew that it meant that Lily had gone back to the common room, but he also knew that with the beautiful redhead out of sight, James was apt to attempt to pull some stupid stunt on him. Readying his wand, Severus decided that that wasn’t going to happen tonight. He knew Lily wouldn’t like it, but as their voices got closer and their footsteps became audible, he knew that she would at least understand if he was only defending himself. Or at least, he told himself she would understand.
He had known that as James’ girlfriend, Lily would kiss him a few times. But he’d never anticipated actually having to see it. It devastated him to know that he couldn’t stop that kiss from happening. He loved Lily, not James. He should be the one kissing Lily, not James. He was the one who deserved Lily, not James.
After he’d seen the kiss, he had gone back to the Slytherin common area and furiously started scribbling out a letter on a scrap piece of parchment he had in his messenger bag. He didn’t care that he was writing it out of fury, or that his words would hurt Lily if she ever actually saw the letter.
Lily,
I cannot believe that you kissed James tonight. He’s a liar; he’s not the person you think he is and I can’t believe that you’re falling for his lies and his charm. What happened to how you used to think he was a toe-rag? What happened to when you disliked him? I can’t be angry with you, Lily; that’s not possible for me. But I’m disappointed. Can’t you see how I feel about you? Can’t you see that I’m the one that loves you, not James? He’s nobody, and you mean absolutely nothing to him. It’s—”
He sighed in frustration and looked down at the words he’d written before he shook his head, crumpling up the letter and then incinerating it before he tossed the ashes into a trash bin. He then took a deep breath and tried to re-write the letter in a way that wouldn’t hurt her feelings or expose how he felt just yet. He wasn’t nearly ready to admit to her that he was in love with her.
Lily,
Please don’t think that I was following you or stalking you, but earlier tonight I saw you out underneath the tree kissing James. I know he’s your boyfriend, but it hurt me to know that you were kissing someone to whom you mean nothing. He’s using you, Lily. He’s not the boyfriend you think he is. I say this as someone who’s always considered you my best friend. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and I know that’s what will happen if you stay with James Potter. Please realize that—”
“That’s not right,” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he incinerated that letter as well before he pulled out another scroll of parchment. Taking one more breath, he attempted to put together the words that would tell Lily how he truly felt about her being with James. He wanted to warn her of what her boyfriend.
Lily,
I know you haven’t written a reply letter to my last letter yet, but I had nothing better to do except write to you. I was wondering if you might like some help with your Potions homework in the upcoming weeks. With the O.W.L.’s coming up and such, maybe we could both help each other and try to work together and study up on everything we’ve learned from Slughorn.
I miss talking to you and going over our Potions homework together. I don’t know if those times were as important to you as they were to me, but they made me smile and the memory still makes me smile. I saw you earlier tonight with Potter out by that tree that you like so much. I remember when we used to sit under that very same tree and spend time talking with one another.
I think I’ll end this letter for now since you probably won’t have time to reply to both letters tonight. I know that the professors issued a lot of homework today, and I know that you like staying caught up on all of that. I hope you had a great day, and I’m hoping that you’ll think that doing our studies for the O.W.L.’s will be a good thing.
Always your friend, Severus
He smiled when he realized that he had come to the end of the letter. Unlike the previous ones he’d just written and burned, he liked the outcome of this one. He didn’t think he’d been too overbearing with the fact that he wanted her to stay away from James, and he didn’t think he’d come off as pushy in trying to get her to spend more time with him.
Now all that was left to do was get the letter to her without James finding out. He knew that she was probably still with James right now, and he wasn’t willing to ruin everything he was working so hard to achieve by letting James find out that he was still corresponding with Lily through letters.
He decided that he was going to send her the letter later tonight, once everyone else was asleep and he could get to the owlery. He didn’t know if he’d get caught by any of the prefects or other professors, but he figured that if he did, he could come up with a reasonable enough excuse as to why he was out of the dorm room at night.
Severus smiled when he thought of Lily once again, looking down at the now-rolled scroll of parchment. He knew that he could win her over if he gave her enough time to get used to the idea. Of course, he knew there were some things that would have to change, but he could work on that after he’d gotten ‘stage one’ of his plan in order.
He knew that in order to truly win over Lily’s heart, she would need to think he had given up the Dark Arts and that he’d lost interest in the Dark Lord. Of course, he didn’t truly think he’d ever be able to give up either interest. He was fascinated by the dark arts and what they had to offer, and as for the Dark Lord…Well, it was hard for Severus to explain even to himself why he was so fascinated by the man.
But he also knew that if anyone was capable of getting him uninterested in that aspect of his life, Lily Evans could. She was an amazing person and she’d already brightened his bleak world so much, and he knew that if she loved him the way she loved him, he’d be able to potentially change his life around to suit her interests and beliefs.
He sighed when he realized that it was getting later and later at night. He didn’t know yet whether or not he’d be able to get the letter to Lily tonight after all. He knew that if he told Baldric to take the letter to her, he’d take it to her regardless of whether or not Potter was there with her. And that would foil up everything.
He sighed and then decided that he might as well try. He’d make sure he told his owl to stay away from Lily if anyone else was around, and he could only hope that the bird would listen to him. He carefully tucked the letter into a pocket in his robes before he put a small smile on his face, walking towards the exit door of the Slytherin common room.
He knew that it was going to take awhile to get to the owlery if he wanted to avoid anyone. He wanted to make sure that he skirted any professors that were out and about, the prefects, as well as any of the other students that were breaking rules by sneaking out. He knew that James and his friends had a habit of making their rounds throughout the castle after dark, so he knew that he needed to make sure that he stayed away from them.
As soon as he walked outside of the common room, he smiled when he saw that the coast was clear so far. It was still a long way off from where the owlery was located, but if things stayed this way, he knew it would be no problem getting there. It was only when he walked down into one of the other corridors that led to a door he knew would lead outside that he stopped in his tracks, hearing familiar voices talking from just behind the door.
It appeared as though he had run into James and his friends after all. He knew that it meant that Lily had gone back to the common room, but he also knew that with the beautiful redhead out of sight, James was apt to attempt to pull some stupid stunt on him. Readying his wand, Severus decided that that wasn’t going to happen tonight. He knew Lily wouldn’t like it, but as their voices got closer and their footsteps became audible, he knew that she would at least understand if he was only defending himself. Or at least, he told himself she would understand.