Blessed with a Curse

Everyone blamed Matt for Bridget’s downward spiral.

Not because it was his fault, because it was easier to blame him. He was a scapegoat, for obvious reasons. I mean why take any blame upon your on shoulders when there’s a tattooed, borderline alcoholic, absentee boyfriend right there to take all the blame.

But there was no one to blame. It was just a bad situation. But no one seemed to get that, no one except Naomi.

Naomi watched her older sister go through her relationship with Matt. They were perfect together. But their relationship was plagued with bad situations. No matter how hard they tried to make things work, something was always working against them. In the most recent case, Bridget was killing them.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Honey I’m home! Bridge? Bridge are you ho- Naomi what are you doing?”

“I’m painting what does it look like?”

“I see that, I meant what are you doing in my flat?”

“Well someone has to watch my sister… she’s passed out somewhere around here, I’m pretty sure her liver has died already and she hasn’t even noticed yet. I mean it’s noon and she’s already passed out drunk and you know as well as I that she has a high alcohol tolerance.” Matt stared at Naomi as if he was expecting her to be joking.

“Nomis, we’re out of vodka can you go to the store for me? Boyfriend what are yous doing hommme?” Bridget came in slurring and stumbling towards Matt wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Bridget, baby what are you doing to yourself… and since when do you smoke?” Matt said unwrapping her arms and pulling away the cigarette.

“I’m not doing anything, don’t you want to hold me?” She pouted as she stumbled back.

“It’s not like that and you know it, I’m just here to take you to my show tonight.”

“I’ll leave you two alone, but don’t let her drink tonight just have someone keep an eye on her tonight.” Naomi said grabbing her stuff.

“Do you not want to go to the show I can give you a ride.”

“No thanks Matt this is my first night that I don’t have to babysit my older sister and I’m taking advantage of that, but please try and prevent her from an early death sentence. How long are you in town for anyways, I need to talk to you later.”

“I’m home for a week, and don’t worry I’ll take care of her you don’t need to blame me like everyone else.”

“Matt I never have blamed you for this, it was just something bad that happened. You’re good for her even if only bad things seem to happen to you guys, but just remember she doesn’t need someone to save her. She needs someone to love her and I trust you to do that for her.” Naomi hugged Matt before leaving.

“Thank god she’s gone! I want to fuck you so hard now that you’re home.” Bridget yelled.

“And I would love that, but I got to get you and me to sound check but after the show we can because we can't go out and party because I don’t want you to die.”

“Fine, whatever let’s get some vodka on the way, I’m out aaaand sooooooo thirsty!” Bridget pulled Matt out of the apartment with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Bridget long time no see love.” Oli came and wrapped the girl in a hug. “You smell like you took a bath in rum.”

“Whatever point me towards the alcohol.”

“Bridge we talked about this you can’t drown yourself in alcohol its not helping anything.” Matt said pulling her onto his lap in the dressing room.

“How long has she been like this?” Jona asked sitting down next to Matt.

“I don’t know probably after we left last time, she stopped answering my calls a few weeks ago and her parents think I ruin everything I touch so they hate me so I don’t know what’s gonna happen, if she keeps this up she’ll be dead, she was passed out when I got home.” They talked like Bridget couldn’t hear them, but Bridget pretended like she didn’t notice as she eyed the alcohol.

“Shit. You’re relationship has been damned since the beginning.”

“Five minutes until showtime.” Sheep stepped in.

“Tom can you watch Bridget.” Matt asked before handing Bridget a drink. “Here you go babe, you can drink this, its non-alcoholic.” She nodded and followed them out standing side stage.

“This margarita is gross there’s like no tequila in it.” Bridget said making a face.

“It is a virgin one, I mean since we aren’t supposed to give you alcohol, because you’ve become an alcoholic.” Tom said looking towards Bridget.

“I’m not an alcoholic!” She snapped. “I just don’t like to think anymore.”

Tom looked over at Bridget who stared at the stage as the boys played. Her eyes looked dead, no emotion whatsoever. Oli began to talk about how the next song was not like most of the songs they played but he hoped they would still enjoy it. Then the opening of Blessed With A Curse began to play. Bridget downed the rest of her drink as if there was actually some alcohol in it and she was in desperate need of some.

“Ever since this began, I was blessed with a curse.
And for better or for worse I was born into a hearse.
I know I said my heart beats for you. I was lying girl, it beats for two.
Because I got your love and I got these vices.
Take back every word I've said, ever said to you.
Take back every word I've said, ever said to you.” Oli sang and Bridget continued to stare eyes never leaving the stage.

“It’s about us.” Bridget broke the silence but didn’t look towards Tom. “This song it’s about Matt and I.”

“Really? I thought it was about Oli and some bird.”

“Nope, it’s about my relationship that’s been damned since the beginning. I mean we’re blessed with a fucking curse… we have something beautiful, I mean I know Matt’s the one, there isn’t anyone else in the world for me and I just know that, I just have this feeling that I can’t describe but it’s there. But then all this shit happens to us. We can never just be together and happy, everything we have doesn’t work but Matt and I, we just fit perfectly together.” Tears began to pour from her eyes, but she just kept looking at the stage.

“Everything I touch turns to stone.
So wrap your arms around me, and leave me on my own.
Everything I touch turns to stone.
So wrap your arms around me, and leave me on my own.” Matt looked over to Bridget and frowned.

“I know it’s hard Bridge, but if you guys are meant to be, which I know you are, it’ll be fine, it was just a bad situation but you can’t let control your life.” Tom pulled Bridget into a hug as she nodded and wiped her tears away.

The boys came off the stage radiating euphoria and sweat. Each gave Bridget a sympathetic smile and a hug as they walked by. Bridget hated those smiles more than anything; she hated the pity at this point even if her body language was practically begging for it.

“Do you want to just head home babe?” Matt whispered in her ear as he placed his arms around her waist from behind walking with her towards the dressing room.

“What about the after party? You know where we normally all get super wasted and don’t remember it in the morning.”

“There isn’t one tonight we all just want to get back home and sleep” Lee said, she trusted Lee otherwise she would have thought it was a lie to prevent her from drinking.

“Oh. Well then I guess we can go… I’ll see you guys later.” She went around the room hugging each of the guys again. “Thanks Tom I needed that” She whispered when she hugged him. Before turning to Matt and intertwining there fingers to head out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“So is that proposition from earlier still on the table?” Matt asked pulling Bridget towards him.

“Of course! Sober or not I always want to fuck you.” Bridget wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him full of lust.

“I’m glad you’re happy right now.” Matt placed his hands under her shirt touching her warm flesh.

“Shhh. I don’t want to talk about it, I just want you.” Bridget pulled off Matt’s shirt and kissed him feverishly.

Matt wasted no time pulling off her shirt and unclasping her bra. He moved his lips to her neck as he lifted her up and she wrapped her lags around his waist as he walked them to their bedroom. Matt stumbled and there was a loud noise.

“Fuck! That goddamn cat” Matt yelled

“It’s your stupid cat, just ignore it he won’t come back for a while,“ Bridget laughed, a laugh no one had heard in a while.

Matt set Bridget down on the bed kissing her lips before moving down to her breast and then her down to her naval before he reached the waistline of her jeans. Bridget tangled her fingers in his hairs as he unbuttoned her jeans throwing somewhere in the room. Then he removed her panties putting one finger into her. He put a second finger in and Bridget let out a long moan and Matt moved back up to kiss her on the lips. Their tongues battled for dominance while Bridget gripped his hair tightened her walls around his fingers.

“M-ma-matt just- I-I-I need you right now” She moaned moving her hands to undo his jeans pulling them down over the bulging fabric of his boxers before discarding the second layer and throwing them aside. Matt slowing pushed into Bridget and she gripped his shoulders.

“God, Matt faster I’m not a fucking virgin anymore.” As if on cue Matt began to thrust harder and faster.

“God… Bridget” Matt moaned as Bridget dug her nails into his back.

Bridget flipped them over straddling Matt’s hips. Swiveling her hips around, Matt digging his fingers into her hips. She placed her hands on either side of his face kissing him with passion rather than lust.

“Bridge… fuck I’m close”

Matt felt a drip on his chest and heard Bridget gasp. He looked up to see Bridget crying.

“Babe, are you okay? Am I hurting you?” Matt asked urgently.

“No, Matt I-I I just I can’t do this” She got up sitting beside Matt and starting bawling. Matt pulled her into his chest stroking her hair.

“What happened to us?” He said barely over a whisper.

~~~~~~~~~~

Their house was filled with close friends mingling around. This was what usually occurred before the boys left for tour. Rather than having a huge bash with so many people they didn’t recognize half of them, they liked to keep it intimate with their goodbyes.

“Where’s Bridget, Matt?” Lee asked handing Matt a red cup.

“Yeah where is preggers, I haven’t seen her all night.” Oli added.

“Why do you call her preggers?”

“Well obviously she’s pregnant now, how far along is she now?” Vegan asked.

“Like sixteen weeks we learn the sex at the next appointment.”

“Aww Mattie you’re going to be such a good daddy!” Amanda cooed making Matt faintly blush.

“Yeah yeah that’s good an’ all but that still doesn’t tell us where she is, you shouldn’t just be letting pregnant girls go around wandering unattended.” Oli said.

“Oh hush up” Amanda lightly slapped him.

“Hey I just want to make sure she’s okay I want to say goodbye before we go on tour, I got to watch out for my future godchild.”

“Oi! Who says you’re going to be the godfather, you’re irresponsible as fuck,” Vegan laughed.

“It’s true I don’t know how much I want you caring for my child.”

“Fine. Whatever, but I still don’t know where your girlfriend is. What if she fell on her back and she can’t get up like a poor innocent turtle?”

“Oliver!” Amanda hit him a little harder.

“Have you actually seen preggers? She’s not so fat she can’t get up,” Jona laughed.

“She’s lying down, she’s tired and she doesn’t want to be around other people but refused to have the party anywhere other than our flat.”

“Aww poor baby, I’m going to go and see if she needs anything.” Amanda said walking towards the master bedroom.

The party began to thin out leaving Oli, Amanda, and Matt sitting in the apartment. None were drunk maybe slightly buzzed. The apartment was now strangely quiet. But they all soaked it in knowing that the next few weeks would be anything but calm and quiet.

“Maaaatt!” A scream broke the silence. “Matt! Get in here! Ahhhh god!” Bridget screamed from their room.

Matt ran into his room to see Bridget curled up holding her stomach screaming. She was writhing to pain.

“Honey, what’s wrong. Is it the baby?” Matt tried to sound calm although he was freaking out. He was rubbing her side and he moved the blankets to see the sheets covered in blood. “Sweetie where are you bleeding from what’s wrong?” Matt could no longer hide his anxiety.

“Matt it hurts so ba- aaaahhhhh God make it stop” She screamed tears began to pour from her eyes.

“Matt what’s wrong? Jesus Bridge what’s going on” Oli came running to the bedside.

“I don’t know man but she’s bleeding a lot, I don’t know what to do” Desperation laced Matt’s voice.

“Ahhhh Matt make it stop it hurts so bad!” Bridget screamed again.

“Is she okay? Oh my god! We got to take her to the hospital, that’s a lot of blood” Amanda said.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right” Matt picked up Bridget who gasped in pain. “Sorry it’s gonna be okay.”

They all rushed to the car, Oli took the keys to drive so Matt could hold Bridget in the back. The whole way their Bridget moaned and screamed making Oli speed faster and faster to the ER. Once they got there Matt sprinted faster than anyone thought he could to get inside.

“Oh my gosh sir how long has she been bleeding like this? We need to triage her immediately.” The nurse said bringing out a wheelchair to place Bridget in before rolling her in the back while another nurse handed him some papers to fill out.

Matt, Oli, and Matt sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. Oli had already called the rest of the band to tell them that they’d have to postpone their first show due to the emergency. Matt had stopped crying by this point. Amanda had a hand placed on his knee while Oli put a hand on his shoulder and Matt kept his face in his hands.

“Mr. Nicholls? Is there a Mr. Nicholls here?” Matt looked up and raised his hand as the nurse made her way over to him.

“Is she alright, is the baby okay what happened?” Matt questioned.

“She’s fine but I’m sorry sir she lost the baby she had a miscarriage.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Matt was sitting at the kitchen table the next morning. He left Bridget to sleep, partially because he wanted her to get some rest and partially because he didn’t really want to talk to her. He felt bad; the fact that she had little to no closure over the baby’s death killed him. He heard the front door open shut and looked up to see Naomi.

“Hey Naoms, how’d you get into my flat?”

“I got a key ever since my sister became a total wreck and someone needed to watch her, but that isn’t important I need to talk to you before Bridget gets up.”

“Aright, shoot.”

“Before I start I need to let you know that I love you like a brother and I know you’ve been trying hard all these months to get her back to normal, but it obviously isn’t working and I’m going to need you to try harder. “

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Matt you’ve got to keep her busy, at least for the week you are home. She takes up all my time when you’re gone because I’m worried that if I leave her alone I’ll come back and she’ll be dead. I’m 20 years old Matt. I shouldn’t have to take care of my older sister. It just shouldn’t be that way; she should be the one watching over me. I can’t handle it anymore I want my sister back.” Naomi blinked back her tears.

“But if you haven’t been able to fix her in 8 months how can I fix her in a week, I don’t know all the damage and I don’t even know why she’s so hurt. It was my kid too Naomi, and I got over it.”

“I understand that Matt, but Bridge she was connected to that baby. When that baby died, she felt it. She felt that baby’s pain as it died and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She quit her job even because teaching third graders made her cry and seeing little kids at the library made her breakdown because those could have been your child in the future. She has nothing left but family and friends and I know that you love her enough and she loves you enough that you can fix the things I can’t.”

“But how? She stopped talking to me before we got back and last night she practically had a mental breakdown during sex. I love her, she’s my one and only but I can’t look at her like this.”

“Well you can start by not drinking with her or letting her drink and then maybe tonight you can take her this group therapy for couples who lost their babies, its at the rec center. Maybe if she sees that she’s not alone she’ll realize she has something to live for.”

“Yeah, I reckon I can do that.”

“Good luck Matt, I know that you love her enough that it will work” Naomi stood and hugged him before leaving.

Bridget came into the kitchen walking over to Matt’s shoulders, tracing his tattoos. She had these moments where everything would seem normal, Matt always hoped they would last but they never did.

“I love your Star Wars tattoos, they match my super nerdy Harry Potter tattoos.” She laughed.

“I like your ‘I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good’ one, it’s my favorite.”

“Of course it is, it’s how I lured you into this relationship.” Matt laughed.

“I have a proposition for you tonight, I think it would be good for you, for us.”

“What is it?” Bridget began to sink back into her depressed self.

“There’s this support group for couples who lost their babies, I just thought it’d be good to see some other people with our problem and how they deal with it.”

“No I don’t want to go.”

“Baby, can you at least try?” Bridget inhaled through her nose and rubbed her temples.

“No Matt I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t want to go anywhere with you. I don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to drag you through this damned relationship any longer.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m saying I ruin everything, I’ve been killing this relationship for years and I can’t do that to you anymore. How can you even love me anymore, I killed your fucking child, everything I’m around I ruin, I mean look at Naomi I‘m killing her too!”

“Is that what this is about? You blame yourself for the miscarriage, it’s not your fault we had no idea it was going to happen.”

“No I exercised too much and I was around too many smokers and I had too much caffeine when I didn’t know I was pregnant yet.”

“Bridget! It was out of our control it’s not your fault and I still love you.”

“Well I don’t want you to! I want you to be in a happy, healthy relationship. I want you to leave and forget about me and how fucked up I made you.”

“Fine! If that’s how you want it I’ll leave but on one condition, you go to that support group. Even if you don’t want me to care, I want to know that if I leave you, you won’t be dead later.”

“Okay I’ll go if it will get you to move on.” She stood up and walked towards the bedroom. As Matt mumbled an ‘I won’t be able to move on’.

They awkwardly drove to the rec center that evening. Matt stopped up front as if he was dropping off a child at school and Bridget began to get out.

“Wait, before you go, I need to tell you something. Before you erase me from your life completely I want you to remember that I love you more than life itself. And me without you is like Han without Leia, Ron without Hermione. And that even if you don’t see it now our love is worth it and that love is strong enough to defeat this thing. Love was strong enough to defeat Voldemort it’s strong enough to defeat this pain.” Matt blinked back tears. “I just want you to remember that.” Bridget nodded and walked towards the building.

~~~~~~~~~

Bridget walked home alone with a new sense of wholeness. She met Sarah and Hank who had had three miscarriages before having a child and Gretchen who took up knitting to distract herself from bad thoughts and even Cassie and Dan who showed her that when you feel this pain they needed each other more than ever. Bridget was ready to live again because that’s what the baby would have wanted. But when she walked into the apartment it was eerily quiet. She went to the bedroom to see if Matt was there to tell the good news; to tell him she loves him. That his love did defeat the evil thing consuming her, his love was as strong as Lily Potter’s. But there was a note on the bed saying he’d be at Vegan’s until tour and then he’d get the rest of his stuff when he came back. And that’s when she ran.

She ran to Vegan’s, she ran like her life depended on it. She needed Matt; he was the Han to her Leia, the Ron to her Hermione. And she couldn’t give up something like that. She made it to Vegan’s and she pounded on the door impatiently until Vegan answered.

“I thought you didn’t want to see him again?” Vegan questioned moving aside to let her in. She walked in to see Matt pulling the ends of his hair, tears dried on his face.

“Matt, I’m so sorry!” He looked up, standing up wiping his face. Bridget ran towards him wrapping her arms around him. “You were right I did need help. I needed help through this and I kept thinking I could deal with this on my own. I know I need you now and I never meant to push you away. Like Yoda says, those who die become the Force and that’s where the baby is and the baby wouldn’t want me to act like I’m dead, so I should act alive. And I can’t live without you!” Bridget attached her lips to Matt’s and he deepened the kiss before Vegan interrupted them.

“Did you really just get back together with a Star Wars reference?” The couple flipped him off.

“Whatever you no you’re happy this is happening so I don’t have to stay at your house!”

“Okay I am, so go home!” Vegan laughed as the couple walked out of his flat.

“One more thing Matt, I think we finally broke that fucking curse.”

“I don’t know ‘It Never Ends’ Bridge.” She gave him a look. “I’m just glad to have my baby back.”