The Beach

Sawyer sat, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head, tapping her foot against the tiled floor of the coffee shop that she was currently sat in. Her converse covered feet were batting against the floor in a semi rhythmic pattern, not really trying to keep beat as her green eyes darted around the room, searching the faces for a familiar one.

Her right hand was wrapped around the warm paper cup in her hand, filled with a vanilla steamer that she hadn’t managed to touch yet. She was so nervous that she couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone control her nervous habits. In fact, she was fairly certain that her bottom lip was gonna start bleeding soon because she had tightened and loosened her grip on it with her teeth so much in the last 15 minutes.

It was another two minutes before Sawyer had managed to take a sip of her drink, cool enough to not scald her tongue too badly after sitting for 15 minutes. And it was just when Sawyer decided to take that sip that a familiar brunette walked in. She swallowed down the sip she had taken, her eyes fixated on the man that had walked in, her breath momentarily stopping at the sight of him. She watched as his eyes scanned the room, eyeing all of the people in the room before his eyes finally found her, locking his gaze with hers. He stood there for a second, just watching her for a moment, taking in her appearance and demeanor before he started making his way over to her.

“Hey.” He said before taking his seat across from her in the vacant chair.

“Jake.” She breathed, almost speechless.

When she had sent Jake a text at 5am when she knew he’d be close to finishing his shift asking to meet with him, she wasn’t entirely sure that he would even agree. Hell, she was sure that if the roles were reversed, she would have told him no. But he had informed her that he would be off in an hour and could meet her at about 6:15 at the coffee shop near the hospital he worked at.

She was exhausted. She hadn’t slept yet, and more than anything, she needed the sleep before moving everything to Baltimore. But what she needed more than that was to talk to Jake. The way things had been left yesterday had made Sawyer crave to explain, to get something more than apathy from Jake. Anything would have been better than the disregard that Jake had given her yesterday, and something in her desired to get an answer.

A part of her felt horrible being with Jake, even in the most innocent of situations, because she had snuck out of bed with Alex, not mentioning anything and not even bothering to leave a note as to where she was going. She regretted that decision because if Alex managed to wake before Sawyer made it back, he’d be worried, and Sawyer didn’t want that, but she couldn’t find a good way to tell Alex she was leaving their bed in the early hours of the morning to see her now ex-fiancee.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Sawyer trying her hardest to come up with something to say, but not able to find any words that would even remotely make up for what she felt.

“I’m sorry you know.” She finally said lowly, because a part of her was still ashamed. Even though she had known for years that her heart had belonged to Alex, it didn’t mean that she didn’t try to love Jake the same way.

“Why did you even bother?” Jake asked, and Sawyer could finally see some of the anger that she knew was in there somewhere seeping out. She was a bit relieved to see some emotion coming from him.

“I do care about you. It had nothing to do with not loving you.” She said, trying to find a way to be able to convey what she wanted to say. In her mind it flowed perfectly, but trying to get the words off her tongue seemed to be really nearly impossible. “I just. I’ve known Alex since I was like, a teenager. And we never tried anything together because he’s always 3000 miles away when we’re not on vacation. I didn’t want to put my life on hold because I had feelings for a guy across the country. And then I met you. And life was really, really good with you. I loved you so much Jake. But then Alex came back this year, and he wanted more, and I just, I love you, but I’m in love with him.” Her words were coming out fast and a bit jumbled, sometimes nearing slurring together. “I know it doesn’t make anything better, but, I can’t help how I feel about him.”

“If you felt that way, why even spend summers with him?” Jake asked, and his anger was more than apparent this time, coming at her full throttle, and even worse, it was low and quiet since they were indeed in public.

“He’s still my best friend Jake. He has been for a long time. I mean, aside from Macy, he’s one of my oldest friends. And I never thought that he would want anything knowing that we’re 3000 miles apart 11 months of the year. It just, I didn’t expect this. And I just want you to know I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I really did want to marry you. I just, I want him more. And I’m sorry.”

“I really thought I knew you, you know.” Jake said with a bit of a sinister chuckle, indicating to Sawyer that he found nothing actually funny, but also that he was far more mad at Sawyer than she had thought. “But here you were, lying to me for years about what you were doing and who you were with. Saying you were just with friends, that I shouldn’t worry. And hell, then you get all mad when I do get jealous. And to top it off Sawyer, I could probably deal with all that. I could get over the fact that you felt the need to bend the truth, that you got unnecessarily defensive. What I can’t stand? After all of this, I come home for 5 minutes to grab something from home, and you were just going to leave without saying a word to me. You tell me that you loved me? That you care? You didn’t have the decency to tell me that you were in love with someone else, and you were just going to let me come home to find all of your stuff gone. I don’t what you came here wanting, but I can’t forgive you for being so sneaky about all of this. I deserved better than how you acted.” Jake said, standing up abruptly and leaving the coffee shop, leaving Sawyer a bit shocked and overwhelmed.

She had more than expected for Jake to be mad at her, but she had never seen him act so hateful towards anyone. Sure, she hadn’t made the best decisions when it came to ending things with him to be with Alex, but she was more than sure that Jake would at least understand once he heard her out.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing, and without looking, she knew it was Alex.

“Hey.” She answered.

“Where are you?” He asked, a little concerned, his voice laced with sleep. She felt a bit bad, because he could imagine the worry he felt when he woke up and she was gone. It was barely reaching 7am, and he knew that if she had no reason to be awake, she didn’t wake up this early.

“Coffee shop. I’ll be home in about 15 minutes with a mocha for you.” She said quietly, standing up and heading back to the line for coffee.

“Are you ok?” He asked concerned.

“Yea. I just. We’ll talk when I get back. Promise.” She confirmed.

“Ok. Be safe. I’ll see you soon.” He said. “Love you.”

She couldn’t help but to smile at that. “Love you too.” She replied before ending the phone call.

And 12 minutes later, she found herself walking back into the guest room at Macy’s apartment, her hot chocolate and Alex’s mocha occupying her hands as she nudged the door open, finding Alex sitting on the edge of the bed, feet planted on the floor and the left one tapping against the floor softly in anticipation.

His head shot up at the noise of the door, visible relief washing over his features at the sight of the small blond.

“You kinda scared me when I couldn’t find you this morning.” He said as she handed him his coffee, grabbing it and setting down automatically on the bed side table. He reached for her, pulling her down onto his lap and moving her coffee cup onto the bedside table as well. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, and she melted into him, leaning her body into his as best as she could, trying to get as close as possible.

“What’s wrong?” Alex whispered to her, placing a kiss onto her cheek gently.

“I met up with Jake this morning.” She whispered back, becoming more nervous when she felt Alex tense a bit underneath her. “I’m sorry. I just. His reaction. I couldn’t. I needed to know.” She tried to explain, and Alex’s body relaxed a bit before tightening his hold on her, pulling her as close to him as possible.

“Do you feel better?” He knew getting mad wouldn’t make anything better, and he hated seeing Sawyer so upset. He knew yesterday when Jake had shrugged everything off with such nonchalance that it had bothered Sawyer.

“Not really. He went from acting like nothing to being so angry. Said he didn’t even know who I was.” Sawyer said sadly, and Alex felt horrible. He knew Sawyer felt horrible about everything because even though Jake was a total tool, Alex knew that Sawyer cared about him at least enough to feel bad about how everything had ended up.

“I’m a horrible person.” She muttered, and Alex shook his head, disagreeing with her.

“No you aren’t.”

“I’ve been cheating on a man I planned on marrying. I lied to him to his face. And then I was just going to leave without saying anything about it. He should be mad at me.” She remarked, her voice straining as she got a bit more upset. Alex tilted his chin up just enough to be able to lean forward and kiss her lightly on the lips, applying just enough pressure to make sure that she was paying attention.

Alex pulled away after a few seconds, leaning his forehead against Sawyer’s.

“I won’t lie. It’s not the ideal way for things to happen. But they’ve happen. And now we’re together. And that’s what we’ve been waiting for. If you don’t want that, then we cannot be together. You can go back to him. I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want to do. And I know it’s unfair. I get it. But I’ve been waiting for years to make you mine. I love you, and I want you, but I don’t want you if you don’t want me.” He said, and it was the truth, but it hurt like hell to say it. He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to give her up and have her return to her life with Jake.

“I don’t want Jake.” She muttered, her eyes closed. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” Her confidence showing through. “I just feel bad. But I don’t want anyone but you.” She said, and he smiled wide, pressing his lips back against hers with more force, more determination.

They lingered in the moment, enjoying the comfort of being in each other’s presence, feeling complete. It took a few more moments before they parted once more, Sawyer moving back to rest her head against Alex’s, relaxing into his hold on her.

“I love you Alexander William. So much.” She mumbled into his ear, a grin spreading across his face.

“I love you Sawyer Sage.” His whispered back to her.

And she felt much better about everything after that. She had needed the conversation with Jake, and she had needed to talk with Alex about it as well. She felt as though things were settled now, and that meant that she could move tomorrow to Baltimore with Macy to be with Alex and have no regrets about it. Sure, Jake was mad at her, and sure, none of this had really gone the way that she had thought it might, but she was getting Alex to herself for the first time. Just her and Alex.

She could live with that.