Mibba Frerard

Gerard's P.O.V.

Now that I've sung my song and I'm with Frank, I realise that I never want this to happen again. I realise that Frank is the only thing I need to stay constant in my life. I think about the rammifications of the thought. I've basically just said that I need him more than Mikey. Mikey, my little brother, who's been there for me since I lost the ability to walk.

"You know they don't think you'll ever walk again. They said that your spine is so bad that even though they repaired your legs, the chance that you'll ever..." Mikey paused for a moment with tears in his eyes, "The chance that you'll ever walk again is barely even a chance."

I looked at Mikey, he was on the verge of a breakdown and I knew that he just needed to hear something reassuring.

"I will."

"What? The doctor said that you can't! You could have the physio but Mom and Dad won't pay for it! They said you don't deserve it. Gerard, for God's sake, they've gone to Hawaii! They said that they needed time to relax and get away from the scandal. They're leaving us here. Do you even know what that means? Do you? I have to look after you until they get back and probably when they get back too! I've got to help you dress, I've got to help you get out of bed, hell, I even have to help you go to the bathroom and do you know what? I'll do it but I can't see you sit there for the rest of your life and tell me how some day, you'll walk."

"I told you. I will walk. I don't need physio because no matter how long it takes, I will walk."

Mikey looked at me defeated, like he didn't believe me. That hurt but then he looked down at the floor and told me something that helped me more than anything.

"I'll help you."

After that, when I got out of hospital, Mikey made a walkway with bars on it out of wood in the living room. It took him one day. He sat there for one day and made something that hospitals have to buy. It made me realise just how willing he was to do anything for me.

The next day, I was ready to use it and when I asked Mikey to help me out of my chair, he said no.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean, do you know how hard this is going to be and are you mentally prepared?"

"Of course I am."

"Are you mentally prepared?"

"Yes I think I am."

"Are you prepared?"

"Well...no."

"So, you sit there and you make sure you know why you're doing this and you make sure you believe you can."

So I sat there, and I thought. I know why I'm doing this. I'm doing it for the same reason I used to do anything. The same reason I used to get wasted, drive around and fail in school; because the told me I can't. If someone says I can't, then I will.

It took 6 months for me to be able to even walk afew steps while holding onto Mikey.Then after a year I could even walk up the stairs by my own. My parents never said a word. They used another part of the house for the living room and told Mikey that we had to shut the curtains because the neighbours might complain. He didn't scream at them like I would have or even ask why the neighbours would possibly complain about home rehabilitation, he just shut the curtains and one day he painted 'snobs' on the house across the road. That just made it hit home even more how much he cared about me.

After a year, I could walk again. I walked everywhere for so long. My parents took one look at me when they saw me walking and my mother said, "Well now I suppose you'll just walk across the street and paint something obscene on the neighbours' house again."

I just gave her a withering look and went for a very long walk.

Then it all fucked up.

I was walking down the stairs into the cellar to get a pizza from the freezer one day, listening to my MP3 player. I didn't see the wire on the steps as I was changing the song and the next thing I did see was a doctor leaning over me, calling my name. Mikey was there again. He was crying.

"You were doing so well," he sobbed. "The doctors said that after they initially operated on your spine to try to see if they could fix things, they told me that your spine was really fragile. I explained that you'd been walking again and they said it was a miracle that you'd been walking again, but the real miracle was that this time you didn't damage your spine."

"So I can walk again? Why am I here?"

"No. You can't walk again. When you tripped over the wire, you fell all the way down the stairs. You crushed your legs. They said that usually this happens to people who fall feet-first off of buildings but your legs are so bad that they can't even repair the bone. I could get the surgeon to explain it, but this time, you really can't ever walk again.

This time I knew that this wasn't the normal 'can't' where I could defy it. This was it.

I look at Frank and think about it again. I look at him, asleep on my chest, at his beautiful skin and his stunning face and I know that I mean it. I need him even more than I need Mikey. I need him more than anything because I'm in love with him.

Frank wakes up and looks at me smiling.

"I love you, snugglebunny," he says.

"Snugglebunny?"

"Shush. You know I'm weird," he says, sticking his tongue out at me.

A boy who is more goofy than romantic.