Mibba Frerard

Gerard's P.O.V.

I've been sat in indecisive misery for 3 days, telling Mikey I'm ill. Misery because in these 3 days I haven't spoken to Frank, and indecisive because I want to call him but I don't know if he wants to speak to me and so I can't decide what to do. I need advice. I pick up my cell and put in Grace's number. Grace is my best friend other than Mikeyor Frank. On my first day in school, she was the only person to talk to me. Now you'd think it's pretty rude and prejudiced not to talk to me just because I'm in a wheelchair but you have to consider that I also looked pretty intimidating with my long black hair and wearing my black leather jacket. I also had a look on my face that said, "Talk to me, and for the rest of your life, people will ask about the tire track scars covering your body."

I sat at the back of the class and drew in my sketch book until the lesson began. After about 10 minutes of being told what we'd learn this year, a girl with short, red-brown hair burst in, gabbling an apology to the teacher. She sat next to me. I watched her closely with a disdainful expression and an internal smile. She was fumbling around for a pen and if I hadn't been so worried about people being scared of me, I'd externally smile and help her. She started talking to me. It was just a garbled explanation of he lateness and I nodded along to be polite and because as annoying as it sounded, I enjoyed listening to her. She whispered to me.

"I can see you won't talk to me because you want people to be scared of you, right?"

"How do you know that?"

"Well, you have a look on your face that says don't fuck with me but if you really were like that, you would've told me to shut up. I figure you don't want pity and you think fear is the only other option."

"Yeah."

"Well if people liked you, they wouldn't feel sorry for you."

"No one likes me.'

'Well then make them like you. I'll help you."

"...Okay."

The teacher noticed that we'd been talking and said,"I understand that everyone wants to flirt with the new girl but can't you at least wait until lunch?"

Grace and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. As Grace wiped a tear away she spoke to the teacher, First of all, anyone flirting with me will be laughed at unless they're a hot girl and secondly, um..."

"Gerard," I said.

"Gerard here likes boys."

I gasped. No one's gaydar is that good. Everyone in the class sort of shrugged. One guy said "Dyke," but then his friend elbowed him and hissed something about it being the 21st century. Someone said they had a gay uncle and that was the end of it.

I sighed though, this brought back memories. When I came out to my old friends, they'd all been really supportive and when word got out, everyone who said anything got beaten up. In fact after I got jumped when I split off from the group, the guys found me with a black eye and a bust lip and spent the whole night thinking up horrific revenges for the guys who beat me up. Most of them involved switchblades (I had the kind of friends who were the reason you didn't go out in Jersey at night. Nice guys but they had a lot of enemies and if a passer-by got caught in the middle of a fight, they'd be the one who came out worst off. That lead to some arrests, I can tell you.). After the accident none of them came round much. I understood though, they'd been protective because they had been good friends but they also were growing up and had lives to live (I hang around with older kids usually. All around 19 or 20.) and they didn't really know how to act around me. I only had Mikey left but he made up for fifty stoner buddies.

After that day at school, Grace brought me out of my shell and made me get over self-pity and stopped me focusing on hating the chair and had me working on liking myself. I got there eventually and I still have my moments but I'm 99 percent accepting of the chair. Because of that, so are most other people and if they're not I can always run them over.

I need her now because I can't blame Sonny for me running out on Frank, I know it was because of him but if I wasn't a fucking cripple, everything would be fine.

I punch Grace's number into my cellphone and there's no answer. The only time Grace doesn't have her cellphone is when she's on a family outing (her parents have one day a month where they decide they don't do enough as a family and take Grace and her brother out to a museum.

Great, I have one friend and she's off looking at Greek urns. A wave of self pity comes over me and I sob at how pathetic I am.

"Gerard!" Mikey calls,"Do you want something to eat?"

I can't speak and I hear Mikey knock on my door and then open it. "Gee, I brought you some juice...oh, Gerard, what's wrong?"

I still can't talk so he walks over to me and wraps his arms around me, holding me close.

"Don't cry, don't cry."

He doesn't ask what's wrong he just holds me as my sobs get smaller and I take deep breaths. Mikey lies down and on the bed and I move so that he can put his arms around my middle. We lay together and I fall asleep thinking about how much Mikey means to me. I'd be nothing without him.

A guy who will bring me orange juice when I'm sick