An Insomniac's Summer

I’m sitting on my bed in shorts and a v neck, reading a book. It’s around one AM, and I’m not even close to tired. I hear my phone vibrate on the bedside table. There’s only one person that would text me right now.

Jude.

I’m outside, come out! C:

Whoa… okay. I slip on Corey’s hoodie, toss my book on the bed, and go to open the front door. Jude is standing there on the porch.

“Hi.” He says, grinning.

“Hey, there.” I say, returning the smile.

“Where do you want to go tonight?” he asks, smiling. He’s so cute. Ugh.

“Honestly? I don’t feel like going anywhere tonight.” I say. I’m actually a bit tired, after all of today’s events. “Want to just stay here? We can hang out on the beach, if you wanted to.”

“Okay. Sounds good.” He replies, shrugging his shoulders.

I go inside to grab a blanket. Jude follows close behind me, looking around my small house. As I take a blanket out of the closet, Jude wanders around the small living room and kitchen area.

“This place is really nice.” He muses, biting his lip ring. Does he even realize how sexy he is when he does that?!

“Thank you.” I say, and touch his arm to lead him to the living room. He follows me out the sliding glass door and onto the sand. We walk a little ways down the beach and spread out the blanket, not too far away from the water. We sit down on the blanket and face each other, cross-legged.

He’s looking out at the ocean, silent. Something is running through his mind and I can’t help but know what it is. He wants to know who the reason of my breakdown was.

“So…” he starts, choosing his words carefully. “What was his name?” I was right. I take a breath and say,

“Corey. His name was Corey Bolender.” I say.

“I don’t want you to talk about this if you don’t want to. I mean, I… I-” he stammers, looking me in the eye.

“Jude, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it with you… just not with everyone else. You know?”

“Yeah, I understand. And you can trust me. I promise.” He says, reassuringly.

“I know I can.” I smile at him, sad but grateful. He’s looking at me intently. I avert my eyes and decide to look at the waves rolling in on the shore, instead. I tell him all about Corey. I tell him about our childhood together. I tell him about our movie-like relationship that we had. I tell him, vaguely of course, about that night: our kiss and how everything changed, but nothing changed. I tell him about how much I loved Corey. I let it all out. I haven’t even mentioned Corey’s name to anyone these past one and a half years.

Even though talking about him brings back bittersweet memories, it’s nice that I’m able to talk about him again. Yes, I’m crying, but at least I’m able to speak about my best friend without having a complete meltdown. I smile at the good memories, even so much as laughing a few times. I look back at Jude, then. He has a mixture of sympathy, sadness, and uncertainty in his eyes. He says,

“Mandy wouldn’t like this, but…” and takes my hand in his own, lacing our fingers together. It’s a kind, friendly gesture. There was nothing romantic about it whatsoever. Jude was just being a friend when I needed it. Sometimes, a simple touch can make everything okay. But this small action makes me want him to wrap his arms around me like he did Mandy, earlier, not just intertwine our fingers.

I always seem to want what I can’t have...

Hiding my feelings, I smile and say, “Thank you for listening. You’re a great friend.” I really appreciate him. I wipe my damp cheeks with the back of my hand that he isn’t holding.

We sit there all night, just talking. Jude talks about his childhood and high school years. I shared my story, now he shares his. He wasn’t a very good kid in school; he’d slack off and whatnot, skipping classes to be in the art rooms. I understand completely. I did the same sometimes.

At about four AM, we lay down side by side, our feet hanging off the end of the blanket. I dig my feet in the cool sand. We listen to the crashing waves on the shoreline and look at the stars.

Not a lot of words are spoken. Jude and I either look at each other, the receding darkness around us, or just listen to the sounds of the water. The next thing I know, the sky is getting brighter; the sun beings to rise. We sit up and lean back on our palms to watch the sunrise in all of its brilliance.

“Jude…” I yawn. “I’m getting tired.” I check my phone. It’s just about six AM.

“Me too.” He looks at me. “I don’t think I can even get home. I don’t mean to impose, but do you think I could stay here? I’m falling asleep…”

“It’s fine. You can just crash on the couch if you want to.”

“Alright.” His eyes are fighting to stay open.

“Yeah…” We both lay back down and look at each other once more before our eyes close.

The last thing I see before sleep consumes me is Jude. His high cheekbones, closed eyelids, long eyelashes, and pale skin. The scar on his cheek.

I curl up in a ball, next to Jude, who’s breathing is slow and steady with sleep. I bring my knees to my chest, falling asleep right away next to Jude, on a blanket, the sunrise around us.