Dying to Say This to You, Zak Bagans

Zak’s POV

I wasn’t prepared for last night’s events. It took me by surprise, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Jeanna’s even breathing was warm against my chest where her head lied. I stretched my back and legs slightly and twisted some of her red curls around my finger. How could I not love this woman?

I must have woken her by playing with her hair because she grunted a little before holding her head up to look at me.

“Morning,” she said softly, kissing my cheek. “How long have you been awake?”

“Just about ten minutes.”

She looked at me funny. “You laid there and watched me sleep for ten minutes.”

“Yeah…?”

She playfully slapped my chest before rolling on her side, her back facing me, and taking all the covers. “You’re a creeper.” She yawned audibly.

I laughed a little before getting up and walking into the bathroom.

After my shower, I dressed quickly in a pair of black jogging pants and a plain black t-shirt. Today was my last lazy week-end day before going back to work. This time, both of us would be going back to work.

I found Jeanna rummaging through my cabinets when I came downstairs.

“Finding anything appealing?”

“No! Zak, do you ever eat at home?” she scoffed.

“Yup. I just don’t keep any quick-fix food in the cabinets. Check the freezer.”

She made an “o” shape with her mouth before turning and digging through the freezer. I laughed and walked around her to make myself a cup of coffee. After a few minutes, she straightened up, retrieving a box of frozen sausage and a bag of biscuits.

“You actually eat this stuff?” she questioned.

I nodded. “I am a busy man. I usually don’t have time to get up in the morning and make a fresh, from scratch breakfast,” I stated.

Jeanna laughed. “I guess I’ll try it. Do you want some?”

“Yeah. I’ll take two.”

“Okay. Where are your pans?”

“Under the counter to the left of the stove.”

A moment later, she had a pan heating on the stove and four sausage patties in it. She also put four biscuits in the oven. Seeing that she was done for a few minutes, she turned to me, looking at the mug of coffee in my hand.

“Now where are those?”

I smiled, “Right above the coffee maker.”

I watched her as she opened the cabinet and stretched to grab the last mug which was on the top shelf. Yeah, I was checking her out. It’s my job, right? I noticed that she had changed into the pajamas she had packed which were blue shorts and a button up red shirt. Her hair which was messy from last night was now up in a bun. I laughed. She didn’t match at all, but she still looked sexy.

“What are you laughing at?” she asked once she finished making her coffee.

“You don’t match.”

She rolled her eyes at me and checked on the cooking food. “I don’t care. It’s Sunday. I have no plans to go out.”

Once the food was cooked, I surprised myself by sitting at the table that I rarely used and ate. Jeanna was quiet and she sat there staring at her paper plate. I reached across the table and grabbed her hand which was resting by her coffee.

“Are you okay, Baby?”

She finally brought her eyes up to mine. I think I saw them brim with tears.

“No,” she confessed. She sighed before continuing. “Zak, do you think last night was a mistake.”

I felt my stomach flip and my heart rate increased. Was she going to break up with me? “What do you mean?”

“The sex. Do you think it should have happened?”

I sighed. “Jeanna, I have every intention on marrying you someday. You know I love you.”

“I know,” she whispered. “But was it too soon?”

I looked at her and put my finger under her chin, making her raise her head and look me in the eye. “I’m going to be honest with you. I enjoyed it. I don’t think it was too soon.”

She nodded and smiled, her mood turning completely around. “Me too.”

I frowned at her, confused. “Then what was that all about?”

She shrugged and took a bite out of her sausage biscuit. “I don’t know. Self-esteem?”

“What do you mean, ‘self-esteem’?”

Jeanna looked me in the eye before turning to her coffee. “I have self-esteem issues.”

I looked at her wide-eyed. “Why would an amazing girl like you have problems with her self-esteem?”

“I always have.” She paused for a moment. “I was always the fat girl. I didn’t feel pretty enough or skinny enough for anybody. My friends always seemed to be the prettier than me. I felt left out. I never seemed to attract anybody. Beau was my first real boyfriend when I was eighteen.”

I looked at her, my mouth open. “But you’re beautiful! How could you think like that?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe if you saw my friends you’d change your mind.”

“Try me.”

Jeanna’s POV

I took Zak’s challenge and pulled my iPhone out of my pocket. Quickly, I searched on Facebook for my high school best friends and one-by-one pulled them up to show Zak: Abby, Hannah, Jessie, Ashley. When I was done showing him, I put my phone back in my pocket and sat back, waiting for him to tell me how ugly I was in comparison.

“Are you insane?” he finally broke the silence.

I braced myself.

“You are a thousand times prettier than them!” he exclaimed. “Who made you think any different?”

I shrugged. This wasn’t the turn I had expected. “They always had someone they were dating, someone that liked them. I didn’t have anybody until I graduated high school! I was the ugly mutt! I still am!”

Zak pushed his chair back hard and loudly. He came over to me and knelt in the floor beside me. “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, believe me. Guys must have been to afraid of rejection to ask you out. I admit, I was terrified that you would reject me.”

I felt a smile pull on my lips. “Really?”

“I would never lie to you, Jeanna.”

“I love you, Zak.”

“I love you more than you could ever imagine.”

Zak pressed his lips to mine and my fingers instantly tangled in his hair.

* * *

Going back to work really stressed mine and Zak’s relationship. Nick was always teasing Zak and being overprotective of me at work. And while I was gone, business had grown, leaving us swamped with orders day-in and day-out. It was surprising how Vi was able to handle it all alone. After about a month, I was back in the swing of waking up early and working non-stop until six in the evening.

I was working on cutting carnations to go into a wedding bouquet when the bell over the door rang. I looked up from my work and saw a man wearing a hooded jacket and a pair of sunglasses.

“Can I help you?” I asked suavely.

“I’d like a bouquet of two dozen red roses.”

“Okay.” I wiped my hands on my apron and moved to the cash register where we kept order papers. I scribbled down what he had mentioned before asking, “Anything else?”

“No. Can you have them ready immediately?”

I frowned. Usually we didn’t do immediate orders, but this guy looked to be in a hurry so I agreed and started to work on his order while he looked around the shop. As I carefully pruned and placed the roses in an upright crystal vase, I mulled over the man’s appearance. He looked really familiar. But then again maybe not. He was mostly hidden by his hood and unneeded sunglasses.

It only took me a few minutes to make the bouquet he ordered. I carefully took the roses out of the vase and wrapped a piece of plastic around them, holding it together with a rubber band around the stems. I motioned for him that they were done. He came over to the counter and I placed the flowers gingerly on the counter.

“$48,” I said, pressing a few buttons on the cash register.

He nodded and handed me the money in cash before leaving without his receipt.

“Who was that?” Vi asked from where she had picked up the slack on cutting the carnations.

I shrugged my shoulders. “No clue. But I guess he really as in a rush.”

“You got that right.”

Vi and I had finished the wedding flowers by the time for closing. We quickly cleaned up the shop before taking our aprons off and getting our stuff in the back and leaving. Vi left before I did because she had a dentist appointment. I dug through my purse looking for my keys when my iPhone vibrated, signaling I had a voicemail.

I decided to sit down and rest a moment while I checked my voicemail. I called it and discovered the message was from Zak. He babbled about something, but I was unsure because I didn’t understand him. I called him back. He answered immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Babe. Did you call me and leave a message?”

“Yeah. Can you make it?”

“Make what? I couldn’t understand you on the recording.”

He chuckled. “Can you run by the office, I need to talk to you.”

I frowned. “Okay? I’m leaving the shop now so I’ll be there in thirty or forty-five minutes.”

“Thanks, Beautiful. See you in a little bit. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I hung up my phone and continued to dig for my keys. When I finally found them, I resumed locking up the shop and left for Vegas. It was October, the time of year where Vegas was still popular, but much easier to navigate. I made it to Zak’s office in thirty minutes.

I parked in the parking garage next to Zak’s Jeep and took the elevator to the fifth floor. When the doors opened, I was greeted by Josephina, the receptionist. I recognized her from the countless times I had come to hang out with Nick and Aaron on Sunday afternoons after lockdowns.

“Hey, Jeanna,” she greeted me sweetly.

“Hi. Is Zak in his office?”

She nodded, smiling before turning back to her work on the computer, whatever that was.

I briskly walked down the hall to Zak’s office and knocked on the door. I heard a muffled “Come in,” and opened the door.

When I saw Zak, I noticed he was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. Nothing special. He had a pair of sunglasses sitting on the desk along with a lot of paperwork and his Apple laptop.

“Hey, Baby. What’s up?”

I closed the door behind me and made myself comfortable on the chair across from Zak’s desk.

“Hey. Hold on, lemme phone Nick and Aaron and tell them you’re here.”

He pressed a few buttons on his iPhone. I guess he was just going to send them a text. A few moments later, the other two members of the team walked into the room, big smiles on their faces.

“What are you two so damn happy about?” I questioned, feeling a little strange.

Nick looked at Zak and he nodded his head. This really made me curious. What were they up to?

“We’ve been thinking. Not only are you creative, but we’ve also been looking at your records. We’ve been told that we need another film expert on the team. Since Nick can’t be described as an expert because he didn’t go to film school, we need to find someone else. Why not you?” Zak asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Me? How did you find out I went to film school?” I questioned.

Were they digging in my personal files? I wasn’t sure that was something I liked.

Nick spoke up. “I told him.”

I turned to Nick. “And why do you want me to be part of GAC?”

“We know you. We don’t have to worry about finding someone new who could be a freaky fan who builds shrines to us. We know from Nick that you are excellent. We know that you are creative. Why look for someone who fits all the qualities we need when we already know of someone?” Aaron answered.

I thought for a moment. “Would that mean that I would have to close my shop?”

Zak spoke, “Or you could hire more people to keep it running while you’re on the road with us. Or if you don’t want to close the shop, you could sell it to Vi. But that’s just if you want to.”

I mulled that thought over in my head. I definitely wouldn’t sell the shop. It would either be closed or have more workers. That would mean cutting the revenue into so many pieces. Our pay checks would be smaller, but it would still be feasible. And by joining the crew, I wouldn’t have to worry about the guys when they traveled because I would be going with them. And I loved to travel. It would be an ideal job. I took a few more minutes to think before finally speaking.

“What would my job entitle?”

“You would investigate lockdowns with us and review evidence. Everything we do, you would do,” Nick replied.

I nodded my head in thought. “Okay. When can I start?”

Zak’s POV

I was ecstatic when Jeanna accepted the job offer. Like Aaron, I too was a little weary about hiring someone new right off. As soon as the guys left my office, I picked up the bouquet of roses that I had hidden under my desk.

“Ms. Martin, these are for you,” I said smoothly as I stood up and handed them to her.

Jeanna looked at the bouquet of flowers confusedly for a moment then smacked my chest.

“It was you today, wasn’t it!” she exclaimed, taking the flowers from me.

I nodded. “I thought that you would appreciate getting flowers that were done perfectly.”

She smiled and kissed me passionately. I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around her hips, pulling her closer.

“Thank you,” she said, pecking my lips once again.

“Only because I love you,” I said, giving her a little squeeze.

When I was finished at the office, Jeanna and I left in our separate cars to go to my house. She was staying the night again, not that I complained. She had been staying at my house a lot lately, but we had only had sex the one time. I didn’t want to pressure her or force her into anything she didn’t want.

Once we were home, I decided that since we were both tired and didn’t want to cook we would go out for dinner. While I shaved and did my hair, Jeanna showered. I had to admit that I was a little taken aback by her openness. I had imagined that Jeanna would be reserved until we were, maybe, hopefully, married, but I was wrong. She knew that I would look, but trusted that I would respect her enough not to stare.

It didn’t take long for us to get ready to go. When we got in the car, we decided to go to Perkins. Because Jeanna had never been to the restaurant before, she decided on ordering a safe burger while I ordered my favorite, the turkey dinner. We ate in patches of comfortable silence, occasionally talking about our days until Jeanna pried for more answers.

“Why did you guys really want me to part of the team? Does it have anything to do with what happened the last time you guys left for a lockdown?”

“No, we really think you’re good,” I told her. “Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that incident. I’ve tried so hard to just forget it. You scared me to death.”

She nodded and dipped a fry in some ketchup. “I believe you,” she finally said.

We finished dinner and I paid for it before we went home to rest. We both had a big day in the morning. Jeanna was having to start to find extra help for the shop. We were tying to finish Jeanna’s new office and get a few lockdowns scheduled.

The moment my head hit the pillow and Jeanna was snuggled safe in my arms, I fell asleep.

Keep her safe.

I jumped. We were in Gettysburg at the battlefield. My clothes weren’t the usual jeans and t-shirt. Instead, they were worn blue trousers and a blue collared, button-up jacket that was stained by dirt and a little tattered. I wore a hat on my head. I looked to my right. Jeanna stood up on a tall scaffold wearing a lacey blue dress. Surrounding her were those bloody Southern mongrels. Where there should have been a camera in my hand for the lockdown, I had an old musket. Nick and Aaron were by my side, both dressed the same and me with a musket in their hands.

Keep her safe. Save her.

I knew the voice in my head was talking about Jeanna. A battle cry came from deep within me as I charged ahead, shooting my gun at anyone in my way. The guys were charging behind me, shoot just as I did.

When I was confident that I had killed off all the enemies, I climbed the scaffold where Jeanna stood, petrified.

Keep her safe.

I felt like telling the voice in my head to shut up, that that’s what I was doing, but I kept my focus on finding foot- and hand-holds in the scaffolding. Finally, I was at the top.

“Zak!” Jeanna shouted, running into my embrace. I held her as she buried her head into my chest. “I’m afraid, Zak.”

“Shh,” I cooed in her ear. “Nothing can get you. I’ve got you.”

Her tears soaked through my Union uniform. A single gun shot rang out a mere second before I felt a sharp pain go from my back to my chest. I gasped before letting go of Jeanna and stumbling forward. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from moving. It felt as if someone had their hand on my back, pushing me to the end of the platform, making me fall.

You’ve failed, Zak. They’ve got her now.

I fell through the air, a scream finding it’s way out of my throat. I had failed to keep her safe.

I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking from terror and sat up. I looked down and saw Jeanna curled up next to me in the bed. She was safe. I laid back down and wrapped my arm around her, causing her to snuggle back up to my chest. I kissed her forehead. What did that dream mean?

I closed my eyes, but my mind still raced, trying to piece together the dream. Our next lockdown was scheduled for Gettysburg in two weeks. Was this some kind of premonition? Was something bad going to happen to one of us? I attempted to slow my heartbeat by keeping my breathing steady. After a few moments, I had drifted back to sleep. But one phrase continued to echo through my mind: “Keep her safe.”