Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

The walk to the restaurant was chilling, but invigorating. I couldn’t wait to see J, to ask him how he’d been doing. I still felt bad about leaving him soon but there was nothing I could really do about it. I just hoped we would still remain friends.

As I approached the restaurant, I saw him, standing there, leaning against the building and watching the people passing by. He wore his favorite leather jacket that I had always secretly thought looked extremely good on him. As he noticed me, he smiled. I walked up to him and he quickly embraced me, protecting me from the cold for a few moments.

“Shall we go in?” he asked, one arm still around me and the other gesturing towards the door.

“Of course,” I replied as he opened the door for both of us.

Unlike I thought it would be, dinner was pretty quiet as well. We did talk about how we had been though. He had told me he was still upset that I was leaving. I told him it was the only thing that was going to make me happy right now.

After we were through with dinner, J , like the gentleman he was, picked up the bill (even after my numerous offers to pay my share). We then decided to take a night stroll through the city before going home. We walked down 1st Avenue, past all the streetwalkers, strip clubs, drunks and local loons. All was silent for a while, until J spoke up.

“You have to promise me you aren’t staying.” It seemed that he just could not get this subject off his mind.

“I’m not sure right now, J. We’ll see.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to visit you if you do.”

I smiled, a big grin. “I’d love that.”

“Good.” He smiled than looked to the ground.

“Maybe by this summer you can come up. That would be great! There’s all sorts of music festivals. Like Ruisrock. I haven’t been to that in years.”

“Ruisrock, huh? That sounds promising.”

“Yeah, it’s a lot of fun.”

We were silent for a moment more as we reached the waterfront. In the dark of night, the water looked like nothing but a big, black void. An abyss ready and willing to swallow you up in it. But, if one were to turn around and look at the city, it was a completely different sight. It was breathtaking, really. The whole city, when lit up at night, was spectacular. It was like one giant, flickering flame in the middle of vast darkness. I could stare at its wonder for hours.

The sound of J’s voice brought me back to reality. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, J.”

“I suppose I should bring you back home now, huh?”

“That might be a good idea. I have to work in the morning.”

And with that, we began to walk to my house. It seemed like we were there in a matter of minutes. Which was quite impossible seeing as I lived on the other side of downtown. Before J headed home, he led me up the steps to the building I lived in and hugged me tightly. I could’ve sworn I felt him press a kiss into the top of my head as he did so. Then he left, without a word.



The next few remaining weeks I spent in the States went by hurriedly. I got my plane ticket from my grandparents in the mail. Ever since I had gotten the check from them in the mail, I couldn’t believe that my Pop-Pop had offered to give me more money because what I had found in that envelope was more than enough money to pay off my bills. Maybe even enough to pay off a few more months ahead of time. So, I had quickly paid off my debts and figured I would return the rest to my grandfather when I next saw him. But, since I had pretty much planned on moving to my grandparent's house for a while, I used some of the extra money to ship the things I absolutely needed all the way to Finland.

Finally, the day had come to go back to Helsinki. The day I had been waiting for since I was 16. That morning, I had gotten up at four in the morning just to make sure everything was ready. The plane ride was long and would’ve been terribly boring if I hadn’t had my iPod with me. But, once I was finally there, it seemed as if it had taken no time at all.

When I arrived, I was a bit taken aback by the commotion of all the people in the airport. But, after I got the hang of it, I easily found my way around. I got my things from the baggage claim and walked outside to where all the cars were waiting around for people getting off of the arriving flights.

It took a while for me to find my grandparents, but when I saw a certain two people in the distance, I recognized them immediately. I was so happy to see them, I couldn’t contain my excitement. As soon as they approached, I enveloped them in the biggest hug I had ever given anyone.

“Pop-Pop! Mumu! I am so happy to see the both of you!”

“And we’re happy to see you, my dear,” my grandmother said.

“Happy is an understatement,” my grandfather added with a smirk.

After a few moments of welcoming conversation, we hurried to my grandparent’s car, in hopes of leaving before traffic was heavy.

Their flat on the outskirts of town was exactly how I remembered it as a child. It was everything I loved, everything I missed, everything I thought of when I got homesick. As a child, I had always spent more time at my grandparent’s house rather than with my actual parents. They had always been there for me, contrary to my mother and father.

As soon as we got to my grandparent’s house, my grandmother showed me to the room I would be staying in for the duration of my stay. I had remembered the room from when I was a child. It had always been their guest room and I had occasionally used it when I went over for a weekend stay or when my parents needed to go out of town. It was exactly as I remembered it. The bed still had the same quilt draped over it. The one my great-grandmother had made. All the pictures were in the same places I remembered them to be. Pictures of all my various relatives and my favorites - the old photos of my grandparents when they were young, were placed throughout the room.

I set the majority of my things on the bed, to be unpacked. Then I walked out to the living room and took a deep breath, glad to finally be home and ready and willing to spend some quality time with my long lost, but never forgotten family.