I Don't Wanna See No More

[Joe]

I sat in the chair. It was suppose to be comfortable. One of those big, black executive chairs that reclined a little with lots of cushion that was suppose to give lots of support and comfort.

But I was completely uncomfortable. I kept moving around trying to get somewhat comfortable. It didn’t work though. Even my skin was uncomfortable.

And here I was, in this radio station studio, trying to look cool and confident about my new solo project when I couldn’t even keep myself composed in a chair.

“Okay, Joe, we’re going live in less then a minute, just put these headphones on and we’ll just interview you,” the radio station manager smiled, handing me the headphones.

I had done interviews before so I wasn’t expecting a rundown. I just smiled politely as the DJs sat down with me. Putting my headphones on, I took a deep breath.

Act cool, Joe, act cool.

“Welcome back to KLMN radio, I’m here with Joe Jonas, Joe, you’re releasing your solo project today right here, how are you feeling?” The DJ asked me.

“Yeah, I can’t believe the day is finally here. I have been working hard at it and it feels good to finally get it out there and let the world hear it,” I said as confidently as I could.

“Do you feel weird doing this without your brothers with you?” He went on.

“I mean, I know that I have my brothers love and support. It definitely is weird not to be traveling with them but I was able to have a good conversation with Nick about what to expect being solo, I know they’d be here in a heartbeat if I needed them and while I miss them like crazy, I love that I’m not the Jonas Brothers and I’m just Joe,” I said into the mic, the DJ shook his head in agreement.

“So, Joe, let’s talk about this single of yours called ‘See No More,’ what’s it about?” He asked.

“Well the song is basically about a relationship that’s over and you just can’t get over but you know you need to because you need that freedom from it so you can move on,” I explained, looking down at my feet, making them shift to an awkward position.

“Can you say this was written based off of personal experience?” The DJ’s co-host asked. I chuckled nervously.

“ I can say that I definitely write from the heart,” I said.

“Speaking off of that, Joe, we all know you were in a pretty serious relationship not too long ago with Kate St. James, what’s going on with that?” I felt my throat close up a little bit. I stayed silent for a few extra seconds.

“Kate’s a great girl, but right now, we both just need to focus on our careers,” I said a little lower than my regular speaking voice.

“Alright, well, we don’t want to keep the fans waiting anymore, so here you have it, Joe Jonas’ new single ‘See No More’ coming at you right now,” the DJ said, they began to play my new song and I unlocked my phone to see her face still light up my lock screen.

[Kate]

I was an idiot for listening to this stupid radio station. But I wanted to support him. Even if we were broken up, a little part of me was hoping he knew I’d be listening.

As I listened to the interview, my heart broke when he said we both just needed to focus on our careers. But he wasn’t lying.

Joe and I dated for close to three years and while our relationship had survived tour after tour, things were now picking up for the both of us at rapid paces. Joe would be traveling around Europe in the next couple of weeks while I would be laying down final cuts and processing my album while doing a few shows in the bigger cities in the US. And while Joe was willing to pause his solo debut, I couldn’t bring myself to allow him to do that for me.

”I’ll always wait for you, Katie, you know I will, you’re worth the pause. I remembered Joe saying to me.

But it wasn’t fait to him. So, that being said, sitting down on a park bench, overlooking the smog covered city of Las Angeles, I told him we needed to take a break.

Walking away from that relationship was the hardest thing I ever had to do so far in my life. Joe and I made plans; promises that we would never leave one another and that we would one day get married.

Now, it just didn’t seem like that would be happening.

“There you have it folks! Joe Jonas’ new smash single ‘See No More’ request it now on your local radio and spread the word, Joe any last words to your fans?” The radio host said. I stared at my computer waiting for his voice to wave through.

“I want to say, I want to say thank you. You’ve inspired me to do this. I want you to know it’s all for you and it will always be for you. And I want you to know, I love you, you’re what keeps me going,” he said smoothly. I held my breath a little bit, having a slight feeling he knew I’d be listening. But then again, Joe really could be generally talking to all his fans, not just me.

I clicked out of the live stream of the Chicago radio station and went downstairs of my two-story apartment. I looked around, anxiously looking for something to clean but sadly, everything was in its place.

I fell to the floor and stared up ay my ceiling. I missed Joe. I missed him so much. I wish that we both had time to make it right, to work it out and just be together. I just wanted to so badly talk to him, to congratulate him, to tell him that he inspired me.

I was about to grab my phone from upstairs and express a little emotion to him when my doorbell rang. I groaned and opened up to find my best friend and manager, Julia with coffee and her blackberry in hand.

“We’ve got a lot to do today,” she said, coming in. I fell back to my spot on the floor.

“No, Kate, no being lazy, get up, shower, we’ve got to be at the Grove’s Starbucks for your acoustic set by noon so you can go on by one and it’s almost nine,” Julia was all about business.

“I really don’t want to do this,” I said not moving from the floor. Julia just gave me this look as if she were saying, “are you freaking kidding me?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She asked.

“Joe’s single came out today,” I said, she gave me a look of sorrow.

“I miss him, I really miss him,” I looked up at the ceiling forcing my tears to stay inside, safe where they belonged.

“I know you miss him, Kate, I really do. And I’m sorry it happened like it did. But you can’t just wallow in your apartment, you have to get up, you have to keep doing you or the break up wouldn’t at all be worth it,” she said to me. Knowing she was right, I got up and went to take a shower.

I blew out my long black hair with my blow dryer, not bothering to do much else except adding a feather into my hair near my right ear. I threw on a pair of old black skinny jeans and a slightly oversized racerback tanktop that showed my bra a little too much but not in the over slutty type way. I grabbed one of Joe’s old zip-up hoodies and put it over me and laced up a pair of low cut boots before putting on some eyeliner and finding Julia waiting for me.

“Oh good, your guitar and piano are being delivered to Starbucks, so we just need to get out there,” she said, standing up from my couch. I rolled my eyes and went to my kitchen to grab a spoonful of peanut butter and bottled water.

“I miss my keytar,” I said.

“Kate, it’s one acoustic show, you’ll be back to your hipster, indie, synth days next show, I promise,” she said. I grabbed my toy lion from my TV stand, a toy that Joe gave me and inspired me to be brave, and walked out the door.

I missed him so much.