Only In It For A Minute

I was stood side of stage watching the Rocket boys open tonight’s show in Portland. For the thirty minutes a night they play, I got to relax and just watch them play. It was great seeing them bring the crowd to life every night and all the fans singing every word back to them.

The thing I found most tiring about being a tour manager is that my job never stops. Just because the band weren’t on stage or doing interviews didn’t mean that I wasn’t busy doing something else. For the band, if they weren’t booked to do something, they would be walking about the city or on The Maine’s bus playing video games or hanging out, whereas I would be in a dressing room or hotel room working out schedules and routes. It was exhausting and the only time I got to rest was the however long I got to sleep each night, usually no more than six hours. It was getting more hectic everyday and all of this meant that I was beginning to get stressed and tense.

“Tash! Hey, Tash!” I heard behind me. I turned to see John stood grinning at me. He couldn’t come too far forward, knowing the crowd would be able to see him. “Come here.”

I took a couple of steps back so I was next to him and he threw an arm around my shoulders.

“How about we have a couple of minutes to ourselves?” he suggested.

“I’ve got a job to do here, and shouldn’t you be getting ready to hit the stage yourself?” I asked.

“You have nothing to worry about while those guys are on stage and you’re not my tour manager so no,” he smiled.

“John, I seriously don’t have time for this,” I huffed.

“Come on, T, all I’m asking for is two minutes!” he pleaded. “When was the last time we spent any time together just us since we’ve been on this tour?”

“And what do you think we can do in two minutes?”

“Well, I can think of one thing...” he smirked.

“Urgh, John, stop being a dick, I don’t have time for this,” I said, turning back to the stage.

“Alright, that was stupid, please Tash, can we just sit together for a couple of minutes?”

I turned back to him and sighed, “Fine,” I nodded and he took my hand and began to lead me down the corridor. “But as soon as Larry says you need to go warm up, you go.”

“I will!” he said, we found a quiet room and sat down in the corner together. There were a couple of other people in here, but I didn’t recognise them and they didn’t even seem to notice when we walked in.

As we sat down, I sat next to John and he grabbed my legs, throwing them over his and pulling me closer to his chest. One of the great things about John and I was that we were happy in each other’s company, even if we didn’t talk. I rested my head on John’s chest and let out a long breath.

“Wow, that was a big sigh,” he commented, his voice rough. “Where did that come from?”

“I don’t know, I just feel like sometimes I don’t get a chance to stop and catch my breath and think,” I mumbled.

“And what are you thinking about?”

“Home,” I told him.

“Yeah? Well, only six more shows and then we’ll be heading home,” he said. What he didn’t realise was that wasn’t the ‘home’ I was thinking about. I was thinking about my family back home in England. Since moving to LA, I had talked to them as much as possible but I hadn’t once gone back to visit them. I’d moved here at the end of November and it was now August. I missed my family, a lot. We still had the tickets that John’s parents had given me for Christmas last year that we hadn’t used. Since I was now a tour manager, I knew I had the next few weeks off as A Rocket To The Moon weren’t touring after this one finished and I didn’t have any other bands to work with. I also knew John had a few weeks off too.

I lifted my head off his chest and sat up.

“We should go to England,” I told him.

“What right now? I don’t think we can babe, the Rocket guys need you and I’m pretty sure my band need a singer,” he laughed, softly.

“No, not now,” I shook my head. “But once this tour is over. We should use the tickets your parents gave us.”

“Gave you,” he corrected.

“Whatever, you know you’re coming with me!” I told him. “Who the hell else am I going to take?”

“But I thought you wanted to go home,” he said.

“I do, but I think what I really want is to go back and see my family. I haven’t seen them in months.”

“OK, I guess we’re going to England then,” he grinned.

Not long after this, A Rocket To The Moon finished their set while John went and warmed up with the rest of the guys.

----------

The countdown to the end of tour was down to three more shows. Tonight was Anaheim, tomorrow was Las Vegas and then, lucky for The Maine and some of A Rocket To The Moon, the last night was in Tempe. As much as I had loved the experience of this tour, being the only girl had worn dry very quickly and sometimes having all these guys around was a lot of work. However, knowing that John and I had one day planned in Tempe with his family, then two days in our apartment in LA and then we were off to London, made me much happier.

I was watching Taking Back Sunday perform as Peter Sellers worked merch for both A Rocket To The Moon and The Maine. Or rather I got in his way as I sat on his table. I tried to help him out as much as I could with merch since Rocket didn’t have a merch guy out with them on this tour.

“So, do you not have anything better to do right now or did you just decide to grace me with your presence?” he asked, as he unfolded shirts and laid them down.

“Well, I thought this might be a good spot to watch the guys sort out their shit,” I laughed. “Plus, I do have a few minutes to spare.”

“I would have thought you’d be spending them with John,” he said. “All he moans about is not getting to spend more time with you.”

“Really? The last couple of days I feel like he’s been avoiding me, I can not work out why though,” I told Peter, spinning round of the table so I was facing him instead of the stage.

“That doesn’t sound like John, he normally can’t get enough of you.”

“It’s been ever since I mentioned me and him going to visit my family,” I explained. “And actually, now I think of it, every time I talk about the plans, he gets all fidgety and awkward.”

“Isn’t that just John though?”

“No, it’s not like his normal awkwardness, in fact, he never shows his awkwardness around me,” I frowned. “Hey, I’ll see you later, Sellers!”

I jumped down from the table and walked backstage.

“Garrett, have you seen John?” I asked, as I found him in the corridor.

“Yeah I think he’s on the bus,” he told me.

“Is it alright if I head on?”

“Of course, you don’t need to ask, Tash!”

I walked out of the building, straight to The Maine’s bus and typed in the four digit security code. I marched onto the bus and saw John sat with Kennedy, Matt and Jared, playing a video game.

“Excuse me guys, John, can we have a word?” I asked.

“Sure, hold on a sec,” he said, continuing to press buttons on his controller.

“I’ll be outside,” I told him.

“Oooh, someone’s in trouuuuble!” I heard Jared say as I walked off the bus.

Fans were already waiting around outside to meet bands after the show so I had to make sure we were somewhere that people wouldn’t be able to see or hear us. I wasn’t sure if the fans knew me and John were together or even knew who I was but I had a feeling the next conversation we were going to have wasn’t one I wanted them to hear.

“What’s up?” he asked, once he got off the bus and we walked to a quieter spot.

“Do you have a problem with coming to England with me?” I asked, bluntly.

“What?!”

“It’s just that every time I bring up the plans, you go awkward, mumble something stupid and change the subject.”

He sighed and looked at the ground.

“Or you do that,” I spat.

“Tash, we been on this tour for a month now,” he said. “And we live together. I’ve never spent this much time with just one girl before. Do you realise we’re almost always in each other’s company?”

“Are you trying to say you’re getting sick of me?” I asked.

“I just think you need to go home alone,” he sighed.

“And where are you going to go?” I asked. “Your parents?”

“I don’t mean our home,” he said, looking at the ground. “I mean, home to England.”

“What?” I asked, feeling my facial expression drop.

“I just think that once this tour is over, you should maybe go home for a bit.”

“We are, aren’t we?”

“As I said, you should go home, alone.”

“What are you saying, John?” I asked, my voice beginning to break.

“That maybe we just need a bit of space for a while,” he said, still not meeting my gaze. “And I think it would be best for you if you spent some time with your family.”

“Don’t you dare tell me what’s best for me right now, John,” I managed to get out.

“Tash,” he said, finally looking up at me.

“No, John,” I stopped him. “Where’s this even come from? I thought we were doing really well.”

“It’s not that, Tash,” he said, stepping closer to me. “I love you, I love you so fucking much, but we’re still so young and I don’t know if I should even be saying this, but I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore.”

“And?”

“And I just feel like there’s so much for me to get out there and do and see yet.”

“And I’m stopping you from doing all of it,” I said, a slight laugh slip out as the realisation washed over me.

“No, that’s not what I said,” he stated flatly.

“Yeah, but it’s what you meant,” I said. We stood there staring at each other for a while, neither of us saying anything but you tell we were thinking everything over. “Tell you what, John,” I said, breaking the silence. “How about you don’t talk to me for the rest of tour, then you can do whatever you want and once it’s over, I’ll be out of your hair and out of the apartment.”

“You’re still my girlfriend, Tash,” he reasoned.

“Really? AM I? That’s not really how I see it right now.”

“Look, it’s late, let’s just leave it tonight and we’ll talk in the morning,” he sighed. I nodded and began walking over to the van as John opened the door to The Maine’s bus. “Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna ride with the Rocket boys tonight,” I told him. “It’s where I’m supposed to be anyway.”

“But your stuff is here,” he said, with a harsh tone to his voice. I couldn’t bear to talk to him anymore, so I just shrugged my shoulders at him, looked away, opened the side door of the van and climbed in.