Only In It For A Minute

The last night of the tour was finally upon us and in so many ways, I was glad about it. I was drained, physically and emotionally and just wanted to sleep in a proper bed for a very long time.

“We’ve got one more song to play for you guys, but before we do, we wanted to say a few quick thank you’s,” Nick said to the crowd. I was sat at the merch table with Peter again as I watched them. “Firstly, to Taking Back Sunday for bringing us out on this tour and being such cool dudes, along with our good friends in The Maine. A huge thanks to everyone helping us out on this tour, mostly to our new tour manager Tash, this is her first tour and we’re probably not the easiest guys to look after but she’s done us proud these past few weeks. Finally, a big thank you to all of you for being here tonight or giving a damn about our band. it really means so much us. So, this goes out to everyone, really. It’s called Mr Right.”

As they played the song, I made my way backstage, ready to greet the guys as they walked offstage, which was something I didn’t need to do, but liked doing. John and I had barely spoken the last two days, which was making the tour slightly awkward for everyone, but we couldn’t sort things out while everyone was listening, so we found it easier to just keep out distance from each other. Tonight was a hometown show for The Maine, so there were various family members and friends hanging around backstage as well as the bands and crew.

“Tash, can I have a quick word?” John said, as I went to stand near the stage. I nodded and followed him to a quiet spot down the corridor. “Look, I know we’re not talking and in a fight or whatever and I know we need to sort this shit out, but my parents are here and they don’t know anything’s going on between us, so I was wondering if I could ask a huge favor from you?”

“Sure, John,” I said. I was trying to avoid eye contact with him so I didn’t lose my cool.

“Can things just be normal between us for the next couple of hours, a little bit of small talk with them,” he explained. “They’ve been asking after you already. I told them you had a job to do and was busy.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “Where are they now?”

“Our dressing room,” he told me. “You sure you don’t mind?”

“It’s fine. Do you know why? Because I love you, John, and the past couple of days have been hell for me, so pretending things are fine will have to do for now,” I told him. “But remember, things aren’t fine.”

“I know, it’s been bad for me too, you know. I’ve had the guys asking me constantly what’s happened.”

“How about we don’t get into this right now?” I suggested, to which he nodded.

“Come on, let’s just go see them and get this over for you.” He held out his hand for me and I stared at it for a few seconds as I thought about it. I looked up at John’s face and he half smiled at me. Looking back at his hand, I sighed and slid mine into it as he held it tightly as if he didn’t want to ever let go.

“Guys, I’ve got someone to see you,” John said, as he entered the dressing room. I followed him in and his parents both grinned at me.

“Tash! We were beginning to think you were hiding from us,” Jenny said.

“I’d never do that,” I smiled, letting go of John’s hand and giving them both a hug.

“How have you been?” his dad asked.

“I’m good, very exhausted from this tour though,” I told them.

We talked for a couple of minutes before Larry came in the room.

“Warm up time, John,” he said, before leaving and shutting the door again.

“OK, I gotta go,” John told us, “Tash, can you take my parents out front please?”

“Of course,” I smiled.

“Thanks,” he said, leaning down and awkwardly kissing my cheek. “Enjoy the show guys!”

----------

I stood with John’s parents the whole time The Maine played which meant I had to their whole set. I caught John stealing glances at me during a few songs but I tried not to keep eye contact with him and tried to look around the crowd. Halvo came and joined me a few songs into the set as he knew John’s parents well and he told me he didn’t want it to be too awkward for me, considering the situation, which I was thankful to him for.

“OK, so the next song is our somewhat slow song and I’d really appreciate it if you helped me out with this one so have you all brought your singing voices with you?” John addressed the crowd, as he adjusted the acoustic guitar he had around him, receiving a cheer back. “Good, that’s what I like to hear,” he laughed slightly. “OK, enough talking, let’s do this,” he said, as they began the intro to Into Your Arms.

“There was a new girl in town.
She had it all figured out.
And I'll state something rash.
She had the most amazing....smile.
I bet you didn't expect that.
But she made me change my ways.
With eyes like sunsets baby.
And an accent that drives me crazy,” he laughed as he changed the lyrics.

“I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start.
When we were in love.
Oh things were better than they are.
Let me back into.
Into your arms.
Into your arms.

She made her way to the bar.
I tried to talk to her but she seemed so far.
Outta my league.
I had to find a way to get her next to me.

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start.
When we were in love.
Oh things were better than they are.
Let me back into.
Into your arms.
Into your arms,” I could hear his voice breaking as he continued to sing and he kept looking at me every few lines of the song and with each glance, he would keep his gaze on me for longer. I knew it was risky, but the more he stared, the more I stared back at him.

“Oh she's slipping away.
I always freeze when I'm thinking of words to say.
All the things she does.
Make it seem like love.
If it's just a game.
Then I like the way that we play.

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start,” he sighed into the microphone as he sang this line and looked down at the floor before looking at the rest of the band. He ran a hand through his hair as he stopped playing his guitar and the rest of the guys copied. There was a brief moment of silence before John looked back up at me. “I’m sorry, Tash, I really am,” he said, as a tear fell down my cheek.

“I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start.
When we were in love.
Oh things were better than they are.
Let me back into.
Into your arms.
Into your arms.
Into your arms.
Into your arms.”

As the last note rang out, I wiped my eyes from the rest of the tears that had fallen. “Please excuse me,” I said to John’s parents, as I moved away from the crowd and out of the building.

I didn’t know how to be without John. I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t know him anymore. To be without him now would be weird but right now we were in limbo. He didn’t seem to want me around anymore but then he was doing things like that on stage, which he’d never done before. Maybe we did need space, even if it was just to make us miss each other. I loved him. My heart ached for him. But I just didn’t know what John wanted right now.