Boots

People think I'm a cross-dresser. Or that I'm a drag queen. Some even think I'm transgender. But I'm none of them.

I'm gay, yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to be a girl or think I should have been born one.

I dress in some girl clothes, yeah, but I don't wear them all the time.

So here's my message to all the ignorant fucks out there that don't understand me:

I'm not a cross-dresser. I am not a drag queen. I am not transgender.

I'm gay and I like clothes that girls normally wear. I'm just like the girls that wear clothes guys normally wear, only for some stupid as hell reason, those girls don't get called cross-dressers. They don't get called drag kings. And they sure as hell don't get called transgender. So why do I?

Of course, my name really doesn’t help my case in the slightest. Loren is a boy’s name, but you can only tell when it’s written down. When said, people think it’s Lauren. That’s one of the biggest reasons that people think I’m trying to be a girl. When I try to argue my case, I almost always get, “Well maybe you shouldn’t ask to be called by a girl’s name then!” which is a completely ignorant statement. I ask to be called by that name because that b]is my name. Not because I want to be called by it.

Honestly, though, I could rant on this forever but it would all be pretty pointless. There are always going to be those people that don’t like the way I dress and act, or just don’t understand it. I’m not going to change their minds and I know it’s futile to try. Just for once I’d like to be able to walk through the halls in school and not have names thrown at me from every which way.

Gym class was always the worst. That is so cliché to say, but in this case it’s cliché for a reason. When you’re a boy that gets picked on by other boys, the boy’s gym class is the worst possible place to be. A class specifically meant to show off your skills in athletics - or lack thereof in many cases - and use them against those that have fewer skills than you. That’s a great fucking idea. And while we’re at it, let’s make it mandatory if you want to graduate. Lovely idea. (Please recognize my sarcasm here.)

At our school, you had to take two years of health and then two years of phys-ed before you were allowed to graduate. Health wasn’t that horrible of a class, just sitting in a classroom talking about healthy habits and basic anatomy and whatnot, but you took those your first and third year of high school usually. So my sophomore and senior years were the hellish years of my schooling - especially my senior - because of gym class.

My best friend Gino and I always walked to gym together, not only because we were best friends, but also because idiots tended to not mess with you when you were with other people. That doesn’t mean that they never messed with us, but it was just less often when we were together. This day wasn’t one of those off days, however.

“Hey there’s the girly fag and his faggy friend!” the worst offender yelled after me down the hallway. His name was Hector White and he was always the first one to open his mouth to insult people – especially me. He absolutely despised me, but I felt the same thing for him. He was so uncreative though, so it was easy to respond to him and leave him at a loss for words.

“Hector, those are facts, not insults,” I countered, spinning around on my three inch heeled boots and scowling at him. “If you’re going to try and make fun of us, you could at least say something that would hurt us, not that we already know and embrace.”

“Well maybe you...should stop wearing those girly-ass boots,” he scoffed with his best attempt of a comeback.

“Those girly-ass boots can kick your girly ass,” Gino said quickly. When he was nervous, he had a habit of speaking really fast and slurring his words together. That was one of the things that Hector and his ass-holes made fun of him for.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” his number one crony Keith piped up. He usually had a second minion hovering around him, but I didn’t see Dustin anywhere. I actually kind of liked that kid; he never really said anything bad about me or to me and I barely ever had a problem with him. It was weird not seeing him around, but I didn’t put much thought into it.

“It makes perfect sense; you’re just not keeping up,” I said matter-of-factly, crossing my arms over my chest. What can I say? I may be small, but I can be feisty as hell when I want to be.

“That makes even less sense!” Hector yelled.

“Give it a rest, you two,” a voice called out from around the corner. I shifted my eyes and saw none other than Dustin Cane walking towards us. “Coach is gonna have our asses if we’re late to class. Stop hassling them and let’s just go.”

“We’re not going to be late to class, Dustin,” Keith scowled his direction.

“What? Now you’re defending the fags?” Hector asked menacingly, taking a threatening step towards his friend.

“No, I'm just saying that we’re going to be in some deep shit if we’re late. Coach hates tardiness. You know that, guys,”

“Uh-uh, I think you’re taking their side,”

“God you’re a real ass-hole,” I groaned, dropping my arms to my side.

“Shut up fag,”

“Again, that’s a fact, not an insult. I'm quite aware that I'm gay,”

“Leave them alone man. Come on,” Dustin argued further. It really was starting to look like he was sticking up for us, which was even weirder than seeing him go against Hector in the first place.

“Why should we, Dustin?” he asked, spitting out the name as if it were poison to him.

“Because you’re being a douche-bag, that’s why Hector,”

“You dick.” The words were pronounced with such animosity that you’d have thought he was saying them to his mortal enemy. Hector lunged at Dustin with a ready fist, landing a decent blow to his shoulder as he flinched out of the way. “You were defending the fags!”

“So what if I was?” Dustin yelled, shaking out his shoulder a bit. “Does that make me something less than you? Something less than anyone? No it doesn’t. It makes me better than you. Just because you and your other assholes think it’s right to terrorize people that aren’t like you, it doesn’t mean that you’re right.” His voice was in a consistent crescendo and his face was becoming more and more livid as he spoke.

I vaguely noticed that we were attracting a crowd and that the tardy bell for this class period had already rung. “You want to know something Hector? Your best friend is gay; I saw him sucking someone off last Tuesday in the lower hall bathroom. Remember that Keith? Of course you do. You want to know something else? I'm gay too. I've known since your fifteenth birthday party when you were dared to kiss me.”

The crowd was getting larger, as were my eyes and I'm sure many others. Dustin just outed himself and one of the biggest ‘homophobes’ of the entire school, all without any sweat off his back. And the whole time, Hector just stood there, slack jawed, but taking everything in that Dustin was saying. It was as if he was in a trance that didn’t allow him to try to counter anything his ex-crony said, no matter how much he wanted to.

“And you know what I just pieced together? After that party is when you became so homophobic. You’ve had plenty of girlfriends, but I've never seen you get intimate with any of them. You surround yourself with gays and use their fear of coming out to harass those that are comfortable with themselves. You’re just as gay as any of us right here. Hell, I think you’re gayer than the four of us put together. That’s why you don’t want anyone to know. That’s also why you terrorize Loren so fucking much. You like him. You have a massive crush on him. And you are the biggest fuck I have ever met. I hate you so much more than you can imagine, Hector, and I hope you burn in hell.”

I expected Dustin to storm away angrily, but he kept his ground and stared at Hector until it forced him to run away. The thing is; Keith didn’t follow him like I expected either. Instead, silent tears started rolling down his eyes as he furiously tried to wipe them away. I noticed a little later on, out of the corner of my eye, that he was being embraced tightly by a guy in my English class named Nate, who was whispering sweetly into his ear. I had a fleeting thought of, ’Who would have thought that there were so many gays in this school?’. Really, it was a completely unrealistic idea to me up until that day. It was a very weird thing to see.

Once Hector was gone and everyone got their senses back together (other than Keith), Dustin walked towards Gino and I. I’d noticed that nearly everybody that gathered to watch the fight had gone to their classes, so we were some of the only people in the hallway.

“Uh, hi,” he said quite awkwardly. I doubt he had any idea what he was doing, let alone what he was going to say.

I chuckled a bit without really meaning to. “Oh, um, sorry,” I said, trying – but failing – at controlling my laughter again. Gino snorted at that, which soon spiraled us all into fits of laughter.

Once we regained composure, I looked sincerely into Dustin’s eyes.

“Thank you,”

“For what?”

“I was about two stupid statements of his away from kicking him in the nuts,”

“No offence, but would that have really done much to him?” Dustin asked, a slight pink dusting his cheeks. “You’re kind of, I dunno, dainty I guess would be the right word. And he’s, you know, not dainty. Like, at all.”

“Have you seen these boots?” I laughed, pointing to the leather on my feet. Not only were they three inch heels, but they also were lined with metal studs and chains.

“Oh damn, those are hot. And they’d hurt like hell, yeah,” he chuckled.

“They’re hot?” I chortled. “Dustin Cane thinks my boots are hot? Oh man, the apocalypse must be coming.”

“No I'm serious,” he persisted, a smile still on his face. “I've always liked your style. I don’t see why it’s so taboo; it’s the same thing as girls in boy’s clothing, just backwards.”

“Exactly! Oh my god, barely anyone ever gets that!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t help myself, really. He and Gino are two of the only people that I've ever met that really do understand the way I dress.

“I hate to interrupt this little cute-fest,” Gino piped back up, “but we really probably should go to class now. We’re about ten minutes late already.”