Compaired To This Hell Is Looking Good

Tomorrow. Tomorrow the world as I know it will be gone. Tomorrow, I'm moving. After tomorrow nothing will be the same. And to be truthful, I don't want it to be. I want to be left alone, but also wanted. I want to know that people care and will come back even when I tell them not to. No one I know is like that. So I guess no one I know cares. Ryan grr. damn thoughts.

I pondered about all this stuff while keeping my face as still as possable. I didn't want to show any emotion. Mom and dad were worried, but that really wasn't enough to make me think they really cared. Besids they weren't the people who I wanted to care about me anyway.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Why was I tourting myself by walking threw my empty house? I could live without that. But I did it anyway. I passed each blank wall with a grimance. My room was the hardist. I didn't even have a bed anymore. I didn't even see any boxs. They were all awaiting tomorrow.

Kali and I had started talking again. Apparently I wasn't beaing "myself" and it was "pissing her off". She still wasn't totally happy with me but she realized that she wouldn't see me agian to make things better. Ryan came to my mind agian. Kali had told me he has been seeing a girl named Gena. 11th grade, tall, brown hair, and EVERY guy knows her. It hurt me more than I thought possable knowing that he was "hanging" with Gena and not me. I pushed Ryan and Gena out of my head. I didn't want to think about them or what they might be doi- PUSHING THOSE THOUGTS OUT OF MY HEAD. NOW!

***

I don't think I feel asleep that night at all. All I could do was think. Mostly about the stuff I didn't want to think about. I knew that the next thing to come wouldn't be pretty. Then before I knew it my mom walked in. "Moring hun. It's time to get ready for the big move. Kali's here to see you." I groaned and shrugged on my clothes and then did my moring routien in record speed.

"Hey Kali." I said.

"Ryan's not coming." I gave her the weirdist look I could manage then said.

"Ooookay. Nice to see you to. Glad you can say goodbye without actually using those words." Scarcasm dripped from my lips.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get that out of the way."

"It's ok. I understand. Well about the getting it out of the way thing." Kali put on a sad smile then pulled me into a super tight hug.

"I'm gonna miss you so much it's not funny."

"I'm gonna miss you too." Then we released from our hug. I felt one single tear roll. That was all I allowed too.

"It's time to go Lexi." My mom said. "Bye Kali. We'll try to keep in touch."

"Bye." Kali then pulled me into another bear hug. "goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. I never want to say that word again."

"Me either." I told her. Then (after I was released) gave her the best smile I could manage.

***

I didn't stop crying on the entire 6 hour trip to our new house.