Simple Kind of Life

Jeff held his cell phone to his ear, praying she’d answer the phone.

“Hi, this is Avery Nanahara. Please leave a message aft-”

Jeff grimaced at the phone before hitting the ‘end’ button. It had been nearly a week and a half since she stormed out of his apartment and she had yet to return his calls. Or his texts. He felt pathetic and way out of his comfort zone. Normally, he was the one to ignore phone calls and texts. Jeff was not the chaser, not a pursuer. Girls came to him and it was easy. If it wasn't easy, it wasn't worth the effort. But with Avery, he didn't want to let her go so easily. He was beginning to worry. Perhaps that was why he was at the animal shelter slowly perusing the cages for a potential pet. He was currently in the dog section having his ears accosted by the deafening sound of every mutt barking at once. Mike had offered to go with him and was now crouching in front of a German Sheppard, Labrador mix. A grin painted his face as the animal licked at his fingers from inside his fenced in area.

"How about this guy?" Mike yelled over the noise.

Jeff shook his head. Sure, he was probably a good dog, but he was too big for Lili. The male was worried a dog that size would accidentally hurt the little girl. A headache was starting to radiate through his forehead when his eyes landed on a fawn colored puggle with a dark snout. He was awkward looking with bugged out eyes and an overbite that made his bottom teeth jut out but it kind of made him cute. More importantly, he wasn't carrying on and barking like the other dogs. He seemed almost scared as he looked up at Jeff with those wonky eyes. The blond knelt in front of the cage and the dog came over to him immediately. With his wet nose, he nuzzled Jeff's hand and licked at his fingers.

"He's kinda ugly." Mike came up behind him and grimaced at the mutt.

"He's got character."

"He's ugly."

Jeff ignored him and continued to smile at the little guy. “He’s the one.”

One of the shelter employees allowed Jeff and Mike to take the dog out for a walk around the premises, just to see how it goes. The puggle whimpered and cried with excitement as Jeff scratched behind his floppy ears. It was cold and gray outside, but the dog didn’t seem to care. He happily pranced around in the wet grass with Jeff trailing behind him. The two men sat on a bench and the dog placed his paws on Jeff’s knee and yipped at him. The blond ruffled his ears as the dog tried to lick at him.

“I like him.”

Mike continued to frown. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Jeff’s eyes left the puggle and landed on his friend’s stern face. “Yeah. Avery loves dogs.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “OK, but does she really want one? They’re a huge responsibility.”

Jeff ignored him. Avery always said she wanted a dog and now he was going to make it happen. She’d simply have to take him back now.

After filling out a bunch of paperwork, the adoption was final and the puggle was his. He and Mike stopped at a PetSmart and picked up some stuff for the new addition before heading over to Avery’s house. Avery was still at work and the kids were at school, so the house was empty for Jeff to set up the dog’s new home. The puggle flounced around, sniffing and exploring his surroundings.

“He’s going bonkers.” Mike laughed, watching the animal with amusement. The front door opening caught all three males’ attention. Avery had Lili balanced on her hip and a confused look on her face.

“What are you doing here?” Her pointed words were directed specifically at Jeff. And then her eyes fell on the dog. “What the hell is that?”

“He’s your dog.”

“A puppy! Is he for me?” Lili asked, wriggling out of her mother’s arms. The dog immediately came over to the child and attacked her face with kisses.

“Of course he’s for you. And he needs a name.”

Lili pondered it over for about five seconds before settling on a moniker for the animal. “Phineas. Like Phineas and Ferb.”

Jeff wasn’t surprised considering it was her favorite show. “OK, Phineas it is.” Lili was absolutely delighted, but the feeling wasn’t shared by Avery. Jeff could read the anger on the woman’s face.

“Lil, please take the dog upstairs.” The child nodded at Avery’s instructions and Phin gladly followed her out of the room.

“Are you surprised?” Jeff asked nervously, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Are you stupid or something?” She seethed, her dark eyes narrowing at him.

Jeff was taken aback by her harsh tone. “What?”

“I wasn’t answering your calls for a reason. And then you buy me a fucking dog? What is wrong with you?” Jeff and Mike exchanged looks before the captain spoke.

“I think I’ll wait for you in the car,” He put his coat back on. “It was nice to see you again, Avery.” The woman said goodbye to him as he hurried out the front door, leaving Jeff to plead his case.

“You love dogs. And you always said you wanted to get one for Lil.”

“When she’s older and can help take care of it. She can’t even pick up her toys when she’s done with them, let alone take care of a dog. What were you thinking?”

Jeff’s shoulders slumped. He was so sure this was a good idea, but the way her face was wrenched told him how wrong he was. “I didn’t want you to be mad at me anymore.”

“So you buy me a dog? Do you know how much responsibility goes into owning a dog?”

If Mike were still there, Jeff knew he’d be smirking at him. “I’ll take him back.”

Avery shook her head. “It’s too late. You can’t just give my kid a dog and then take it away.”

“Tell me what I have to do. What do I have to do to make it better?” He knew he sounded pathetic with his borderline begging, but he didn’t care. He just wanted her to forgive him.

“I don’t know how you can make it better,” She pushed a lock of black hair from her face. “But this is not the answer. Did you really think throwing a dog into my lap would make it all better? That it would be that easy?”

Yes. Yes he did. Women always love a grand gesture. Add a cute animal to the mix and Jeff assumed he was golden.

“Obviously.”

Avery was silent for a moment before her glistening eyes met with his. “I don’t think this is gonna work.”

Jeff could feel his heart drop in his chest. “What? Why?”

“Please just leave.” Her soft voice did little to mitigate the pain her words brought him. Clearly he had underestimated her. And he had underestimated his feelings for her. Avery was the one woman he had let himself get close to and now she was rejecting him. Without another word, he left to regroup.

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The hot water made her hands prune, but for once Avery didn't mind getting stuck with the dishes. James had come over and made enchiladas for dinner. They were even more delicious than she remembered. Before things got bad, James was a very talented chef and worked for an upscale restaurant in the city. He used to cook for the family all the time, trying out new recipes and flavors and techniques. There was never a shortage of willing taste testers in the house either. Some of Avery's fondest memories were in the kitchen, cooking up disasters with James. It was like being in a time warp to see him at the stove preparing food again. And now she could see him through the window, huddled outside smoking a cigarette in the chilly December night.

The clicking of nails against the tiled floor signaled Phin’s entrance into the kitchen. Avery looked down at him, smiling at his bulging eyes and overbite. Even though he was an impulse buy thanks to that sonofabitch hockey player, she couldn’t hold it against the little guy. Phin was growing on her with his buggy eyes and curled up tail. And Avery wasn’t the only one in love with the puggle. Lili adored him and thought it was hilarious to lay on the floor and let him eat Cheerios off of her face.

She dried off the last pan and stuck it in the drying rack before throwing on a hooded sweatshirt. She ruffled Phin’s ears and snapped his leash to his collar to let him outside. Phin bolted out of the backdoor and onto the porch. He gave James a sniff as he passed and headed straight for the lawn.

Plumes of smoke danced from the end of his cigarette and dissolved into the dark sky. She wanted to bust his balls about his nicotine habit, but she thought better of it. Considering his previous addictions, smoking seemed like the least harmful of his vices. She sat next to him on the stairs leading to the lawn.

"I won't be able to make it to Lili's recital." He said suddenly, looking at her sadly.

"Why?"

"I have a meeting that night. I hope you understand."

Avery nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. His narcotics anonymous meetings were critical to his recovery, so she couldn't hold it against him. She had made excuses for James' absences before, but at least this time it was for something Avery agreed with.

"There will be other ballet recitals. Take care of you first."

He nodded, bringing the cigarette to his lips. The tip glowed brighter and the paper burned faster as he inhaled.

"Dinner was amazing,” She finally said after a moment of silence. “Thanks."

He shrugged, pursing his lips and blowing out the smoke. It wafted and disappeared into the darkness. “You’re welcome. I appreciate you letting me come over.”

“Maybe we could make this a tradition. Thursdays are Chef Jamie night.”

A small grin crossed his mouth as he took another drag of his cigarette. “That would be nice. I haven’t cooked like that in a long time. I was worried I’d be a little rusty.”

Avery shook her head. “No, it was great.”

“Maybe next week I’ll make tuna sashimi and miso soup.”

Avery couldn’t stop the smile from warming her face. It was a dish her mother used to make all the time. No matter what Japanese restaurant Avery frequented, no one could make it like her mom. Until James tried his hand at it. “That’s one of my favorites.”

James nodded, peering at her softly. The porch light gave his normally dark brown irises a golden honey hue. He always had beautiful eyes. “I remember. Reiko used to make the best sashimi.”

Her smile widened at the mention of her mother’s name. “I know. It puts yours to shame.” She playfully bumped his shoulder with hers.

“I can’t argue with that. Reiko was the shit,” He slid his warm hand over hers. “I miss her.”

Avery nodded, remembering the diminutive woman with her warm smile and the crinkles around her dark, expressive eyes. And her dad, Shuya. She missed his inappropriate humor, his boisterous laugh and broken English. It was hard to believe they’ve been gone for so long.

“Me too. Both of them.”

“How long has it been?” He asked, passing her the lit cigarette. It had been a while since Avery last had a cigarette. She had quit when she was pregnant with Lili, but every now and then she could use the nicotine. Especially recently. She grasped the cigarette between her fingers and took a long, slow drag. The burn in her throat felt good, even after nearly five years of being a former smoker.

“Seven years next June.”

“Shit.” He whispered, taking the cigarette back from her. "Remember when they first met me?" He asked jovially, throwing an arm around her shoulder. Through her hoodie, she could feel the warmth of his body and she welcomed it in the cold December weather.

Avery had to laugh. Her parents were very traditional and absolutely horrified when she brought home a Hispanic boyfriend, not to mention he was seven years her senior.

"I thought my mother was gonna die of heart failure. She thought you were some pedophile preying on her 17 year old daughter."

Her parents eventually came around after they saw how respectful he was to them and how well he treated Avery. She could only imagine what they would think about him now.

"I couldn't help it. You were so cute back then."

She smirked. "I know. What happened?" She joked, lightly needling his ribs with her elbow.

"You grew up," His words were almost like a whisper. "You became a beautiful woman."

He leaned in, placing his lips on hers for a soft kiss. His mouth tasted like cinnamon gum and cigarettes, sparking synapses in her brain and recalling memories of their past together. She used to love the way his mouth tasted, the way his hands felt against her body, the electricity that made the translucent hairs on her arms stick up and goosebumps emerge from her skin. But now?

Nothing.

She felt absolutely nothing for him. And it broke her heart.

She pulled away from him and placed her fingers over the flushed skin of her lips where his had been connected.

"Jamie," She breathed out his name, her eyes filling with unexpected liquid. "I can't."

"Why not?" He asked, removing his arm from her shoulder.

"I don't want this."

He sighed and rubbed at the stubble of his shaved head. "When are you ever going to be able to forgive me?"

What James failed to see was she had already forgiven him. Keeping the resentment, the anger of what he did to her and their family wasn't worth the pain. Avery had to forgive him in order to move on with her own life. Maybe finally telling him would allow him to move on with his.

"I do forgive you," She blotted at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "And I want you in my life and more importantly, I want you in Lili's. No matter what happened between us, deep down, I always knew you were a good man and a great father. You just lost your way."

"I really screwed up, huh?"

"Yeah. You did." Avery nodded, watching as he opened his jacket and rifled around in a concealed pocket. He pulled out a thick packet of papers that were all bent and folded.

"Here," He handed the packet to her and she instantly knew what they were. "I know this is what you want."

It was the divorce papers. She flipped through and stared at his messy signatures in all of the highlighted spots.

"It is."

"I was selfish and wrong," His eyes left hers and focused on Phin rolling around in the grass. "And I realized if I loved you, I would do this for you."

“Thank you.” Her words were strangled and just above a whisper.

“You’re welcome.” He pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her hair. For the first time in a long time, Avery felt like things between her and the ex were going to be alright.