I Just Don't Know Anymore
The Awakening x
Chapter 2 – The Awakening x
I awoke in a small white room. My body was covered in wires, but why? I looked to my side to see flowers by my bedside and Brendon asleep on the chair. Was I in hospital? What for I didn’t realise. All I can remember is Brendon proposing and then we had an argument and I ran off. I watched Brendon sleep, it was so peaceful and so beautiful. It reminded me of why I fell in love with him, but I can’t love him the way I did. He hurt me, he didn’t realise why I threw our engagement back into his face, he didn’t know the consequences. I didn’t want to marry a boy or girl like that. I turned to look out of the window. As I turned my head shivers ran their way down my spine, creating my teeth to chatter. Why was I so cold? I closed my eyes and made sure they were tightly shut. I tried to fall asleep but my stupid body clock wouldn’t let me, so I just lay there, waiting. Waiting on Bren waking up, waiting on a doctor walking in and finding me awake and tell my why I’m here. I wish I had my iPod, or at least a piece of paper for me to write some lyrics. Anything to distract me from this long and awful silence. I coughed then yelped in pain, why did it hurt? It was a loud yelp and woke Brendon. ‘Wh-what? Ryan?’ He looked at me and leapt out of his chair over to me. ‘Ryan you’re awake!’ Well duh. I looked up at him. I couldn’t say anything mean, I can’t hurt him, I just can’t. ‘Wh-Why am I in here?’ I asked him. He looked down at his shoes , ‘Well it was two weeks ago. We had an argument in the tree house, you ran off. I found you hours later curled up in the foetal position. Uhm when uhm I found you, you were all bloody and underneath all the blood you were blue. I phoned an ambulance and they came and took you here.’ I sat there in silence. This was a lot to take in. I haven’t seen myself in a mirror so I didn’t realise that I had been beaten up. I didn’t feel any pain, anywhere. ‘W-Wow. A lot happened. Can you get the nurse or a doctor?’ I asked him. I need time alone and that would give me it. Brendon kissed my cheek then went off to find a nurse. Thank fuck he’s gone. I need some alone time. Why did he have to find me. I would have rather bled to death or died of pneumonia, it would be less painful than having to tell Brendon that I can’t love him anymore. Brendon eventually came back with a doctor and a nurse both looking thrilled. What was so thrilling about my being here in hospital? I was lying here, cold, sore and bruised. I’m not thrilled. I want my own bed. ‘Hello Ryan. I see your awake now.’ The female nurse spoke to me. ‘Well duh!’ I said sarcastically. I made a mistake getting Brendon to go fetch a doctor. ‘Well, Dr Brown could you take over?’ She looked pissed, good. I want out of this hell hole, and I want out now! Dr Brown looked up from my notes. I got to see his face properly and I just melted. He was sooo gorgeous. No Ryan you can’t fall in love with a doctor. ‘Yeah, sure I’ll take over.’ He replied. Wow how can one look so gorgeous. Suddenly my dick started to throb, wow what the fuck? I peered down the covers to look at the area of my dick and guess what guys? I have a boner. And there is no fixing it in front of Bren and Dr Brown. God Dr. Brown must turn me on. Either that or Brendon’s glare at the Doctor. Brendon must realise that the Doctor is turning me on.
The doctor checked me over then decided that I could be kept in overnight again but discharged tomorrow. Oh doctors keep me in for longer! I wished he would just be gay please! Before Dr Brown left he flashed a really cute smile at me. Once Dr Brown left Brendon glared at me ‘What was that?’ he snapped at me. ‘What was what Brendon?’ I asked so politely his glare got worse. ‘You can’t go out with anyone other than ME!’ He spat at me really close to my face. I found myself shaking really hard and nodding like a nodding dog. I was shit scared, he looked like he was going to punch me. I was so scared it was unbelievable.
After a while Brendon left to go home and I was left alone. I’m so glad he has left he scared me shitless. Today was eventful. I had a boner for the first time since I met Brendon, what a feeling! Brendon threatened me making me feel like I was his WHORE!! I’ve never made him feel jealous, have I? Well all will be revealed in the morning. I need Sleep. I closed my eyes tightly and removed everything that happened today from my head. It took a while for me to sleep but I got there.
I awoke in a small white room. My body was covered in wires, but why? I looked to my side to see flowers by my bedside and Brendon asleep on the chair. Was I in hospital? What for I didn’t realise. All I can remember is Brendon proposing and then we had an argument and I ran off. I watched Brendon sleep, it was so peaceful and so beautiful. It reminded me of why I fell in love with him, but I can’t love him the way I did. He hurt me, he didn’t realise why I threw our engagement back into his face, he didn’t know the consequences. I didn’t want to marry a boy or girl like that. I turned to look out of the window. As I turned my head shivers ran their way down my spine, creating my teeth to chatter. Why was I so cold? I closed my eyes and made sure they were tightly shut. I tried to fall asleep but my stupid body clock wouldn’t let me, so I just lay there, waiting. Waiting on Bren waking up, waiting on a doctor walking in and finding me awake and tell my why I’m here. I wish I had my iPod, or at least a piece of paper for me to write some lyrics. Anything to distract me from this long and awful silence. I coughed then yelped in pain, why did it hurt? It was a loud yelp and woke Brendon. ‘Wh-what? Ryan?’ He looked at me and leapt out of his chair over to me. ‘Ryan you’re awake!’ Well duh. I looked up at him. I couldn’t say anything mean, I can’t hurt him, I just can’t. ‘Wh-Why am I in here?’ I asked him. He looked down at his shoes , ‘Well it was two weeks ago. We had an argument in the tree house, you ran off. I found you hours later curled up in the foetal position. Uhm when uhm I found you, you were all bloody and underneath all the blood you were blue. I phoned an ambulance and they came and took you here.’ I sat there in silence. This was a lot to take in. I haven’t seen myself in a mirror so I didn’t realise that I had been beaten up. I didn’t feel any pain, anywhere. ‘W-Wow. A lot happened. Can you get the nurse or a doctor?’ I asked him. I need time alone and that would give me it. Brendon kissed my cheek then went off to find a nurse. Thank fuck he’s gone. I need some alone time. Why did he have to find me. I would have rather bled to death or died of pneumonia, it would be less painful than having to tell Brendon that I can’t love him anymore. Brendon eventually came back with a doctor and a nurse both looking thrilled. What was so thrilling about my being here in hospital? I was lying here, cold, sore and bruised. I’m not thrilled. I want my own bed. ‘Hello Ryan. I see your awake now.’ The female nurse spoke to me. ‘Well duh!’ I said sarcastically. I made a mistake getting Brendon to go fetch a doctor. ‘Well, Dr Brown could you take over?’ She looked pissed, good. I want out of this hell hole, and I want out now! Dr Brown looked up from my notes. I got to see his face properly and I just melted. He was sooo gorgeous. No Ryan you can’t fall in love with a doctor. ‘Yeah, sure I’ll take over.’ He replied. Wow how can one look so gorgeous. Suddenly my dick started to throb, wow what the fuck? I peered down the covers to look at the area of my dick and guess what guys? I have a boner. And there is no fixing it in front of Bren and Dr Brown. God Dr. Brown must turn me on. Either that or Brendon’s glare at the Doctor. Brendon must realise that the Doctor is turning me on.
The doctor checked me over then decided that I could be kept in overnight again but discharged tomorrow. Oh doctors keep me in for longer! I wished he would just be gay please! Before Dr Brown left he flashed a really cute smile at me. Once Dr Brown left Brendon glared at me ‘What was that?’ he snapped at me. ‘What was what Brendon?’ I asked so politely his glare got worse. ‘You can’t go out with anyone other than ME!’ He spat at me really close to my face. I found myself shaking really hard and nodding like a nodding dog. I was shit scared, he looked like he was going to punch me. I was so scared it was unbelievable.
After a while Brendon left to go home and I was left alone. I’m so glad he has left he scared me shitless. Today was eventful. I had a boner for the first time since I met Brendon, what a feeling! Brendon threatened me making me feel like I was his WHORE!! I’ve never made him feel jealous, have I? Well all will be revealed in the morning. I need Sleep. I closed my eyes tightly and removed everything that happened today from my head. It took a while for me to sleep but I got there.