Harbour Lights and Lonely Nights

What woke Emily the next morning was the feeling of someone stirring beside her. Of her best friend stirring beside her. The warm flesh of his arm grazed hers lightly as he turned onto his back and let a waking breath push away the sleep. The sun was barely up and the room wasn’t bright like most mornings.

Her stomach felt unsettled but she at least didn’t have a headache. Foggy with sleep she mumbled “morning” as she turned onto her back as well. “Thanks for staying with me last night.”
“Don’t worry about it. It was just like old times when you used to have a little too much fun.”
The slightly hung over girl beside him angled herself towards him and put her arm across the warm of his stomach. Her soft curls felt delicate against his skin and she looked so peaceful with her eyes closed. He didn’t want to leave but he knew he had to.
“I do have to leave though,” He rested his cheek on her hair and spoke softly.
“What time is it?”
“6.”
A long groan came from the girl.
“Just relax today. You’re probably feeling a bit rough,” He said into her hair, it ruffling slightly with each word.
“I am.” She opened her eyes and turned to look at him. Her eyes were that just woke-up blue he had come to love so much. “Make it stop.”
He laughed but there was nothing he could do. “I can’t Em. You’re just going to have to sleep through it. I can grab you something for it but I have to get to practice.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later though, right?”
He nodded down at her.
“I’m going back to sleep.” She said letting him up. He took the hint and slipped out from under the warm covers.
“That’s a good idea.”

And before any other words could be exchanged Emily found herself once again dozing off. At some point she subconsciously heard Sidney getting ready and walk back into the room a couple of times but she never opened her eyes or paid attention.

It was a few hours later that she woke up for good. Beside the bed was a large glass of water and Gravol. She took the pill and chugged the water quickly. Sometimes her friend was much too perfect.

The smell of alcohol from the night before still clung to her and made her stomach feel more upset. So, her first order of business was a shower. The intense pressure of the warm water as it washed away the night before felt like bliss. It reminded her of the secure feeling of Sidney’s body lying next to her. One of those things that would always help. Once out of the shower she threw on her Habs shirt and a pair of cloth shorts and checked her phone. Two unread messages.

From: Mischa
Hey, just making sure you got home okay and that the hockey player didn’t kidnap you

The roaming charges on her phone would probably be pretty bad but she couldn’t not reply.

Yeah I got home fine, no need to put in a missing persons

She sent the text message and moved on to the next unread.

From: Superstar25
Found your number in my phone this morning. How are you feeling?

The text was obviously from Max but she couldn’t remember giving him her number or programming his own into her phone. Then again, she wouldn’t have put him under that name.

Why are you in my phone as Superstar25? I’m feeling okay. Slightly hung over but I’ll live. You at practice?

She sent it and put her phone in her pocket. There was something about Sidney’s house when it was empty that would always unnerve her. It was too big to be so quiet.

After making a piece of toast and settling on the couch she flipped on the TV and looked through the American sports channels. Her mind was on the previous night and the feeling of Sidney in bed beside her. It felt like something had changed even though he had helped her that way so many times before.

Emily stumbled past the Crosby’s driveway in the dark. The ground was moving and the house was moving and her legs felt like jello. Her stomach twisted and wrenched. The girls’ night out had spiralled a little out of control and she couldn’t go to Brian because his house was too far.

At the back of the familiar house she saw Sidney’s window was open but his light was off.
“PSSSSTTTT” She called as she swayed, hoping his parents wouldn’t hear.
“PSSSSSTTTT SIDNEY!” It was a struggle to stay upright and she just wanted her best friend there to hold her up. Suddenly, in the window, a scrawny Sidney appeared. At least scrawny in comparison to what he would become. His pale hands caught the little bit of light from outside as he pulled the window open further.
“Emily? What are you doing here?”
“Sidney I don’t feel good”
“Are you okay?!” The worry in his voice was apparent.
“I don’t know.”
The boy sighed at his sometimes irresponsible best friend before retreating into his room and returning with a hoodie zipped up over his bare chest. “Hold on, I’ll be out in a second.”
Emily nodded for fear opening her mouth may unleash the contents of her stomach onto the grass. It felt like ages before Sidney crept through the back door and over to the girl.
“Geez Em, how much did you have to drink?”
“I don’t know.”
He pulled her into him and held her for a minute when he noticed she was cold. The action steadied her and she felt as though everything momentarily stopped spinning.
“Come on, let’s get you home.”
He led her off the property on the familiar walk to her house. An arm stayed around her to keep her steady as she used him for support. Even in such a state he could still faintly smell tangerine soap. As they walked neither of them spoke. He didn’t want to make her feel worse and she didn’t have the energy. It was customary that when this happened they would talk as little as possible. What Emily needed was someone to be there reassuringly and she always came to Sidney. He liked that because it meant that he knew she was safe.
When they reached her house he took the keys from her and unlocked the front door. The house was dark and still as everyone was asleep. It reminded him of his own home when he left to help Emily. Quietly he led her inside and locked the door behind him. He snuck up the stairs with her, forcing her to make the journey even when she felt like giving up and sleeping on the stairs. Finally they reached her room and he closed the door behind him.
She took off her sweater and jeans and fell harshly down on the bed. He covered her up without any words and lay beside her on top of the sheets she was under. Her soft cheek rested on his hoodie and he put a comforting arm around her. He would make sure she fell asleep okay and then he would climb out the window. Her window wasn’t that high so if he hung from the edge he could make the jump.
“Why do I do this to myself?” She queasily groaned into his chest.
He rubbed circles on her back. “Because you’re crazy. Now get some sleep. It’s okay.”
The circles calmed her body until she slipped into a pleasant sleep.

Sidney, often the more responsible one, was always what she craved when she was in trouble. His reassuring touch and his soft sweet voice. She was missing it now as she sat on the couch and her phone vibrated against the table.

Oui, I’m at practice. You put my number in not me but I like it ;)

Emily rolled her eyes and put her phone down without responding. She wondered how Max had responded while he was at practice but that question led her mind to drift to Sidney.

---

After practice Sidney stopped Max before he left. The whole practice Sidney had questions permeating his thoughts and the longer they went unanswered the harder it was for him to treat Max without hesitance.

“Max,” He finally mustered the courage, “What happened with you and Em last night?”
“I do not know what you mean.”
Sidney shrugged, “I just mean you guys seem to gravitate towards each other all the time. Is there something going on?”
“It was a complete coincidence she was at the bar Jordan and I went to.” Max looked sincere and he knew he wouldn’t lie to him, “There is nothing going on between us. I hope you don’t think there is. I’ve only met her twice. We’re just similar in a lot of ways so we have fun together and that’s as far as it can go.”
The end of the explanation struck Sidney as peculiar, “Why?”
“I think you should ask her that.”
“Don’t be so cryptic,” Sidney didn’t like that Max dodged that question.
“Do you even know anything about her life? Have you asked her about what she’s been up to in Pittsburgh? Have you paid attention to her at all?”
It bothered him that Max should act as if he knew Emily better than Sid himself. “What, you have?”
“I feel like I have. I bet you she still hasn’t told you that she dropped out of school in England. She’s been looking at returning to school.”
Sidney felt terrible that he had not known that and to compound that he felt bad he had been so angry at Max when the French man obviously felt bad for him. “Why didn’t she tell me?”
“I don’t know. Did you give her a chance? You should ask Emily.”

Max was right, only Em would have the answer his questions, so he went home to ask her. He thanked Max and gave him an apologetic smile before heading home with the determination that comes with having a mission.

The house was silent when he walked in. He found Emily sitting on the couch watching a game on mute. She was drinking a glass of water and hadn’t even noticed him enter. Compared to when he had left her that morning she was looking a lot better. Her hair was in a messy bun and her face was cleared of the traces of make-up that had lingered there when she woke up.

“Emily…” He cautiously entered the room.
On the couch Emily turned to look at him, a smile seeping across her rosy lips.
“Hey Sid. How was practi—“
“Why didn’t you tell me you dropped out?” Sidney felt his question was more important.
She looked dumbfounded, her head cocked to one side. “I don’t know? I’m sorry.”
The frown line between his eyebrows appeared as they knit together. The expression she wore indicated confusion but not remorse. “Why would you lie about something like that? You told Max…”
Emily took a slow breath as she realized she had hurt Sidney. Guilt started to rear its head. “It’s different with you. You were always the responsible one and I wasn’t. You had all your shit together and I didn’t. I just didn’t want to feel like a screw up next to you for once.”
“You know I wouldn’t think that. Why did you think Max wouldn’t?”
The hurt in Sidney’s voice was slightly heartbreaking. She hadn’t heard him sound like that since they were young. It had been stupid of her not to tell him but so much time had passed they couldn’t just start again where they left off. They were different people now and Emily hadn’t been ready to tell him about her failures.
“Because Max seems to be like me a bit. He misbehaves, has fun, makes mistakes.”
The next question on Sidney’s mind came up, “So you’re looking at schools?”
He stayed where he was in the entrance of the living room as he watched Emily. The guilt started showing on her face when she realized what he was hoping. He was hoping she would consider Pittsburgh U.
“Actually I’ve already decided on one.”
“Where?” The one word was loaded with worry.
“Dal.”
“Dal as in Dalhousie? As in Halifax?!”
Like a cartoon Emily could picture the frustration build up until steam blew out his ears and she could tell he was not happy. Sidney Crosby who always tried to keep his cool was no longer in control of his emotions showing, something that never happened off the ice. It was obvious he was mad but he felt he had legitimate grievances. Emily’s initial reaction was to pull herself off the couch so she could stand her ground. “Yes. I miss home and they have a decent journalism program.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re running away?!”
Sapphire blue eyes iced over. He could feel the hatred directed at him in that moment but it didn’t make him any less angry. “I am not running away. I’m going home.”
The amber eyed boy shook his head, “No. You went to England to run away from home, when you travelled you were running away from school, then you came here to run away from having to start building your future, and now you’re starting to like it here and you’re afraid to commit to it so you’re running back. You really need to grow up. This shit is getting old.”
The words hurt because they framed the truth. But how could he pretend to know that? He hadn’t been there the last five years. “Don’t preach to me about responsibility. What has it really gotten you? A huge empty house? You’ve aged a million years since I saw you last. You’ve forgotten how to have fun, and that’s why you’re alone. So you have no right criticize my life.”
“I can’t believe you. Were you just going to disappear in the middle of the night? Or was I going to have the privilege of a note?”
Emily was nearly trembling with anger. “I was planning on telling you soon. I wanted to at least stay for your first game but now I’m really not so sure.”
“Oh, how nice that you were going to do me a favour.”
She couldn’t believe the unprecedented anger on Sidney’s features.
It was undeniable. Sidney, for the one who was supposed to be so mature, was acting completely and intolerably unreasonable. “I can’t deal with this. Screw you.”

She left him standing alone as she disappeared upstairs to go lie down. A part of him felt bad but a larger part was upset. The illusion she would never leave was left shattered. She was not only leaving soon but it seemed at the moment she was also not in the mood to be around him. He couldn’t remember them ever fighting quite like that but years of complaints seemed to have all come out in one argument. His hand rubbed down his face exasperatedly. What was he going to do?