Harbour Lights and Lonely Nights

For a few hours Sidney left the house to cool down. He went to the Igloo to be alone with his thought. The fight played over and over in his head. He tried to pick it apart bit by bit. How long had she been set on going back to Nova Scotia, he wondered. When was she going to tell him? The familiar empty arena felt like a sacred place where his thoughts were allowed to flow freely from his spot in one of the seats.

He tried to put himself in Emily’s position. She seemed absolutely determined to go back to Nova Scotia but could she really miss it that much? The last five years she had managed overseas and it’s not like the maritime province wasn’t within visiting distance here.

There had to be something else stopping her. The past week she had fit in so well, what could be so bad about going to school here? She would have Sidney and his friends. There had also been that girl she had gone out with the other night. Although, he realised that wasn’t a lot. In fact, if Sidney felt so inclined to ask her to leave most of that would be gone. Her existence in Pittsburgh was dependent on himself and that’s when he realized that she was scared. It had never occurred to him that Emily might be afraid to take the risk, not after the choices she had made in England, not after their teenage years. The adventurous girl was now taking the easy route, doing the sure thing. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. Even more so he couldn’t believe he had gotten mad at her for it. How terrible a friend had he been to get mad at her for her fear? He had to fix this. There had to be some way he could make her come around. All he had to do was coax the brave Emily out. He knew he hadn’t really been there for her while she had been in Pittsburgh and he needed to prove to her that he would be. He needed to change his ways.

After a few hours in the closed guest room Emily slowly retreated into the hall. The house was completely silent and still around her. Anger from the fight had long since fizzled out and sadness had taken its place. She didn’t want to fight with Sidney and she hated how right he had been—how right he always was. She couldn’t keep running away from things.

She headed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, something she always found comforting and something she had remembered to purchase the other day at the store. As the boiling water was poured over the teabag it turned a burnt orange in the white Penguins hockey mug. She wondered if he had every piece of merchandise the team offered. As she scooped a teaspoon of sugar into the liquid she heard the front door open. Sidney was home.

His footsteps made her tense up with the inevitability that she would have to face him. She was worried that all it would take was one harsh look from his usually soft eyes and she would cry. The fight had taken a lot out of her.

As the footsteps got closer she poured and stirred milk into her drink and blew steam from it as the sound stopped. The next sound she heard was keys being put down on a table but she was afraid to look at him and he was afraid to speak. She concentrated her attention on cooling the drink. Blow on the mug, don’t think about him, he’ll go away, she thought. Only he didn’t. He walked towards her.

“Emily, I’m sorry.” His voice sounded defeated but his apology sounded genuine. She still couldn’t find the courage to look at him as she put the mug down on the counter. “Will you turn around, please?”
His large hand touched her shoulder and she turned around in flinching away from it. The anger was slowly surfacing once again. The flinch made Sidney frown but now he was more determined to let the girl know what he had discovered in the last couple of hours. He was sure it would make a difference. It was the only thing that could. Her gaze was cold and wasn’t even directed at him but instead the ground beside him.

He backed her up against the counter and cornered her with his arms, sliding the mug to the side with one hand so he didn’t knock it over. He figured if she would just look at him when he spoke to her she’d be reassured but she didn’t look at him. Her gaze stayed on the ground beside him, even as close as he was, and he was denied a view of her face by the spring of her shallow curls. It was childish, she knew, but her emotions got the best of her. The lavender smell of the soap softened him as he looked down at her. Delicately he pushed her curls aside in an action so soft Emily couldn’t help but give in and look at his eyes of darkened honey.

“I know you’re scared but you don’t have to be,” his eyes shined, authentically caring, at the girl in front of him, “I went to the Igloo to think and I realized that I was being pretty selfish. I know it’s a scary idea to relocate your life here but I’m going to be here. Pittsburgh has a good university if you want to finish your degree. The guys love you. You fit so perfectly here, I don’t know why you would throw that away but I will support your decision if you chose to go back to Dal.”
The words were so sweet and she didn’t realize until that moment how much she had needed to hear them. It was hard to stay mad at him but she was still set in her fears. “If something ever happens between us, I’m going to be left on my own in a strange city. You have roots here but all I have here is you. I can’t take that much of a risk.”
“It’s not a risk Em. Haven’t we been friends long enough that you know I’m not going anywhere? I’ll always care about you. Even if you drive me crazy or upset me.”
It was a weird role reversal to have Sidney talking Emily into something adventurous. Her friendship with Sidney had been the one part of her life she was cautious with, not wanting to jeopardize the relationship they shared.
“I don’t know.”
“I went through the same thing when I came here. In the end it has to be your decision and I respect that. But know that if you decide to stay I’ll always be here for you.”
Her features softened, feeling slightly better. “Promise?”
“Of course.”
Her smile grew. “Sid and Em?”
“Em and Sid.”
“The dream team.”

Sidney’s swollen lips soaked up a grin. Bulky hockey player hands reached up to slide the front strands of her hair from her face affectionately. The silence was soft and unobtrusive as small refined hands fell on his hips instinctively. Lavender and aftershave mingled between them as his forehead fell to hers like it had when they were teenagers. But now, here, he wasn’t reassuring her it would be all right after she sliced open her knee on a patch of ice. Honey eyes stared at rosy lips, her blues hiding in anticipation. Then finally, with a rush of confidence, his lips came down to meet a soft home on hers. Soft, yet strong, and better than the times he had imagined it before.

“And that leaves Emily Greene and Sidney Crosby to the last two desks.” Mrs. Boewen’s voice finished the list from the goldenrod paper.

The two walked over to their seats, Sidney taking the one beside the window. He liked to look out at the field in this class. Math was his least favourite subject. Staring out the window he could think about what he actually wanted to, hockey. The next game, the next practice, the things that mattered. When would he ever need to be able to solve for x?

“Now everyone can get to know their desk partners and then we’ll start with the lesson. You’ve got five minutes.”

“Hi, I’m Sidney.” The young boy said, looking at the girl beside him. He couldn’t understand the need for all his friends to obsess over girls. It used to be all about hockey to them but as soon as high school started that all changed. Not for Sidney, he didn’t see what the fuss was about… not yet.
“I know.”
“You know?”
“We’ve been going to the same school since Kindergarten.”
“Right. Emily?”
“That’s the one.”
“You look different.”
“Ya,” She looked disinterested in the conversation and that bothered Sidney, “and you look funny.”

Before the conversation could continue the five minutes were up and Mrs. Boewen was writing on the board. The lesson dragged on for what felt like the whole period but was really only half, and the students were left to work on some problems. Sidney could barely pay attention it was so boring and seemed like another language. He started the first question but after checking the back of the book 3 times and having to erase his answer each time, he gave up with a huff.

“It’s not that difficult.” The girl’s voice came from beside him.
“If it’s not hard, why aren’t you finished by now?”
“I am.”
Sidney looked at her in shock but she just laughed. It was the most pleasant thing to come out of her all class and he felt the annoyance that math presented melt away.
“Would you like some help?” She offered causing him to mumble something under his breath before taking her up on it. Her explanations were so simple and usually involved hockey or the Habs, which made him quite happy to listen. Just as he was starting to understand on his own the bell rang and the sound of screeching chairs against the linoleum floor took over the room. The second half of the period had gone by in minutes and he left the room excited for math class the next day. Something was seriously wrong with 14-year-old Sidney Crosby.

When he pulled away her eyes remained serenely closed, her teeth pulling at her bottom lip before it sprang back into a rosy pout. The memory of the tangerine scent as she sat by him was almost real, the remembrance of the first time he heard her laugh. It sent him into a feverish rush.

Emily was afraid to open her eyes. Afraid the scene wasn’t what she felt and that she would be standing alone by the counter—Sidney wasn’t really there at all. If he was, she certainly wanted more of his lips but saying it felt awkward or might make things weird. It could ruin everything just as opening her eyes might shatter the illusion. Fortunately her mind didn’t have to ponder long as his lips came back down on hers hungrily. His distended lips consumed hers as he pulled her up onto the counter. The strength of his hand felt comforting on the small of her back. She got lost in the feeling she thought she’d never experience, in a kiss she would never forget. Years of teenage agency and adult passion fuelled into a single act. Her leg hiked up on his hip, her hands wanting nothing more than to remove the pesky fabric of his shirt. But, for fear of moving too fast, she instead rubbed them against the contours of his abdomen underneath his shirt. The skin there was so soft and smooth and made Emily pull him closer with her leg reflexively. She wanted to be as close as she possibly could with her best friend, wanted to feel every inch of her skin warm against his, every contour of her body cradled in his.

When they pulled apart for air her long eyelashes fluttered open to a very real Sidney Crosby. The smile on his face was dazed as he looked at her. So much love floated up to her hand and she reached for his cheek instinctively. The small contact said as much as the kiss had as her soft thumb rubbed his cheek. No words were spoken or even crossed their minds. That moment held in it too much feeling for words. Feelings of relief and happiness and love. Feelings of a realization that needed to be had. Every event that had transpired between them since that day in Mrs. Boewen’s math class had been leading to this. Emily Greene had long ago given her heart to the Nova Scotia hockey player and she was just now realizing it. Sidney, on the other hand, had known he loved her since the day they snuck to Halifax. He had tried to implant doubt but he could not deny the blue eyed brunette with the rosy smile.

A lopsided grin sat on Sidney’s lips and Emily felt herself smiling to.

“I think I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” she said so softly it almost didn’t reach him. It sounded as though she was nervous and Sidney knew he was too.
He wanted to reassure her, “yeah, me too.”

This time it was her lips that initiated the kiss but Sidney had no problem escalating it. His hands secured her against him, making sure her legs wrapped tightly around his middle and he pulled her off of the counter as tongues met in an agitated battle for dominance. With closed eyes and hungry kisses Sidney carried Emily to the stairs. The journey was slow and tortuous and he didn’t know how much longer he could wait for the destination. Trying to carry her up the stairs like this would take twice the amount of time so he pulled away from the kiss. Without words she could read him and knew what he was thinking. Her legs came loose from his middle and came to the ground gently. Her hand found his and she pulled him up the stairs and into the first room with a bed, her room.

The duvet puffed up around them as they fell back onto it. And as soon as the bed came into the equation they both slowed down. Sloppy kisses became more deliberate. Hungry touches became more caring.

He held himself up to look at her. The moment was processing completely for the first time. The room around them was warmly lit by a floor lamp, the night sky outside the large window was peppered with stars but the girl on the bed beneath him was the center of his focus. Her hair splayed across the white sheets, her soft even skin, the feel of her warmth. It was nothing like the confusing dreams of her in similar situations when they had been teenagers. This wasn’t just about the physical gratification or raging hormones. This was about the person who had once been his partner in crime, who was teaching him to have fun again.

Her eyes stared right back at him wondering what was going through his mind. She hoped he hadn’t changed his mind, the rejection would be unbearable. Affectionately she kissed the arm that was beside her, propping him up. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt and he helped her pull it over his head. The warm yellow light from the lamp caused shadows around his defined muscles. A gold chain hung over her from his neck, a shiny 87. Quickly her hand went to remove his pants and he helped her with that too. Hurried kisses before letting him remove her own clothes. She seemed shy once the cloth barrier was gone and Sidney could remember her saying she hadn’t had sex in a year an a half during their game of Truth. He wondered if she was nervous. A part of him was. Never had he actually slept with someone he was in love with and cared this much about pleasing. Tenderly he set light kisses on her neck, causing her to buck her hips towards him. She could feel his full lips smile against her skin. Most of what came after that was a blur of rapture. The last thing she could remember seeing was the gold chain gently swinging from his neck before she felt him inside of her. Thoughtlessly her hands travelled the muscles of his back wanting to pull him closer until he melted into her.

The sweat that covered their skin as Sidney rested, finished, on top of her went unnoticed. He didn’t leave her right away, enjoying the feeling of her warm insides around him and she enjoyed the feeling of his body pressing down on hers.

When he rolled off of her and faced the ceiling he felt simultaneously exhausted and complete—a feeling similar to what he felt on the ice after playing his heart out and winning. There was definitely more in life to be passionate about than hockey.

“I’ll be right back,” he cooed softly, kissing Emily’s temple and leaving to clean himself off.

On the bed Emily held the blanket tight around her as she watched him stand up. While he went to the washroom she picked her habs shirt off the floor from where it had been thrown and put it on before settling back into the bed. Her mind was too bleary with pleasure to house serious contemplation so she just lay quietly until Sidney returned.

“Really? You’re still wearing your Habs shirt after that?” He walked in wearing a pair of boxers, the roots of his dark hair sweaty around his forehead.
“It has sentimental value. Back when you transferred you gave it to me and I loved it because it was a rare one with 1917-1918 version of the logo. I wore it all the time when I was away.”
“I still like that version of the logo the best,” he slipped under the covers and pulled Emily close. “But does that mean if I give you a Penguins shirt you’ll wear it instead?”
She curled up against his body, “I’ll have to think about it.”
“Tomorrow’s an optional skate.”
“Yeah?”
“I was thinking maybe you would want to spend the day together instead.”
Her eyes looked up at him incredulously. “Have you ever missed an optional skate?”
“No, but one won’t hurt.”

For Sidney, life was coming a little bit more in perspective. He could change enough to fit her into his life, he had to.