Harbour Lights and Lonely Nights

It wasn’t long after Emily arrived in Pittsburgh that Sidney had his first away game. Although, the time apart gave Emily some time to get things done. She found a job working at a small café beside a hospital. The money was descent and it meant that she could start contributing to rent with Mischa.

For the first few weeks Emily barely saw Sid at all, and she seemed to never be able to make it to the games. She was almost beginning to forget what had drawn her to the city.

Max still texted her sporadically and that solidified their blossoming friendship. Sometimes he’d come out for a drink with Mischa and Alex but Sidney seemed to always be busy. He had promotional meetings, photoshoots and a practice schedule that would kill most people. Getting used to life with the new hockey season Sid would again take some getting used to.

When Emily did manage to see him, she’d venture over to his house. It felt strange being in the house she had gotten used to living in. Sometimes she’d forget she had to drive home, thinking her bed was just up the stairs in the guest room.

Her real roommate got used to it. Emily arriving home from Sid’s late and almost half asleep. Sometimes she’d catch her in the kitchen and they’d have middle of the night conversations. Living together seemed to come pretty naturally to the two.

“So when do you start school?” Mischa asked one night, as Emily dumped her car keys on the counter.
“Not until January.” From the fridge she grabbed a bottle of water. Around them the house was completely quiet. “How’s the job hunt going?”
“It’s tough. I feel like I might be stuck at Starbucks forever. Life sucks.”
Emily looked at her roommate and nodded, “tell me about it.”
“Sidney?”
“Everything.”
Mischa pulled some ice cream from the freezer and two spoons form the cutlery drawer before leaning on the counter beside Emily. “Tell me.”
“I don’t know. This is move is nothing like I thought it would be. Sid has a game tomorrow but then his next four are on the road. And other than some guy who gave me his number at work the other day I’ve barely met anyone down here.” After the long letting out of her problems she took one look down at the ice cream and scooped a large heap for its soothing effect.
“A guy gave you his number? Was he cute?”
Emily thought back to the blond haired man dressed ain a suit who she had seen a few times at the café. “Yeah. He is. I remember one of my co-workers referring to him as Dr so I think he works at the hospital.”
“So you are going to call him, right?”
The thought of calling him seemed tempting only for a brief moment. Yes he was attractive but Emily’s confused heart still tormented itself over the boy she had grown up with. It’s what was making everything so difficult. “I don’t think so. I’ve got enough on my plate.”
“And are you going to the game tomorrow?”
“I can’t, I’m working. Just my luck.” At least, she thought to herself, she would have time to stop by before he played.

---

The next morning Sidney woke up tired. Staying up so late with Emily probably hadn’t been the best idea but he didn’t regret it. Even with Emily back in Pittsburgh it often felt like he was alone. Her room was still empty and he hated every time he walked by it. Sometimes he’s be so groggy when he woke up he would momentarily expect to find her lying among the sheets. It was silly really, that he should still feel this way when the room had only been hers for a couple weeks. But now, he couldn’t think of it in any other way.

He had to stop thinking about it though, because he had a game to play.

The morning went by slowly as he ate and thought about his game. He needed to be at the arena early but there were still a couple more hours to go before he had to leave, as he fell back onto his couch. There was the slightest hint of Emily’s soapy scent that lingered on the cushions beside him. He tried to ignore it and turn on the TV. Something about the day was making him feel a sense of apathy. He knew the feeling wouldn’t last as soon as the game came but in that moment the mixture of boredom and loneliness plagued him. There was nothing recorded that he wanted to watch. Something had changed. Before Emily this never would have happened. Before Emily he had been immune to loneliness, or at least had developed a way to ignore it.

It was these negative thoughts he battled with when the doorbell rang out through the house breaking the hold he had been under. There were tens of people it could have been but only one he wanted it to be.

“Emily,” He smiled as he let her in.
The girl was dressed in black pants and a black top for work. Her hair in a curly bun. She smiled back at him and the apathy was gone. “Hey Cros. I thought I’d come by and wish you good luck.”
“Do you have time to hang out for a bit?”
“Uhh,” She looked down at her slender wrist to the face of a silver watch, “I have about an hour and a half. But how will you entertain me?”
Without a thought the both of them had already started heading towards the living room.
Sidney turned to look at Emily as she sat down where she had been last night. She noticed a smirk faintly pushing his lips. “You know what we haven’t done in a long time?”
The blue eyed girl shook her head without taking her gaze from his.
“Watched a game together.”
He picked the remote up and sat beside her.
“Have any good ones?”
He went through his menus to his recorded games. “I don’t know. Was game 7 of the 1965 Stanley Cup finals a good game?”
Emily lit up. They had watched the game replayed on TV when they were younger. She loved watching old games. Especially ones in which she got to see the old legends play.
“You know me too well Sid. But since you don’t cheer for the habs anymore, shouldn’t you not like watching these games anymore?”
He shrugged, “It’s a 46 year old game. It’s not like I’m going up against Béliveau or Richard. Plus, it’s not like the habs have won a cup in the last 20 years.”
She glared at his joke. “17.”
“1.” To add insult to injury he even held up one finger to hammer home the point of how little one really is.
“Yeah before which you only had, what? 2?”
But Sidney persisted in holding up his one index finger.
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“I try.”
“but you’ll always fail.” He wrapped his arm around Emily and pulled the girl to his side. Instinctively she rested against him and took in his aftershave scent. The game started with crackly sounds from the speakers and the screen a fuzzy black and white with sporadic imperfections. It was crazy to see how little equipment the players wore back then and how little referee uniforms had changed. It almost felt, for a moment, like being back in Nova Scotia. This was the Sidney she had seen so little of since coming back and she hoped it wasn’t only a glimpse before he became the new Sid again.

"Could you imagine what it would be like to play with that little equipment?" Sidney said in surprise as they sat in Emily's basement.
She looked up from her homework to the screen and shook her head. "I've only played hockey on the pond with you, so I don't really know what it's like to play hockey with equipment."
Sidney pointed the the screen as Bobby Hull took a hit. "Like just look at that."
"But the hits probably would have been a bit softer without all that crap guys wear now."
The score favouring Montreal came up in a translucent white font over the game. The game itself was on mute.
"That's true. I think I could do it though."
"Play with no equipment?" Emily turned back to the math in front of her.
"Yeah. I could take it."
Emily rolled her eyes at the comment simultaneously thinking it both very stupid and somewhat endearing. How Sidney made her feel that way was always a mystery. He just had that power.

About half way into the third period the frame froze. Sidney paused it. The whole time watching it he had been thinking. A simple truth had been eating away inside of him since she got back. Something he felt he should share. It took him a moment to form his thoughts into words.
“Why did you pause it?” Emily asked as she looked up at him, only to notice he wasn’t looking at her. A strange look flickered across the amber of his eyes.
“I don’t know why I feel the need to tell you this,” he turned to look at her features, knowing it would make it harder. “but I got really drunk after you left and slept with someone.”
Sidney was surprised when her expression didn’t change. The words actually took a moment to process for Emily. Her initial reaction was hurt. Lots of it. She hadn’t called the doctor’s number for a very simple reason. Despite all the distance that was manifesting between them and the history they had as friends Emily loved Sidney. There was no turning back from the moment they kissed in the kitchen all those weeks ago. But there was also her head’s side of the argument which was somewhat compelling. He hadn’t done anything wrong. They weren’t dating. And if there was one thing her friendship with Sidney was teaching her it was maturity. The mature way to handle the situation would be to side with her brain.
“Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it? Really?” It seemed odd that Sidney should be so hurt that Emily wasn’t hurt. It’s not that his intentions were to hurt her, or that he really wanted to see that happen.
She shrugged and looked back to the paused screen. “Yeah. Really.”
“Jeez Emily. Do you care about anything?!” Words were laced with frustration. He moved slightly away from her on the couch and took in her whole appearance. Distant and cold she sat on the couch. Disinterest on her features. She shrugged. Usually she let her feelings how. She would sometimes get mad irrationally but never so cold.
“Of course I care. I hate the thought of it but you didn’t do anything wrong. I have no right to be mad.”
A flicker of hope sparked in his eyes. “You have a right to be mad.”
“Why?” she caved and turned to look at him. Blue eyes filled with vulnerability. “You didn’t betray my trust.”
“If the tables were turned I’d be upset.”
For a moment they just tried to desperately grapple for answers in each others stares. Sidney expected some sort of verbal response but he didn’t get one. Emily wasn’t sure what to make of his statement.
“I’ll just say it. I love you.” His hand flew up in surrender, “I have since we were like 15.”
Shell shock set in at the impact of those three words. He had said he loved her. Confessed feelings she, somewhere hidden deep inside her, had hoped he had.
“Are you joking?”
“No.” and the seriousness of his answers was right in his eyes.
The imperfect image of Béliveau skating with the puck glowed from the TV, in the background like when they were teenagers. But Sidney was no longer suppressing feelings. He had let them out. They were adults now, this couldn’t go on forever.
“What made you—I mean, why now?”
“5 years ago I lost you and then a couple months ago I got you back. A new you. We’re not teenagers anymore. We’ve kissed. We’ve had sex. We can’t pretend those never happened. I know every inch of your body by heart from the freckles on your nose to the scar on your knee or the length of your toes. I’ve lived with you under my roof.” It was like a cork had been pulled and the words were flooding from him, “I feel like for the first time since you moved here like I used to when you stayed with me. And I want to be in that place again. On that track.”
Emily was speechless, warmth creeping to her cheeks, her heart beating like a constant hum.
Sidney’s speech slowed down, “We never had that talk after we slept together. I asked you what it meant but that conversation never happened. I know you and Maxime—“
Suddenly Emily found the courage to speak from surprise, “Me and Max?”
“Yes…” Sidney looked at Emily as if it were the most obvious thing in the world which to him it was. There was obviously something between them.
“We get along really well but Max isn’t that type of guy and I’m not that type of girl. He’s your friend. And now he’s my friend too.”
Sidney was puzzled and this time it was his turn to be speechless.
“Of course that night meant something to me. With all the history we have I wouldn’t have let it happen if it didn’t.”
“Then why have we been ignoring it?”
Emily moved closer to Sidney, his warmth like a familiar and comforting blanket.
“It’s been kind of hectic since I moved here. You’re going to be on the road for four games pretty soon.”
“But I’ll be back. Every time I’ll be back.” Sidney put his nose in her brown hair.
“Yeah? Think you can handle me though?”
His strong hockey player arms pulled her closed to him and she let out a quick giggle in surprise. “I think I can manage.”
“Well then Mr. Crosby, first thing’s first,” her lips slowly inched towards Sidney’s and his body built up the anticipation.
“And what’s that?”
But a kiss didn’t come like he expected.
“I’ve got to go to work.” An evil smile rested on the girl’s rosy lips but she gave him a quick peck before getting off the couch.
“Just a peck?”
“It’s been almost ten years, you can wait ‘til you get back Cros.”
And as happy as he was the wait would be a hard one. And despite his previous worries he didn't regret any word he spoke. All of it had to be said.