Status: updates will slow down
Harbour Lights and Lonely Nights
Welcome to Cole Harbour
Emily spent her first night back in Nova Scotia walking along the harbourfront. The familiar lights reflected in the colder than cold water. It felt weird to be home. After two years of school in England she had dropped out and with money she had saved from her part time job and the rest of her tuition money, she travelled. Everywhere she went—England, France, Austria, Australia, Germany—there was a distinct atmosphere of history and culture. She had seen buildings that had existed long before her parents or their parents, or their great-great-grandparents. It was a whole different world from Nova Scotia, from Canada, from home. This became apparent to her quite early on and at first it troubled her. She felt bland and removed from the people she met and the stories she heard. But as time moved on, and months of travelling turned into years she yearned for the smell of the Atlantic. She realized Cole Harbour didn’t have as much history as some of the places she visited but that didn’t make it any less unique. It was unique in a way that couldn’t be explained, it could only be felt and she had missed that feeling.
In only a day she had bumped into at least half of her graduating class. They had all gotten on with their lives. Post secondary degrees and new jobs. She heard a lot of people had dispersed over the country. A few had even gotten married which shocked Emily. She couldn’t imagine committing to anything so young. But some people were content to never change.
Days in Cole Harbour blended one into the other. Emily felt this sense of being lost. She had seen so much but she had not found her place, as comforting as home could be. There was no direction she knew she wanted to take, no place that she wanted to stop and build a life, nothing she wanted to commit to doing. In the 5 years since high school she had become a wanderer and she felt she couldn’t snap out of it. With the little bit of money she had left she considered one last trip. Perhaps to see the continent on which she had grown up but she didn’t seriously think it a good idea until she bumped into a Crosby.
---
Emily’s hand ran across the smooth countertop with fondness. The Crosby’s house was a chest of memories she had locked away and hidden, buried, forgotten. The resolve had been set as soon as she knew she was coming home. He had become part of her past and there was no reason to go digging it up just because she was home for a bit. Emily hadn’t expected to catch the attention of Mrs. Crosby as the older woman stepped out of her car and she certainly hadn’t expected to be helping her carry groceries into that familiar house. There was no changing the situation now though; she was in the Crosby home, looking over the familiar surfaces of the kitchen, where she had just placed a few bags.
“Thank you so much Emily. That would have taken me three trips to the car.” The woman said as she placed her bags on the counter and looked at the girl she was speaking to. Soon both of the women started unloading the bags. Emily navigating the kitchen with the ease of familiarity.
“It’s no problem at all.” Emily said genuinely, she would always stop to help a Crosby when they needed it. “How is everyone?”
Emily had for years considered her a second mother and their home a second home. But the familiarity of it all was colder than she had expected it to be. The memories lay dormant over everything like a thin layer of dust, long dead and half forgotten. She barely thought of him at all.
“Everyone has been pretty good. Taylor is always on about boys now, you know how it is…” She paused to glance over at the younger woman “Sidney has really done well. We’re so proud of him.”
“I’ve heard. It’s tough not to. I’ve seen they even changed the Welcome to Cole Harbour sign.”
“Yes, well. The boy was always determined just like his father… What about you? What’re your plans?”
The last of the groceries had been put away and two cups of tea were poured from a rust-red teapot. For Emily, this meant committing to at least another 15 minutes of conversing but she didn’t mind. Perhaps her travels had put a fresh perspective on her past. It almost didn’t seem to hurt nearly as much to think about him here as it had when she was in England or Australia. Oddly she felt closer to him here, as if he were just in the other room and that was when she realised how much she had wanted him to be in town when she got home.
“I’m not too sure. I only did two years of courses but it wasn’t for me. I suppose it’s just a question of finding out what I want to do and where I want to be doing it. I was thinking of doing a little travelling South of the border first. Exploring my options.”
“In that case you should go to Pittsburgh. It’s a beautiful city and I’m sure Sidney would love to see you.”
The suggestion took Emily off guard. “Yeah, might do.”
“I can give you his address and tell him you might be stopping by.”
“Don’t tell him. I might not make it by if I’m pressed for time.” She was unwilling to admit to herself the possibility that she would chicken out at the last minute but the very worry nagged at her.
Still, her mind was set. She would stay a couple of days in Nova Scotia, then she would head South.
---
“You are so frustrating, man.” The tall blond rubbed his cheek where stubble sprouted.
“I just don’t want to go tonight. I’ve got training tomorrow morning.” The captain threw the strap of his hockey bag over his shoulder and the two players walked out of the locker room.
There was the ritual sigh. This whole conversation had happened more times than either of them wanted to think of. Sidney knew what came next. Something about not letting hockey take over his whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he thought. Why did everyone feel the need to say this to him? Wasn’t there any respect for dedication? When did that become such a bad thing? It had gotten him this far.
“… you just can’t put all your eggs in one basket. What if for some reason you can’t play hockey? Or what about when you retire?”
The Cole Harbour native shook his head but spoke with a level voice, “Staal, It’s nice that you’re worried but I’m fine. Really. I love what I do and I just want us to be the best team we can be. This is how I function and so far it’s worked out for me.”
The two stepped out into the parking lot, their cars in opposite directions but Staal needed to have the last word before they parted. He needed to get his captain to see what he could and was unrelenting in his fight to help out off the ice and guy who had helped him so much on it.
“Has it really though? Just one night, come out with us.”
Sidney shook his head as he headed towards his SUV. “No thanks Jordan. See you at practice, man.”
He heaved the large black hockey bag into the back of his car and slipped into the driver’s seat. As the car came to life at the keys command the dashboard lit up and the radio exuded an unfamiliar country song. The next station was static, then some classical music, an obnoxious radio show host, and finally he heard the sound of a favoured band: Foo Fighters.
He was happy for this little bout of luck before pulling out of his parking spot.
I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone
The music took the edge off the loneliness of the travel as the car slid quickly along the sparsely populated road. Endlessly the grey of the road disappeared beneath the large black SUV and he thought about being on the ice. Since he had learned to drive he loved it, but nothing could compare to the first time he put on a pair of hockey skates, or the feeling of the ice beneath them: on a pond or homemade rink. Comments made to him by his teammate Jordan seeped in to his thoughts. That was all easy for Jordan to say. To Sidney, all this just seemed like silly rambling. Nothing made him more happy than hockey, why settle for anything less? Nothing could ever compare to that feeling he got on the ice.
The even blue sky stretched out in front of him, his fingers tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song. How many times had he heard the same talk from less dedicated hockey players? More times than he cared to count. They would just never understand. Thinking back he had to rewind all the way to his high school years to think of a time when hockey didn’t consume his entire life, but even then it consumed most of it. The rest had been reserved for his best friend.
Back at his home his voicemail was picking up a message. Hi Sidney, it’s your mother. Maybe you’re not home. I just wanted to check in but if you’re busy or have company then no need to hurry and call me back… I just—I just hope you are having a nice time. You deserve it Sid. Your father and I love you.
Had Sidney received this message when he got home it would have seemed both uncharacteristic and ominous. However, when he threw down his bag at the front door he walked right passed the blinking light on the phone to grab a Gatorade from the fridge. The house around him was a large empty shell, echoing every movement lifelessly. But he didn’t seem to notice the emptiness as his thoughts ran through his schedule for the next week. This was what his life had become and he saw nothing wrong with it. He went up to his lonely bed early to rest for what really mattered in life, hockey.
In only a day she had bumped into at least half of her graduating class. They had all gotten on with their lives. Post secondary degrees and new jobs. She heard a lot of people had dispersed over the country. A few had even gotten married which shocked Emily. She couldn’t imagine committing to anything so young. But some people were content to never change.
Days in Cole Harbour blended one into the other. Emily felt this sense of being lost. She had seen so much but she had not found her place, as comforting as home could be. There was no direction she knew she wanted to take, no place that she wanted to stop and build a life, nothing she wanted to commit to doing. In the 5 years since high school she had become a wanderer and she felt she couldn’t snap out of it. With the little bit of money she had left she considered one last trip. Perhaps to see the continent on which she had grown up but she didn’t seriously think it a good idea until she bumped into a Crosby.
---
Emily’s hand ran across the smooth countertop with fondness. The Crosby’s house was a chest of memories she had locked away and hidden, buried, forgotten. The resolve had been set as soon as she knew she was coming home. He had become part of her past and there was no reason to go digging it up just because she was home for a bit. Emily hadn’t expected to catch the attention of Mrs. Crosby as the older woman stepped out of her car and she certainly hadn’t expected to be helping her carry groceries into that familiar house. There was no changing the situation now though; she was in the Crosby home, looking over the familiar surfaces of the kitchen, where she had just placed a few bags.
“Thank you so much Emily. That would have taken me three trips to the car.” The woman said as she placed her bags on the counter and looked at the girl she was speaking to. Soon both of the women started unloading the bags. Emily navigating the kitchen with the ease of familiarity.
“It’s no problem at all.” Emily said genuinely, she would always stop to help a Crosby when they needed it. “How is everyone?”
Emily had for years considered her a second mother and their home a second home. But the familiarity of it all was colder than she had expected it to be. The memories lay dormant over everything like a thin layer of dust, long dead and half forgotten. She barely thought of him at all.
“Everyone has been pretty good. Taylor is always on about boys now, you know how it is…” She paused to glance over at the younger woman “Sidney has really done well. We’re so proud of him.”
“I’ve heard. It’s tough not to. I’ve seen they even changed the Welcome to Cole Harbour sign.”
“Yes, well. The boy was always determined just like his father… What about you? What’re your plans?”
The last of the groceries had been put away and two cups of tea were poured from a rust-red teapot. For Emily, this meant committing to at least another 15 minutes of conversing but she didn’t mind. Perhaps her travels had put a fresh perspective on her past. It almost didn’t seem to hurt nearly as much to think about him here as it had when she was in England or Australia. Oddly she felt closer to him here, as if he were just in the other room and that was when she realised how much she had wanted him to be in town when she got home.
“I’m not too sure. I only did two years of courses but it wasn’t for me. I suppose it’s just a question of finding out what I want to do and where I want to be doing it. I was thinking of doing a little travelling South of the border first. Exploring my options.”
“In that case you should go to Pittsburgh. It’s a beautiful city and I’m sure Sidney would love to see you.”
The suggestion took Emily off guard. “Yeah, might do.”
“I can give you his address and tell him you might be stopping by.”
“Don’t tell him. I might not make it by if I’m pressed for time.” She was unwilling to admit to herself the possibility that she would chicken out at the last minute but the very worry nagged at her.
Still, her mind was set. She would stay a couple of days in Nova Scotia, then she would head South.
---
“You are so frustrating, man.” The tall blond rubbed his cheek where stubble sprouted.
“I just don’t want to go tonight. I’ve got training tomorrow morning.” The captain threw the strap of his hockey bag over his shoulder and the two players walked out of the locker room.
There was the ritual sigh. This whole conversation had happened more times than either of them wanted to think of. Sidney knew what came next. Something about not letting hockey take over his whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he thought. Why did everyone feel the need to say this to him? Wasn’t there any respect for dedication? When did that become such a bad thing? It had gotten him this far.
“… you just can’t put all your eggs in one basket. What if for some reason you can’t play hockey? Or what about when you retire?”
The Cole Harbour native shook his head but spoke with a level voice, “Staal, It’s nice that you’re worried but I’m fine. Really. I love what I do and I just want us to be the best team we can be. This is how I function and so far it’s worked out for me.”
The two stepped out into the parking lot, their cars in opposite directions but Staal needed to have the last word before they parted. He needed to get his captain to see what he could and was unrelenting in his fight to help out off the ice and guy who had helped him so much on it.
“Has it really though? Just one night, come out with us.”
Sidney shook his head as he headed towards his SUV. “No thanks Jordan. See you at practice, man.”
He heaved the large black hockey bag into the back of his car and slipped into the driver’s seat. As the car came to life at the keys command the dashboard lit up and the radio exuded an unfamiliar country song. The next station was static, then some classical music, an obnoxious radio show host, and finally he heard the sound of a favoured band: Foo Fighters.
He was happy for this little bout of luck before pulling out of his parking spot.
I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone
The music took the edge off the loneliness of the travel as the car slid quickly along the sparsely populated road. Endlessly the grey of the road disappeared beneath the large black SUV and he thought about being on the ice. Since he had learned to drive he loved it, but nothing could compare to the first time he put on a pair of hockey skates, or the feeling of the ice beneath them: on a pond or homemade rink. Comments made to him by his teammate Jordan seeped in to his thoughts. That was all easy for Jordan to say. To Sidney, all this just seemed like silly rambling. Nothing made him more happy than hockey, why settle for anything less? Nothing could ever compare to that feeling he got on the ice.
The even blue sky stretched out in front of him, his fingers tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song. How many times had he heard the same talk from less dedicated hockey players? More times than he cared to count. They would just never understand. Thinking back he had to rewind all the way to his high school years to think of a time when hockey didn’t consume his entire life, but even then it consumed most of it. The rest had been reserved for his best friend.
Back at his home his voicemail was picking up a message. Hi Sidney, it’s your mother. Maybe you’re not home. I just wanted to check in but if you’re busy or have company then no need to hurry and call me back… I just—I just hope you are having a nice time. You deserve it Sid. Your father and I love you.
Had Sidney received this message when he got home it would have seemed both uncharacteristic and ominous. However, when he threw down his bag at the front door he walked right passed the blinking light on the phone to grab a Gatorade from the fridge. The house around him was a large empty shell, echoing every movement lifelessly. But he didn’t seem to notice the emptiness as his thoughts ran through his schedule for the next week. This was what his life had become and he saw nothing wrong with it. He went up to his lonely bed early to rest for what really mattered in life, hockey.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thank you so much to those who left a comment, I really do love feedback :)