To Fill the Void

Sipping from the Pepsi bottle that I had set next to me, with my head back against the porch fence, I sat at the front of my house as Ivory filled my ears. Humming along to the lyrics, I looked around the front yard and beyond the street. It was now late afternoon, and the sun was going to set soon, but kids were still running up and down the streets playing. I hadn’t done much in the past week of being here, some days I’d go out with Brookelle or Garrett and my brother, but they were the only people I really came into contact with besides my grandmother, but I was perfectly fine with it.

As the song died out and I could hear my surroundings once more, my Blackberry began to vibrate across the white boards of the porch. Sighing I grabbed for the phone before opening the unread text message.

From: Tony Callaway
August 4. 4:10 P.M.
Text Message:
Ellie you mother fucker!
I am alone here & you decide to ignore me. D:

Giggling at my best friend’s frustration, I quickly sent him a text back, and set the phone beside me once more. Looking up, I could see a red jeep making its way down the street, the kids who were playing moved to their yards to avoid the vehicle. Soon the car slowed down as it pulled up into my driveway and parked next to my brother’s. The radio cut off as the tiny brunette came jumping out of the driver’s door, dancing her way up the porch stairs and over to where I sat.

“Hi,” I squinted up at Brookelle, who was smiling ear to ear and it kind of looked creepy. “Damon‘s suppose to be with your cousin.”

“I know, I left them at my house. But they told me to come get you, to make sure you were ready for the party.” She replied, holding out her hands for me. “And it‘s obvious you aren‘t.” She said looking over my t-shirt and shorts.

“Oh, and what if I didn‘t go? I‘m not going to have fun.” I had completely forgotten about the party. I tried to push her hands out of my face but she placed them back once more, not giving up.

“No, you are going. Even if I have to call Garrett to haul your ass over there.” She said sternly grabbing my wrists, pulling me straight to my feet. For being so small, she sure as hell was strong. Before I could respond, she had already managed to drag me into the house and up to my room, shoving me down on my bed. She then made her way over to my closet, opening the doors, and letting out a sigh of unsatisfaction.

“Do you have anything besides shorts, skinny jeans, and t-shirts?” she asked, pushing aside clothes looking at everything. Turning around to face me on the bed, I shrugged.

“Check my dresser,” I said before turning back to my phone, texting back my other friend. If shopping wasn’t complete torture, being forced to dress up was. Usually I wouldn’t have a problem getting myself dressed for something, but if it was to somewhere I didn’t want to go, then someone always forced me into something. I was that stubborn.

“Now we’re talkin’, here.” she said in a bit of a country twang, as she placed items of clothing on the bed in front of me. Looking down at the clothes, I picked up the top of my bathing suit, giving the girl a confused look. “It‘s a bonfire at a lake, now come on, get dressed!”

Grabbing the clothes, she pulled me off the bed, before pushing me into the bathroom. Shutting the door in my face, she yelled at me to change or she’d call the boys. Letting out an aggravated groan, I sat the clothes on the sink counter and began to strip off my clothing. After five minutes, I was already done getting dressed staring at myself in the mirror, as I adjusted the tube top to where it felt comfortable. I felt weird.

“Ellie, darling! Hurry up, so I can make you prettiful.” Brookelle sang from the other side of the door. Rolling my eyes, I opened the door to expose my body as she smiled. “Perfect!” Grabbing my wrists once more, I walked behind her to my desk where she had laid out all her makeup with a mix of my own.

“Brook, it‘s at a lake, right? Then if you put this clown crap on me, I‘m going to be melting.” I tried convincing her out of doing my makeup, even though I wore it mostly daily. She shook her head as she picked up a eyeliner pencil in one hand and mascara in another.

“Light, but waterproof.” She smiled, as the torture continued.

---

“Lighten‘ up, small fry!” Garrett called to me from the front seat in his sister’s Jeep. “It‘s going to be awesome, plus my band might play.” I looked up at him through the review mirror confused.

“Since when have you been in a band?” I asked, looking back out the window as the sunset turned to night. I wasn’t completely upset about going to this, at least I was away from home, and I had my lovelies in my back pocket.

“Since you‘ve been gone,” he answered, “we‘re kind of sick, I‘d say. We‘ve been signed for awhile now and done a few tours, we‘re just not that big yet.” I could hear the smile in his voice without looking at him, but instead I drove my gaze over to my best friend next to me. She had her hand laced with my brother’s over his seat, as she leaned against the seat smiling at me. At least my brother was happy, and it made me feel a little better.

“I doubt you remember any of the guys though, they met all in middle and high school. Some of them are pretty cute.” Brookelle raised her eyebrows at me suggestively, smiling brightly. I could hear the guys in the front groan, making me laugh and instantly the mood had lifted.

“Well, most of them are single. Not sure.” Damon piped in, turning around and kissing Brookie’s hand. She giggled and I rolled my eyes, love that he’s happy, but I didn’t need to see it.

“I bet some of them will like you, especially in what you‘re wearing.” Garrett mused, as my brother got into his older brother mode, smacking Garrett upside his head. I couldn’t help but blush, crossing my arms, as I slouched more down in my seat. “I‘m just being honest!” he explained, as the other two laughed.

“Oo, turn up this song!” I ordered my brother, as Falling in Reverse began to play on Brookelle’s mix CD. ‘Good Girls, Bad Guys’ blared throughout the car, while Brookelle and I made it our job to lip-synch the lyrics, the boys could only laugh as they jammed out in the front seat. I hadn’t done anything like this in a long time, and it felt nice to have fun for once.

As we continued to make fools out of ourselves, I hadn’t noticed that we had arrived at the lake. The whole scene looked amazing, as the lake played with the light of the bonfire from the waves that people were causing in the water. Music was blaring from a stereo system, as people danced in a huge crowd, while others talked over their plastic cups. A big banner hung from two trees reading “Happy Birthday John!” in big red letters.

“Come on! This is going to be awesome!” Brookelle screeched as she made an attempt to pull me out of the car, but my brother had already had her up and over his shoulder running her towards the lake. Laughing, I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me, shoving my phone in my pocket.

“Want a drink?” Garrett asked pointing over to the table set up with bottles of booze, as he walked me towards the party.

“Garrett Nickleson, are you trying to get me drunk?” I laughed as he pushed my head with his hand lightly. “I love you and all, but rape? I believe you can get any girl here.” I said honestly, holding out my hand as if showcasing all the girls at the party. Which there happened to be a lot.

“No, Ellie. I‘m just asking a question, but I‘m sure they have fruit punch for you kiddy. I won’t tell your brother if you decide to be bad girl.” he snickered pinching my cheek, ducking as I went to slap him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes with a smile, grabbing a red cup from its stack; I looked over the different types of alcohol before me.

“Here,” a voice said from behind me as a bottle appeared over my shoulder, filling my cup to its rim.

“Thanks.” I muttered, turning around to come face-to-face with a long haired boy with a boyish grin. Returning a small smile, I could feel Garrett wrap his arm around me as I took a sip of the drink.

“Pat, man, this is Ellie.” he began to introduce us; gesturing with his full cup he nearly spilled half of it on me. I managed a small wave, as Pat winked at me, making me feel awkward. He was probably drunk, and I usually didn’t like this kind of attention. “He‘s the drummer of our band.”

“Oh, awesome!” I took another sip of the drink in my hand, but found myself gulping the entire thing down. I could feel their eyes on me, as I felt the buzz of alcohol in my system. “What? I‘m thirsty.”

“Yeah, slow it down there.” Garrett patted me on the back before catching eye of someone and walking off, leaving me standing with Pat. I felt awkward standing here with someone I didn’t know, and I couldn’t find anything to say, all I wanted was more to drink to keep the buzz going.

As if reading my mind, Pat picked up the bottle once more filling the cup I was picking at.

“Thanks,” I said quietly, bringing the cup to my lips once more, now blocking my view of the boy. “Is it strong?”

“Pretty much, I thought you could need it.” he answered filling his own cup. “You looked a little lost when Garrett left you.”

“Yeah, probably because I don’t know anyone here.” I said feeling the liquid travel down my throat, it felt nice. My body was beginning to relax and loosen, all thoughts escaping my mind, as the twist in my stomach disappeared. I loved how alcohol did this to me, no worries.

“Well, I haven‘t seen you around, but you look familiar in a way.” he said gulping down the rest of his drink, before pouring more into our cups. If he was trying to get me drunk, it wasn’t working, after awhile it would but I wasn’t going to let that happen. Sorry to break his dreams.

“I just moved back a week ago,” I explained, as I watched my fingers run around the cup’s rim.

“Oh so you‘ve lived here before? Why‘d you leave in the first place?” he laughed, but I couldn’t even manage a smile. I knew at some point I’d have to explain this to people who asked, but I wasn’t ready to.

“I lost my parent‘s when I was twelve.” I muttered before meeting my eyes with his drunk ones, I grabbed the full bottle of alcohol from him, before walking off. I could hear Pat yelling after me, but I knew I lost him when I made my way through the crowd of dancing people, as people tried to grind on me, I stepped out of the crowd under the big banner. An abandoned lawn table and chairs sat under the trees, and I decided to sit in one since no one was around.

Setting the bottle on the table, I looked down at the lake where I could make out the silhouettes of people in the water laughing and screaming in the moonlight. While, behind me a few feet away, stood the rest of the crowd dancing or getting drunk. Taking the plastic cup once more to my lips, I drank the rest of its contents and the ache in my chest began to die down, and I filled the cup again.

Remembering the cigarettes in my back pocket, I instantly perked up, fishing them out. I was about to release a victory cry now that they were in my hand, when I noticed that I didn’t have a lighter.

“Fuck!” I let out an exaggerated groan. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, I kept cursing myself in my head. All that excitement for nothing, I threw the pack onto the table next to the tall bottle.

“Need a light?” asked a male’s voice, as the crush of grass followed. Great, another drunk guy, I thought to myself, before turning around in my chair, but had to raise my head to look up at the face of the tall boy.

He wore a crooked smile, as he came and took up the lawn chair next to me, holding out his lighter to me.

“Thanks,” I let out a smile, before putting the cigarette to my lips and lighting it. Breathing in its chemicals, I let out a sigh. It felt so good.

“Looks like someone‘s thirsty,” he cocked his head to the side, motioning to the bottle on the table. Bringing the cigarette away from my lips, I looked down at my legs embarrassed.

“I need it, honestly.” I found myself saying, before looking back up into the green eyes of the stranger. The light of the bonfire danced across the emerald, making me suck in a breath and look away. “The people I know have ditched me, some guy tried to get me drunk, and I‘m drowning in my own remorse.” The words slipped out of my mouth uncontrollably. “Sorry, I didn‘t mean to say so much.” Instantly regretting my words.

“It‘s okay.” he smiled his crooked grin at me, keeping eye contact with me as he spoke. He then startled me as he reached across me and grabbed the bottle off the table. Putting the bottle to his lips, he drank it heavily as my eyes grew huge. He then handing the bottle back to me as he took my empty cup out of my hand and crushing it, "Screw the cup, you're already drinking it as if straight from the bottle anyway.”

“Yeah, well anything to drown out the noise of this party.” I said copying his actions with a smirk. “You can only think that this guy has enough friends, but there are still people pulling up every five minutes.” I looked back at the guy next to me, and his smile seemed to grow a bit bigger, as his brown hair enveloped his face. He was pretty cute, but it could be just the booze talking.

“A guy can only have so many friends. You know who‘s throwing this shindig?” he asked making me laugh at his words.

“First off, shindig? I thought I was the only weird human being on this planet that says that.” I laughed at myself, “And second, no. This guy is probably like the guy I met earlier, the one who‘s completely trashed trying to pick up some random chick. It‘s sad, really.” I finished, handing the bottle to the boy, as he laughed with me shaking his head.

“I‘m Ellie, by the way.” I stuck out my hand, I had a feeling that this guy and I were going to get along. He took my hand in his bigger one, and I felt a shiver go up my spine but it made me smile.

“I‘m John, the almost sober birthday boy.” he replied still holding his smile, as my smile faltered and I could feel my eyes grow huge.

Shit.

---

John;

I smiled at her, watching as the girl’s big green eyes grew huge. I couldn’t help but laugh as she stumbled over her words, trying to form some kind of an apology.

“I- I didn‘t know. I‘m so sorry, I didn‘t mean it.” her small voice finally breathed, as she stared down at her feet. It was cute, and when I tried to search for the words to say, they all got caught in my throat as she turned back up to look at me. She looked completely wasted, but the way she talked spoke otherwise.

“Its okay, calm down.” I finally said, as I lightly touched her shoulder, feeling the goose bumps up her arms. Looking back up into my eyes, her green orbs softened, but a part of them still held regret. Offering her my crooked smile, she stared up at me searching my face.

“Okay.” Her voice seemed to slur a bit, probably from all that she had drunken, but she turned her gaze from me back to the ground.

“So, I haven‘t seen you before, are you from around here?” I brought up a new conversation to try and lighten the mood. Without looking back up at me, she nodded.
“I‘m Damon‘s sister, Garrett‘s cousin‘s boyfriend.” Her laugh was a little shaky but sweet as she explained. She looked to be pretty young with her small body, her face was sweet as it was framed with her long wavy dark hair, but what I loved the most were her eyes. Despite what emotion that filled them, they had this piercing green look to them but also a bit of yellow and other colors that I couldn‘t make out.

“Oh, Damon, yeah I know him. He‘s sometimes with Brookelle or Garrett when I see them.” I smiled meekly at her. “I never knew he had a sister though, have they been keeping you in some kind of cellar?” I tried to make a joke, but my words sounded stupid as they came out. For some reason this girl made me watch what I said, almost as if I was shy, which wasn’t usually me.

“I wish.” She smiled playing with her thumbs in her lap. “I‘ve been living in Florida for the past seven years.” Scratching at her black locks, her body language made it show that she wasn’t willing to talk anymore about it, which I shrugged off giving her that space.

“Oh,” I scratched the back of my neck, searching for something to say. All that came to my mind was to ask her more about what she was hiding, but I knew she wouldn’t talk about it, she didn’t even know me. Like she said, I could just be one of those guys trying to talk her into drinking more and so on and so forth. I could taste the bitterness of the after taste of the alcohol we were sharing, and made up my mind to go back up to the house for something not alcoholic.

Hardly knowing this girl, I pushed her sideways on her chair catching her off guard. ”You‘re pretty smashed, your brother’s going to kill us.” I laughed as she let out a weak smile, knowing that I had just put the idea in her mind. “I‘m going up to the house for something to drink, want to come?”

“I was beginning to wonder how the hell all these lights and everything were working. I never saw a house though.” She said slurring parts of her words. She was trashed. “But yeah, I guess so.”

Standing up and holding my arms out to her, she hesitated to accept them before taking them and almost slipping on her feet. Once she regained her balance she walked beside me, tripping on her feet every few minutes and I knew she was just beginning to realize how screwed she was.

Following the stringed lights in the trees we made our way up through the forest, before the small cabin came into view. No one was around, and the only light that showed inside the little house was from the kitchen.

“Watch your step,” I warned her pointing out the orange extension cord that was leading down the wooden steps. Opening the door leading to the kitchen, I heard Ellie mutter a ‘shit’ under her breath after tripping over her flip-flops once more, which she instantly kicked off annoyed when she walked onto the tile.

“I hope you don‘t mind, but I don‘t feel like falling.” she sounded miserable, as she wobbled herself over to the table sitting in the middle of the linoleum, pulling out a chair and sitting in it. With her head in her hands, she cursed at herself. She definitely wasn’t like most girl’s when she was drunk. Opening the fridge, I pulled out a soda and grabbed the bottle of booze she had set on the table, and poured both into a cup before taking a long drink, peering at the girl over the rim.

“You want something for your head?” I asked sitting across from her at the table, setting my cup in front of me. She lazily shook her head, before looking up at me with foggy eyes.

“No, I‘m okay. You should be out partying, why are you here?” she asked crossing her arms before setting her chin on them, keeping her eyes up at me.

“Well, the guys told me to get as trashed as I wanted, that one of them would end up taking me home. But of course that plan doesn‘t go well because they are all out their drunk as fuck, so I decided to stay fairly sober. No fun, I know.” I smiled at her, as she listened to me explain.

“Oh, so much for a crazy birthday.” she smiled, but her face still showed that she was miserable and I couldn’t help but feel that I was causing it. Maybe I should have let her walk off to find her friends.

“It‘s okay, I get to at least spend the time with-” I was cut off by a voice calling my name from outside, and soon the owner appeared in the kitchen’s doorway out of breath. The tall ginger was bending over, holding his knees as he tried to catch his breath, before he stood up straight. Lazily leaning in the doorway, his words slurred.

“John, we‘re going to sing ‘happy birthday‘. Get your ass down there, we can‘t do it without you.” His voice was hoarse, as he smiled goofily at me, before taking notice to Ellie in front of me. His posture instantly perked up as he stared at the green eyed girl, smiling at her and then back at me. “Well, who’s this?”

“This is Ellie, Jared.” I said walking over and pushing my friend out of the house, as he yelled cat calls over my shoulder. “You coming?” I asked turning to the beauty at the table, I smiled as she smiled at me for the millionth time that night. Despite if she meant it or not, it had the effect of making me smile too.

“Uh, I‘ll meet you down there. There’s going to be millions singing and I have a head ache; that just equals disaster.” She said sadly, as her smile fell. “Do you know where the bathroom is?” She laughed sweetly, and I gave her directions before making my way out of the house and down the dirt path.

Following the twinkling lights, I was greeted by the group of partiers as they all slurred the lyrics to Happy Birthday. Not the most beautiful thing you’d ever hear, but it made me smile as I thanked everyone and told them to go on with their partying. With a cheer and someone throwing a cup of beer in the air, the music started up again as girl screeched at getting soaked. A few people made their way over to me, bringing up small talk as I nodded like I was listening, when my mind really was on other things. Smiling, I was able to get out of the conversation and turned to face a surprise.

Out of nowhere, cake pelted me in the face, blinding me. Whipping off some of the white icing, I looked to see my band mates in an uproar of laughter, while Kennedy held the small cake in his hands. Looking down at my hands, I made my way back over to the four guys before palming Garrett in the face with my hand, and laughing as he stared wide eyed at the rest of my band mates.

“Bring it.” was the last thing I said before we all went into a cake war, which was hilarious since the guys were drunk tripping over their feet. Running around after one another, I ended up chasing them off the dock on the lake, and let out a victory cry as they all went running into the water. From head to toe, I knew I was covered in cake.

“We let you win because it‘s your birthday!” Kennedy called, as the guys continued to swim along with other people in the water. Shaking my head, I looked around for the small brunette, before deciding to check the house where I had left her.

“Ellie?” I called into the house, whipping off some of the icing that was left on my hands onto my already messed up skinny jeans. With no answer, I checked around the house but came up with nothing, before knocking on the bathroom door which opened.

Sitting in the tub sat the girl, sleeping with her head propped up against tile wall, her mouth half open. I let out a smile, taking two long strides to the edge of the tub, where I leaned over trying to shake her awake. Barely opening her eyes, she pushed me before bringing her legs back up to her chest, as she knocked me off balance. I couldn’t process how, but I ended up falling beside her in the tub, as she didn’t take notice to the action at all.

My legs were thrown over the side of the porcelain tub, and my arms tried to push my body in an upright position, but I kept slipping around in the tub from the icing. Giving up, I let out a sigh before looking over at Ellie, who was sleeping inches away from me. Her body heat radiating off of me, as she slept peacefully.

“Ellie?” I whispered, nudging her back with my elbow, but she let out a groan as she rolled over in her position. Her head landed on my shoulder, as a series of sensations went from her touch through my stomach. I couldn’t help but crack a smile, as I wrapped my arm around her sleeping body.

Maybe this party wasn’t that bad of an idea.