forever
until you die
She propped herself up an a elbow as she looked at him sleep. His slightly heavier breathing then normal and his skin a bit yellower than it was supposed to. She bit her bottom lip as she took his hand in hers, entwining their fingers together as her thumb softly caressed the palm of his hand. It had been almost five years now since she met him and four since she first shared her bed with him, at the age of 18. Now at the age of 22 she was still with him even though it was a tough road they had together. Not that they fought a lot, they actually almost never fought. No, it was because of his illnesses. His illnesses and past made it a tough time for her to assure him that she wouldn’t just leave him. Even after these five years she could notice how unsure he was sometimes. After all it would be easier to just leave him.
She brushed a hand through the short brown curls and could feel his breath on her face. The soft smell of cinnamon and apple teasing her nose. She smiled softly as she looked at her boyfriend. The last few weeks had been hard on him, his asthma and liver fibroses were getting worse. She could hear it from the way he was breathing and the yellowness on his skin betrayed the state of his liver. Her heart was heavy as well at the moment. It hadn’t been told but she knew if he didn’t get a (transplant) soon he would probably die now instead of living until he’s 40. She bent forward to grace his lips with a soft kiss.
She still remembered it as if it was yesterday. The way they’d met, the trouble they had at the beginning. She had been afraid of getting hurt while he was afraid she couldn’t handle the trouble that came with him. She would still smile as she remembered that, even though it wasn’t funny that he almost took that choice from her. She remembered how he had said sorry about what he had done and that it was supposed to be her choice to make, not his. She remembered how he had been in the hospital for months before she finally saw him again. She had wanted to come to the hospital, but was too scared to do so, which was something he understood. But now she always joined him to the hospital. She was the one that took care of him when it got worse and she was the one to calm him down and make him at ease when needed, even though she was really scared at times.
She thought about it daily now. What she would do if she lost him, or even when they got the news he’d die. She looked at his face, which was relaxed but sometimes still frowned even in his sleep. She bit her lip as she thought about how much she loved this boy. The boy who she had fallen for so suddenly and was her first boyfriend. He sometimes asked her why she stayed with him when she could have so much more. But he didn’t get that this was what she really wanted and there wasn’t anything that could be better than be with him. She had told him so many times how much she loved him and she knew he felt the same even though he did not say so. When they were together it was visible in every little thing he did. The way he looked at her, or carefully touched her and even the way he spoke his words.
She remembered how sometimes in the afternoons he’d see her standing at the bus stop and walked to her just to talk to her, even though he needed to get home. How he’d put his arms around her waist, one of the few things he did dare to do, and talk to her in a hushed voice that sounded so tempting to her. Like he didn’t want anyone to hear them talk and steal the moment. And how he’d wave at her as she stepped on the bus to go home. She’d always wave back and give him the smile she only had for him. And now here they were, living together and moving through life together. She cuddled closer to him and slowly fell asleep while promising herself she would stay by his side until the day he died, whether it was tomorrow or in twenty years.
She brushed a hand through the short brown curls and could feel his breath on her face. The soft smell of cinnamon and apple teasing her nose. She smiled softly as she looked at her boyfriend. The last few weeks had been hard on him, his asthma and liver fibroses were getting worse. She could hear it from the way he was breathing and the yellowness on his skin betrayed the state of his liver. Her heart was heavy as well at the moment. It hadn’t been told but she knew if he didn’t get a (transplant) soon he would probably die now instead of living until he’s 40. She bent forward to grace his lips with a soft kiss.
She still remembered it as if it was yesterday. The way they’d met, the trouble they had at the beginning. She had been afraid of getting hurt while he was afraid she couldn’t handle the trouble that came with him. She would still smile as she remembered that, even though it wasn’t funny that he almost took that choice from her. She remembered how he had said sorry about what he had done and that it was supposed to be her choice to make, not his. She remembered how he had been in the hospital for months before she finally saw him again. She had wanted to come to the hospital, but was too scared to do so, which was something he understood. But now she always joined him to the hospital. She was the one that took care of him when it got worse and she was the one to calm him down and make him at ease when needed, even though she was really scared at times.
She thought about it daily now. What she would do if she lost him, or even when they got the news he’d die. She looked at his face, which was relaxed but sometimes still frowned even in his sleep. She bit her lip as she thought about how much she loved this boy. The boy who she had fallen for so suddenly and was her first boyfriend. He sometimes asked her why she stayed with him when she could have so much more. But he didn’t get that this was what she really wanted and there wasn’t anything that could be better than be with him. She had told him so many times how much she loved him and she knew he felt the same even though he did not say so. When they were together it was visible in every little thing he did. The way he looked at her, or carefully touched her and even the way he spoke his words.
She remembered how sometimes in the afternoons he’d see her standing at the bus stop and walked to her just to talk to her, even though he needed to get home. How he’d put his arms around her waist, one of the few things he did dare to do, and talk to her in a hushed voice that sounded so tempting to her. Like he didn’t want anyone to hear them talk and steal the moment. And how he’d wave at her as she stepped on the bus to go home. She’d always wave back and give him the smile she only had for him. And now here they were, living together and moving through life together. She cuddled closer to him and slowly fell asleep while promising herself she would stay by his side until the day he died, whether it was tomorrow or in twenty years.