our last minutes
our last minutes
I walk through the streets, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. Yet it all seems unknown. Maybe it’s because I’m not really looking anymore. I remember that two summers ago I walked down these same streets with a smile on my face, with you by my side. But I guess that as seasons changed, so did we. I still remember the way we would make assumptions about people as they walked by, always nonsense of course. I remember that when nightfall would come I would lay next to you in the grass, looking up at the stars that slowly came out of hiding. The way you would put your arms around me when I was cold. Or the way you looked at me, those blue eyes shining with happiness. Do you even remember our first kiss? Because I do.
It was August 14, it was already dark, which showed how late it was. We were watching the stars together, forgetting about all our problems for one night. You smiled at me when I said the stars were so beautiful. You replied with such a cliché answer it made me laugh, because how could I be more beautiful than those stars up in the sky. I didn’t fall for that answer, what I fell for was the smile you gave me. The smile that did not just grace your lips, the smile that even went bright in your eyes. Suddenly you leaned in and kissed me. I gave you my first kiss. I remember the softness of your lips, the way we slowly moved in harmony. It wasn’t deep or needy, it was just a sweet first kiss. When we broke apart I could smell the cinnamon of your breath. You ran a hand through my long hair. I smiled up at you and you smiled back. The only light around us coming from the flashlight we had brought with us.
I was so happy that day, because it meant everything to me. You meant everything to me. Maybe that was the problem? Was I suffocating you? The summer ended and we had school again, but we texted, called and saw each other as often as possible. You took me to places I hadn’t looked before. Showed me a whole new side of this town I am now walking through. Your arm around my shoulder and mine around your waist, sometimes sneaking a kiss. We laughed, had fun, or so I thought. I didn’t even notice how the lights in your eyes were slowly fading. I never saw, did I? People pass by me, but all I see is your face. I’m secretly hoping to see your smile once again. That smile you showed me that winter, the winter it ended.
By then we had already been further apart than I wanted. As we walked on opposite sides of the street I missed your warmth. I wonder if it was the fact that I traded my long light hair for this short black hair, but that couldn’t be it? Could it? I looked at you as you just walked forward through the snow. I called your name, once, twice, even a third time. It was at the fourth time I called you that you answered me. I asked if something was wrong with you, but you just showed me that beautiful smile of yours and shook your head. You walked over to me and slipped your arms around me. You said to me that nothing could be wrong, since you had me by your side. I was foolish enough to believe you, to believe in that smile.
That was the last time I saw it, that sweet smile. I opened my phone, looking at the picture inside. I smile at the memory. My eyes close for a second before opening to let out the tears. I moved to close my phone when a call showed up on the screen. ‘Eliah’ was what it said. I wiped away my tears and picked up, mumbling a soft hello, hoping it was indeed you. ‘Aisha? Am I speaking to Aisha?’ I heard a woman’s voice speak through the phone. ‘Yes, that is me.’ I answered, confusion lacing my voice. ‘Thank god. Eliah didn’t want me to call you, but I couldn’t let it end here. There is something you should know...’ Everything after that just seemed like a nightmare. I ran through the streets as fast as I could, my phone long forgotten on the street. I stormed inside the hospital, right to the cancer department. I threw open the door of room 402 and there you were. Mask on your mouth to allow you to breathe easier, tears falling out of your eyes to your cheeks. I clasped my hands in front of my mouth as I edged closer to your bed, your mother sitting on the chair on the other side. You looked at me only a fleeting second before turning to your mother with an angry look on your face. You pulled the mask of your mouth. “Get…out!” you heaved at me. I shook my head, letting my black hair hit the sides of my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my voice laced with sadness. “Couldn’t…” you said, you’re voice sounded like you’d break any second. Tears fell down my face. “He was afraid about what you’d think or do.” your mother said. I looked at her for a second before turning back to you. Your blue eyes had lost all shine, you’re previous slightly tanned skin was now a disturbing greyish white. I sat down on his bed. “You should’ve told me.” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. “Was… better… this way.” you said, taking breaths with every word.
I wondered how you could think that this was any better than just telling me. I wondered how you could think breaking my heart was better. I wiped the black hair out of your face. I could feel the sweat sticking to your skin. I looked in your eyes, so empty. “Never, that could never be better than being with you.” I told you. A small glow showed in your eyes, surprise. “Do you realize how much it hurt to lose you? The thought that I did something wrong for you to just not want me anymore?” I asked him. “I love you Eliah and nothing will ever change that.” I told him. “Don’t you dare think that what you did was better than me being here beside you. I’d rather be with you for every second you have left than find out you died afterwards.” I told him, my voice soft and loving. “But…” you started, but I silenced you. “No buts or ifs, just okay. That’s all I want to hear from you.” I said. You nodded carefully. I leaned forward, kissing your lips. Even though they would never feel the same as back then, the kiss still felt the same. It made a light spread through my body and made me smile. I slipped your mask back on and told you to sleep, assuring you I’d be here when you woke up. I would stay till the very last minute.
It was August 14, it was already dark, which showed how late it was. We were watching the stars together, forgetting about all our problems for one night. You smiled at me when I said the stars were so beautiful. You replied with such a cliché answer it made me laugh, because how could I be more beautiful than those stars up in the sky. I didn’t fall for that answer, what I fell for was the smile you gave me. The smile that did not just grace your lips, the smile that even went bright in your eyes. Suddenly you leaned in and kissed me. I gave you my first kiss. I remember the softness of your lips, the way we slowly moved in harmony. It wasn’t deep or needy, it was just a sweet first kiss. When we broke apart I could smell the cinnamon of your breath. You ran a hand through my long hair. I smiled up at you and you smiled back. The only light around us coming from the flashlight we had brought with us.
I was so happy that day, because it meant everything to me. You meant everything to me. Maybe that was the problem? Was I suffocating you? The summer ended and we had school again, but we texted, called and saw each other as often as possible. You took me to places I hadn’t looked before. Showed me a whole new side of this town I am now walking through. Your arm around my shoulder and mine around your waist, sometimes sneaking a kiss. We laughed, had fun, or so I thought. I didn’t even notice how the lights in your eyes were slowly fading. I never saw, did I? People pass by me, but all I see is your face. I’m secretly hoping to see your smile once again. That smile you showed me that winter, the winter it ended.
By then we had already been further apart than I wanted. As we walked on opposite sides of the street I missed your warmth. I wonder if it was the fact that I traded my long light hair for this short black hair, but that couldn’t be it? Could it? I looked at you as you just walked forward through the snow. I called your name, once, twice, even a third time. It was at the fourth time I called you that you answered me. I asked if something was wrong with you, but you just showed me that beautiful smile of yours and shook your head. You walked over to me and slipped your arms around me. You said to me that nothing could be wrong, since you had me by your side. I was foolish enough to believe you, to believe in that smile.
That was the last time I saw it, that sweet smile. I opened my phone, looking at the picture inside. I smile at the memory. My eyes close for a second before opening to let out the tears. I moved to close my phone when a call showed up on the screen. ‘Eliah’ was what it said. I wiped away my tears and picked up, mumbling a soft hello, hoping it was indeed you. ‘Aisha? Am I speaking to Aisha?’ I heard a woman’s voice speak through the phone. ‘Yes, that is me.’ I answered, confusion lacing my voice. ‘Thank god. Eliah didn’t want me to call you, but I couldn’t let it end here. There is something you should know...’ Everything after that just seemed like a nightmare. I ran through the streets as fast as I could, my phone long forgotten on the street. I stormed inside the hospital, right to the cancer department. I threw open the door of room 402 and there you were. Mask on your mouth to allow you to breathe easier, tears falling out of your eyes to your cheeks. I clasped my hands in front of my mouth as I edged closer to your bed, your mother sitting on the chair on the other side. You looked at me only a fleeting second before turning to your mother with an angry look on your face. You pulled the mask of your mouth. “Get…out!” you heaved at me. I shook my head, letting my black hair hit the sides of my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my voice laced with sadness. “Couldn’t…” you said, you’re voice sounded like you’d break any second. Tears fell down my face. “He was afraid about what you’d think or do.” your mother said. I looked at her for a second before turning back to you. Your blue eyes had lost all shine, you’re previous slightly tanned skin was now a disturbing greyish white. I sat down on his bed. “You should’ve told me.” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. “Was… better… this way.” you said, taking breaths with every word.
I wondered how you could think that this was any better than just telling me. I wondered how you could think breaking my heart was better. I wiped the black hair out of your face. I could feel the sweat sticking to your skin. I looked in your eyes, so empty. “Never, that could never be better than being with you.” I told you. A small glow showed in your eyes, surprise. “Do you realize how much it hurt to lose you? The thought that I did something wrong for you to just not want me anymore?” I asked him. “I love you Eliah and nothing will ever change that.” I told him. “Don’t you dare think that what you did was better than me being here beside you. I’d rather be with you for every second you have left than find out you died afterwards.” I told him, my voice soft and loving. “But…” you started, but I silenced you. “No buts or ifs, just okay. That’s all I want to hear from you.” I said. You nodded carefully. I leaned forward, kissing your lips. Even though they would never feel the same as back then, the kiss still felt the same. It made a light spread through my body and made me smile. I slipped your mask back on and told you to sleep, assuring you I’d be here when you woke up. I would stay till the very last minute.