A Prophecy.
001.
If you look past my brown hair and light hazel eyes, you'll see someone different than who you might think I am. You'll see the stubborn scars that won't fade away, the scars that remind me of what happened before I was sitting on the shore of the local beach, staring out at the waves. Not only do the scars remind me of pain, but they remind me that days now are better than before. The scars on my skin seem to make me think of footprints in the sand, they both destroy something beautiful. The older scars are from before I met Ben and the newer scars are from Ben leaving me. It hurts to know that he's on the other side of the world, touring with one of the most popular bands and I was left at home, only being reminded everyday that I miss him more and more.
I remember waking up one spring morning to an empty bed and a note on the counter.
Britt,
We'll be home soon, so dry your eyes.
You'll be okay.
Love always,
Ben.
That was it, no explanation of how long he'd be on tour and he didn't even bother to say goodbye or tell me in advance, he just.. left. Leaving me with an empty bed, empty apartment and an empty heart. I didn't know what to do with any of them without him, so I did what I used to do, cut. It's helped me cope with the unbearable pain since he left. He's been gone for however long, I've lost track of the weeks, all I know is it's been far too long. He hasn't tried to contact me in anyway and I'm starting to believe that he doesn't love me like he used to.
I remember meeting him, it was at my first concert. I was practically in-love with his band, Asking Alexandria and me and my friend Jamie bought some backstage passes. I met Ben and well, you can pretty much say that I fell head over heels in-love with that boy. He was perfect for me and I was perfect for him. After the show he was just sitting on a couch all alone, I decided to join him and we ended up talking for hours about the most absurd things.
I have no clue what we were talking about at one point, but we somehow ended up kissing, which eventually led to a steamy make-out session. Afterward, I left him with my number and we were constantly talking. We obviously started dating and that brought me back to where I am now.
There was one thing that bothered me a lot about Ben, not once did he offer to take me on tour with him, but every other guy brought his girl. It made me wonder why, but I just couldn't come up with a reasonable answer. I honestly loved Ben with every ounce of my heart, but, I can't stand being without him for months at a time. I mean, he could be with anyone doing anything. My heart was slowly falling apart as Ben's life was slowly falling together.
I looked out at the ocean as it reminded me of better days with Ben. Sometimes during the summer, we'd spend the night on the beach, just laying there under the beautiful night sky. Days like that are why I missed Ben's curly hair and spider bites, just thinking about his lips made me want to kiss him, it seems like it's been forever. I looked up at the moon and remembered that no matter where you are, you'll always see the same moon. I suddenly felt drops starting to fall from the dark night sky, wondering if it was raining wherever Ben was.
Moments later it started thundering with the occasional flash of lightning. The water is rising, it's rising. Maybe I should just ride this storm alone, maybe if I just checked out of this life Ben could live like he wanted to, he technically was, but without me he wouldn't have to worry about coming home.
I got up from the cool white sand and walked closer to the ocean, a bolt of lightning hitting something far off. I kicked off my shoes and stepped in, the coldness of the water chilling my skin and leaving me with goose bumps. The tides were getting higher, attempting to push me under. I was bobbing up and down in the water, when I heard a man screaming my name.
"BRITTNEY!" He repeated it over and over, my shoes in his hands. "BRITTNEY, WHERE ARE YOU?" I fought the gravity of the water and put my hand in the air, trying to pull my head above the waves. The mysterious man dropped my shoes before shedding everything but his pants, diving into the chilly water. He swam out to where I was and firmly held my waist. "Britt, what the hell are you doing? You know you can't swim." That's when I realized that it was Ben and I couldn't help but wonder if it was all just a dream.
"I-I don't know."
"Come on, let me take you home, take my hand." I took his hand, heading back to the shoreline.
Once we were there he took off my shirt and put his on me, I wasn't cold at all though. Ben led me back to the car, driving me home.
"What the hell were you thinking?" I looked down, wondering why he even cared anymore.
"I-I don't know, I needed to get away."
"Get away from what? The earth?" I struggled not to laugh, he obviously didn't find it funny one bit though.
"Why are you here? I thought you were on tour, oh wait, I wouldn't know where the fuck you were, seeing as how you never talk to me and never tell me anything." He shook his head, he had every right to believe that I was mad because honestly, I was beyond mad.
"Brittney, listen, I didn't want to leave you but I knew you'd get mad if I told you I was leaving."
"So you decided to just leave without telling me anything?"
"It's difficult to explain."
"Did you think I'd want to go on tour with you? Is that what it is? When every other fucking band member brings his girlfriend along, what do you do when you see them together? Do you miss me or do you just go fuck some random groupie and get some damn disease?"
"God dammit Brittney, that's not how it is."
"Then please do the honor of telling me how it is, because I'm honestly clueless."
"Look, I didn't want to take you away from your friends and family."
"Bullshit."
"It's the truth."
"I highly fucking doubt it. Ya know, if this is how it's always going to be then just let me go, I don't want to deal with a random heartbreak."
"Brittney, I want to be with you, that's really the reason why, I don't want to ruin your life by taking you away from all that you've known." I shook my head, tears beginning to sting my eyes.
"I can't believe you." He grabbed my hand and I yanked it away. He sighed as I looked out the window to realize we weren't going back home. "You just passed the apartments."
"I know."
"Then where are we going?"
"You'll see."
After driving for another fifteen minutes we arrived at our destination, the middle of nowhere.
"What the hell are we doing here?"
"Well, it's a private area, so I thought maybe we could talk."
"What's there to talk about? You randomly leaving me?"
"Britt, I'm sorry, okay? I know words aren't enough, but, there's not much I can do to fix it."
"Fine Ben, I believe you. Can you just please take me home?" He leaned over to my seat and pressed his soft delicate lips onto mine, I could feel the cool metal of his spider bites chilling my warm lips. I couldn't resist him and he knew it. He was shirtless and soon I was as well.
We ended up making love, not having sex, it was love. Afterward, Ben kept looking at me.
"So do you forgive me, love?" I chuckled.
"I kinda have to, don't I?" He smiled a breath-taking smile, making me want him all over again.
"You don't have to, but, I guess you should." I smiled up at him and snuggled into his chest, being held in his strong loving arms once again.
"I thought you'd never come back."
"I wouldn't leave you, I never would."
"I'd never leave you either."
"Well, would you like to go on tour with us?" He was finally asking me, but I had no clue what to do.
"Umm, sure, why the hell not?" He held me tighter to his chest, and I could tell he had a massive grin pasted on his face.
"Good, I love you Britt, with all my heart."
"I love you too, Ben."
We laid there for hours, eventually falling asleep in the back of the car. I awoke the next morning, in my bed. It was empty, just like all the times before. I walked into the kitchen, thinking everything that happened yesterday was a dream. It couldn't be, it had to be real. There was another note sitting on the table, it only had the words 'I'm sorry.' on it. I dropped the note to my feet and practically collapsed on the floor.
I brought my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as tight as possible. I had started to cry, harder than ever before. Ben had left me, again, and this time he had only left a two word note and one of his shirts that still had the faint scent of his cologne and cigarettes on it. I wiped my eyes, wishing to scream and cut all the pain away.
"Y-You s-said I-I w-was g-going too, you said you l-loved me w-with all your h-heart." I was rocking myself back and forth, wiping the tears and left over makeup from my cheeks. How could he do this? I loved him, so much I didn't think it was possible.
After pulling myself together, I put on some shorts and a sweater, I left Ben's The Doors shirt on though. I slipped on my sneakers and jogged down to the beach, the only place I knew to go. I stared out at the waves, the beach was still empty from the storm last night. I sat there for a minute, wondering what life would be like without Ben, I'd been living like that for some time, but, it wasn't worth it anymore. I walked towards the ocean once more, not turning back this time, and whispered, "You never said goodbye, and now you're on your own.
I remember waking up one spring morning to an empty bed and a note on the counter.
Britt,
We'll be home soon, so dry your eyes.
You'll be okay.
Love always,
Ben.
That was it, no explanation of how long he'd be on tour and he didn't even bother to say goodbye or tell me in advance, he just.. left. Leaving me with an empty bed, empty apartment and an empty heart. I didn't know what to do with any of them without him, so I did what I used to do, cut. It's helped me cope with the unbearable pain since he left. He's been gone for however long, I've lost track of the weeks, all I know is it's been far too long. He hasn't tried to contact me in anyway and I'm starting to believe that he doesn't love me like he used to.
I remember meeting him, it was at my first concert. I was practically in-love with his band, Asking Alexandria and me and my friend Jamie bought some backstage passes. I met Ben and well, you can pretty much say that I fell head over heels in-love with that boy. He was perfect for me and I was perfect for him. After the show he was just sitting on a couch all alone, I decided to join him and we ended up talking for hours about the most absurd things.
I have no clue what we were talking about at one point, but we somehow ended up kissing, which eventually led to a steamy make-out session. Afterward, I left him with my number and we were constantly talking. We obviously started dating and that brought me back to where I am now.
There was one thing that bothered me a lot about Ben, not once did he offer to take me on tour with him, but every other guy brought his girl. It made me wonder why, but I just couldn't come up with a reasonable answer. I honestly loved Ben with every ounce of my heart, but, I can't stand being without him for months at a time. I mean, he could be with anyone doing anything. My heart was slowly falling apart as Ben's life was slowly falling together.
I looked out at the ocean as it reminded me of better days with Ben. Sometimes during the summer, we'd spend the night on the beach, just laying there under the beautiful night sky. Days like that are why I missed Ben's curly hair and spider bites, just thinking about his lips made me want to kiss him, it seems like it's been forever. I looked up at the moon and remembered that no matter where you are, you'll always see the same moon. I suddenly felt drops starting to fall from the dark night sky, wondering if it was raining wherever Ben was.
Moments later it started thundering with the occasional flash of lightning. The water is rising, it's rising. Maybe I should just ride this storm alone, maybe if I just checked out of this life Ben could live like he wanted to, he technically was, but without me he wouldn't have to worry about coming home.
I got up from the cool white sand and walked closer to the ocean, a bolt of lightning hitting something far off. I kicked off my shoes and stepped in, the coldness of the water chilling my skin and leaving me with goose bumps. The tides were getting higher, attempting to push me under. I was bobbing up and down in the water, when I heard a man screaming my name.
"BRITTNEY!" He repeated it over and over, my shoes in his hands. "BRITTNEY, WHERE ARE YOU?" I fought the gravity of the water and put my hand in the air, trying to pull my head above the waves. The mysterious man dropped my shoes before shedding everything but his pants, diving into the chilly water. He swam out to where I was and firmly held my waist. "Britt, what the hell are you doing? You know you can't swim." That's when I realized that it was Ben and I couldn't help but wonder if it was all just a dream.
"I-I don't know."
"Come on, let me take you home, take my hand." I took his hand, heading back to the shoreline.
Once we were there he took off my shirt and put his on me, I wasn't cold at all though. Ben led me back to the car, driving me home.
"What the hell were you thinking?" I looked down, wondering why he even cared anymore.
"I-I don't know, I needed to get away."
"Get away from what? The earth?" I struggled not to laugh, he obviously didn't find it funny one bit though.
"Why are you here? I thought you were on tour, oh wait, I wouldn't know where the fuck you were, seeing as how you never talk to me and never tell me anything." He shook his head, he had every right to believe that I was mad because honestly, I was beyond mad.
"Brittney, listen, I didn't want to leave you but I knew you'd get mad if I told you I was leaving."
"So you decided to just leave without telling me anything?"
"It's difficult to explain."
"Did you think I'd want to go on tour with you? Is that what it is? When every other fucking band member brings his girlfriend along, what do you do when you see them together? Do you miss me or do you just go fuck some random groupie and get some damn disease?"
"God dammit Brittney, that's not how it is."
"Then please do the honor of telling me how it is, because I'm honestly clueless."
"Look, I didn't want to take you away from your friends and family."
"Bullshit."
"It's the truth."
"I highly fucking doubt it. Ya know, if this is how it's always going to be then just let me go, I don't want to deal with a random heartbreak."
"Brittney, I want to be with you, that's really the reason why, I don't want to ruin your life by taking you away from all that you've known." I shook my head, tears beginning to sting my eyes.
"I can't believe you." He grabbed my hand and I yanked it away. He sighed as I looked out the window to realize we weren't going back home. "You just passed the apartments."
"I know."
"Then where are we going?"
"You'll see."
After driving for another fifteen minutes we arrived at our destination, the middle of nowhere.
"What the hell are we doing here?"
"Well, it's a private area, so I thought maybe we could talk."
"What's there to talk about? You randomly leaving me?"
"Britt, I'm sorry, okay? I know words aren't enough, but, there's not much I can do to fix it."
"Fine Ben, I believe you. Can you just please take me home?" He leaned over to my seat and pressed his soft delicate lips onto mine, I could feel the cool metal of his spider bites chilling my warm lips. I couldn't resist him and he knew it. He was shirtless and soon I was as well.
We ended up making love, not having sex, it was love. Afterward, Ben kept looking at me.
"So do you forgive me, love?" I chuckled.
"I kinda have to, don't I?" He smiled a breath-taking smile, making me want him all over again.
"You don't have to, but, I guess you should." I smiled up at him and snuggled into his chest, being held in his strong loving arms once again.
"I thought you'd never come back."
"I wouldn't leave you, I never would."
"I'd never leave you either."
"Well, would you like to go on tour with us?" He was finally asking me, but I had no clue what to do.
"Umm, sure, why the hell not?" He held me tighter to his chest, and I could tell he had a massive grin pasted on his face.
"Good, I love you Britt, with all my heart."
"I love you too, Ben."
We laid there for hours, eventually falling asleep in the back of the car. I awoke the next morning, in my bed. It was empty, just like all the times before. I walked into the kitchen, thinking everything that happened yesterday was a dream. It couldn't be, it had to be real. There was another note sitting on the table, it only had the words 'I'm sorry.' on it. I dropped the note to my feet and practically collapsed on the floor.
I brought my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as tight as possible. I had started to cry, harder than ever before. Ben had left me, again, and this time he had only left a two word note and one of his shirts that still had the faint scent of his cologne and cigarettes on it. I wiped my eyes, wishing to scream and cut all the pain away.
"Y-You s-said I-I w-was g-going too, you said you l-loved me w-with all your h-heart." I was rocking myself back and forth, wiping the tears and left over makeup from my cheeks. How could he do this? I loved him, so much I didn't think it was possible.
After pulling myself together, I put on some shorts and a sweater, I left Ben's The Doors shirt on though. I slipped on my sneakers and jogged down to the beach, the only place I knew to go. I stared out at the waves, the beach was still empty from the storm last night. I sat there for a minute, wondering what life would be like without Ben, I'd been living like that for some time, but, it wasn't worth it anymore. I walked towards the ocean once more, not turning back this time, and whispered, "You never said goodbye, and now you're on your own.