The River
Chapter 8
Jake walked in that house with a smile on his face. How did he feel inside? He felt as if he was ripped apart. What was love? Just some chemical imbalance.
Daniel was away working and soon after he was left alone.
The first thing that crossed his mind as all the pain rushed through his body was to drink. He could drink into oblivion and forget everything. Then with the last powers he could will the earth to swallow him whole.
But instead he went to Daniel’s room and cuddled in the blankets. They smelled like him, they smelled of comfort. He thought about the energy that he felt when they kissed and Jake felt the tears flow faster and faster as tremors shook his body.
That’s how Daniel found him. His little reassuring words did nothing to stop him from crying. It was heartbreaking.
When Jake raised his eyes to Daniel and moved closer, the latter couldn’t stop himself for giving up in front of pain. He kissed back with everything he had. It was clear that all this time they both waited and hoped.
They woke up later to a full house. For a few hours they pretended all is fine. That it is as it was supposed to be, that maybe just maybe love conquers all.
“So tomorrow I’m moving in the next city to work for JK.”
Why did he lead me on? That’s what Jake was thinking and he could not find an answer to that question. He was twisting his brain but nothing coherent came out of it.
Daniel didn’t know the answer to that question either. He felt terrible and as he looked at Jake he knew he broke the one person he loved.
10 minutes later Jake rose and left. 20 minutes later Jake was drinking himself to oblivion.
Why? Why? Why?
You could feel something was wrong and for once in his life neither Lars nor Gyl support him after Daniel told them what he did.
Later that night when Jake came home drunk Daniel tried to make it better only to make it worse.
Their second try at love ended harsh in the cold light of morning.
Daniel gathered his stuff and left.
Jake gathered bottles and drank. He found himself in the streets; his best friends were two cuts that adorned his shoulder, one for every time he shared with Daniel. One for every time he felt like a worthless fuck.
Three nights after he found himself at Daniel’s door, it happened in a blur.
Jake punched him then he dragged him to the bed and went on hitting him until he was a mass of quiet and behaved meat. He tried to inflict the same pain on the willing body before him but no matter how hard he pounded he felt even dirtier and his alcohol infused brain was waking up.
Jake took Daniel’s ca keys from the table and left.
Every tree he saw appeared to call him, but he drove on. He felt empty, he felt dead already. He had images of Daniel before his eyes and they hurt his brain. His body shook violently making him lose control over the car.
Jake stopped in a familiar place and got himself the pills he craved a couple of weeks ago.
He stopped the car and walked to the familiar house. His old home.
Jake tried the door until it burst open.
“FUCK!”
He looked around and saw that everything was changed. He could barely stand on his two feet.
His mother came down the stairs and looked at him.
“Jake why are you doing this?”
“Because I love and I had to leave.”
“You didn’t have to leave the house.”
“What makes you think I was talking about you… I don’t love you anymore… and I don’t love these anymore EITHER…” Jake dug in his pocket and threw the pills and smokes out on the carpet. “I DON’T LOVE THE FUCKING BOOZE EITHER!!”
“Don’t yell…”
“What happens here. Who is he Margaret?”
“He’s…”
“…a mother fucking disgrace!”
“Mom…” Jake said defeated “what do you do when you love someone?”
“You fight.”
“Mom…”
“Margaret WHAT is going on…”
“Shhh… yes Jake…”
“You didn’t grow me up to be an alcoholic drug addict faggot. I’m not happy. Daniel… he doesn’t drink, nor does he do drugs…. But he’s a guy… and I love him… I… I feel alive with him. I can’t breathe without him…”
Tears were falling down Jake’s face.
“I just wanted to say that to someone… I’m sorry for this… I hope… I hope he treats you better… Goodbye!”
“Jake… I hope you get what you want.”
He mumbled something incoherent and left the house.
Daniel was away working and soon after he was left alone.
The first thing that crossed his mind as all the pain rushed through his body was to drink. He could drink into oblivion and forget everything. Then with the last powers he could will the earth to swallow him whole.
But instead he went to Daniel’s room and cuddled in the blankets. They smelled like him, they smelled of comfort. He thought about the energy that he felt when they kissed and Jake felt the tears flow faster and faster as tremors shook his body.
That’s how Daniel found him. His little reassuring words did nothing to stop him from crying. It was heartbreaking.
When Jake raised his eyes to Daniel and moved closer, the latter couldn’t stop himself for giving up in front of pain. He kissed back with everything he had. It was clear that all this time they both waited and hoped.
They woke up later to a full house. For a few hours they pretended all is fine. That it is as it was supposed to be, that maybe just maybe love conquers all.
“So tomorrow I’m moving in the next city to work for JK.”
Why did he lead me on? That’s what Jake was thinking and he could not find an answer to that question. He was twisting his brain but nothing coherent came out of it.
Daniel didn’t know the answer to that question either. He felt terrible and as he looked at Jake he knew he broke the one person he loved.
10 minutes later Jake rose and left. 20 minutes later Jake was drinking himself to oblivion.
Why? Why? Why?
You could feel something was wrong and for once in his life neither Lars nor Gyl support him after Daniel told them what he did.
Later that night when Jake came home drunk Daniel tried to make it better only to make it worse.
Their second try at love ended harsh in the cold light of morning.
Daniel gathered his stuff and left.
Jake gathered bottles and drank. He found himself in the streets; his best friends were two cuts that adorned his shoulder, one for every time he shared with Daniel. One for every time he felt like a worthless fuck.
Three nights after he found himself at Daniel’s door, it happened in a blur.
Jake punched him then he dragged him to the bed and went on hitting him until he was a mass of quiet and behaved meat. He tried to inflict the same pain on the willing body before him but no matter how hard he pounded he felt even dirtier and his alcohol infused brain was waking up.
Jake took Daniel’s ca keys from the table and left.
Every tree he saw appeared to call him, but he drove on. He felt empty, he felt dead already. He had images of Daniel before his eyes and they hurt his brain. His body shook violently making him lose control over the car.
Jake stopped in a familiar place and got himself the pills he craved a couple of weeks ago.
He stopped the car and walked to the familiar house. His old home.
Jake tried the door until it burst open.
“FUCK!”
He looked around and saw that everything was changed. He could barely stand on his two feet.
His mother came down the stairs and looked at him.
“Jake why are you doing this?”
“Because I love and I had to leave.”
“You didn’t have to leave the house.”
“What makes you think I was talking about you… I don’t love you anymore… and I don’t love these anymore EITHER…” Jake dug in his pocket and threw the pills and smokes out on the carpet. “I DON’T LOVE THE FUCKING BOOZE EITHER!!”
“Don’t yell…”
“What happens here. Who is he Margaret?”
“He’s…”
“…a mother fucking disgrace!”
“Mom…” Jake said defeated “what do you do when you love someone?”
“You fight.”
“Mom…”
“Margaret WHAT is going on…”
“Shhh… yes Jake…”
“You didn’t grow me up to be an alcoholic drug addict faggot. I’m not happy. Daniel… he doesn’t drink, nor does he do drugs…. But he’s a guy… and I love him… I… I feel alive with him. I can’t breathe without him…”
Tears were falling down Jake’s face.
“I just wanted to say that to someone… I’m sorry for this… I hope… I hope he treats you better… Goodbye!”
“Jake… I hope you get what you want.”
He mumbled something incoherent and left the house.