You Can't Tell Me to Heal

I gently brushed her bangs out of her face, toying with the ends of her hair. After making sure she was fast asleep... I carefully pressed my lips against hers. Avery didn't move at all, but I could've sworn her lips turned up into a smile. I sighed, not enjoying the sight of her busted lip. I went to the kitchen before I let myself get carried away.

I think that officially put me back in creeper creek.

I mean, seriously, who kisses girls while they're asleep?

This creeper right here. God, I'm so awkward.

“Fuckery!” I yelled a little louder than I intended…but I couldn’t help it. I took the frying pan and held it over the trash can, scraping off the half burnt, half uncooked pancake mix. They just refused to flip when I flicked the pan!

“John…?” Avery yawned my name sleepily, padding into the kitchen and rubbing her eyes. “What on god’s green earth…” She wrinkled her nose at the acrid smell of burnt food.

“Good morning,” I said with a small smile. “I was trying to make pancakes… I must be doing something wrong. Honestly, I’m about to give up. They won’t flip over when I flip the pan,” I sighed, putting the frying pan back on my stove and pulling up the bowl of batter. “See? Watch.”

“No, no, no!” Avery grabbed my wrist before I could ladle some of the pancake batter in. She took the ladle from me, studying the consistency of the pancake batter. “John… did you add any oil to this pancake batter?”

“Why do I need to add oil? The frying pan is nonstick. See? It’s got that Teflon stuff on it.”

Avery shook her head indulgently before drizzling oil into the pancake batter and stirring it up with the ladle. “Try again,” she instructed, handing the ladle back to me. I poured in just the right amount of pancake mix and waited patiently. “Why are you making pancakes?”

“For us,” I answered simply. “You had a rough night. The least I can do is make you a decent breakfast.” Avery was silent with my response. I gripped the handle of the frying pan and flipped the pancake with ease this time. “Fuck yes!” I shouted, grinning triumphantly while Avery just laughed at me.

I was surprised the fire alarm hadn’t gone off yet. I could only manage to cook your typical, simple comfort foods – grilled cheese… chicken noodle soup from a can…peanut butter and jelly. I slipped out of bed at eleven and went about making breakfast for us. I wanted it to make up for how messy my apartment was, in a way. Soon, I had pancakes piled high on two plates. I turned the stove off and brought the plates to the kitchen counter. Avery brought the syrup and utensils. I didn’t have a dining table, just my kitchen counter and bar stools.

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“…Thanks.”

“Oh, you haven’t even touched your pancakes, though! Don’t thank me just yet,” I laughed. Avery had just finished cutting her pancakes like a pizza, in a bunch of triangles.

“No, not just for breakfast…for everything,” Avery told me quietly, carefully spiraling the syrup around on her pancakes.

“OCD much?” I teased, but Avery just smiled and poured herself some orange juice. “So…the police called. They were wondering if they could talk to you today, around one or so.” Avery’s face went blank and she just nodded. I instinctively placed a hand on her thigh. “It’ll be ok.”

Avery nodded and we ate breakfast in comfortable silence. My hand never left her leg. We drove to her place so she could get cleaned up and get changed. I cleaned up her kitchen while she got changed. A few minutes later, Avery trotted downstairs in skinny jeans, Vans slip ons, and a black Jac Vanek tank that said “Sorry for Partying.” She picked up her phone and groaned. “Dammit, I forgot to take this with me last night…Eric’s probably freaking out,”I heard her sigh to herself.

We sat down on her dining room table together and I waited patiently while she called Eric, no matter how much I didn’t want to. “Hey…What, the cops? My, um, house got broken into… Eric, shut up! I’m fine, really. I’m staying with a friend… Why are you so surprised to hear I have friends other than you?... No, I’ll go back to therapy when my mom comes back… I swear, if you tell her, I’ll never speak to you again!” Avery yelled at her phone. “You can meet my friend when I meet your friends… Yeah, I know that’s gonna be, like, never, that was the point!...Ok, love you, bye.”

I couldn’t help but cringe at her last words. Avery pocketed her phone before smiling at me. “You ready to go?” I asked with a small smile in return. She nodded and I drove us to the police station.


“John, where’d you disappear off to last night?” Kennedy asked, pulling Megan onto his lap. We were at Jared’s place, working off the hangovers and talking about that party.

“Jenna’s not gonna come back,” Jared promised. “She’s only here visiting her grandma, who’s dying from pancreatic cancer. You know she lives in Vermont now. It’s just temporary, bro,” Jared said soothingly, patting my back. “She’ll be gone before you know it.”

I nodded, but I was focused on my phone. “I just… went outside for a drag,” I answered Kennedy.

“Did the cops get you?” Chloe asked worriedly. I shook my head, so she smiled in relief.

“I feel bad, though… Halvo said the cops actually came because the house right across from his got broken into,” Garrett added, pulling up a barstool so he could sit next to Shannon at the kitchen counter.

Yeah, I know, I was there! “Damn,” I said simply. I didn’t want to tell them about Avery. Talking about her made me sad because I knew she was with Eric and not me. When we were done at the police station, she had me take her home. She gave me my clothes back, thanked me for everything all over again, told me she’d be staying at her house that night, hugged me… and then anchored me in friendship lagoon for eternity when she uttered the words, “You’re such a good friend.”

Should I smile 'cause we're friends, or should I cry cause that's all we'll be?

“John? You feelin’ ok?” Pat piped up in concern.

That’s when I noticed how everyone was looking at me. “U-Uh... I just… I’m gonna go home, you guys, I’m feelin a little under the weather,” I mumbled, getting up and grabbing my keys.

“John!” Shannon followed me out to the driveway. “What’s upsetting you, you giant? I can tell it isn’t this Jenna girl that everyone seems to know but me,” Shannon started off.

“Two words,” I sighed, ruffling her hair. “Friendship. Lagoon.”

Shannon grinned to herself. “So, this was about your mystery girl! I knew it!”

“She’s not mine,” I scoffed, feeling myself blush. I unlocked my car. “And now, she never will be.” Shannon put her fists on her hips, shaking her head as I got into my car and closed the door behind me. I rolled down my window. “What?”

“Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship – never. Don’t give up yet, John!” Shannon told me encouragingly, reaching in to pinch my cheek. I swatted her hand away, rolling my window up so she couldn’t do it again. She waved goodbye, and I waved back. I could finally feel a small smile on my face again as I drove back to my apartment.