You Can't Tell Me to Heal

You know how awkward it is when you go over to your friend’s house and their parents yell at them, leaving you to just stand there all awkward and quiet like? That’s kind of what I was experiencing right now. I sat on Halvo’s bed, tracing the seams in his comforter, while he cussed someone out on his phone. He put the phone down on his desk and stepped into his closet, muttering angrily under his breath. “Halvo?” I called his name hesitantly, sliding off his lofty bed.

Halvo was holding an empty duffel bag in his hands. “Help me pack?” he asked with that irresistible puppy dog face that he always pulled on me because he knew it would always work.

I sighed and headed into his closet to assemble some outfits for the weekend. Halvo was actually naturally stylish on his own, meaning he really did buy decent clothes. He just never really put clothes together very well. I heard him packing up his toiletries and undergarments, and his phone rang.I like the ones who, I like the one who, I like the ones, I like the ones that like to show me around-

“Hello?” I heard Halvo answer his phone tersely.

I scooted closer to the door, peering into his room. Halvo stood by his desk staring out his window with his phone to his ear. “No…no, man, I’m sorry I snapped. I didn’t mean to bring her up,” Halvo sighed, tossing some of his stuff into his duffel bag. “I know, I just don’t like people talking about her like that,” Halvo scoffed after a moment’s pause. I wonder who he was talking to. “So, I guess I’ll see you around?... Oh, thanks, we will. Later, bro.”

I took that as my cue to leave his closet. “Everything alright?” I asked Halvo, folding his clothes into his duffel bag and zipping it up for him. Halvo nodded and smiled before shouldering my bag as well as his, taking my hand, and walking outside with me.

We were going with Shannon and her boyfriend to the state soccer tournament at the University of Northern Arizona for the weekend. Halvo was only coming as a favor to my mom. She wanted him to babysit me look out for me while we were away.

Not to sound like a braggadouche, but Shannon Verzyl idolized me. She made the women’s Division I soccer team as a freshman, when I was a junior. At that time, I’d just been allowed back onto the Division I team, so I really disliked the fresh meat. I was your typical team captain bitch until Shannon came along and asked me to sign a soccer ball for her. The whole experience didn’t inflate my ego. It was actually so humbling. I refused her my signature, but she accepted my friendship instead, and we’ve been friends ever since.

Shannon was now a junior. She played soccer with me in that last game, my last soccer game for the rest of my life. She helped me off the field into the ambulance. She almost didn’t play soccer this year, but I’d managed to convince her otherwise. This was the first year the ASU women’s soccer team made it to state without me. The team chalked up their victories to their center midfielder Shannon, who claimed I was her inspiration. I was indescribably happy to hear that.

Halvo and I walked across the street to my house, where Shannon and her boyfriend were waiting for us in her gunmetal gray Honda Civic. I waved at the two figures leaning against said Honda Civic as Halvo and I approached the car. “Shannon!” I yelled, pulling my hand out of Halvo’s to just run to her no matter how much my knee was hurting me.

Shannon laughed, hugging me back. “Alright, we gotta hurry! Throw your shit in the trunk. I’ve got practice at five tonight, so we gotta haul ass!” She popped the trunk, but Halvo didn’t put our bags in. I frowned and turned to tell Halvo to hurry up…when I saw him tightly hugging Shannon’s boyfriend, even lifting him off the ground a little bit and spinning him around as they both laughed.

I could tell Shannon and I had the same priceless expressions on our faces as we stared at the two boys. “Garrett, is there something you’re not telling me?” Shannon asked in a joking manner.

Halvo and Garrett laughed and broke the hug before opening our doors for us. Shannon sat shotgun. I sat behind her. Garrett was driving. “Halvo can explain to you ladies on the way,” Garrett said with a smirk as we departed from Tempe.


Turns out, Garrett was one of Halvo’s friends. Like Halvo, Garrett was in a band and played bass guitar. Garrett was nice to me because I was Shannon’s best friend and because he was just a genuinely nice person, albeit random and zombie-obsessed.

“How long have you known Shannon?” He asked conversationally. We were sitting in our hotel room, watching TV. Halvo was taking a shower, and Shannon was still at practice. We were going out for dinner when Shannon came back.

“Um…almost three years now,” I answered after some thought. “And how long have you guys been dating?” I asked, and Garrett blushed. It was so cute.

“Oh, about three months now,” he mumbled, adjusting his glasses and changing the channel. “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking…what’s wrong with your knees?” the second Garrett asked that, I instinctively crossed my legs at the knees and placed my hands on my knee to completely cover the scars. I was in a floral sundress and my brown cowboy boots, anyways. “Well, I’m sorry, that didn’t sound right… I mean, what happened to your knees?” Garrett rephrased his question. I bit my lip indecisively. “You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to,” he said gently, noticing my discomfort.

But…I told John. What was so hard about telling Garrett? We were sitting on a couch together, so I angled my body towards his and uncrossed my legs, showing him the faint grey scars in the same exact spots on both my knees. “I tore both my ACL’s playing soccer,” I said quietly, my eyes flicking up to his face. Garrett was staring at my scars, not with disgust, or even pity, but…awe. “These scars are from the surgeries that fixed them. I’m actually still in physical therapy for my right ACL. I tore it not too long ago.”

“You were really dedicated to playing soccer, huh?” Garrett said, his eyes leaving my knees and coming back up to my face. That was the last thing I expected him to say.

“Yeah…Y-Yeah,” I stammered out. “And Shannon is, too. I hope you’re supporting her with her soccer dreams,” I said sternly, but I was smiling. I liked Garrett so much more now.

“Oh, hell yes! I’m her personal cheerleader,” Garrett said proudly, making me laugh.

Halvo hopped out of the shower with a towel around his waist. “Shower’s free,” he announced, making for his duffel bag on the bed I’d be sharing with him tonight. I didn’t feel the need to shower, so I let Garrett go ahead and use the bathroom. I focused on the TV show I was watching, called “Cheaters,” oblivious to Halvo dressing up right behind me.

“Don’t look at me, I’m naked!” Halvo suddenly yelled, just to mess with me. I almost turned around…almost. I bit my lip, trying to fight the smile on my face as I watched the TV show. A few minutes later, he joined me on the couch, fully dressed and smelling wonderfully manly. “Wow, you’re good. Usually, when I scream ‘Don’t look!’ People look,” Halvo laughed, draping his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into his side.

I rolled my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder,
falling asleep in the arms of my best friend.