Welcome to My Reality Show

“You’re done,” Stacy stated as she finally finished my hair for tonight’s event in New York City. “I think that husband of yours really needs to talk to you. He’s been waiting over there for a few hours.”
I stole a quick glance at Mickie. She gave me a small smile and nodded her head toward Alex. I stood up from the make-up chair, and I walked over toward where he was standing. He didn’t look happy at all, but I couldn’t care less. I wanted him to be mad. I wanted him to feel horrible. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me human.
“Time to talk finally?” He huffed.
I crossed my arms.
“Don’t get an attitude about this.”
Alex rolled his eyes.
“Says the girl crossing her arms,” Alex stated. “We need to talk about how much money you spent.”
“Alex, how much money I spent is none of your concern. I make my own money. I’m not dependent on you, ya know.”
“It’s still a little much, don’t you think?”
“I know that it’s a lot of money, but you’re blowing everything out of proportion. You didn’t have to go out and get completely smashed like that!”
“Me? Dammit, Mackenzie! This isn’t about me, it’s about you!”
“Because I’m the one who always messes up right?! All I did was buy some fucking shoes and stuff. I didn’t go out drinking and get completely hammered when you know that I hate it! Alex you fucking know how much I hate seeing you get that wasted. You couldn’t even stand up straight!”
“I wasn’t that wasted. I was aware of where I was.”
“Apparently you weren’t.” I snapped. “You really hurt me last night, Alex. You crossed a fucking line.”
“Because of drinking?” He yelled, gathering other’s attention. It was bad enough that Larry was up in our faces with the camera.
“No, because of what you said!” I yelled back, huffing at the end of the sentence. Tears started to build up in my eyes. “I-I wasn’t that mad. I was annoyed that you came back so drunk. You couldn’t do anything for yourself. I had to help you. God, it was awful.”
“What happened?” He asked. His voice had calmed down dramatically.
“You told me that you were sorry. You were going on and on about how bad you messed up. Then you said that I deserved someone so much better than you. I believe you, and I know that I do deserve someone so much better. It’s so hard being with you Alex. I love you, but this is just so fucking hard.”
“So you’re going to run away the second that things get hard? I thought that you said that divorce wasn’t an option, huh? I don’t want to get divorced. I thought that we got past all of this stupid bullshit.”
I sighed, and whipped my tear from my cheek with the back of my hand.
“You called me Lisa.”
“What?” He almost laughed. “You’re joking right?”
I shook my head no. I didn’t say anything else back to him. He didn’t deserve to see me crying over him, and he definitely didn’t deserve my love. I never want to experience something like this ever again. Even if the good did out-weight the bad.
“Your exact words were ‘I love you, Lisa’.” I replied. I looked down at my hands. I knitted them together, and took a deep breath. “If you still have feelings for her, then we have a major problem.”
“Of course I do. It’s Lisa.” My face dropped, and I stared at him. “That came out the wrong way, Mac.”
“It doesn’t matter, Alex. You still have feelings for her. She’s Lisa.”
“Exactly! Lisa was my first love. Do you really expect me to stop having all feelings for her in an instant? It’s not that easy. She was a part of my life before you ever came along. Yes, you’re more important to me than she is, but it’s Lisa.”
I shook my head.
“You still have feelings for her,” I stated, dropping my arms from across my chest. “Oh my God…”
“Mackenzie…stop, please?” He begged. “She’s a friend now. You know that. I’m in love with you not Lisa. Can’t I honestly make you see that?”
“Alex, from what I’ve heard in the past twenty-four hours, I’m not exactly sure who I trust.”
“You should trust me! It’s me, dammit. I’m not cheating on you or anything like that.”
“But you still love Lisa.”
“Yes, and part of me always will.” He huffed. “I love you more.”
“Wrong answer,” I snapped.
“You’re being fucking ridiculous. We need to talk about this like rational adults. Stop acting like such a baby! We have to get through this, Mac. You have to stop being a bitch when I’m trying to explain something.
“Ti odio,” I nearly yelled, not meaning to. It hurt when I yelled it out loud. With everything that I have, I wanted to mean it so bad. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t.
“What does that mean?” He stopped yelling, knowing that I only yell in different languages when I get super pissed.
“I hate you,” I shook my head, and turned around. I walked toward the dressing room, and I felt Mickie’s comforting arm wrap around my own arm.
“It will be okay, Mac. I promise.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t look at him right now.” I replied.
“Maybe it’s best that you two keep your distance. I think that you both need to cool down a little bit first. I don’t want you killing him in his sleep.”
I laughed lightly and nodded.
“I definitely want to now,”
“Come on, we have a event to go too. Let’s go fix up your face and get ready, okay? You’ve got to do your job first and then we can go. Okay?”
“Okay…” I trailed off. Mickie grabbed my wrist, and drug me toward the bathroom. She helped me clean off my face, and waited while my face went back to looking normal before we walked back out. Alex was no where to be found, and I was insanely happy about that. I didn’t want to talk to him again. I sat back down in the chair and Stacy touched up my face and hair while Mickie got dressed. She got my dress ready so that I could easily slip it on in the dressing room. I grabbed my radio that I normally use during the shows. I made sure that all of the lights looked right on stage from the side view and that the guitars were in tune. Mickie followed me around, as did Larry with the camera.
“Okay, Matty Mouse, everything is a-go.”
“Thanks, Killer. Go on and get to that event. You may be late.”
I smiled and handed over my radio to Danny before Mickie and I started toward the exit of the venue. In the back, a limo awaited for us. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous. Normally Alex is with me during these things. This is the first event I’m going to without him. It’s crazy to even think about that.
“Oh my God, there are so many photographers.” Mickie commented. “I’m a little scared.”
I nodded in agreement.
“We can do this…right?”
“I-I think so.”
I took another deep breath.
“Let’s go. We don’t need the guys for this. We were invited not them,”
“Yeah…”
“Doesn’t mean that I’m not that scared,” I admitted.
“Amen.” Mickie agreed. “Come on, Killer.”