Welcome to My Reality Show

When I woke up, I didn’t expect Alex to be in the same bed as me. After yesterday, and me crying, I assumed he would stay on the couch. I went to bed not long after our small decision. Alex went to take a shower, and then to watch some show on the hotel’s TV. I didn’t really expect him to come to bed. I thought that he would fall asleep on the couch or something. I found it slightly odd to have my husband’s arms around my body. I was pulled tightly to his chest, and his head snuggled into the back of my neck. I really didn’t want to move, but at the same time, I did.
I finally was able to pull myself out of his grasp and make it to the bathroom. The back of my shirt was wet. I furrowed my brows and checked the clock again. It said that it was a quarter until seven. I groaned to myself. It was way to early to be up. I cursed mother nature for a moment. I slowly turned away from the mirror and looked over my shoulder. Tear stains were littered across my back. I frowned to myself. Alex definitely was crying last night. I haven’t seen him cry really. I don’t know if I ever will. The fact that the shirt was still damp tugged at my heart strings. Alex did care.
I realized that he was as shaken up by this as I was. He broke down, from my guesses, and I wasn’t awake. I’m not the only one hurting. I guess it would be a little easier to see his point of view if I actually knew what was going on in his head. I took a seat on top of the toilet’s lid to think. My head dropped to my hands, and my mind went wild. I wanted to know why Alex felt the need to hid things from me. I haven’t really gotten to know my husband. Sure, I know his personality inside and out, but…that’s all I really know. I know what makes him mad, and how to get him to smile, yet I know next to nothing about his past. I don’t know what made Alex Gaskarth so special.
He’s a great guy, from what I have learned about him so far. He’s caring, sarcastic, and he has a wonderful smile. I loved that about it. I just have no idea what he went through. I know about Lisa. I know some of their history, but that’s it. What was growing up with Isobel and Peter like? Was he popular in high school? So many stupid, yet important, questions started to pop up in my head. Alex never told me any of these things. He hadn’t even asked me about my own. I found it quite odd. I vowed to myself to ask him later.
I finally stood back up, and made my way toward our bed. The lamp was on, lighting up our room. He was now awake, staring toward the window in our hotel room. His head snapped toward me. He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he was about to cry again. A small, barely there, smile came to his lips. I smiled back, mine a little bigger than his. Alex patted the spot next to him that I hesitantly walked toward. I sat down on the bed, and looked over at him.
“You look horrible,” I stated.
Alex laughed, his horse voice breaking.
“I thought you left.”
“You thought that I left you?” I asked him.
“Yeah. You’re suite cases are all packed up, and you weren’t here. I felt you get up, and I heard a door. I just assumed you left me,”
I chewed on my bottom lip and took a quick glance at my suite cases.
“I thought about it. I was actually going to catch a train back to Baltimore. Then I was going to fly to Vegas to see my mom.”
“So you were going to leave me?”
“Not exactly leave you. I just wanted some space.”
“What made you change your mind?” He asked, finally making eye contact with me.
“The fact that Mickie pointed out that I was just trying to run away from our problems instead of face them,” I smiled sadly. I scooted closer to lean into his side. Alex melted at my touch. His arms wrapped around me quickly until I was pressed tightly against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head.
“I love you, Mackenzie.” He stated. “I don’t want you to leave because of a fight.”
“I see that now,” I mumbled. “I think that we need to get to know each other more.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to know about your past, Lex. I know nothing.”
“You know enough,” He sighed.
I pulled away from him, just enough room to look into his eyes.
“No, I don’t. Not really,” I replied. “I have no idea what happened to make you into the man you are today. I have no idea what happened, and it kills me not too.”
Alex chewed on his lip.
“Maybe we should talk then? Later?” He questioned. “I just really want to cuddle with you,”
“You were crying earlier.” I stated.
I didn’t want him to get off topic.
“Yes…”
“Why can’t you cry in front of me?”
“I don’t cry often,” He shrugged like it was natural.
I shook my head.
“I don’t care how often you cry or what not…I just want to get to know you better, babe.” I smiled, caressing his cheek with my left hand. “I love you with everything that I could possibly give, and I’ve never seen you get over-emotional.”
“I’m sorry,” He sighed. I closed my eyes tightly. “I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear, but that is all I can give you right now, okay?”
“Okay.” I sighed. He pressed a small kiss to my forehead.
The conversation had dropped temporarily.