You and I.

To say I was worried about Rosie was an understatement. As the weeks passed I noticed that she wasn’t really being herself. She constantly felt sick and was really tired all the time. I tried making her go to the doctors but she wasn’t having any of it. It had gone on for about 5 weeks and only seemed to be getting worse. By now she was hardly eating.

She blamed work, and I agreed with her at first, she was really busy lately, but it shouldn’t have lasted this long. I went round her house to check up on her and she seemed alright at first, that was until she got a killer headache and fainted on me. I pleaded with her to go to the doctors, but set in her ways, she wouldn’t.

I called her every day to make sure she was fine, but the last 3 days she had been pretty short with me, like she was busy and needed to get back to something, or maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me. But she texted me this morning, telling me she needed to see me. I was currently in the car, weaving my way through the familiar streets to her place. I parked outside like I usually did and made my way to her door.

I knocked lightly and she opened the door. This first thing I noticed was how pale she was. She smiled at me slightly, but looked nervous. I kissed her cheek and she led me inside.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked quietly. She was twiddling her thumbs and avoiding eye contact.

“Nope, im alright” I flopped down on her sofa and patted the seat next to me. She cautiously took the seat next to me, not sitting as close as she usually did, she was tense and ridged. “So what’s up?”

She inhaled shakily, and turned to face me slightly. “I um, I went to the doctors” I looked into her eyes; they seemed to have lost that spark that I had fallen in love with. They looked flat and lifeless.

She was worrying me. Really badly. I took her hand and squeezed it, and she held on to me for dear life. “Hey, come on your scaring me, you’re ok right?”

She took one more breath and carried on, never meeting my eyes. “Im not to sure how to say this, I mean, I don’t even know what to say myself, and-“

“Rosie, please, you’re killing me here just tell me” I cut her off. This time she looked right into my eyes, and didn’t look away.

“Im pregnant”

Do you ever get those moments where time just seems to stop? Yeah, this ones one of these moments. My hand, that she was still holding on to, became limp under her grip. My mouth hung slightly open and my ears began to ring. But I could still hear her saying in my head. Im pregnant, it was repaying in my head taunting me.

I didn’t know what to do, I felt suffocated. This wasn’t supposed to happen. When the girl you love tells you their pregnant you’re supposed be over come with joy. But I wasn’t. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t talk.

“Dan? Say something please” her voice was thick and there were tears forming in her eyes. I wanted to just hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be fine, but I couldn’t. I had to get away from her.

I snatched my hand from under hers and stood up looking at her for a few seconds before I started pacing the room. This was the last thing I should have done, but I was in panic mode. “How, how could you let this happen?” I asked whilst pacing the room, a slight hint of anger in my tone. I looked down and her and she looked really hurt, her tears now flowing freely.

“Me? It takes two to make a baby” she stood up and I saw the wave of dizziness come over her. She shook it off and stood right in front of me. “Why are you acting like this? Your being stupid” her tears were coming faster now and I hated seeing her cry, but I couldn’t seem to do anything but pace and shout angrily.

“Im being stupid? Do you have any idea how ridiculous this is, I cant be a dad”

“Why not?”

“Hello, im always on tour, im always busy with meetings and shows and signings and recordings. I cant bring up a kid, it wouldn’t know who I am, I cant do that, I just cant. I wont let that happen”

“What about what I want?” she shouted back at me, her hand subconsciously moving over she stomach.

I went to push past her but she pushed me back. “Don’t, just don’t” I pushed past her again, this time making it all the way and rushed to the front door.

“Jane was right about you” was the last thing I heard her say, but I had no idea what she meant by it. I raced down to my car and sped off going anywhere but here.