The Ghost of You

The clouds had faded away and left behind an amazing blue sky. The sun shined down on Andrew and I.

The grass looked a little greener,and tiny flowers began to grow. I could hear birds chirping again and see a few bugs flying around. It was like the meadow was alive and breathing again,and with every deep breath became more and more alive.

I stood and looked up at the sky. The sun was dropping,and pretty soon it would be sunset. I looked back at Andrew,lying down on the ground again. Andrew was always in the sun, he told me one day that he loved the warmth it gave him. He seemed carefree,lying on the ground,basking in the sunlight and watching me closely.

"You could use some sun,love. You are looking a little pale today." he called to me,smiling slightly. I had started walking away from him,just a little.

I looked past him,towards the pond.It still looked sullen and stygian there. I looked back to Andrew,to the brighter side of the meadow,then looked up to the sky.

The sun's rays gently hit my face,making me grow warm. I inhaled deeply and smiled at the familiar earthy,clean scent the meadow gave off. I hummed and closed my eyes as I started to twirl.

I heard Andrew laugh.He was close to me so I fell to the ground next to him."Having fun?" he asked stroking my face. I nodded."Doesn't this place make you feel..."I tried to think of a word that described what I was feeling.

"Blissful?Elated? Ecstatic?" Andrew asked."Jubilant."I answered.

"At peace." Andrew murmured.

"Alive." I whispered softly.

"What did you do at my funeral?" I asked,absently gliding my hand down Andrew's arm.

"I don't remember much. Just standing there,looking at you. People were trying to talk to me,but I just blocked them out." he said after a moment.

"What about Kelsey and Craig and James? What's happened to them?" I looked him the eyes now. I was too busy thinking of Andrew that I forgot about my friends.

"Craig moved to Florida with his mom a few weeks after the funeral. James doesn't talk to me or Kelsey or Craig anymore. He told us that he just wanted to forget everything about all of us. But Kelsey and I talk,not much. She started dating Eric,so Eric is always occupied with her so we don't hang out anymore"

Another lump rose in my throat again. All my friends had abandoned each other and I wasn't there to keep them all together. All though,my death was the cause of them splitting up. And when Andrew lost me,he lost everyone else too. He's been so alone and isolated for months.

"Don't cry,Lilly,baby." Andrew said softly. I blinked and the tears fell again. Andrew leaned toward me and kissed my tears. He went for my lips next,parting his mouth slightly and and tasting me. He barely pulled back."I will never get tired of kissing you." he whispered in a low voice against my lips. He was so close,when I opened my eyes our eyelashes brushed against each others.

"I love you,Andrew."I whispered amorously ."I love you to the bottom of my heart." A heart that wouldn't beat again,I reminded myself.

"And I love you,Lillian,so much you will never know." he said tenderly in my ear. Then I heard him chuckling lightly."What?"I asked smiling.

He kissed me on the cheek and sat up."Remember when we would talking about our future? How we would move to California together after we graduated?" He looked a little sad,but held on to the smile on his face.

I scooted closer to him and he rested his hand on my arm."Yes." I said. We talked about that a lot,when I was alive.

The day we graduated,we planned to run away from everything and run all the way to California. Andrew said he was going to buy my dream house.

A white house with a little gate in front and a wrap around porch. There would be flowers everywhere and it would have a big back yard. And a window seat in each bed room. It seemed perfect,I thought nothing would get in our way and that we would be happy for the rest of our lives.

"Now we have no future." I said sullenly."Don't say that,love." Andrew said.

I sat up and looked at him."We don't Andrew! How are we going to have a future together when I'm a ghost!" I shouted."How will you marry a ghost? How will we have kids if I'm dead? I'm nothing anymore but the dead girl. Don't you understand? I will stay the same forever and you will grow up... and move on."

Andrew looked torn." How could you think that? You are not a ghost to me..."he said softly. I had hurt him,it was clear. He looked down and was rubbing an invisible spot on his shirt.

I never shouted at him. I cursed myself."What am I then?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at me,his blue eyes burning into my not as alluring brown ones."Your still my Lilly,my love. I don't see you as a ghost. I still see you as my stunning girlfriend. You still mean the world to me,baby."

I kissed him deeply. I longed to hear my heart beat. Some small part of me still tried to think that this was all a dream,a horrible dream.

I had hope when I heard a heart beat,a strong,healthy heart beat begin to race and get louder,but it was Andrew's,of course."I'm sorry." I said,pulling back.

"I was serious about you having some sort of powers." he changed the subject.

I tried to tell him that ghost were not powerful and didn't have powers.

"I'm dead,not magic." I answered.

"Just try."he said."Try and make yourself disappear."

"And how do you suppose I do that?" I waited,and Andrew just shrugged. I sighed."Focus." he whispered to me.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on disappearing.I imagined myself vanishing in my head and just kept telling myself to fade away,become invisible."This is hopeless,"I said,"ghost do not have powers."

Andrew looked sort of freaked our,but amused at the same time. "Okay,invisible girl, you have no powers at all."

I waved my hands in his face and made funny faces, but he didn't move. "You really can't see me?" I asked. He shook his head.

I stood and walked away a few feet."What about now?" I called. Andrew looked around."Nope." I ran up close to him."What about now?" I said in front of his face.

He jumped back."Okay,do not do that again. That is just creepy." I laughed.

"Okay,so how do I make myself visible again?"

"How did you make yourself disappear?"

"I pictured myself fading away."

"Well picture yourself fading back into a person."

"Ghost,you mean."

"Just do it!"

I focused again. I saw my imaginary self coming back into view."Am I visible?" I asked.

"No." he said."Keep trying."

Okay,no need to panic... just that I might be invisible forever! I breathed and put the image in my head again. I played it over and over again in my head. "There's my pretty Lilly!" Andrew said.

I opened my eyes."See,I told you you have powers." Andrew said smiling." I have a girlfriend that can disappear. How cool is that?" I rolled my eyes.

The sun was setting and it was beginning to get dark.

"We should probably get out of here. My mom will be wondering where I've been all day."

"And where will WE be going?" I asked as Andrew helped me up. He grabbed my hand and began walking to the path that exited the meadow.

"Where do you think? My house."

"Sure,just tell your mom to set an extra spot at the table for your dead girlfriend." I said sarcastically.

"Well,you can use your newly found ability to sneak up to my room." he answered smiling.

"I'm dead and I still have to sneak into your house at night?" I shook my head.

We reached his car now."See,love,"he said sweetly, opening my door,"your life is still sort of normal."

_______________________________________________________________________

We pulled up at Andrew's house. All the lights were off.

I remembered the nights when Liam would get on my nerves so I would call Andrew to come and sneak me away. We almost got caught every time because his dog would end up barking or his little sister,Julie, would see me and threaten to tell.

"I don't think they are home." Andrew said.

I didn't see his parents cars,but they might have put them in the garage they never used.The door was unlocked too.

"Hello?" Andrew called,but no one answered."I guess your safe."

The house looked different. Their was new furniture and it was actually clean. It was too quite. Usually Renee -Andrew's mom insisted I call her by her first name- would have the radio on in the kitchen while she would be cooking. Andrew's dad wasn't as social as his mom. He was nice enough,but Andrew would always tell me how it was hard to ever talk to him and that they didn't have the best relationship.

We had made it to the steps when we heard someone."Andrew! where have you-"It was his dad,Robert. He stopped and looked confused.

Disappear,disappear!! I screamed in my head. I repeated the same thing I did in the meadow. Oh, God I hope I was invisible.

I could have sworn he looked straight at me. Andrew looked at him,his face a little pale.

"Yes,dad?"

Robert blinked a few times and shook his head."Not getting enough damn sleep.."he mumbled to himself. "Nothing,son. Your mother has been asking where you've been all day." he walked away.

Andrew breathed."Get to my room before I have a heart attack." I laughed quietly and quickly went to his room.

His room looked exactly the same. It was a mess,like always. His bed still wasn't made and there were a million pillows on it. I sat on his bed and made myself appear again. He closed the door and smiled at me.

I missed coming here and sleeping over. I slept so much better with Andrew by my side. Could ghost even sleep? I guess I would find out later on tonight.

I looked on the nightstand and saw pictures of us in tiny frames. The first one was just of me,smiling at the camera. Next was one when Andrew and I were kissing. Another had us smiling at each other,and the last one was our homecoming picture.

I looked back and on his headboard I saw the pictures we took at the mall in a photo booth taped to the wood. This was my favorite."That's the last picture we took together." Andrew said,noticing I was looking at it.

He laid down in the bed. I couldn't stop looking at the couple in this picture. They were so happy,didn't care about anything,just each other. In one picture,they were smiling and laughing and the next the would look at each other with so much love. The boy looked at the girl with so much love in his eyes. Anyone could tell that he adored her,and would do anything for her.

And the girl stared at him with such happiness and love. She was smiling at him. This boy was her world, she would be lost without him. Without each other,you could tell they would be devastated.

It's hard to believe that not too long ago,that was me.

Andrew patted the spot next to him. I took one last glance at the picture and laid next to him.

"Andrew! Come down,dinner is ready!" It was his sister.

"Go," I said,"I'll be fine in here." He kissed me and went downstairs.

I looked at his pictures for most of the time. Then Andrew's dog pushed through the door and came sat next to me.

I missed this dog! It was a tiny mutt,named Annie. Could she see me or hear me?

"Annie?" I called. She looked up and started wagging her tail."Come up! Come up Annie!" I said happily. She jumped in my lap and licked my face.

"Annie? Come here girl,supper time!" It was Julie. I put Annie on the side of me and she sat still.

Julie walked in the room."Annie,what are you doing in here?" she asked.

I had disappeared now."Come on." she said. The dog hopped off the bed,then looked back at me.
"Come on Annie,I'm not gonna wait all night for you." Julie said."What are you looking at?"

I never noticed how much Julie and Andrew looked alike. They could pass as twins if she was older.

"You know what Annie,you can stay up here,but I'm going eat dinner." She said walking out. Eventually the dog followed.

Then I noticed Andrew's guitar. I walked over to it and saw that it was covered in dust.

"Hey," he whispered,"where did you go?"

"Sorry,"I said appearing again."I forget about that."

"Why are you looking at that thing?" He asked falling back on his bed.

"This thing is your guitar." I said."Remember how much you used to love playing it? Why did you stop?" I sat next to him on the bed now. He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest.

"I don't know,I just... lost interest in it."he answered shrugging."Your lying. You loved to play,you would play all the time. You haven't played since I died have you?" I asked. He shook his head.

I stood and brought the guitar to him. "Play me something." I said. Andrew sighed and sat up."Any requests?" He asked tuning it."Play anything you want." I answered.

"I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try"

His words came out low and full of emotion. His hands gently hit the strings on the guitar and his fingers moved across the fretboard quickly and perfectly.

"At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever..."

His voice came out louder and his hand slammed against the strings and moved faster. He closed his eyes and his eyebrows bunched together. I was always amazed when I watched him play. He was so into it,like it was just him and his guitar. His voice got softer...

"Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall down

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna..."

The last notes lingered in the air. He opened his eyes to look at me and gave me a tiny smile."I do remember how much I loved to play."

"Then why did you quit?" I asked quietly. He set the guitar aside."It reminded me too much of you. All though,everything did. I just quit doing everything. It hurt,love,it hurt so much to lose you. Everything just... fell apart."

It was dark now. The moonlight filled Andrew's room.

He yawned."Go take a shower,then come to bed." I said soothingly. He nodded and grabbed some clothed and walked to the bathroom.

I decided to walk around his house,invisible. The hallway was still filled with pictures of his family and a few of me.

I got to the kitchen and head Andrew's parents.

"I'm telling you Renee,I saw her on the stairs with him." Robert said. I walked toward them."Honey," Renee said,"we all miss her,but you didn't see her. Andrew would tell me that every morning for months. You know you haven't been sleeping much lately ,you were just seeing things."

"She looked so real." he said.

"Andrew did the same thing. He was hysterical every morning saying he saw her in his room. I think he's feeling better, though. I heard him playing again." Renee was putting dishes up.

"Really?"Robert asked."Well,it's time he felt better. Isn't five months time enough?"

"Don't say that! You didn't know how much he loved that girl. Besides we all grieve differently."

"Well acting like a zombie and not talking for months isn't going to help him. He just refuses to move on."

"Robert," Renee took her husband's chin and made him face her."he found her,murdered in her room. You can't just move on from that."

I decided to go back to Andrew's room after that. I laid on my usual side of the bed and looked at the pictures again when he walked in.

He climbed in next to me and pulled me close to him. He kissed me, multiple times in random places. "I love you Lillian Marie." He said quietly.

I placed my head over his heart and listening to the wonderful sound of his heartbeat."What are we going to do?" I asked. His hand stroked my back and he kissed the top of my head.

"I thought of something,but it's a little extreme..."he said after a moment."We would be able to stay with each other."

"What is that?" I asked kissing his chest. He sighed. "Well,what if...I... became a ghost?" he asked.

I sat up. My eyes were bulging. "What the hell Andrew! Kill yourself?" I practically screamed. "Shhhh!" He said,sitting up to."Lilly,just listen-"

"No!" I cut him off. I wouldn't listen to something this ridiculous! "Andrew you can't kill yourself! I won't let you! What would your family do when you KILL yourself! No,you...you just can't!"

"I don't care!" he said. "How can you not care! That's your family!" I said."Your my girl." he said.

"I don't want you to kill yourself over me! You deserve to have a long and happy life just because I died doesn't mean you have to!"

"What about what I want?" He asked quietly.

I felt the tears fall again."That's what you want? To kill yourself and risk never seeing me again? What if you would-which you will not!- and we couldn't find each other? You would have wasted you life. I just won't let you do that." I said through my tears.

"Do you know how badly that would hurt me?" I sobbed."To know that I took you from your family? You've already stopped doing everything you love and now you want to kill yourself? Please,please Andrew, if you love me at all you won't do this."

"I'm sorry." he said." I would do anything to stay with you forever,Lilly. Even something this stupid. Please don't cry."

"It is stupid." I said looking at him. We laid next to each other.

Andrew yawned again. I stroked his face." Close your eyes and go to sleep,you stupid boy." He smiled." Don't leave." he whispered,closing his eyes. "I wouldn't leave you,Andrew. I love you."

"I love you too,baby." he mumbled.

I never got tired. I guess ghosts can't sleep after all.

So I sat there all night,watching him sleep.