Broken Minds

William and Gabe went walking around the city most of the day. They didn't talk much, yet it was nice, a good time to clear their heads. As it started to get dark, they headed back to William’s apartment. They were both getting chilled as the air was starting to get cooler. Even William's long sleeves couldn't protect him from the wind, which quickly stole his body heat. Ever since he lost the weight, he'd had trouble keeping warm. As soon as they got inside the apartment building and in his apartment, Gabe went to the stove and turned on hot water to make them both a cup of tea.

While the water was heating up, Gabe sat down on a chair in the kitchen and pulled William down onto his lap. He hugged him close, trying to help warm the boy up. He felt a shiver run through the younger’s body. He felt bad, neither of them had been prepared for it to get as cold as it did, and although Gabe was cold himself he knew he wasn’t nearly as cold as William.

After they drank their tea, Gabe was feeling a lot warmer and better. William was curled up next to Gabe on the couch, his tea gone as well, but Gabe could see the occasional shiver from William. He stared at William for a while, thinking of ways he could help warm William up fast. The only thing that came to mind was a hot shower, or at least that was the most sensible of his thoughts.

“Sit up for a minute.” Gabe moved out from under William the moment he had moved. He made his way into the bathroom and started the hot water. William turned around to look towards the bathroom, wondering what Gabe was doing. He saw Gabe come to the doorway and motion for him to come over.

He paused briefly before getting up, his arms held across his chest in a subconscious attempt to try and keep warm. He slowly made his way over to Gabe. As soon as he was close enough, Gabe pulled him into the bathroom and shut the door quickly. Gabe's fingers immediately started working on unbuttoning the long sleeve shirt William had on. Panicking, he pulled away swiftly and pulled his shirt around his body.

“What are you doing?” The fear was evident in his voice.

“Trying to get you warm. I figured a hot shower would work.” Gabe sounded hurt by his actions. The guilt sunk into William immediately. He saw William eye the shower before glancing back. “I’m not going to leave this room.”

“But--” William started, not knowing what to say next. Gabe cut him off before he could even think of another word.

“I love you. I don’t care what you look like. Understood?” William nodded. “Now get your scrawny ass in the shower.” Gabe smirked as he then helped William undress some more.

William stood under the hot water, letting it run down his body and feeling the warmth soak in. Closing his eyes he placed his face under the water. He suddenly gasped, feeling hands on his hips, sucking water. Sputtering, he pulled back just enough to get out from under the water as two hands wrapped around his thin frame.

“Sorry,” he heard mumbled against his shoulder. “I was a little cold too and instead of using a ton of hot water between us both I figured this was an easy solution.” William nodded, understanding. He felt Gabe’s hands try to turn him around and he resisted momentarily.

“You have to trust me Bilvy, I don’t care. I’m going to see all of you sooner or later.” Gabe chided.

Giving in, William turned around so he and Gabe were face to face. He saw Gabe look down at his body and ran a hand over his chest and down his stomach. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes at the sensation. He could feel himself growing hard at Gabe’s hands running down his body. He was pulled in tight for a bruising kiss. Gabe wrapped his arms tight around his body and held him close. He knew Gabe could feel his erection and he felt the same from Gabe.

William’s hands, like Gabe’s, started roaming the other's unfamiliar body. His hands slid down over Gabe's hips.. Slowly, hesitantly his hand started towards Gabe's erection. Gabe grabbed his wrist quickly and pulled back slightly, shaking his head. He saw William open his mouth to say something and only continued to shake his head.

“Not here, not now,” Gabe stated firmly.

“But we’re both-” William started.

“Yes, but I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine. You can do the same.” Gabe’s voice bordered on the edge of being harsh.

With that Gabe got out of the shower. He dried off as quickly as possible and left the bathroom, leaving William to do what Gabe insinuated; to take of himself. He intended to do just that.

When he emerged from the hot, steamy room, he saw Gabe dressed and sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and eating. Quietly, he made his way into the bedroom and dressed as well in flannel pants and a hoodie.

William went over to Gabe and sat down next to him on the couch where he saw a protein drink and crackers sitting on the coffee table. He looked at Gabe incredulously. He didn’t understand why Gabe had chosen that to give him.

“Um, Gabe?” He started. Gabe looked at him after taking a bite of his food. “Why this?” he motioned at the stuff before him.

“Because last night your stomach couldn’t handle the soup all night, so I figured we’d try something simpler. And you need more nourishment than just crackers.” Gabe sounded so matter-of-fact that William knew couldn’t argue. He had a point anyway. He had managed to keep the toast down all day, unlike the previous night’s dinner.

As it neared 11 that night, Gabe was starting to get tired but wasn't yet ready to head to sleep. William was lying in front of him, the both of them sharing the couch. Gabe had his arm slung over William’s side to keep him from falling off the couch. The movie still had another 45 minutes until it was over.

William turned his head enough to be able to glance at the man behind him. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Huh?” Gabe looked down at him.

“In the shower,” he clarified.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s already forgotten.”

They went to bed around midnight that night. Gabe once again held on tight to William, sharing his warmth with the other man who still was just the tiniest bit cold.

A week passed as they fell into a routine. Unfortunately, William had been slowly progressing. He was eating the little bit Gabe was giving him and keeping it down every time. It took a few days before that happened, but when it did they were both beyond glad. He also hadn’t cut his arms since that morning Gabe had found out. He wasn’t going to say the urge wasn’t there but he was able to fight it as long as Gabe was around.

It was late evening when someone knocked on the door. Gabe answered it, as William’s place was starting to feel like his home as well. Before him stood the other members of both their bands. He was slightly shocked. Neither of them expected to see any of them.

Mike and Alex were holding up cases of beer. Gabe rolled his eyes as they all pushed past and settled into the apartment like it was their own. Before everyone had found a seat, the beer was passed around. There was more than enough to go around, and Sisky was putting one in the hand of anyone who would stand still long enough. William stared in quiet horror at the drink as it was shoved towards him.

Gabe shrugged as he took a long gulp of his. He preferred vodka, but if beer was given to him he wouldn’t turn it down. Especially if he didn’t have to pay for it. William took a small sip of his beer, trying it out on his stomach. He hadn’t had a whole lot to eat and didn’t know how well his body would tolerate the liquid. He never used to think about it, if he hadn’t eaten it didn’t matter to him. He could do pretty well holding his own against the toxin. But that was before he had started to stave himself and quit drinking on a daily basis.

“Pizza will be here shortly,” Nate called out to everyone in the room. William groaned. That still sounded too heavy on his stomach.

Sure enough about five minutes later there was another knock on the door and a pizza delivery boy was standing there with 5 pizza boxes in his hand. Ryland took them and Victoria handed over the cash everyone pitched in.

William was handed a slice of pizza. He examined it with a look of disgust, wondering if he should try it. Mike was next to him and already had half of his slice gone.

“What? You’re not going to eat that Bill?” He questioned around a mouth full of food. “You’re starving yourself now?” He was only joking but William tensed. He knew he didn’t mean it and didn’t now how true that was. He had no choice to eat it now that someone else had noticed.

“No, I’m not,” he snapped back.

“Feisty,” Victoria snickered.

Between the 10 of them the pizza went by fast. William had to force down a second slice against his best judgment. He had finished his first beer finally while everyone else was on their third or fourth. It was only a moment after he'd set down his first empty bottle that he was handed another bottle of beer. Gabe was pacing himself so as to not get wasted, he wanted to be able to keep an eye on William and make sure he was alright. He wouldn't be any good to William if he was drunk.

It had only been a couple hours since everyone arrived. They were all talking and being loud as usual, recounting events of previous tours they shared the bill with; all the stories, the messes and misfortunes. Gabe saw William stand up somewhat shakily and make his way to the bathroom. He looked around and made sure no one was paying attention before making his way to check on the younger man.

He opened the bathroom door and saw William kneeling down in front of the toilet his fingers pushed to the back of his throat. Gabe stopped, frozen in his spot. William was startled, and quickly moved away from the toilet. He hadn’t had time to produce results.

“G-Gabe,” He managed, shocked. Gabe continued to stand there, staring at the boy before him. “It-it’s not wh-what y-you th-think.” William cursed himself for that damn stutter.

“Really? Because it sure as hell looked like you were sticking your fingers down your throat so you’d fucking puke.” Gabe sounded pissed. “Tell me that’s not what you were doing.” He looked at the boy still sitting on the floor. “Tell me William, that’s not the fuck what you were doing.”

“I-I can’t.” His voice was so small, frightened. Gabe without saying anything more, not showing any more reaction opened the door and left. William sat there in disbelief. What had he just done? Tears threatened to fall as he continued his actions he had just been caught doing.

“Gabe, what’s wrong?” Victoria asked seeing him put his shoes on and grab his jacket as he headed for the door.

“I need to go for a bit,” Gabe said flatly. His anger was clear through his actions as he shut the door leaving the apartment.

Everyone else there looked around. They realized something had just happened, and they knew it must have been something to do with William. They could feel the tension hanging in the air when Gabe had shown back up after disappearing into the bathroom. They all decided the “party” was over and started packing up their things to leave. Slowly, they started trickling out of the apartment.

When William finally came out of the bathroom, his eyes were still red rimmed. Only Butcher and Alex were left hanging around, and all the trash picked up. He looked around for everyone else.

“What’s going on?” He rasped out.

“We’re leaving. Decided the party was over early.” Butcher stated a hint of dejection in his voice.

“Where’s Gabe?” That was the main and only question really running through his mind.

“He left just after he came out of the bathroom,” Alex answered. They saw the flash of sadness on William’s face. “Sorry man. Don’t know where he went or when he’ll be back. All we know is he looked pissed so we decided it was best we leave.”

They saw tears start to well up in his eyes and they felt bad. They didn’t know what was going on or anything. All they knew was that finding out that Gabe left was hurting him.

“Want me to stay here until he gets back?” Butcher offered.

“No. No you can go. I-I’ll be fine.” William bit his lip to hold back the tears threatening to fall again. He wondered if Gabe was even coming back. He wouldn't blame Gabe if he didn't. He'd messed up. Again. Butcher and Alex gave a small nod and let themselves out.

William made his way into the bedroom and crawled up on the bed and lay in the same spot Gabe had been sleeping. He couldn’t even make his way underneath the blankets as he hugged the pillow to his chest and let the tears fall again.

He stayed in that position until he fell asleep nearly an hour later. The emotions finally taking their toll and wearing him out. The pillow was soaked where his tears, his heart, repeatedly landed.