Broken Minds

It was the following evening and William was sitting in a corner in the community room that he was only in because the nurses hadn’t wanted to keep him locked up in the tiny confinement room he had been in after his stunt the previous night. Every time someone looked his way he would glare at him or her to make it perfectly clear he didn’t want anyone to come near him. The couple of times someone came too close he would shake his head until they understood and turned around going right back to where they had been coming from. He could hear several people in a nearby group mention his name and it only made him want to scream and fight them to make them stop talking about him. He knew everyone in there was doing so, but most were smart enough to do it well out of range of him actually hearing them. He saw Priscilla walk out of the room after her pager went off. He had no idea where she was going, but he was glad to have at least one set of eyes leave him.

Priscilla walked out to the lobby in the front to meet the person who had finally shown up. The same person she had called the previous night. “Thank you so much for coming on such short notice.”

“It’s not a problem. It sounded urgent.” The tall man stated. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He followed the woman down several halls until they stood outside the community room where she stopped. He watched her take a deep breath before telling him what the problem was.

“He’s here for several reasons, both of which has continued since he’s been here. He doesn’t seem to want the help we are offering. First, we caught him purging after eating which he wasn’t doing much of in the first place. He’s so underweight and unhealthy looking. It’s sad really. He’s so beautiful in a tragic sort of way.” The man nodded understanding what she meant and waited for her to continue.

”Then last night he punched the mirror in his room, shattering it and we found him cutting up his arms with a piece of the broken mirror. We actually had to stitch a few of them closed because they were deeper then we think even he intended. His arms were already covered in scars from previous times.” The sadness in her voice was evident. “Doesn’t help him anymore that people here know who he is because of the new person that just showed up yesterday evening announcing it to everyone.”

“So he’s famous?” The man hesitated slightly in saying it like he wasn’t sure he understood her correctly.

“Not sure to what extent but yes he is well known among a few people here. He doesn’t want to be friends with anyone much less talk to anyone. He doesn’t act like he craves the attention a celebrity would,” Priscilla continued.

“Would I know him?” He was getting nervous about helping this someone now. Priscilla shrugged not knowing if he would know.

She opened the door and they both stepped inside the room. “He’s right there.” She pointed to the corner the tall, dainty, slender man was sitting in with his head in his hands. She looked at the much taller man when she heard him gasp. “What is it?” She questioned scared of what it was.

“Please,” he started then paused licking his lips his mouth suddenly dry. “Please tell me that is not William Beckett.” His voice conveyed he was disturbed by that possibility. “Oh god,” He mumbled when she only nodded he was correct.

William heard people’s voices pick up and start talking about something else but he didn’t pay any mind to what they were saying. He kept his mind shut down and his head in his hands with his eyes closed. He didn’t care.

The man slowly walked closer towards William his steps hesitant. When he was standing right in front of him he knelt down to his level and placed his hands on the wrists of the younger man gently, knowing his own hand marked them up. William opened his eyes and looked up slightly through his bangs when he felt the hands on his wrists. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened considerably.

“Travie?” he whispered. The man nodded before wrapping his arms tightly around his friend, and felt tears well up in his eyes at how much thinner he felt from the last time he had done such a thing.

Travie reached a hand up and cupped the back of William’s head as he held it in his shoulder when he could hear the quiet crying start and felt tears start to fall soaking into his shirt. His own tears fell then at the knowledge of how broken William was right there in his arms.

Neither of them noticed Priscilla and Carter and the other nurse going around telling everyone to mind their own business and quit staring at them. Several of them left to go back to their rooms for something else to do instead of invading a private moment like that. They knew the two were good friends and figured Travie hadn’t known what was going on with William. They thought they’d probably have taken seeing a good friend in that position harder than he did.

It was a good ten minutes later when Travie had regained his composure enough to break the hug and wipe the tears off his cheeks. He pulled back enough to grasp William’s face in his hands and wiped his thumbs over his cheeks, ridding them of the tear tracks. He pulled him forward until their foreheads were touching and looked at him straight in his eyes.

“We’ll get you better so you can get out of here. I promise.” Travie kept his voice low so only William could hear him. “I promise,” he repeated. William nodded agreeing. He stood up helping William stand and they both saw every head in the place turn to watch them walk with Travie’s arm around William’s waist out of the room led by Priscilla.

They were led to William’s private room in a different area than his old room, this time there was no mirror on the wall just a bed on the floor and a dresser for his clothes. There wasn’t even a window in this room. They didn’t want to risk the same thing happening again with him, so they moved him to a safe room. Priscilla left and William and Travie went in and sat down on the bed.

“How the hell did you get like this?” Travie asked in disbelief. William shrugged. “Something, or someone had to put you over the edge.”

“Zach,” he whispered. Travie looked at him peculiarly for a moment. “Zach started it.”

“How so? You have to tell me Bill.” Travie turned to face him more straight on. “That’s why I’m here. They called me in because they were having issues with you. Yes, I’m a friend but I’m here to help too.”

“He-he told me I was f-fat and di-dis-disgusting. He even grab-grabbed hold of fat on-on-on my stomach. He showed me. He wanted-wanted me to lose weight. I tried. I tried so hard. He showed up and looked at me. It-it wasn’t en-enough. He broke up with-with m-m-me because I-I-I was still too-too f-f-fat. I disgusted-disgusted him.” William’s voice was cracking throughout as he fought back tears at the memory of the sting of those words.

“You know you shouldn’t have to change for someone. He wasn’t into you if he wanted you to change. You were perfect before.”

“Gabe-Gabe said the same thing.” William choked up at the just the thought of Gabe.

”He was right.” He reached over and pulled William down to rest his head on his lap. While he was lying there with Travie carding his fingers soothingly through his still messy hair his sleeves rode up slightly showing the harsh white bandages wrapped around his delicate wrists. “How’d the cutting start?” He kept his voice even and soft.

“A distraction from eating.” William realized the bandages where showing and went to pull his sleeves down. Travie reached his hand out stopping him.

“Don’t hide them anymore. Let them show to remind you, to remind you that you can rise above this. They are a part of you now.”

Travie and William sat there in silence. They didn’t need to talk right then anyway, but they heard the distant noises fade away until all they heard was silence. Travie moved slightly and William sat up looking down into his lap.

“When was the last time you really showered and washed this hair? It’s so oily.” Travie asked as he ran his fingers through it again.

“Um, I-I uh haven’t really ever.” William was ashamed of admitting that. “It’s an open shower, I was afraid the other people would be looking at me.”

Travie nodded understanding as Kyle, the overnight nurse, came into the room. He looked at the two and shook Travie’s hand greeting him. It had been a little while since they had last seen each other. He stood in the doorway with his arms loosely crossed over his chest.

“What time is it?” Travie asked the other man.

“Midnight,” he answered looking at his watch. “Why?”

“Bill here wants a shower.” Kyle smiled nodding.

“It’s free. The only other person in this hall is a girl so she doesn’t even use the same shower. I know some people are nervous to use a “public” shower. Hell, I wouldn’t want to do that myself.” Kyle’s voice was light and held a slight laugh to it as he said that.

The nurse left and Travie stood up and grabbed a pair of boxers and a pair of flannel pants and a tee for William to put on afterwards. He held out his hand, helping the slightly shorter man up from the bed and continued to hold his hand as he led William to the bathroom for his shower. When they had only stepped foot inside the bright room, Kyle reappeared with stuff in his hands.

“You need to keep those bandages dry.” With that he wrapped them in a layer of plastic and taped it tight around the edges to keep the water out. He didn’t stick around knowing William would be fine in Travie’s company.

William made his way over to the shower in the corner and Travie stood near the half wall with his back turned. He wasn’t going to watch his friend shower, especially knowing how self-conscious he was being. He heard the clothes hit the floor and the water start.

It wasn’t that long before the water stopped. He felt a hand on his back so he turned around to see William standing there with his towel wrapped around his waist. He nearly gasped when he saw how thin his friend really was. He handed him the pants and boxers but held onto the shirt.

“I want you to see something then you can have the shirt,” Travie told him. William nodded and quickly dressed once the older had turned his head again.

“What do you want me to see?” William questioned quietly apprehension present in his voice.

Travie led him over to the wall on the mirror and stood behind him with his hands firmly on his shoulders. “Tell me what you see when you look at yourself.” William looked down trying not to look in the mirror at his reflection. “Bill, please. Look in the mirror and tell me what it is.” William glanced up and locked eyes with the taller man behind him. “I’m trying to be nice here. Don’t make me have to change that.” He held an engaging stare into the mirror straight into William’s eyes. “Tell me Bill. What do you see? What do you feel?”

Slowly he started, “I’m fat. Disgusting. Appalling. I need to lose more weight. I feel unloved. Unwanted. Ashamed.” William’s eyes were staring straight into his reflection looking it over. Travie felt tears in the corner of his own eyes at those words.

“Bill. You are not fat. Show me how you are fat.” He watched as he tried to pinch any fat between his fingers like he had in the past. He could barely grip anything more than a little skin. He kept trying until Travie stopped him by grasping his hand making him stop. “Stop. Just stop.”

William quit trying.

“You are not fat. Never have been. What I see when I look at you is someone who is hurting. Broken. Confused. Underweight but beautiful. You really are beautiful.” He wrapped his arm around William. “There is no reason for you to feel unloved Bill. You know that. Just because you are here doesn’t mean you aren’t loved. You are here because you are loved. There is a world of fans out there that love you. Your family loves you. Your band loves you. I love you. Gabe loves you.”

“Look at me,” Travie forced turning William around to face him instead of looking in a mirror. “Don’t ever think you are unwanted either. I know for a fact that Gabe is waiting for you. I saw him a couple days ago and all he talked about was how he hoped you were doing good. Getting better. How much he loved you. How he wished he had you in his arms. He wants you Bill. I’ve never seen him want someone so badly. He is waiting for you. He said he would wait however long it takes for you to be ready again to be with him. You are not and never will be unwanted.” He paused for a moment. “I didn’t get what he meant then but I do now.”

He turned William back around and cleared the tears from his own eyes as he saw the same glistening in the younger one’s eyes. Again they were looking at each other in the reflective surface. “Now look closely.” Travie waited until he knew William was paying attention. “You need to get better for Gabe, but also for yourself. These should not be so prominent.” With those words he traced his fingers lightly over William’s collarbones, down his sides fingering every single rib that shouldn’t be seen and over the protrusion of his hips. “Please Bill. I don’t want to lose you either. No one does.”

William felt a tear slide down his cheek as Travie pointed out all the parts of his skeleton that could be seen underneath his flesh that he knew he shouldn’t be able to. He knew they were there and seen but he chose not to see. His tears picked up pace as he ran Travie’s words through his head over and over about Gabe. He didn’t think that was possible for someone to love him the way Gabe obviously did.

“I’m sorry.” William started mumbling repeatedly. Travie turned him around and hugged him close feeling tears soak into his shirt again. He could feel the thin man pulling down on him as he cried so he let them sink to the floor. He pulled William into his lap and rocked him gently as he continued to cry, a few tears escaping his own eyes.

“Lets get you back to your room so you can lie down,” Travie spoke quietly after William regained his composure. He pulled back slightly from the boy in his lap and handed him his nearly forgotten tee. William slipped it on and they both got up and walked back to his room, the echo of Travie’s shoes seeming almost too loud in the silent hall.

“Stay with me?” William asked meekly as he lied down on his bed. Travie saw the look in his eyes, pleading with him to stay. The hurt in his voice sounding so small pulled at his heart and there was no way he could deny his friend something as simple as that. He nodded before slipping his shoes off and turning the light off. He climbed into the bed after William scooted over towards the wall. They fell asleep with William in his arms Travie clutching tightly to him, the thought of having possibly lost a good friend somewhere down the road if he hadn’t ended up where he was and without him there to help him see.

Three days later, William was slowly improving. He was trying to eat what he needed to because he wanted to get better for Travie and he had to get better for Gabe. He wanted him back just as badly. But he had to do it for himself too. He knew he had gone about losing weight for a stupid reason, he just didn’t realize how much he was hurting his friends by hiding everything.

He was currently walking into the community room by himself; Travie was speaking with someone else in an office somewhere in the building. He had rarely left William’s side since he arrived. When he walked in there were only a couple of people in there, talking amongst themselves about something. The fact of who he was having worn off, he was now left alone and people stopped talking about it. He made his way to the table where there were magazines and newspapers, so while being locked up in there they were given access to everything currently going on in the “outside” world.

He picked up the local newspaper and start flipping through it for any articles that caught his eyes. He stopped short when he read something mentioned in the entertainment section. Singer for The Academy Is… in Local Rehab Facility jumped out at him. He started reading through the article quickly seeing what all was said. They had some facts right but a lot of it was wrong, they made it out to look like he was there for drug use. However they mentioned about the tour being canceled at the last minute halfway through it. It referred back to when he had collapsed and was carted off unconscious from the last venue he was at saying it was due to an intentional overdose, hinting that he was suicidal. Anger fumed inside him. He couldn’t believe it. No one but his band mates and Gabe and now Travie knew he was in rehab. They wouldn’t sell him out like that. He reread it again and caught the mention of an “insider” at Mercy Rehabilitation Center was their source.

As soon as Travie walked into the room William rounded on him and stopped him just inside the door. Travie saw anger flashing in his eyes and his body and had no clue why. He was almost afraid to find out why but knew he was going to because he could see William suck in a breath about ready to speak.

“SomeoneleakedI’minherenoweveryoneknowsI’mfuckedwhatthehelldoIdo?” he sputtered out without so much as taking a break to breathe. He said it so quickly Travie didn’t catch everything he said if anything really. His voice came out in such a panic it would have been hard for anyone to understand.

Travie led him outside of the room so they were in the hallway away from anyone who was going to try to listen in. He placed his hands on the other’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.

”What is going on? Tell me.” He said calmly. “Slowly,” He added seeing William take a deep breath like he was about to ramble on again incoherently.

“Someone in here told the newspaper I’m in here. Everyone is going to find out. But the way it sounds is like I’m in here for drugs. I’m not. I didn’t want fans or anyone to know. That’s why nothing was ever said. Now they know I’m here. Shit is going to hit the fan. They will probably start showing up outside waiting to see me or some crazy shit. All because someone in here didn’t keep their fucking mouth shut. I don’t know who it was but when I find out –” The anger was still present in his voice, but after his initial freak out to Travie he was able to keep it under control.

“Show me where you saw this.” Travie nearly demanded his own anger starting to build that someone would do something like that to his friend. William went back into the room while Travie stayed in the hall and came back a moment later with the newspaper in his hand. He opened to the page and shoved it at his friend. He watched as he read over the article and saw his eyes turn dark with fury.

Without a word Travie disappeared, and William went back to his room. He didn’t want to be around anyone but Travie but he figured his friend went to talk to someone and figure out what was going on and if anyone had any idea who spoke.

That evening while sitting in the cafeteria with his untouched food in front him, he wasn’t hungry anymore, he saw Travie walk in. He made his way over to the thin boy and sat down beside him. He saw the food and could tell it hadn’t even been touched.

“You need to try to eat. I know you’re upset over the newspaper and I don’t blame you. I’m still pissed to. But you need to eat. You’ve been doing so good don’t let this incident hinder your recovery.” He bumped his shoulder playfully into William’s. “Please eat?”

Slowly and almost carefully he started to finally eat. Travie watched with a smile and then turned his attention to everyone in the room. None of the nurses ever told and he believed that, they know better than to do something like that, besides if one was found ever pulling a stunt like that then there was a good chance they’d lose their job. He carefully watched everyone for any sign of who it could have been. There were a couple that looked nervous when they saw Travie watching them. Dinner hour was coming to an end and soon everyone would be filing out to go do his or her own thing.

Travie stood up tall, extending to the fullest height he could reach. All eyes turned to him immediately as tension suddenly filled the room.

“I’m sure all of you know what was in the newspaper today. I will find out who did even if I have to go around and ask each of you personally if it was you. So you’d be better off telling me straight up who it was if you know.” He saw several people turn toward the newest person admitted to the facility and he looked the jitteriest of those that he thought it could be. “Thank you,” he said to those who gave it away without having to say any names.

Everyone watched with bated breath as Travie neared the boy and proceeded to sit down in the chair next to him. He faced him and got real close invading his personal space. No matter what he was in there for, Travie knew he could take the boy on. After all the boy only looked to be maybe 20 and was less than six feet tall and a decent amount less than what Travie weighed. He was no match.

“So tell me Max,” Travie spat venomously. “Did you have anything to do with my friend’s name being in the newspaper this morning? Did you tell them he was in here?” He kept his voice harsh but low so not everyone could hear what was being said in the suddenly stuffy silent room. The boy’s eyes drifted downward. Travie leaned in closer before saying in a harsh whisper “Tell me. Did you?”

Max was slightly shaking. He was extremely uncomfortable and looked around suddenly at every single eye in the room on him and Travie. The nurses weren’t even coming forward to pull Travie away from his personal space. He feebly nodded.

“Why the fuck did you do that?” Travie’s voice rose immensely and he slammed his hand down onto the table making it vibrate. “Tell me fucker.” The boy shrugged. “Don’t know?” There was a low menacing laugh coming from Travie at that.

He stood up and backed up looking at the boy shaking in his chair before he walked around the table. He was just on the other side of the table letting it be a barrier between him and Max. He knew he wouldn’t do something he’d regret, especially in a rehab facility. He wouldn’t give Max what he thought he deserved at William’s expense.

“Do you realize what you did in telling the fucking newspaper that he was in here?” he pointed quickly across the room to where William was sitting leaning back in his chair his arms crossed enjoying the scene. “You very well could have jeopardized his recovery in here. Not to mention the fact you may have ruined his career. Then what boy? You want to be known as the person responsible for costing him that?” Max shook his head, and tears started to show in his eyes.

“There was a reason no one outside of his band and one other person knew he was in here. I didn’t even know he was in here until I showed up. He didn’t want to ruin his own career by saying he was coming in here to get better. Fans could respond in a negative way or they could understand. Sure a majority would be the latter but there would still be enough of them that went the other way. Do you understand that, or is that too hard to comprehend?” Travie was not feeling sorry for the tears he could clearly see about to fall from the young kid’s eyes. He got a nod that he understood.

“Do you even know why the fuck my friend is in here?” Max didn’t respond. “Did you tell the paper it was drug related?” He got a weak nod, he could barely see it but it was enough. “That’s wrong. He is not a druggie, never has been nor will he ever be. That right there is enough to cost him a lot of fans if they really believe he abused drugs. If you’re so fucking ignorant to believe that is why he is here then I feel sorry for you. If you want to know the real reason he is here then ask someone around here, I’m sure someone in this room could tell you and they won’t tell you drugs. But don’t come near Bill or me expecting answers. You won’t get them.”

He walked across the room over to William and held out his hand for him to take. Once he was standing he led him to the door. He stopped with the door halfway open letting his friend go ahead of him.

“Don’t anyone hurt my friend like that fucker did or you’re next.” With that Travie left the room. He and William both smiled when they heard cheering erupt behind them through the closed door as they made their way to his room.

They were sitting on his bed when Travie pulled something out and handed it to the younger man. “What’s this?” William asked perplexed.

“I know you don’t have anything in here with you so I got you a journal to write in. I’m sure you’re bored and have lyrics filling that head of yours, itching to get out.” Travie smiled shyly.

“Thank you.” William hugged him smiling a true genuine smile. The smile Travie missed seeing.