Broken Minds

“Gabe.” William’s voice conveyed his surprise. Gabe was the last person he expected to see on the other side of the door when he opened it, he had expected one of his band mates there to check up on him.

“Bilvy,” Gabe said, sounding excited. He reached out and hugged the other boy tightly. When he broke the hug he placed his hands on William’s shoulders and held him at arms length. “Looking good.”

“Thanks,” William said, forcing a smile. He didn’t believe it. He knew better than that.

Gabe stepped inside the apartment and sat on the couch, making himself feel like at home. He slipped his shoes off and placed his feet on the coffee table. William sat down next to him, feeling heavy, and placed his feet next to Gabe’s.

“You know I hate when people put their feet on my table,” William stated.

“I do know that. But you have your feet on the table too, my dear.” Gabe smirked at this.

“Indeed I do. Only because it doesn’t bother me when it’s you.” Gabe reached his arm out and placed it behind William, hugging him into his side. He turned his head and placed a friendly kiss in William's hair.

Gabe grabbed the remote for the television and turned it on, going through the stations like William always did. He stopped on a movie, then smiled. He looked at the boy next to him and waited for his reaction.

“Bambi? Are you serious?” William’s smile matched Gabe’s when he turned to look at him.

“Is that okay? I can change it if you want me to.” Gabe was ready to change the station upon William’s request, hand poised over the button.

“I guess if you want me to cry.”

“Cry?” Gabe sounded confused. “It’s Disney.”

“When Bambi’s mother dies, I cry every time.” William sounded sad just mentioning it.

“Don’t worry Bilvy. I’ll let you cry on my shoulder.” William snuggled in closer to Gabe and they started to watch the movie. “I always cry at that part too,” Gabe added in a whisper.

Later that evening, after sniffling their way through the movie, Gabe made William get up so he could go to the bathroom. While Gabe was in there William started wondering if he had washed all the blood away. Panic set it. He had been in such a hurry when there was someone knocking on the door.

“Bill,” Gabe started. William sat up straighter, his heart stopped. Gabe only called him Bill when it was important, or trying to get his attention. He turned around on the couch to look at the other.

“Yeah?” he questioned hesitantly, trying to seem nonchalant.

“Is that blood in your sink?” William mentally cursed himself. He had to think quickly.

“I thought I got it all out.” He started as Gabe came closer to him.

“What’s it from?” Gabe sounded concerned.

“I cut my hand the other day and I guess I never got it all rinsed out.” He stood up and made his way towards the bathroom. “I’ll clean it out right now before I forget.” When he walked by Gabe his arm was grabbed stopping him.

“Show me, I want to see how bad it is.” Gabe sounded concerned. William turned his hand over with the healing cut. Gabe nodded and let him go, seeming satisfied.

Once in the bathroom William bent over the sink. Sure enough there was a little trace of his soul still dabbled across the porcelain. He cursed himself for not catching that before. He wished he had gone back into the bathroom just after Gabe had showed up and checked to make sure there was no evidence left behind. While in there he decided to check on his wrist. He pulled his sleeve up and removed the bandages with a quiet hiss; they had partially stuck to the material as they scabbed.

“Hey Bilvy hurry up. I want to get something to eat,” Gabe called through the door. William hung his head. Getting something to eat that was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn’t turn Gabe down. Gabe would get suspicious. He sucked it up, and pulled his sleeve back down before opening the door.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked, leading Gabe to the door so they could leave once he had shoes on. He was only pretending to sound interested.

“I’m thinking Chinese.” Gabe smiled and William gave a half smile. Gabe didn’t notice, too busy putting his own shoes on.

They walked out the door and got in Gabe’s car and sat in silence as they drove. William was trying to think of a way to get out of eating. He couldn’t think of anything. He just keep thinking I’m fucked over and again.

They went inside and were seated in a corner booth. When the waiter came to take their order Gabe looked to William to answer.

“I’m not really hungry,” William said dejectedly.

“I wish you would have said so before we got here, I would have just ordered take out.” Gabe sounded defeated.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was sad.

“Don’t be sorry about it. Can you eat just a little bit at least since we are here?” Gabe asked softly. William nodded and ordered and the waiter left. “Is there a reason you’re not hungry tonight?”

“No, just not hungry.” William shrugged. He stared out the window as it started to rain, soaking everything it touched. Gabe felt bad for not having checked if William had wanted anything before coming. He naturally assumed that William would be hungry too.

When their food came Gabe started to eat right away, while William picked and pushed his food around his plate. He was dreading taking a bite. Looking up, he saw Gabe watching him so he managed a few bites. They felt heavy in his stomach, and the nausea started immediately. Gabe briefly held a small smile seeing him eat.

“Excuse me,” William muttered getting up and swiftly made his way to the bathroom. He looked quickly at the two stalls and saw no one in either so he went to the one furthest away and knelt down after locking the door. Without second thought, he shoved his fingers to the back of his throat, producing results the first time. Inside his mind he smiled, he was getting better at this.

When he was finished emptying the contents of his stomach, he stood at the sink rinsing his mouth and splashing the cold water on his face. He didn’t look up when he heard the door open; he figured it was just someone else needing to use the bathroom. A hand handed him a strip of paper towel and he took it with a quiet thanks. Wiping the water off his face he glanced in the mirror and bit back a gasp. Gabe stood there with a worried look on his face.

“You all right Bilvy?” Gabe questioned in a soft voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” William stood up straight, looking at Gabe in the mirror, their eyes locking in the reflective surface.

“You’ve been in here nearly 15 minutes.” William couldn’t believe it had been that long. No wonder Gabe had come to check on him.

“I’ve been sick. I guess the food just didn’t set well in my stomach.” William lied. Gabe bought it, coming up behind William and wrapping his arms around the thin boy.

“Lets get you home then so you can rest.” Gabe smiled into William’s shoulder.

William left with Gabe without a fight. They went back to William’s apartment and sat on the couch, watching another movie. William laid down, resting his head on Gabe’s lap and using the older man like a pillow. He was tired and with the combination of that and Gabe carding his hands through his hair gently massaging his scalp, he quickly fell asleep.

William woke up and it was sometime in the middle of the night. Gabe was sleeping where he had been when William had gone to sleep. There was a want in his stomach, a want to be filled. He got up and made his way quietly into the bathroom and shut the door with a near silent click. He couldn't wake Gabe up. William reached into the back of the cabinet underneath the sink and grabbed his life saver. Standing back up he pulled up his sleeve on his right arm to avoid the fresh marks from earlier. Holding the edge to his marred skin he opened up the scars and watched as the crimson dripped a few times into the sink. He stood there breathing deeply as all hunger left his mind. It was getting to the point that he was marking his skin more than he was thinking of food. Sure the thoughts still crept into his mind, but it wasn’t very often. His cravings were lessening each day, a little more each time he saw that blood. He was satisfied.

He pulled his sleeve down once the blood had stopped, and decided to actually use the bathroom. As he washed his hands he rinsed the sink thoroughly, making sure not to leave a trace behind this time. He wasn’t in a rush anyway.

When he exited the bathroom Gabe started to stir on the couch and groan as he moved his head to relieve the kink in his neck. He opened his eyes when he realized the weight on his lap was gone and looked behind him to where William stood.

“Come to bed with me?” His voice was raw and still filled with sleep but the small smile that played on his lips could be heard through the dark in his voice. Gabe got up rubbing his neck and followed William into the bedroom.

Gabe stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the bed. William rummaged through his drawers, looking and finding a long sleeve tee. He also grabbed a pair of pajama pants. He changed in the dark, Gabe doing his best to watch.

“Why put clothes on to sleep?” Gabe sounded slightly confused.

“Because I’ve been getting cold,” William stated matter-of-factly as he climbed into bed next to Gabe. Gabe snuggled up closer to William and draped his arm over the other’s stomach.

“I’m not enough to keep you warm?” Gabe questioned with an implying tone.

“Yes, I’m sure you are.” William smiled knowing what Gabe had implied. “But I just want to get back to sleep.”

“Alright beautiful.” Gabe placed a soft kiss on William’s shoulder and they both settled in to go back to sleep. William was asleep before Gabe again. Gabe lay there just watching and listening to the lullaby of William’s breathing as he drifted further and further away to a peaceful state of mind. It wasn’t too long after Gabe followed, his hand still resting on William’s stomach.

In the morning Gabe woke up to an empty bed. He heard the shower running, and assumed William must have gotten up early. He got up with a sleepy smile as he made his way to the bathroom door with the keen intention of joining the boy. He placed his hand on the knob and went to turn it to only find out it was locked. Defeated, he decided to go to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. He started looking in every cupboard, looking for where the coffee was kept. Instead he was met with the shock of every cabinet bare, nothing staring back at him no matter which door was opened. He went to the refrigerator and again was met with nothing.

“What the fuck,” Gabe cursed to himself. He didn’t know why there was absolutely no food to be found in his best friend’s apartment. Gabe stood there, staring at all the empty open doors wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell was up with William. The long sleeves, not eating, no food. If he didn’t know any better he’d think William was trying to hide something from him, he just didn’t know what.

Sighing, Gabe went back into the bedroom and started putting his clothes on, it looked like he was going to have to go out to get his morning coffee and something to eat. Just as he pulled his shirt on, William walked in, fully dressed in long sleeves.

“Where you going?” William questioned, noticing Gabe had his shoes on.

“To get a coffee and something to eat since you have absolutely nothing.” Gabe smirked. “You want anything?”

“No, I’m good.” William stated. Gabe looked at him peculiarly.

“Are you sure? You know you have nothing to eat in here?” Gabe walked over and stood in front of William, placing his hands on the other’s shoulders. “Why is that?”

William stood silent for a moment, trying to think of a reason. He hadn’t thought about Gabe looking through his kitchen and discovering that little secret. “Um, well when I got back from tour nothing was good anymore,” he finally started. “Just never got around to getting more I guess.” That last part sounded almost as if William was questioning himself.

“Well, I’m going to get a few things while I’m out, if you think of something let me know.” Gabe maneuvered past the boy and headed out.

The moment Gabe was gone, William collapsed onto the bed with a heavy sigh. He wasn’t ready for this, for Gabe to find anything out. He wished he had known Gabe was going to come when he did so he could have been ready and had something in his apartment. His only hope was that Gabe hadn’t connected any dots to the puzzle yet. So far it seemed as if he hadn’t and he wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible.

When Gabe showed back up it had been several hours and he had on new clothes. He carried in a couple bags of food and set them on William’s counter. William was sitting on the couch, his laptop sitting in front of him on the coffee table as he checked something online. Gabe wandered over next to him and sat down leaning forward and bumping his shoulder against William’s.

“Hey,” William said, glancing over to the man next to him.

“What you doing?” Gabe asked, looking at the screen.

“Just checking my email.” William shut the computer off and closed it. He leaned back against the couch and Gabe mirrored his action.

“I got a few things,” Gabe spoke, gesturing towards the kitchen.

“Like you said you were going to,” William affirmed. Gabe nodded and stood motioning with his head for William to follow. He followed the older man into the kitchen. “What’d you get?”

“Well let’s see.” Gabe said opening the bags and setting the food out on the counter. There were some cookies and a box of cereal among an array of other things. William smiled while inside his head he was screaming. How many empty calories in a cookie? They could never make him touch any of those things. Gabe was trying to keep him fat.

Gabe turned toward William and pulled the other closer with his arm before leaning his head on the younger man’s shoulder. He pointed at the food with his free hand and smiled. “I have something special planned for dinner tonight.”

“I figured that much, I sure as hell ain’t cooking that,” William kidded with a smile to match Gabe’s.