Broken Minds

The two lazed around all day, vegging out on movies. Gabe munched on popcorn and William tried not to give into the temptation of the buttery substance right next to him. He found himself several times about to reach for a handful of the delightful sight.

William got up halfway through the second movie and made his way to the bathroom. Gabe turned to look to see where he was going before diverting his attention back to the television when he realized where the boy was headed.

With a heavy sigh, William grabbed his saving grace and pulled up his sleeve. He looked at the newest marks, then gently ran a finger over the slashes, admiring his work. Gripping the shard tight, he made several new slashes next to them, opening more scars. With a deep breath and closed eyes he kept adding more, thinking of the dinner Gabe was going to make soon and how badly he wanted to eat. When he opened his eyes he realized he had added close to ten new marks and his arm was burning from the openness. Blood easily dripped into the sink. The marks were deeper than he'd intended.

“Fuck,” he cursed quietly. He started looking for bandages and found three left. After wiping the stains off his arm he covered them as best as he could and pulled his sleeve back down. He looked at the sleeve of his shirt and was thankful for his fashion choice. If the fabric had been a light color instead of the dark red of his shirt, then it would be too obvious if any blood seeped through. He couldn't risk that, not with Gabe already suspicious.

William sat down next to Gabe, just a touch further away than he was before he left. Gabe had devoured the last of the popcorn while he was preoccupied, which William was thankful for. He didn't need the extra temptation. What he didn’t expect was for Gabe to scoot over, closing the space between them. And he certainly didn’t expect Gabe to put his arm around William pulling him closer until William's head was resting on Gabe's shoulder.

They stayed that way, both settling in and getting comfortable through one more movie. When that movie was over Gabe stood up and made his way to the kitchen. William was about to get up to keep Gabe company when he was stopped with a hand on his chest.

“Stay here, I’m a big boy and can cook alone. Besides I want to surprise you.” Gabe smiled when William sat back down, sitting sideways so he could look toward the kitchen to keep an eye on Gabe to make sure he didn’t burn down his apartment. Not that William thought he would.

As Gabe was finishing up cooking the meal, William got up and stood in the doorway, watching as Gabe hastily set things out, making sure everything was perfect. He saw William standing in the doorway with a grin. William wasn’t going to turn Gabe down, not when he made dinner for him when he didn’t have to. He couldn’t do that to him, it’d break him to see the disappointment and hurt in Gabe’s eyes when he was going out of his way to be nice.

“Sit,” Gabe said as he set the last of the food on the table. “My mother’s recipe for spaghetti.”

William sat down in the chair Gabe was holding out for him. “Such a gentleman, Gabe.” He said sweetly.

“I know it’s nothing fancy but it sounded good to me while I was out.” Gabe clarified as he sat down in his own chair.

“It looks good.” William wasn’t lying; it really did look good and smelled even better. He took a small plate and looked down at it for a moment. He snickered when he saw the mound Gabe placed on his own plate. Biting back the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach he took a small bite. His stomach was thanking him, but his conscience nagged.

“Good?” Gabe questioned. He watched as William took small careful bites.

“Very good. This is delicious.” He answered around a bite he had just placed in his mouth.

“You don’t look like you’re enjoying it.” Gabe’s voice sounded hurt, it was obvious he thought William was lying.

“No, Gabe. I am. I’m just not used to eating like this, remember yesterday?” William hoped that was answer enough.

“Shit, I forgot.” Gabe planted his face in his palm. William reached a hand over and placed it on Gabe’s wrist pulling his hand down.

“Don’t worry about it. I just don’t want to eat too much too fast.” Gabe looked up at him. “I mean it when I say this is really good.” That was enough to satisfy Gabe, and so he continued to eat.

Just as Gabe was finishing up his food, his cell rang. He looked at it and got up excusing himself and went into the living room. William looked down at the plate of half eaten food sitting in front of him. He didn’t want to finish. It was getting too much for him and he wanted to cry knowing what he ate and was going to have to finish.

“I need to go Bilvy, Brendon’s car broke down and no one is answering their phones to come get him. I’m sorry. I wanted to stay and watch a couple more movies with you.” The disappointment was clear in Gabe's voice.

William stood up and went over toward him. “Don’t worry about it. We can do that later. I’ll do the dishes.”

“No, you will not do dishes. I dirtied them, therefore I will wash them tomorrow when I get back. I’ll just go back to my place after picking Brendon up because I’m not sure how late I’ll be and that way I can change.” Gabe gave William a tight hug. “I’m sorry I have to leave.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. Go get Brendon. We both know he’s probably freaking out wondering what’s taking you so long even though he just called.” William pulled out of the hug and walked with Gabe to the door. “Thanks for dinner.”

Gabe smiled and placed a chaste kiss on William’s cheek before bounding down the hallway and down the stairs on his way to rescue a stranded Brendon. When he was out of sight, William shut the door and turned around, resting his back against the doorframe. He had never been more thankful for Brendon. He didn’t need to find an excuse to stop eating now. He went back into the kitchen and started to scrape the food into the sink and watched it disappear down the disposal.

“Oh god.” William muttered to himself as the food suddenly became very heavy in his stomach. He was about to rush to the bathroom when he could feel it at the back of his throat. Turning around he threw up in the sink.. In between his fight with his stomach, he turned the faucet on and closed his eyes tight. Tears stung at his eyelids as his body hated him for suddenly feeding it. It was too much all at once.

Nearly ten minutes passed with him leaning over the edge of the sink before the feeling that his stomach was still protesting relinquished. He rested his elbows on the edge of the sink and used his hands to hold his head up as tears fell. His heart felt literally broken, torn in half from his exertions and the guilt that weighed heavily upon him. He knew the consequences of what he had done, and if his friends knew they'd probably hate him. Even if he hadn’t made himself purge the food, his stomach had done it for him. Gabe wouldn’t have understood.

With tear stained cheeks William pulled himself together and stacked the dishes neatly beside the sink for Gabe. He wanted to do them, but was going to leave them for Gabe like Gabe had insisted.

Once he was finished with that menial task, he headed back to the front door and locked it before turning off the lights. He just wanted to sleep and forget about everything. Making his way into his bedroom, he stripped down to his boxers. There was no one to see his arms and no way could anyone get in so he was safe. He crawled under the blankets and used the pillow Gabe had used the night before, he could still smell Gabe’s scent on it. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed into it and fell sleep his body wore out from everything.

When William woke the following morning he realized his cell was ringing. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed it without checking to see who it was.

“Hello?” he rasped out.

“Bilvy! Dude was you still sleeping?” Gabe’s cheery voice rang through the receiver.

“I was,” William replied through a yawn.

“Yo, I’m pulling into the parking lot right now so get up and let me in.” Gabe hung up before getting a response because he knew if he had given William the chance he would have got a “fuck you” from the boy.

Groggily, William got out of bed and threw the same shirt he had on the day before. Making his way through the apartment, he unlocked the door and had barely moved out of the doorway before the door swung open to reveal Gabe. He turned around and shot Gabe a look for making him get up before he was ready. Gabe gave him his trademark smile and took in the sight of his best friend in yesterday’s shirt and boxers.

“Fuck you,” William gave him the middle finger as he walked back into the bedroom, having seen Gabe eyeing his attire. Gabe snickered as he made himself comfortable on the couch.

“You know it’s not as early as you think, it’s almost 11,” Gabe called out to William who was in the bedroom still picking out clothes for the new day.

“Huh?” William poked his head out of the doorway and looked at Gabe.

“I said it’s almost 11.” Gabe looked at the time on his cell. “Well actually it’s 11:03”

“Good for it,” William said smartly. “I’m going to take a shower then you can do dishes. I left them for you like you wanted.”

“Thank you!” Gabe hollered to William who had already locked himself in the bathroom.

William stood at the sink and heard his stomach grumble. He knelt down and got out his broken plate. With a heavy sigh he placed it to his left wrist and dug at the old scars until they were no longer scars. Turning around he turned the hot water on and then adjusted the temperature of the water until it was where he wanted. Looking down at his arm he got in the shower hissing the moment the water hit the open wounds. He held his arm under the water until the stinging stopped then proceeded to wash.

When he got out he dried off and stood looking at himself in the mirror. He could still see the fat in the mirror that Zach had shown him that fateful night. He mentally cursed himself for still not having lost any weight and vowed to himself to try harder. After that he quickly got dressed, wanting nothing more than to cover his atrocious body.

William walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and saw Gabe standing at the sink filling one side with hot soapy water preparing to wash the dishes. He looked at the younger boy and smiled a sad smile.

“You okay, man?” Gabe asked softly.

“Yeah. Why?” William countered.

“You just look tired is all.” Gabe turned back to the sink and started washing the dishes.

William stood at the counter leaning against it as he watched Gabe intensely. The way Gabe did the monotonous task just mesmerized William. Gabe saw the way he was being watched and smiled. He reached over and grabbed the dish towel and tossed it at the other boy signaling to him that he should make himself useful. William didn’t hesitate and started drying the dishes and putting them away.

Gabe dried his hands and then stood there looking at William and watching as he took care of the last dish. William turned around and saw the look on Gabe’s face. He knew that look meant he was thinking of something most likely dirty. They’d been around each other too much to be able to read each other like that.

In that moment Gabe moved forward and placed his hands on each side of William’s face and pulled himself closer, pressing his forehead against his. They locked eyes and stared into each other’s brown orbits. Without warning Gabe moved his head and pressed his lips against William’s. William was caught off guard and nearly pulled back, but Gabe held tight keeping that from happening.

Once William regained his bearings, he kissed back, but not with as much fervor as the other. Gabe didn’t care though, he was just glad he didn’t get slapped. His hand moved down to the hem of William’s shirt and lifted it just above the waist of his pants. William drew in a quick breath and pulled back as best as he could while being pressed against a counter. Instead, he pushed Gabe back slightly and looked at him with something unknown to Gabe. Something Gabe couldn’t identify.